01x15 - Chronicles Of Barnia/Club Otis

[bunniefuu]

I'm just heading to the fields, duke, I'll be back.

[Animal noises]

Clear!

[♪...]

All right!

"Rat-abunga!"

Man: ♪ from the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing...

Otis: whoo-hoo!

♪ ...through the night

Ow, ow, ok, ow.

Ow!

Whoo!

♪ Do-si-do your partner, now

Ahh!

♪ Gonna party now till the morning light ♪

♪ Do-si-do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll. ♪

[Tires squeal... Engine revs]

Ha-ha!

[♪...]

Otis: the hour has struck, brother pip.

We must prepare for the solemn gathering.

The what?

It's time to party in our secret clubhouse.

Oh, right.

But first, we must don the sacred garments.

I have no idea what you're talking...

We're gonna put on the ginormous fuzzy club hats.

Oh, got ya.

Walla, walla, walla, mooyah! Walla, walla, walla, mooyah

Whoa... [Thud]

Ow.

Shh.... Ah! Abby: hey, there fellas.

You headin' off to a secret clubhouse meeting?

Pip: no. Secret?

What's a meeting?

[Laughs] I don't even know... Your words are strange.

Oh, come on, now.

I can see that you're wearing

Your ginormous fuzzy club hat.

Ho-ho-ho-ho, it's cute how you try to notice things.

No, these are, uh, just normal hangin' around the barnyard

Not going to a secret club meeting hats.

Don't let him snow you, girl.

Everyone knows they have a dumb clubhouse

Where they hang out with their dumbfriends every other dumbnight.

Well, otis?

Well, er... Ah, uh...

Pip: look, a castle made completely of "frogurt."

[Distant owl hoots]

They bought it. Run away.

Do they really think we don't know?

Hey, bessy, let's follow them and spy on their secret clubhouse.

Yeah, right.

I'd rather stay home and check myself for ticks.

Even if you might get secret information that you can use

To humiliate 'em at some future date?

Let's go clubbing.

Password.

Oh, um... Uhh...

Well, uh?

Oh, wait-wait-wait, I remember.

Spatula, no-no-no, swizzle stick.

Influenza?

Lemon zester.

Poop deck.

Sorry.

We forgot the password.

Our vibrant social life is over.

Ow, head trauma.

That's it, come on in.

Sweet.

Greetings, brothers.

As grand imperial pooh-bah of the brotherhood of the barnyard

I call this meeting to order.

All: walla, walla, walla, mooyah.

We will begin with an exchange of secret club handshakes.

Let's do it.

Freddy: coming through. All right.

Ow, my eye.

[Gasp]

It was an accident, I swear.

Sorry, duke, you know the penalty for messing up the handshake.

Fetch the rubber mackerel of discipline.

Assume the position, sheep dog.

[Barks]: ooh. All: moo-yah.

Ow. Moo-yah.

[Shrieks] moo-yah...

...moo-yah, moo-yah.

That must be their secret clubhouse chant.

Isn't it cool?

If by cool you mean brain-dead stupid.

Come on, let's get closer.

Otis: let the mackerel slapping cease.

I don't know what hurts worse, my butt...

Or the terrible shame.

All right, guys, all right, enough discipline.

Let the revelry begin.

[All cheering]

Abby: quit shoving. Bessy: you quit shoving.

Oh, the sacred totem, it lives.

[All scream]

We must offer it a sacrifice before it destroys us all.

[Chanting]: sacrifice, sacrifice.

Whoa-whoa, wait, where do you get a rotisserie spit?

Trust me, otis, it's for the good of the club.

[Chanting]: barbecue... I mean, sacrifice.

Abby: look out.bessy: I am looking out.

Abby: whoa, ohh...

[Crash]

Abby and bessy: whoopsie.

[Gasping]

Uh, sorry.

Uh, we weren't spying on your club.

We were just, uh... Taking a walk.

Yeah, we're very sorry.

Please don't punish us, we were just...

Wait a minute.

Why am I apologizing to you morons?

I'm out of here.

