01x09 - The Big Barnyard Broadcast/Dead Cow Walking

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

[Animals cheering]

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

Tonight on "the goraldo factor."

Are aliens raiding your refrigerator?

The answer may surprise you.

Oh, goraldo, I could lose myself in your moustache.

Chorus: ♪ tapeworms, we're the tapeworms ♪

What in the...?

Audience: wheel... Of... Noodles!

Why is it doing that, where is my channel clicker?

[Laughing] I love watching tv at mrs. Beady's house.

Oh, hey, who's up for "haywatch"?

Not me, I want to watch "the amazing rat race."

Oh, but "the sweaty chef" is on.

What about goraldo's startling exposeé?

Guys, those shows are festivals of stink.

You clearly don't have my discerning eye for quality tv, now let me choose.

Denied... Oh-ooh-ooh.

Oh, oh, you want to play keep-away?

I'm the kaiser of keep-away.

Ooh, too slow.hey...

Heads up.

Uh, oh...

Whoa, that's mine.

[Overlapping conversation...]

What is going on out there?

It's those talking animals, right in my backyard.

What do I do?

Goraldo: remember, if you have shocking video tape

Call our shocking video hotline, do it now.

Guys, come on, I'm missing "spiel or no spiel."

Oh, forget it, otis, you'll never get this thing back.

Oh, I guess you're right, pig...

Oh, look over there, it's a magical unicorn!

What, where?

Ha, I got it.

Beady: and I've got you...

On videotape.[Animals gasp]

And when the world sees this tape on the goraldo show

Everyone will finally know that I'm... Not... Crazy.

[Laughs] I'm not a, you know, nut-roll

I'm not a kooky cuckoo-cuckoo cocoa.

[Locks clank and click...]

[Locks whirr and clank...]

She's going to expose us on goraldo.

We're doomed.

There is no unicorn, is there?

Nice going, dumb-dumb.

'Cause of you, we're all gonna have to move to the yukon.

I can't move to the yukon.

I'll be devoured by grizzly bears.

Eh, the wolverines will probably get you first.

Good point.

Oh, still, I hate moving.

Relax, do you seriously think mrs. Beady's tape is gonna end up on television?

We got a news van.

[Gasps] it's goraldo.

Oh, milk me.

Nora beady?

[Gasps]

Chorus: ♪ moustache

Man: ♪ aw, baby

I came as soon as you called.

This could be the greatest story of my career.

Oh, goraldo, your moustache is even more luxurious in person.

I'm fully aware of that.

Let's set up, we go live in one hour.

He says they're going live in one hour.

You read lips?

Of course, also, I have a hidden microphone in her geraniums.

Mm, very clever.

Well, there's no way we're gonna be exposed by some hairy-lipped hack.

I swear by all that's rich and creamy, his show will not go on.

Because you have a plan.

No, I do not.

I've since thought of a plan.

We steal the tape back?

No, better.

By plugging into goraldo's news van, we can pirate his signal.

He'll think he's on the air, but he will be wrong.

I know I'll be sorry I asked, but what willbe on the air?

We'll do our own tv show.

We'll stop mrs. Beady andfulfill our dream of being big-time tv producers.

Uh, couldn't we just sneak into her house and steal the tape?

See, that's the attitude that's kept you from being a big-time tv producer.

Cow: may I remind you that we're supposed to be staying offvideotape?

We'll be in disguise, it can't fail.

Or we could just sneak into her house and steal the tape.

I am much too excited to hear you.

Now let's move, people, we got a show to produce.

We go live in three minutes.

Oh, goraldo, I'm so excited, do I look all right?

Gorgeous... Makeup.

Mighty mouse to papa cow, we're hooked up and ready to go.

Copy that, mighty mouse.

You know, I'm right next to the house, I could probably steal the tape.

Oh, [imitates static], you're breaking up [static], gotta go.

This is it, people, make me proud.

Tonight on "the goraldo factor," do animals walk and talk?

Local resident nora beady says yes.

Let's go right to her shocking video.

With pleasure, goraldo.

Hey, what happened to goraldo?

Cow: "the goraldo factor" will not be seen tonight.

Instead, please join us for "the slobbering gourmets."

With your hosts, freddy and peck.

Hey, everybody, summer's just around the corner.

And you know what that means...

Fat, sunburned tourists crowding our nation's water parks?

[Laughs] no.

Light, refreshing summer salads.

Mm-mm, sounds scrumptious, what do we need, peck?

Simply toss in fresh strawberries.

Uh-oh, out of strawberries.

No strawberries, no problem.

