01x22 & 01x23 - Cowman: The Uddered Avenger

[bunniefuu]

I told you stealing these empty canvas bags with dollar signs on them would be a cinch.

Now let's get back to the hideout and stuff 'em with money.

[Grunts] what, hey, whoa...

Lenny, lenny?

You're quieter than usual, where'd you go?

Otis: I'm afraid your friend's a little "tied up."

That light, those horrible puns, it can only mean one thing.

That's right, punk, it's cowman.

And ratboy.

[Screams]

[Grunts], garbage can lids, my one weakness.

[Grunts], tin can, my only other weakness.

[Grunts], wheat bread, yet another of my weaknesses.

Cowman, he's getting away.

Not for long, rat of rats.

Cow-suckers, suck-inate.

[Gasps] you're cowman.

Please return to your widescreen tv...

Wow, that isa widescreen.

Hey, look at that picture, it's like I'm actually at the game.

Focus...

Yeah, you can focus, you can...

Focus on the crime!

Oh, right, crime.

Go get 'em, cowman.

Pip: and ratboy.

Whatever.

[Blowing raspberry]

[Grunts]

[Otis screams]

[Boinging noise]

[Otis screams]

Ow, ow, oh, that is verypainful.

Looks like the tables have turned, cowman.

Jet pack, activate.

[Grunts]

Sayonara,dirt bag.

[Screams and grunts]

[Clock bell rings]

[Laughs] looks like he'll be doing some "time."

Mm, I don't get it.

'Cause it's a big clock.

You know, he'll be "doing time," meaning "in prison."

I'm not following.

Really, it's a pretty common...

Pip: yeah. Forget it.

Cowman! And ratboy.

Both: away...

[Crowd cheering, cameras clicking]

[♪...]

[Mouthing silently]

[Mouthing silently]

[Mouthing silently]

[Mouthing silently]

[Mouthing silently]

[♪...]

So then I said, "looks like he'll be doing some time."

I don't get it.

That's what I said.

Oh, never mind.

The point is our superhero fame is really growing.

Earth to super-loser, no one cares.

Yeah, otis, you could've been k*lled.

Or gotten a super-suit rash.

I think what otis did was brave and wonderful.

Yeah, that's because you like him.

No, she doesn't... Do you?

♪ Abby likes otis, abby likes otis ♪

Do not, do not, do not, do not, ♪ la-la-la...

Guys, guys, you're getting off-point.

This superhero thing might really take off.

And if you guys joined us as the justice brood

We could all do it together.

Hey, who wants to clog dance?

Oh, I'm in.sweet.

[♪...]

Otis, I don't know about them, but I'd love to join you guys as...

Hold that thought, abby.

Pip, my cow-senses are tingling.

Your what?

My cow-senses.

You know, don't you remember I was once bitten by an alien cow

And became endowed with bovine super-powers?

Uh, that never happened.

Nevertheless, my cow-senses never lie.

Hey, look, you're right, the cow-signal.

Otis: we're being summoned.

To the cow-cycle, moo...

[♪...]

"May I have this dance, madame stapler?"

"Why, mr. Pencil cup, aren't you the bold one?"

[Imitates square dancing song]

Sorry to interrupt your office supply hoedown, moo- ow.

"Moo-ow", no, it's just "moo."

No, I know how to moo, I just, I hit my head.

[Clears throat]

Mr. Mayor, sir.

We came as soon as we could.

I'm glad to see you, boys.

Now here's the deal, I've got a job for you fellows, ok?

We won't let you down.

Cowman and ratboy, away.

Where are you going?

Do you want to know what it is?

Uh, right, what it is.

[Whispers]: that's why he's the mayor.

Well, as you know, the county fair starts tomorrow.

Folks are coming from all over the county

To see the fair's main exhibit...

The jurassic corn kernel.

Wow. Wow.

Look at that.yellow.

That is something.what the heck is it?

It's a giant, prehistoric corn kernel

Perfectly preserved since dinosaur times.

It's the only one in the world.

And you want us to guard it.

No, I want you to dress it up, take it dancing.

Of course I want you to guard it.

Here's the key to the display case.

This ancient nugget of corny goodness will be safe with us.

[Whispers]: we were never here.

[All coughing]

Sorry, I'm still working on the formula for that one.

[Clears throat] anyway, cowman...

And ratboy...

Both: away. [Screaming]

Wow, guarding that corn kernel will be an awesome responsibility.

Are you kidding, it'll be a cakewalk on planet easy.