Abby, what are you doing here?

Gosh, I'm sorry, otis.

But I've really always wanted to be in a secret club

Especially one this awesome.

It is pretty awesome, isn't it? Yeah.

I created it, it was totally my idea.

I said, "let's do a club."

Wow, can I join?

My brothers never used to let me join their clubs.

Can I please, please, please,can I join?

Sure, I don't see why not.

Pip: uh, brother otis, can we talk to you for a second?

I'm just kind of celebrating over here with abby about her membership...

May we remind you that the brotherhood of the barnyard

Is a boys only organization?

Not only is abby a girl

She's violated our sacred totem.

And now we'll have to sacrifice peck.

Come on, guys, give her a break.

Besides, I don't know if you remember?

I'm grand imperial pooh-bah?

If I let abby in the club, what are you guys gonna do, quit?

All: yes!

[Sheepishly]: excuse me, I have to do a thing.

Guys, guys, wait.

I got the perfect solution.

We'll let abby join

But we won't let her join, you see what I'm sayin'?

Uh... Not quite. What? I can't say I follow.

Join, but what?

We'll show her such a stupid boring time

She'll quit and never return.

Come on, what do you say, guys, huh?

All: walla, walla, walla, mooyah.

That's the spirit.

Abby, good news... You're in.

No way, whoo-hoo!

I'm in a secret club.

I'm in a secret club [laughs].

I pledge allegiance

To the super, awesome fun which we are gonna have tonight!

Oh, we are gonna have fun tonight, all right.

Why are you winkin' like that?

What are you talkin' about?

You just did it again?

I don't understand what you're saying.

Is that an eye twitch?

I mean if closing your eye rapidly is winking

Then I don't know where you grew up.

Something in your eye?

Not at the moment.

Doing it still.

No, that's... I don't know.

I gotta admit, otis.

This wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Hold on, I'm about to b*at my high score of ,.

Oh, cud, I lost count.

Oh, well, I'll start again.

That's the beauty of "ball in a cup."

One, two...

[Sighs]: ugh.

[♪...]

[Record scratches]

[Laughing and whooping]

All: yay.

Uh, guys, I think we're playing with too many chairs?

Yeah, if you want people to feel bad.

No, here at club otis, everyone wins.

But we've been at this for three hours.

And we're halfway there [chuckles].

How long can a person tolerate this much intensified fun?

Hey, guys, who wants to go again?

Me...pip: I do, I do.

Ugh.

X-v-f-e-y-t-z.

Pig: them's good eyes.

[All laughing and talking]

Oh, come on, knock it off, it's not a big deal!

Our new club sister is right.

Let's try to control ourselves.

All right, go on, read the next line.

V-r-s-p-i-m.

Duke: unbelievable.

[All amazed]

[Chanting]: abby, abby, whoo-whoo-whoo.

Will you guys cut it out?

[Gasping]

Otis, no offense, but this is boring.

I thought your club would be a lot more fun than this.

Well, I don't know what you mean but fun is subjective

And I don't appreciate your tone.

We are what we are.

Look, I'm sorry, guys.

Guess this club just isn't for me.

Freddy: I guess not.

Pig: well, it's your decision.

Otis: have fun outside the club.

[Whooping and cheering]

Hey, hey, who am i, who am i?

C-q-m-l...

[All laughing]

Sorry, I forgot my barrette.

Yeah, sure, no problem, abby.

Ahh...

Otis?

Were you showing me a lousy time so I'd get bored and leave?

What, I don't, what...

How could you think that?

Wait, I thought were were.

Will you knock it off? What?

Otis, I am so disappointed in you.

Abby, wait, I'm sorry.

I didn't wanna hurt your feelings?

Sorry, o, we know how this must tear you up inside.

So who wants to whack the piñata?

[Excited talking]

Man: one night later...

[Geese honking...]

Walla, walla, walla, mooyah. Walla, walla, walla, mooyah.

Shh... Hi, otis.

[Startled]: whoa... Nothing.

Oh, that's all right, you don't have to hide from me.

