02x03 - Lounge Singer/She's A Toad

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing and chirping )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Barking )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

(Neon light buzzing )

(Police siren wailing )

(Fly buzzing inside trailer )

♪ Da da do be dee dee dee

♪ Yeah

♪ Scoobedy boo bop

♪ Da da da da

♪ Scop bop ba dim banow.

(Scatting )

Yeah.

(Karaoke system plays percussion )

(Spotlight switches on )

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen

I'd like to welcome you to the living room.

This little number is one of my favorites

Hope it's one of yours.

(Piano plays )

(Singing off-key ): ♪ come crawl with...

(Crooning ): ♪ come crawl with me

♪ Like a turtle out to the bay

(Tooth tinkles )

♪ Yeah, come crawl with me

♪ Migrate to the sea, swim away ♪

Both: ♪ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Take a hip, swinging cruise

♪ To the spawning ground

♪ And lay your eggs by mine

Fenceposts: ♪doo wah ♪

♪ Yeah, come crawl with me

♪ Come on, let's crawl away

Sun: ♪doo wah ♪

♪ Oh, come crawl with me

♪ Bend your prehensile neck my way ♪

All: ♪doo do wah, ah doo do... ♪

♪ And look at me

♪ With those diplodopic eyes all day ♪

All: ♪ doo doo wah, ah doo doo wah

(Teeth tinkle )

♪ In a smelly swamp we'll dine on slugs ♪

♪ With pond scum for dessert

♪Ooh,ooh ♪

♪ Come crawl with me

♪ Oh, let's crawl away

♪ Come crawl with me, yeahhhh... ♪

♪ Let's crawl aw...

(Switches off karaoke system )

Who is it?

It's rocko.

Just a... Just a minute.

(Rattling and clanking )

I'm, uh, not decent.

Hello, rocko.

Oops...

Heh heh, what's new?

Was that you singing?

Oh, no, you could hear me?

Yes, it was...

Filburt?

(Creaking )

The overwhelming humiliation.

No, filburt, it was terrific.

It was?

You should sing professionally.

In front of people?

Me?

Oh, no...

I'd be too scared.

Look...

I'm breaking out in hives

Just thinking about it.

Oh, boy, could you get my ointment?

But, filburt, you have a special gift.

You could be a great lounge singer.

If only that were true.

Being a lounge singer has always been my secret dream.

Let me show you something, rocko.

(Glass shattering )

This is my wall of fame...

My shrine to the greatest lounge acts

Of all time.

Jack walla...

Jonny karizma...

Bobby gila...

Frank salamander...

And the top of the heap...

(Gasps )

Buddy gecko.

He's got pizazz oozing

From every orifice, mister.

I've often imagined myself making it big

On the lounge circuit

Playing seedy dives all across the country

Finally reaching the mecca of lounge...

Las vegas!

(Slot machine clanking )

But it's only a dream.

Come on, you can do it.

You've got a great voice...

The world needs more lounge singers.

Besides, it's your dream.

Gulp.

Filburt: I don't know about this...

My bowels are loose

And I've lost the feeling in my extremities.

Oh, you'll be fine.

I don't think this is a good idea.

Don't be silly.

Gosh!

I'm too scared, I tell you.

I just can't do it.

(Teeth chattering )

Filburt, pull yourself together.

I know the secret to b*ating stage fright.

You do?

Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Just picture the audience...

Naked.

(Heart thumping and water trickling )

(Burping )

(Heart thumping )

(Heart thumping and water trickling )

I can't do it.

It's too disgusting.

Yeech...

Open mike night is a very dangerous night.

Oh, what a failure.

I'm destined to live a life of feeble mediocrity.

(Groans )

Oh, buddy, how could I have ever hoped

To emulate you?

Man: you big 'fraidy cat, what a wimp.

Huh?

Have you heard that before?

Buddy?

I'm king of the lounge singers.

My secrets for confidence

Have been scientifically condensed

Into the motivational cassette tape, "geck-o-netics."

Call geck-o-netics today

And be on your way to confidence.