What kind of wacked-out super-loon would bother to steal some old corn kernel?

I must steal the jurassic corn kernel!

Only i, merton fargleman, twisted botanical genius

Can harness the power of its prehistoric d.n.a.

And so I shall. [Laughs]

Greenhouse meeting, everyone.

I assume you all recall how my brilliant plant hybrids

Were rejected at the county fair year after year after year!

Exploding-avocado bush, you remember, right?

[expl*si*n, horse neighs]

Well, this year I shall use the jurassic kernel

To create a plant so amazing, so terrifying

So capable of bone-crushing mayhem

That i, merton fargleman, shall finally win the coveted blue ribbon.

[Applause]

Why, thank you, you're too kind, really.

I'm here all week, try the water.

But if my plan is to succeed

I must assume a bewildering disguise, like so.

[Plants gasp]

My doctor says that evil, gloating laughter excites my angina

But I shall laugh just the same.

[Laughs]

Oh, there it is.

Guys, great news.

You know how we've always wanted to go to the county fair

But we can't because we're talking barn animals?

Yeah. Keep talking.go on.

The mayor wants cowman yratboy to guard a giant rutabaga...

Corn kernel.

Right- and you guys can all

Join us as the justice brood, huh?

Not interested.

I find the tights chafing.

What, come on, fellows.

This is our chance to strike fear into the hearts of evil-doers.

Moo...

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Screams]

Well, I like abby's spirit.

Guys, come on, this'll make us the most famous superheroes in the tri-county area.

Yeah, I don't know, otis.

Isn't it a little risky going out in public?

Risky, what's risky?

Come on, not as long as we're in our costumes.

We can get away with anything.

There'll be funnel cake...

I love funnel cake.funnel cake?

Whoo-hoo.

Justice brood, assemble.

[Screaming]

[Carnival music plays]

Step right up.

See the awesome corn kernel from beyond the dawn of time.

Now hold on a second, I don't remember hiring you boys.

You didn't.

Yeah, we're from the pizza booth.

We just like announcing stuff.

Why can't you grow corn like that, mr. Lump?

Mr. Only-grows-tiny-corn?

What's wrong with tiny corn?

Tiny corn makes life a candy land.

[Crowd gasping and murmuring]

There's no need for fear...

Cowman is somewhat near.

[Cheering]

Man: he's a hero.

[Gasps] nathan, it's those animals from next door

Pretending to be superheroes again.

[Sighs] just pretend you're deaf.

Please stand for our superhero roll call.

Ratboy. [Clicks teeth]

Mr. Ham tastic... And skunky.

Green [coughs] rooster.

Sorry, give me a minute. [Coughs and gags]

Paranoid man- stop looking at me.

Thank you, thank you.

And I'm cowgirl.

Moo...

Hey, yeah, yeah.ok, that's good.

Let evil-doers tremble beneath their mommy's housecoats, for we are...

The justice brood!

[Cheering]

Hey, how about an autograph?

Well, I don't know, that'd mean I'd have to have...

This stack of x glossy photos.

[Crowd clamoring]

All right, step right up, $ an autograph.

Have your money out, let's go, let's go, let's go, no coupons accepted.

You don't fool me, cowman.

You're that rude cow from next door.

Mr. Ham tastic.

I'm on it.

[Groans]

[Chuckles]

[Cow mooing]

I was gonna get lots of autographs, what I was gonna do.

[Crowd clamoring]

Uh, cowman?

Shouldn't we be guarding the jurassic corn kernel?

Relax, cowgirl, it's a piece of corn.

And no one's gonna steal corn, mainly because it's corn.

Now just sit back and...

Woman: hey, what's that?

[Crowd clamoring]

Greetings and felicitations.

Hi, everybody, hello.

Wow, check out that balloon guy.

He's even more interesting than cowman.

[Crowd clamoring]

Hey, what, where's everybody going?

Ok, big sale, cents a photo.

Cents?

Ok, cowman will pay you, just don't leave.

Hi, everybody- ooh, whoa.

Why, what have we here?

I must have blown off-course and landed in handsome-burg.

Oh, he's so charming and clean.

My friends, I am professor twineyvines.

I travel the world spreading joy with my wondrous botanical creations.

♪ Hello, hello, hello

♪ Hello...

Wow, look at that, that is amazing.

Woman: better than the beatles.

Hey, folks, remember me?

Your old buddy cowman?

Say, here's a move that really gets the criminals to tremblin'.

Supersonic back-flip, back-tivate.