Simply use a common substitution.

Like raspberries, kiwis...

Or your best friend.

Or- what?

Simply take your best friend and coat him with a fine mist of olive oil.

I, I don't if I like...

Add flour.[Sneezes]

And pound him with a mallet until tender.

Ow, ow, ow.

This is great.

The cooking will bring in the stay-at-home moms

And the pounding will attract bullies six to .

Next, toss your friend into the salad bowl.

Or if you hate salad, like I do

Just place him directly... Into your gullet.

Mm, that's good salad.

Cow: freddy, you spit him out right now.

We'll be right back after these messages.

Cow: get back here.

Freddy: get away, my salad, mine.

Ok, that's mine, give me that...

[Overlapping conversation]

There it is, viewers.

Barn animals walking upright and talking trash.

The rooster and the ferret are best friends, goraldo.

The girl cow is kind of fresh, if you ask me.

And don't get me started on the wise-cracking mouse.

By my lush and corpulent moustache, this is astounding.

Uh, guys, it's the network, they say we're not on the air.

Both: what?

It's those animals, goraldo.

They've been sabotaging this broadcast.

[Peck grunts...]

[Laughs] that is classic.

We've had some technical difficulties, but we're back with "the goraldo factor."

What, what happened, we still haven't done our ice-skating detective sitcom.

Otis, forget that, they're back on the air.

We gotta get over there and get that tape before they play it.

Finally, an idea I can use.

Pip, get me the master of disguise.

Not the master of disguise.

I said the master of disguise.

Who's the master of disguise?

Nora, your talking animal tape.

It's rewound and ready to go, goraldo.

[Doorbell rings]

Now what?

Hello, I'm a tv repair pig,uh, man.

I came down as soon as I could.

What, uh, I didn't call any tv repair...

Trust me, I'm a professional.

Sir, we're in the middle of a live broadcast.

Relax, this'll only take a minute.

Now let's see what we got here.

[Nora and goraldo groan]

Ugh.come on.

Oh, well, here's your problem.

There's a shocking videotape stuck in here.

I'm gonna have to take this down to the shop and completely erase it.

So you have a great day.

[Grunts]

Luckily, a good reporter always carries an emergency supply of tranquilizer darts.

[Speaks indistinctly]

...send you my bill. [Grunts]

Beady: good work, goraldo.

He was in league with them, but the final victory will be ours

My handsome, glistening, mustachioed warrior.

[Breathes heavily]

Just put the tape in.

Ok, now we're officially hosed.

No, we're not, because goraldo just made a mistake.

He made this personal.

Wasn't it personal before?

Well, yeah, but now it's slightly more personal.

Got you.

It's in.

Hurry, goraldo, before they try something else.

And now, the story that'll make me a broadcasting legend.

Stop, I'm gil o'malley, investigative reporter

And you're watching "hard time with gil o'malley, investigative story."

Not again, o'malley, this is my story.

Your moustache is dumb, and this tape is a hoax.

I intend to prove it some day, by some means, in front of some people.

Uh, good day to you all.

Come back here, give me that tape.

It's my tape, gil o'malley will bite you.

[Gasps breathily]

Goraldo: give it. [Grunts]

[Grunting noises]

Stand back, goraldo.

[Screaming]

This just in, I'm in horrible pain.

And now, ladies and gentlemen

The story that will make me a broadcasting legend.

Hello, I'm nora beady.

And this is my "dancing with the celebrities" audition tape.

Man: ♪ we're free to fly

♪ Soar through the heavens

♪ Touch the sky, you and I

[♪...]

♪ We're fly to fly...

[Grunts] ow, nathan!

Get the jaws of life.

[Gasps] there were talking animals on that tape, I swear.

That's what they do, goraldo.

They spin their little webs and make you look like the crazy one.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe me.

Well, it appears that goraldo's lack of talent

Has finally bitten him in the face like a poisonous snake of failure.

The cow is their leader.

There's a wise-cracking mouse.

The ferret and the rooster live together.

He's over there.

I'm not insane.

The talking animals are here, they're here.

Well, there you have it, folks.

A moustache, a dancey-pants lady and a broken dream.

This has been "hard time with gil o' whatever-i-said-before."

Good night, wishing you hugs and chocolate.

[♪...]

Well, guys, we really did it.

For one brief, shining moment, we ran our own awesome tv station.

Next time, let's do a show about an adorable extra-terrestrial

Who coaches a little league team.

[Laughter]

I'd watch that show.

[Laughs] oh, abby, that's just crazy.

Or is it?

[♪...]