See, I don't care about your secret little club meeting.

'Cause I formed a secret club of my own.

Otis: whoa, awesome.

I mean, yeah, that's great, you know if you're into sparkly.

Mooyah, brother otis.

We... Wow.wow.

Peck: check that out.freddy: sparkly.

Duke: it's unprecedented.

Oh, hi guys.

Anyone up for extreme air hockey, cheese pizzas and kung fu movies?

[All talking at once]duke: all of the above.

Peck: everybody was kung fu fighting.

Uh, guys, you are in the brotherhood of the barnyard, remember?

Now please explain to abby, is it?

That nothing can break the sacred bonds that bind us togeth...

[All talking at once]

Peck: we resign.

Fine, abandon me for a girl club.

Pip and I are gonna have fun, that's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna have fun all by ourselves, right?

Hey, pip, wasn't there, there was a pip here.

Sorry, dude, kung fu movies.

Ay, ay, ay, ay.

You can come too, otis, everyone's invited.

Oh, really?

Everyone's invited?

Never!

Too bad, see you later.

Mmm... [Eating noisily]

Pip: so you come here often?

Bessy: don't make me hit you.

Peck: your club is way awesome, abby.

And it's so free of fire hazards.

Well, have fun, boys 'cause the party never stops at club abby.

All: whamma, whamma, whamma, wa-hoozie

[expl*si*n]

Abby: [gasps] guys, I think that came from otis's club, come on.

All: ooh...

Welcome to the new and improved club otis

Now featuring a simulated mini volcano of my own creation.

Just add volcano mix.

[Amazed talking]

Ok, sure, he may have a volcano, but does he have laser tag?

Does he have donkey wrestling?

Well, that's true.

Ok, so the simulated volcano expl*si*n doesn't impress you, eh?

Uh, well, I know what will.

A biggersimulated volcano expl*si*n.

Otis, otis, be careful with that stuff.

Brother otis fear not man's puny fire.

[Fire whooshes] whoopsie.

[All scream]

Ow! Ohh!

Arf, arf, arf-arf.

Sacrifice, sacrifice.

Oh, no, that stuff might hit the barn.

I gotta stop it.

I'll help you, otis.

We gotta try to plug it with something.

Ready? Ready.

[Groaning]

Lift with your knees.

[Labored groaning]

Abby: got it, got it, got it...

...oh.

[Sighs] otis, we did it.

Thanks, abby.

You know, in return for your help

I'm willing to let you rejoin my awesome club?

Are you crazy?

I'd never rejoin your club.

Ah, except that my club's way better than yours.

No, it ain't. I think it is.

Ain't not. You're wearing failure.

[Rumbling...]

Otis, your clubhouse.

My fuzzy hat.

No, don't do it.

It's just a hat. It's fuzzy!

I got it.

Abby: good idea to merge our two clubs, otis.

This is fun.

Club handshake.

All: whamma, whamma, whamma, wa-hoozie.

Please don't do that again.

[♪...]

The hideous beast of lothgor is upon me.

Is there no one in the kingdom who can save me?

Are we done? Yup.

Never fear, prince moltsalot.

I, cownan the barbarian shall vanquish this dragon

Or my name isn't, as previously stated:

Cownan the bar... Ow! Uhh...

Step aside, cownan.

Dragon slayin's my job

For I am eczema, warrior princess.

[Amazon yodel]

[Pig singing] ow.

Oops, my bad.

What are ya hittin' a harmless woodland faun for?

Hit him, he's the ring craving psycho goblin.

Not just rings, also decorative pendants.

[Snarls]

Pip: hey freddy, chill out.

Every time we do a role playing game

It takes you two weeks to get out of character.

Don't worry, I have that problem completely under control.

He's onto us, act casual.

[Whistling]

[Snarls]: ha!

Hey bessy, I forget, who are you supposed to be?

I'm queen "kick your butt".

The magical sorceress of "stay the heck away from me."

Duke: hey, otis, are you sure it's safe playing dungeons and barn animals

Out in the open like this?

'Course it's safe.