Uh-uh, pain activated.

Ok, I think that was awkward for everyone.

Say, who wants to see an ice cream tree?

Crowd: ice cream tree...

[Crowd murmuring]

Crowd: wow, cool, it's ice cream.

Pip: that's my tail, ow.

Oh, oh, oh, my ear.

Wow, fame is a fickle mistress.

Aw, that guy's a total flash in the pan.

Remember, you're a superhero.

Make way, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream.

Freddy: do you have jamocha almond fudge?

Unauthorized access, I gotta warn cowman.

Cowman, that professor twineyvines fellow

Just snuck into the jurassic kernel exhibit.

I knew there was something about that attention hog I didn't like.

Cow-skates, activate.

Whoa, whoa, oopsey, oh, moo...

The jurassic corn kernel, at last.

Nothing can stop me now.

[Grunts]

Muscle strain.

Perspiring.

Otis: you may have saved the price of admission

But you just bought yourself a ticket to pain-town.

Augh, cowman.

I, I was just admiring this here kernel thing-y object.

Were you?

Well, that kernel's under my protection.

It is?

Well, you must be a great superhero.

"Great" is such a strong word.

Although I do have my moments.

Oh, like last night, there was this giant watch, right?

Hey, can I get a picture of you holding the kernel?

Oh, I don't know...

I'll publish it in my corn-kernel-related newsletter.

Newsletter, why didn't you say so?

There you go.

[Laughs] ok, that's good.

Fargleman: now grab the kernel...

Ok, should i, are, do you need a different background, is there too much light?

No, just smile and say "I have been defeated by a superior evil intelligence."

[Coughs] unconscious.

The fool.

He was no match for my botanical cunning.

Now to energize the corn kernel's prehistoric d.n.a.

And taste the tangy nectar of victory.

[Growling and snarling]

[Screams]

[Snarling]

[Gasps]

Rat bite.

You know, I'm beginning to think you're not who you say you are.

Wait, wait, I can explain.

You see, when I was a little boy, i- pollen spores, energize!

[Sneezing]

He's getting away with the kernel.

Not on my watch- to the cow-mobile, moo.

Crowd: watch it, look out.

[Crowd screaming...]

[Screaming]

Hit him with the buttermilk slick.

Crowd: ew...

Uh, that comes out with club soda.

Ha, missed me.

And I have still got the kernel.

Try the cow-rockets.

What's going on out there?

Uh, looks like otis is destroying the fair.

Are you guys gonna finish your fudge ripple?

He's heading for his balloon.

He won't get far.

Deploying bove-erang. [Grunts]

Oh, that's not good.

What the- runaway ferris wheel, whoa!

[Screams]

[Crowd screaming]

The milk of justice is bitter, evil-doer.

Cowman destroyed the whole fair.

[Clamoring]

No, wait, guys, listen.

I had to chase him, he was turning the jurassic kernel into a horrible monster.

Uh, dude?

I would have to file that story under "d" for "bogus."

Uh, bro, that would be "dogus."

Oh, right- your story's "dogus."

♪ Totally "dogus."

It's not "dogus," he zapped it with a ray

And it got all monster-y, and it would've kept growing if we hadn't stopped it.

Lies, all lies.

Professor twineyvines is innocent.

Cowman's the evil one.

That's right.she's right.

[Clamoring]

My dear friends.

This priceless corn kernel's not safe with cowman around.

So I volunteer to guard it myself.

Well, having known you for several minutes, I think that's a great idea.

What do you say, folks?

He's great.

Twineyvines, twineyvines, twineyvines, twineyvines.

Twineyvines, twineyvines, twineyvines.

Pig...

What, he gave us ice cream.

The mob has spoken, hand it over, boys.

[♪...]

Lacto-powers, lact-ivate.

Whoa, [grunting]...

Cow-mobile, to me.

Cowman and ratboy, away.

He stole the kernel.

Cowman is a crook.

He's a thief.he's a criminal.

Hey, let's take out our anger on his stupid sidekicks.

Uh, they left.

Yeah, they're long gone.

[Crowd shouting and clamoring]

Cowman took my corn kernel.

But I will track him down.

Amd by all that is damp and pasty

I will have my vengeance!

I can help you, professor.

I know where cowman lives.

[Gasps] you do?

You must take me there, my good man.

Woman. Whatever.

To the balloon.

Well, all right, but you behave yourself.

I'm a married woman and my husband is very jealous.

Nathan...

I'm going off with a charismatic stranger in a balloon.