Chorus: ♪ while roaming through the galaxy ♪

♪ An alien went astray

♪ He landed on a planet that plays baseball every day ♪

♪ He's the extra-terrestrial little league coach ♪

♪ He'll score that winning run

♪ The extra-terrestrial little league coach ♪

♪ He's extra-terrestrial fun

Now get in there and win this one for the giant brain of enos.

[Cheering]

Chorus: ♪ he's the extra-terrestrial little league coach ♪

♪ His phaser's set on fun...

Shing-ding-bloopy.

[♪...]

Pip: and some say when the moon is full

Or really close to full

You know, like those times when you go, "hey, look, it's a full moon"

And somebody else goes, "no, man, it's not totally full, see the edge?"

And you're like, "whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon."

Pip, please.

Oh, right.

When the moon is pretty much full

You can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.

[Gasping and shuddering audibly]

And that's why I hate veterinarians.

Pip, would you stop scaring them?

I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.

Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor, either, but I know it hurts.

Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, I'll be in guatemala.

Right behind you.

This veterinarian madwoman will k*ll us all!

Ok, rewind.

Look, I've seen the vet, she seems very nice.

And we are having our check-ups today.

Wait, wait, wait, I'm not even a farm animal.

[Car horn honks]

[Bleating]

Hey, farmer, how are you, good, good, sure.

We're both good, the both of us, sure we are, yeah.

Morning, doc, I'll go fetch otis.

Guess I'm first.

Check it out, guys, won't even break a sweat.

There goes one brave cow.

Oh, aren't you a little sweetie?

Ok, honey, I'm just gonna do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all, mm-hmm.

Moo?

[Screaming...]

[Gasping]

[Otis stutters] so cold, so cold...

Hey, braveheart, have some water.

[Grunting]

What's everyone looking at?

Oh, oh, the vet thing?

Oh, no, no, that was nothing.

I'll tell you who you should be worried about.

Pig.

The horrors that woman must be putting him through.

Poor little pork chop.[Door opens]

Look, I got a lolly.

All finished, farmer.

Okey-dokey.

How's the big steer doing?

Hey, otis, listen, they're talking about you.

Veterinarian: the big steer, yeah, no, not so good.

Perforated muck valve, yeah, no, probably won't last the week.

Won't last the week... Won't last the week...

I... I've only got a week to live?

Oh, my goodness, otis, I am so sorry.

But... That's impossible.

I feel fine. [Laughs nervously]

Although, you know, I've been getting a little tired around bedtime lately.

And i, uh, seem to lose my appetite after heavy meals

And dried grass has really lost its flavor.

[Cries] oh, milk me, it's true, I'm dying!

[Crying hysterically]

Boy, dying really seems to bum him out.

[Clucking...]

Poor otis, he's been in there for hours.

How will we survive without otis?

Don't worry, freddy.

When the sad day comes, I'll take over as leader.

How will we survive without otis? [Cries]

Guys, guys, guys, come on, it's ok.

Listen, I've been thinking about it

And I've had a pretty great life, all in all.

I'll say this.

You were the best leader any barnyard's ever had, mister.

That's for sure.

You were the greatest.

Hey, but think about how great your life would've been

If you hadn't been saddled with us.

Well, you know, maybe, but that's really not the point...

Hey, maybe you'd have gotten to kiss that pop star

Jessica allspice, like you always wanted.

Hey, you could've even sung on the radio.

The radio, he would've sung at symphony hall.

Peck: why, there's no end to what you could've accomplished.

Sweet cud, it's true.

My life is ending and I've never done anything.

I have to do more stuff before I die, I gotta do it now.

Gotta do stuff, gotta do stuff fast

Gotta do it fast, gotta find jessica allspice.

There's no time.

What's the next best thing?

And three and four and bend and clench.

Whew, huh, don't want to get muscle-bound.

Ugh.

Jessica allspice, jessica allspice, jessica allspice...

Come to me, my little top songbird.

Nathan, is that you?

I'm home, nora.

Please be normal.

Mm?

[Mrs. Beady screams]

So not jessica allspice, augh.

What am I going to do, pig?

Otis and me, we did everything together.

Well, uh, you know, you could find someone else to do stuff with.

Let's see, uh, hey, I'm sure everett's got some free time.

Everett, are you loco, he's like years old.

Hey, everett!

Everett, pip here wants to hang out with you.

Tell him, pip.

Um, hi. [Wheezes]

So here's how it works.

I stand on your shoulder like this.

[Grunts]

[Thudding noise]

Pip: I broke him.

[Singing in foreign language]

[Singing in foreign language]

[Sings in gibberish...]