That's g-e-q-o-n-e-t-i-c-s.

Wait a minute, isn't that too many numbers?

Just call now.

Oh, sorry.

I'm glad you decided

To give it another try, filburt.

I think I can do it this time.

I got buddy gecko motivational tapes.

Hi, this is buddy gecko.

Imagine your stage fright as a liquid draining

From your body.

And don't forget to buy more tapes!

Filburt: I'm ready.

Knock 'em dead, filburt.

Man: all right...

Who spilled the stage fright?

Announcer: ladies and gentlemen... Filb.

Thank you, thank you

And thankyou.

(Drum roll )

(Cricket chirping )

I guess it's now or never.

Gulp.

This is a song about a subject near and dear to me.

It's called "hypochondria."

Ahem...

♪ That old sick headache

♪ Making my brain swell

♪ That old sick headache, I dont feel so well ♪

That is a talented terrapin.

♪ Then the sniffles and I start to hack ♪

(All sighing )

♪ I got diseases

♪ Ain't been invented yet

(Needle scratching record )

One moment, please.

(Microphone squeals )

What's wrong, filb?

I need another fix.

(Switches recorder on )

(Tape speeded up )

Filburt: you say you live in a frozen wasteland--

The last thing you need is more ice?

You say, "if I need something frozen

I'll just stick it outside."

Rocko: "how to sell ice boxes to eskimos"?

Not only did they like my singing

But I sold a refrigerator to that couple from norway.

So what's next, filb?

The sky's the limit.

Rocko: so filburt packed his bags and took his act on the road.

(Applause )

Going from town to town...

Lounge to lounge...

Doing it his way.

So where do you hail from, sir?

Prison.

Well, that's a lovely area.

Reminds me of a song.

He wowed them in walla walla...

He gagged them in galveston...

(Whooping and g*ns f*ring )

Then, he finally arrived...

Filburt (shrieking ): whoa!

(Crashing )

...in las vegas.

(Neon lights buzzing )

Hi, you're filb, aren't you?

Buddy gecko?

That's right.

I hear you're making a splash

On the lounge circuit.

Buddy gecko...

(Clears throat ) well, i, I came to town to see...

Your show.

My show?

Oh, my gosh, my show.

Where's my tapes?

My tapes!

You sat on my geck-o-netics tapes!

Geck-o-netics?

Man, those tapes aren't worth

The mylar they're printed on.

They don't work; just did 'em for the money.

But I need it...

I'm on next.

Trust me, kid, you don't need that tape.

Get out there and sing.

What's the worst that could happen?

(Microphone squealing )

Ahem.

Woman: he's awful!

Man : he stinks!

Man : couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!

(Shrieking )

They pelted me with rocks and garbage.

Man : there he is!

Let's get him.

(Shrieking )

(Crowd roaring )

(Filburt shrieking )

(Crowd roaring )

Crowd (chanting ): k*ll filb, k*ll filb...

(Airplane engines droning )

(Bombs whistling )

(Thunderous crash )

I can't do it; I'm too petrified.

Ah, stage fright, huh?

I'll tell you a secret for beatin' stage fright.

Just picture the audience... Naked.

But...

Get out there and wow 'em, kid.

(Teeth chattering )

(Hyperventilating )

Announcer: ladies and gentlemen...

Filb.

(Crowd talking )

Hey, I can do it.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd like to play you a little number tonight

That always starts my flippers a-flappin'.

(Applause and cheers )

♪ Hey, come crawl with me, like a turtle out to the bay ♪

♪ Yeah, come crawl with me, migrate to the sea ♪

♪ Swim away

♪ Take a hip, swinging cruise to the spawning ground ♪

♪ And lay your eggs by mine

♪ Yeah, come crawl with me, come on, let's crawl away... ♪

He's fantastic.

He's better than that.

♪ Oh, come crawl with me

♪ Bend your prehensile neck my way ♪

Buddy gecko: ♪ aha, and look at me

♪ With your diplodopic eyes all day... ♪

Ladies and gentleman, my good friend buddy gecko.