Have a nice time.

I think he's attracted to me.

He may try to steal me away from you.

[Chuckles] then I won't wait up.

Oh, come on.

How now, breaking news.

Cowman, the tri-state's greatest superhero

Has become a super menace.

If sighted, do not attempt to apprehend.

Subject is armed and lactating, wow, bad stuff.

Oh, this is terrible.

I can't believe that otis and pip have turned to a life of crime.

I believe it.

As soon as they put those costumes on

They think they can get away with anything.

Bessy's right.

Remember what otis said just before the fair?

Why, I remember it as though it happened just before the fair.

Guys, it's just before the fair, and think about it.

As long as we're wearing our costumes

We're entirely above the law. [Echoes]

I didn't want to believe it, but the echoing really convinced me.

Well, I don't buy it.

Otis and pip are heroes.

And it's up to the justice brood to clear their names.

Justice brood, assemble, moo...

Anyone gonna help me out here?

You know, I would, but I'm not going to.

I'm washing my hair later, so...

And I'm drying it.

You poor, messed-up little child.

You're only sticking up for that masked moron 'cause you're sweet on him.

[Gasps] that's not true.

I merely respect him as a crime-fighting individual.

♪ Abby likes otis

♪ Even though he's evil

[Cow mooing]

Ugh, how could I have been so stupid?

I thought being a superhero was all about sopping up glory.

I should've realized it's about stopping crazy botanists

From mutating prehistoric corn kernels into bloodthirsty monsters.

It's ok, otis.

So you destroyed the fair and stole a priceless artifact.

I'm sure by now everyone forgives you and-

Angry mob!

Mob: we're still angry.

We're so angry.

Otis: to the cow-mobile.

[Engine revs]

Whew.

Hey, maybe they're after someone else.

Otis, they got wheels.

Man: now I'm really getting angry.

Man: I'm still angry.

Spunky little buggers, let's see 'em handle this.

Pip: whoa.

[Chuckles] I'd like to see the looks on their angry faces.

Then check your rearview, because they're right behind us.

What?

Crowd: I'm more angry...

Man: so angry.

Man: we even ski angry.

Ok, now they're just getting annoying- prepare for take-off.

[Crowd clamoring...]

Pip: otis, I think you lost 'em.

Take note, pip.

A true superhero is a master of evasive maneuvers.

Wow, evasive maneuvers eat up a lot of gas.

[Engine sputtering]

[Otis and pip scream]

[Crashing noise, otis and pip grunt]

What do we do?

The whole town's turned against us, we can't hide forever.

We can if we leave the country.

My uncle paco has an alpaca farm in peru.

Your uncle paco propagates alpacas?

Hey, he must have plenty of property.

And paid a pretty penny, too.

Oh, when people purchase the alpacas

I'll bet he pockets a passel of pesos.

Uh, yeah, do you want to stay with him or not?

[Crowd clamoring]

Man: ...tear him into little cow patty.

Peru, here we come.

♪ Duh, dah-duh.

Mrs. Beady: well, here we are...

Alone in your gondola.

You're probably overcome with passion for me

But you are wasting your time.

Sir, you're confusing me.

When do we get to cowman's lair?

Pretty soon, and then you'll get the corn kernel

And I'll get to expose cowman as a talking barnyard animal.

You are wacky, I like that in a hapless pawn.

Well, let me know when we get there.

Well, where are we, this is just some stupid farm.

I told you, cowman is a real cow.

They're all real animals.

Ok, thanks for slowing me down.

Now get out.

It's them.

It's his little pals, but no cowman.

[Gasps] it is the justice brood.

You were right.

If cowman's not here...

They at least will lead me to him.

Now let's see, I will need my deadly constrictor vines, some exploding avocadoes

And a detailed plan outlining how I will capture them.

To make this plan, I will need multicolor file cards...

Beady: oh, give me that stuff.

Keep the balloon running, this'll be quick and dirty.

It's go-time, baby!

What a nice old man.

Freddy, isn't it a little too early

To be dividing up otis's stuff?

It helps the healing process.

[Knock at door]

I'll get it.

Beady: yes, I'm a talking hay bale running for congress

And would love to come in and discuss the issues.

Oh, yes, come in, come in.

Let me ask you, what kind of zoning would I need to widen my mud hole?

Oh, that's a very good question.

You're all coming with me!

Mrs. Beady?

Run away. [Screams]

You can run, but you can't hide.

[Grunts]

Freddy, I'm caught.