The farmer's napping, and only a half-wit would drop by

To visit a bunch of barn animals.

[Sing-song]: ♪ I'm gonna visit the barn animals, because that's what I do ♪

♪ I'm gonna visit the barn animals ♪

♪ So hoodily hoodily hoo

My giant big-boy brain makes me their leader.

Oh, time for a potty break.

I wanna save the slender elf prince.

No, I wanna save him.

But I'm a barbarian hero.

More like barbarian lame-o.

Valiant heroes please, cease thy bickering.

Let me soothe your w*r-like spleens

With a mellifluous elfish tune.

[To "greensleeves"]: ♪ come traipse, come traipse

♪ Through fields of yore

♪ Then traipse and traipse and traipse some more ♪

♪ Continue traipsing presently... ♪

The prince is annoying, you save him.

No, you save him.

Look, I'm sure we can settle this like two rational...

Have at you, on guard.

[Both grunt]

Otis: cownan strikes.

[Groans]

[Shouts]: yah!

Abby: yee-hah.

[Grunts]

Yah!

Huh?

[Amazon yodel]

[Grunts]

Ow.

[Audibly struggling and grunting]

What'd you say... Hey.

[Both grunting and yelling]

Abby: yah!

Huh?

Ah!

Surrender or face the power of glavicill

The plunger which has been reforged.

Never!

Well, hi-yah...

...ah, oh, uh-oh.

[Shocked]: you... Were... Talking.

No, we weren't.

Yes, you were, I saw you.

You're talking barnyard animals.

No, I'm cownan, a bold barbarian hero

And these are some elves and stuff [chuckles].

[Scoffs] as if.

This is a barnyard.

No, no, it's not.

It's, uh, the magical land of barnia.

Say what?

[Under breath]: will you please work with me?

See, that's the mystical poo shack that transported you.

But isn't that the farmer's house?

No, that's the, um...

Pip: the castle of the troll king.

Yes, what the tiny rat-wizard said.

We're dead.

You'd have to be stupid andnuts to believe that story.

I completelybelieve that story.

All: phew.

Yup, it's awesome, way cool, too bad we're closed.

But there is a santa's village down route .

Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you never.

[Chuckles] good day. Wait a minute.

You mean I'm the only human boy

In a world full of talking magical animals?

Pretty much.

Sweet, I'm gonna kick your magical butts.

[All scream]

Otis: out of my way.[All screaming]

[Pandemonium]

Wait a minute, we have weapons.

Get him!

[Laughing]

[Boy screams]

Pip: he went into the farmer's house.

Abby: we can't go in there, the farmer will see us.

Huh?

They stopped outside the castle.

They must fear the power of the troll king.

[Humming]

Nothing like a nice hot shower after my nap.

Ahh! Ahh!

Oh, mighty troll king.

Allow me to serve you well

By teaching me your stupid ways.

Uh, I don't know what you're saying.

Oh... He's powerless

Without his mystical warlock gems.

You need counseling.

I'm taking over this kingdom- think fast troll.

Oh! [Scoffing laugh]

Whoa... Ohh...

[Falling down stairs]

Farmer: oh, good gracious.

Boy: [mocking]: ha-ha-ha.

Great, we're never gonna get him off the barnyard.

He thinks it's a magical fantasy land.

Pig's right- we shouldn't have been playin' around in the open like that.

Oh, guys, would you relax?

The farmer probably stuck a juice box in the little freak's face

And threw him in front of the tv.

He's probably forgotten all about barnia by now.

I've gotta find the troll king's

Stupid warlock gems so I can rule all of barnia.

[Gasps]: oh.

His ring of evilness.

[Strained groaning]

[Happy sigh]

It's transfixing.

Eh, energy, surging.

Uh, wizard magic, coursing through veins.

I... Am...

Invincible.

Stupid citizens of barnia.

All: huh?

The troll king is my prisoner.

Behold his ring of evilness

And whose finger it is now on.

The precious... We must "haves" it.

But it's evil and it won't "fits" us.

We can resize it.

Boy: silence!