♪ In a smelly swamp we'll dine on slugs ♪

♪ With pond scum for dessert ♪

Both: ♪ come crawl with me, oh, let's crawl away ♪

♪ Come crawl with me, yeah, let's crawl away ♪

♪ Let's crawl away...

♪ Yeah!

Let's crawl away, baby.

(Crowd cheering, applauding and chanting "filb" )

Filb, you'refantastic.

How'd you like to come on my stadium tour with me?

We could wow 'em, kid.

Gee, thanks, buddy.

But stage singing isn't for me.

My destiny is belting out a tune to the windowless lounge crowd

And giving them a fleeting moment

Of something I like to call

Happiness.

Filb: I'm going home.

Sing it, filb.

Ooh, oh yes!

(Music to "the girl from ipanema" playing )

♪ Short and fat and green and warty ♪

♪ The toads from okefenokee will party ♪

♪ When they party, each time they party ♪

♪ They go r-i-b-b-i-t, you know what that spells. ♪

Yeah.

Mrs. Bighead: ooh, I'm fainting, oh!

(Police siren wailing )

(Train engine racing )

(Growling and water boiling )

(Knock on door )

'Night, bighead.

Looking forward to your big proposal tomorrow.

Better make it good, or you're out.

(Laughing )

(g*n f*ring )

The proposal!

(Screaming )

Oh, get a grip on yourself.

Frankly, I don't see what the big fuss is all about.

Oh, and I suppose

You could solve all of conglom-o's problems?

As a matter of fact, ed bighead

If I gave it a little thought

I could turn that company around.

Don't be ridiculous.

What do you know about business?

(Gasps )

Business...

Oh, good gads, the proposal...

(Phone rings )

Bigheads' residence.

What's that?

Oh.

Yes, mr. Dupet.

Yes, sir, I'll tell him.

(Slams phone )

Ed, you have to give that proposal tomorrow

Or they're going to fire you.

(Babbling )

Ed?

(Louder ): ed?

Well, somebody has to give that proposal tomorrow.

(Babbling )

(Scribbling )

(Babbling )

Ed, honey, would you say

Current volume statistics this quarter are...

Garbage day is a very dangerous day.

Never mind.

(Typewriter keys clicking )

(Croaking )

Well, look who's up.

(Sucking )

Here's my...

(Clears throat ) your proposal.

Just read it; everything will be fine.

(Crockery shatters )

Think fast, bev.

Oh, boys.

What are you doing right now?

We're waiting for rocko to wake up.

How would you like to play a game?

Both: mmm... Okay.

It'll never work.

(Sewing machine clattering )

You know?

I d*ed once.

Yeah?

(Clanging, crashing, thumping )

(Pen squeaking )

(Air escaping balloon )

You know, this isn't half bad.

Not bad at all.

Cripes, look at the time.

Uh, be home soon, darling.

(Rocko yawning )

(Clacks teeth )

Good morning, young neighbor.

(Tires screech )

Hurry now, or you'll miss the meeting.

Come right back after your speech.

Any questions?

Filburt: yeah, how come mr. Bighead has four legs?

Good luck, boys.

I'll be waiting right here.

(Typewriter keys clicking )

Woman: good morning, mr. Bighead.

Feeling better today?

Heff (whispering ): okay, watch this.

(Gruffly ): I'm mr. Bighead, and boy, am I ever grouchy.

Of course you are, sir.

The board is expecting you.

Filburt: thank you.

(Strange suction noise )

Excuse me, mr. Bighead.

(Heff cries out )

Filburt: what, what?

Shh.

Could I get you to authorize these...

(Balloon deflates )

...memos?

(Balloon inflates )

I'm very busy, young fellow.

Could you just look at these papers?

They just require your signature...

This guy's asking too many questions.

What'll I do?

I don't know.

Punch him!

If you wouldn't mind, take the pen

Just sign on the dotted line.

(Clang )

(Crashing )

(Cries out )

Oh, excuse me.