Hey, bessy, with otis gone, I'll be sort of lonely, if you know what I'm saying.

Yeah, that's too bad.

I could always crush you.

Then you could be, like, his little ghost-friend, you just let me know, ok?

Ok, sounds good. [Grunts]

I'll be your new best friend, pip.

We could play games and wrestle and you could ride on back

And we could body-slam into the wall like this.

[Grunts] so when do I start?

I'll be in touch.

[♪...]

I don't understand.

I've done everything I've always dreamed of.

Swum with dolphins, grown a goatee

Brought peace to the baltic nations

Married an ice cream cone, I directed a reality show

I was a sad clown in a french circus.

Why do I still feel empty inside?

Man: ow, yeah, bro. [Laughs]

Dude, we forgot to go to work today.

Dude, we got fired a week ago.

Aw... Awesome!

Doodle-dee, doodle-dee, doo-doo.

[Laughs and speaks indistinctly]

We're pumping, we're pumping.

How could I have been so blind?

Life's not about the stupid stuff you do.

It's about the stupid stuff you do with your friends.

I'm coming, guys, I'm coming.

[Train whistle blows, men scream...]

Now here's something otis and I used to do a lot.

Check it, off eddie's butt, into pig's ear.

Uh, what say?

[Grunts]

Ooh, me next, me next.

Off my own butt and into the beehive.

Pip and peck: no, no...

[Screaming]

Freddy: run away.

Peck: freddy, stop, stop it, ow.

Dog: everybody, everybody, hey, listen up, listen to me.

I just saw otis coming this way.

Otis?

I thought he was off doing all those wild, kooky things he's always dreamed about.

I guess he got worried about us.

We have to pretend we don't need him so he can keep living his dreams.

And I think I know how.

Guys, guys, I'm back.

Back to bask in the glory of your neediness.

Oh, don't you fret about us, otis.

Turns out duke here is a natural-born leader.

Ok, people, like we practiced.

Turn and sniff the butt of the animal next to you.

Ah, nice.[Animals sniffing]

Everything under control here, otis.

You go have fun, don't worry about us.

Oh.

Um, ok, yeah, you know what?

I'm just gonna head over to the saloon

They probably need me to rehearse this week's number and all.

You do that.

All right, everyone, at ease.

[Coughing and gasping]

♪ A-doob, a-doo-wop, a-doo, doo-doo-doo-bop ♪

Hey, otis, what are you doing?

What do you mean, I'm doing my signature low note.

Oh, uh, don't worry, we got it covered.

♪ Boh...

Nah-ha, I'm gonna find pip.

Poor little tickle-rat must be pining away without me.

[Screaming...]

Look at him, he's having a great time without me.

I'm not even dead yet, and everyone's forgotten I ever existed.

I know, I'll do something that'll burn me into their memories forever.

Yeah, that'll do just fine.

[Breathing heavily]

Are they still after us?

No, I think we outran 'em, freddy.

[Gasps]

Everett: whee...

[Horn honks, car door closes]

Hey, farmer, how are you?

Good, good, sure, here are those vitamins I promised you.

Much obliged, doc.

Still driving the big steer, I see.

Oh, that mechanic was so silly, what a silly, what a big silly.

The van just needed a new spark plug.

Pip: the big steer is her car?

So otis isn't dying?

Whoo-hoo!

Slightly used, very nice.

Hey, tony, have you seen otis?

Uh, yeah, he just left.

Something about, uh, jumping a canyon?

Jumping a... No!

Hey, you want to buy a universal remote?

Ok, sheep, you're my witness.

If I don't make it... [Sniffles]

Tell everyone I'll remember them forever.

Ok.

But if you're dead, how could you remember them?

Maybe there's life after death.

But would you still have your memory?

Yeah, isn't that a function of the brain?

Maybe it transfers over to some sort of afterlife brain.

Just start the camera.

Otis, otis, stop.

It was all a crazy mistake, you're gonna live.

What?

You're gonna live...

[Laughs]

I'm gonna live.

I'm gonna live!

I'm gonna die...

[Grunting...]

See, otis, we were just pretending to be ok so you wouldn't worry about us.

Yeah, you know, we could never forget you.

[Sighs] I'm glad you're not dead.

And we aren't leaving your side until you get better, pal.

[Car horn honks]

Dr. Glove is back.

Hey, sweetie, how's my big sweetie, ok.

I'm just gonna do a little checky-poo.

Moo?

[Screaming repeatedly...]

[♪...]

Man: oh...

Man: mation.

[♪...]