Bow down to your new dark lord:

Maldork.

Guys, I think we should play along, I really do.

Play along? Pip: why?

Because, as long as we stay in character

He won't know we're just a bunch of talking animals.

Bow down, I said.

Oh, all right. If you say so.

Now dance.

[♪...]

Ha, ha, ha.

I'm bored.

I know- I'll use my new powers

To make this place my evil fortress.

Later, stupid magical stinkies.

[Clattering and smashing]

[Kitten meows]

[Crashing to ground]

[Cat shrieks]

He's wrecking the place.

I'm goin' in there. Abby: right behind you.

Otis: no.

It's ok, otis, the farmer's in the basement- he won't see us.

Yeah, but if you kick his butt, he'll just keep coming back-

Like a bad case of pink eye.

So what's your plan?

We get him to go back through the outhouse.

Then destroy it so he thinks his portal to barnia's gone.

And I think I know just how to do it...

So tell me how you're gonna do it?

The trailing off would suggest that I'm gonna tell you later.

You should tell me now.

Yeah, but it's not as dramatic if I tell you now.

Don't you want me to help you?

Yeah, but we'll do it in the next scene.oh, ok.

This is where I'll keep my flying monkey.

And this is where I'll put the t*rture room/breakfast nook.

Animals: hail, mighty wizard.

Huh?

All: hail, mighty wizard.

What do you want?

Otis: great lord, dorkhead...

It's maldork. Whatever.

Otis: we bring tribute to our new evil overlord.

...fresh from the magical ovens of pig the prancing faun comes

The everlasting corndog.

[Sighing]

Please descend from your fortress to accept our humble offering.

No way, it's probably a trick.

It's everlastingly yummy.

Well, I dolike corndogs...

Oh... [Frustrated grunt].

Get ready on the catapult, pip?

Shh, here he comes.

In case this is a trick

I'm activating my powers of invisibility.

Just so you know.

[Grunting]: uh-dig-dig-dig-dig, dig, dig, dig... Dah!

Why, wherever did he go?

Boy: I'm everywhere, yet nowhere.

Like a thief in the night.

I come, then just as quickly... Vanish.

Pig: that's just sad.

Otis: now!

[Peck screams]

Boy: get off me.

He's getting away.

[Panting]

The troll king's mystical cattle prod.

I need it.

Lets boogie.

Abby: cattle prod.

Pip: run away.

You're all alone, cownan.

Surrender or face the consequences.

Never, for I am cownan

And I strike for justice.

Hi-ya!

Hi-ya you.

I shall att*ck.

Thrust, thrust, parry...

I plunge you.

I plunge you in the face.

Yah...

Hey, nonny-nonny-nonny.

Ahh...

Ok, this is not going well for me....

[Screams]: ahh!

See?

[Screams]: ahh!

Ow.

Hi-ya.

[Groaning]

[Laughs]: ah-ha!

Say your prayers, cow.

The ring.

I must havesit.

...coming through.

Hey, that's my stolen ring.

...come here.

Boy: what are you anyway?

Otis?

Boy: I don't even know what kind of animal you are.

...what kind of animal is that?

Otis: aim, otis.

Aim like the wind.

Yes.

Yeah.

Pip: come on, that's it, come to papa.

[Grunts]

Oh!

[Screams]

Thank you for flying air outhouse.

Oh, how are my little daffodils?

You're so good to your mama, yes, you are.

Not like those begonias.

That's right, you filthy little beasts.

Boy: ahh!

[Screams]

Oh, my portal to barnia, it's ruined.

Oh, he's delirious.

Come inside and I'll make you some chai tea

And a splint for your spine.

Aw, but I was a dark and powerful wizard.

Bow before me.

There, there, that's it. Bow, I say...

Let it out, let it out. [Sobbing]

Boy: my feet stink.

Otis: well g*ng, that was another close one.

But the important thing is, everything's back to normal.

Freddy: the ring is gone and we "has" no receipts.

Otis: or you know, close enough.

[♪...]

Man: o...

Squeaky voice: mation.

[♪...]