(Cries out )

Sorry.

Filburt, where are we going?

I don't know...

It should be, uh, down here somewhere, i, i...

I think I found it, filb.

Woman: it's your fault.

Man: it's your fault.

And that, gentlemen and ladies...

Filbert (whispering ): concludes my proposal.

(Squishing )

Concludes my...

(Air escaping balloon )

Go on.

...concludes my proposal.

Bighead, you're a genius!

Both: ta-da!

Surprise!

Filburt: it's us, it was us all the time.

(Laughing )

(Water trickling )

I never do this...

I never do stuff like this...

It's the turtle with the glasses

Standing next to me...

Quiet!

Just what exactly is going on here?

Where is bighead?

Who?

Bighead, ed bighead.

Both: mrs. Bighead made us...

She's making us do things...

Mrs. Bighead is to blame.

Mrs. Bighead?

Did you saymrs. Bighead?

Genius, pure genius!

She's out in the car.

Hurry, people, hurry to the parking lot.

(g*n f*ring )

(Horses stampeding )

(Doors slamming )

Well, mr. Bighead?

Let's go make mischief.

Something's gone wrong.

Mrs. Bighead?

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm mr. Dupet.

That was no ed bighead speech

We heard back there.

Now, just a minute.

My husband is a...

He's certainly not a genius of your caliber.

Genius?

Absolutely.

Oh, pshaw and pish.

I'm serious, we need a great executive mind like yours.

Well, I do have a few suggestions.

For example, you'd increase productivity at least %

If you weren't all picking your noses all the time.

Genius!

Heathwood.

Incredible.

Welcome to conglom-o, mrs. Bighead.

(Phones ringing )

(Laughing )

(Crickets chirping )

(Static on television )

Ed.

Ed.

You have been charged with treason.

How do you plea, froggy lips?

Heffer: he looks funny.

Filburt: shut up.

Ed bighead, I am your conscience.

Heffer: I'm his conscience, too.

What?

Don't say "i," say "we."

What?

We,we.

Oh, okay, we we.

Heffer (giggling ): you said, "we we."

(Continues giggling )

Say it again.

We we.

(Heffer continues giggling )

Your conscience has spoken.

(Pop )

(Yelling )

(Both yelling )

Woman (over intercom ): mrs. Big head, the water coolers are in.

Come in, dear.

(Sighs )

Oh, don't you look darling.

(Underwater echo ): mrs. Bighead? You sound a little sad

Everything okay?

Oh, I just miss my little eddie.

I haven't seen his big green face for days.

Ah, but that's the life of a busy executive.

Mrs. Bighead misses her husband.

Mrs. Bighead misses her husband.

Mrs. Bighead misses her husband.

(Sighs )

All: surprise.

(Giggling )

Oh, how sweet!

Oh, you're all so thoughtful.

Louise, dear, would you ask mr. Dupet if he'll see me?

Certainly, mrs. Bighead.

Mr. Dupet, how is conglom-o these days?

Things couldn't be better.

Morale is the best ever

And profits are going through the roof.

You say things couldn't be better?

Couldn't be better.

Then my work here is finished.

Finished?!

Mrs. Bighead, conglom-o needs you!

Conglom-o will be fine.

I had a lovely time working for you

But this isn't where I belong.

Mrs. Bighead...

Oh, and I'll be taking the building this weekend

On a little vacation.

I'll have my husband bring it back next weekend

When he'll be taking my place.

Mrs. Bighead, please, please.

He's the toad for the job.

But...

Have I been wrong before?

(Sobbing )

All aboard for a relaxing vacation.

Yeah, well, I hope

They can get along without me for a week.

Now, don't you worry about work, darling.

See there?

Some peon needs me already, see?

Look, I'm on vacation.

(Clock chimes )

Oh, ed.

(Engine starts )

(Horn blows )

(Scraping and creaking )

(Tires screeching )

Filburt: citizens of conglom-o

Repeat after me:

We we.

All: we we.

(Laughing )

Say it again.

(Crowd chanting "we we" )