Hang on, peck, I'll chew your leg off.

Just let me get some dipping sauce and- whoa...

Trapped... Can't... Scratch.

Fellows, have you heard any word from- [gasps]

Mrs. Beady.

It's that sassy she-cow.

[Grunts] lasso att*ck.

[Gasps]

I gotta find otis.

[Gasps] professor twineyvines.

Two adults and one corn kernel, please.

Corn kernel?

[Laughs] what did I say?

I meant "baby."

Little baby rico.

And this is my freakishly tiny yet human wife, pip-alina.

I enjoy gossip.

Abby: cowman, ratboy.

It's abby.

Otis, pip.

Mrs. B. Has captured freddy, peck, and pig.

She's in cahoots with that professor twineyvines.

Oh, no, my two most deadly and annoying enemies teamed up against me.

But how'd you find us?

Well, I presumed the pair of you would book passage to

Pip's uncle paco in peru where he propagates alpacas.

She's good.

[Static whining, both grunting]

Guys, guys, what's wrong?

Fargleman: greetings, uddered avenger.

I am transmitting this on a frequency audible only to cows.

Bring the jurassic corn kernel to my secret greenhouse on route nine

Just past the galoshes emporium

Or your friends are doom-ed.

That is all.

[Grunting]

It was that farmer creep, pip.

He wants me to bring the jurassic corn kernel to his hideout.

Otis, you can't go back into town.

The crowd will tear you to pieces.

I don't care, our friends need me.

And helping those in need is what a superhero does.

Even if gets torn to pieces.

Yeah, stop mentioning that.

Cowman...and ratboy...

Don't forget cowgirl, moo...

Hey-hey, there's that spirit again, fantastic.

Wow, she is not stopping.

Pig: I can't believe it.

First otis turns evil, then mrs. Beady captures us.

What else could go wrong?

Well, I could reach for the toothpaste

And accidentally grab the rubber cement and glue my lips together.

No, I said "go wrong."

Oh, you got me.

Zing-ba-bing-gah.

[Laughs] toucheé.

Whoa, I'm a gunslinger.

I walked right into it.

Guys, focus.

Now come on, we're the justice brood.

If we work together, maybe we can escape.

Freddy, try to free yourself by using your bone-dislocating power.

[Gasps] that's just crazy enough to work.

Must... Dislocate... Bones.[Bones snapping]

Ah...

Pig: ugh, oh, that is one gross super-power.

I did it.

Great, freddy.

Now use those pruning shears to cut us free.

[Grunting]

[Slurring]: this might take a while.

[Cow mooing]

I think we're lost.

Can someone please look at a map?

No way, superheroes don't need maps.

I got one.

[Screams] can't see, map in my face.

Look out.

[All screaming]

Pip, quick, deploy the save-y thing.

I'm on it.

Let's see, sunscreen, uh, parking ticket.

Hey, cool, a deck of cards.

Hey, sweet, we can play go fish.

Do you have any coffins?

Guys, don't worry, I'll save us.

Otis: why didn't I think of that?

Now we can gently float....

[Crashing noise, all grunt]

Otis: there's dirt in my brain.

[All mumbling]

[Gasps] guys, look.

Pip: that must be where mrs. Beady

And professor twineyvines are holding our friends.

Abby: and where's he's blackmailed us into bringing him the jurassic kernel

So he can transform it into some sort of giant monster.

Your plot-recapping powers are f*ring on all cylinders, super-chums.

So how do we get inside?

Don't worry, abby, this is a job for...

Ratboy.

Right, uh, how do you figure?

Well, you know, you're small and stuff so you can pick the lock.

Sounds dangerous.

Oh, don't worry, pip.

If you get in trouble, you just croak once like a mud toad

And twice like a howler monkey.

Well, that's like, uh, "wah-kah-kah-kah, kah-kah-kah-kah-gah."

More like the back of the throat, like this

"Kuh-wah-ah-ah-ah-ah."

"Wah-kah-kah-kah-gah-gah-gah."

No-no-no-no, "kuh-wah-ah-ah-ah-ah."

"Gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah."

"Kuh-wah-ah-ah-ah-ah."

"Wah-gah-gah, gah-gah."

Ok, today would be nice.

Ok, ok, I'm on it.

Mm, standard steel lock with titanium tumblers.

Piece of cake.

[Ratcheting and drilling...]

[expl*si*n]

[Gasps] he did it.

And that's what ratboy brings to the party.

[Screams]

No, pip, like this, "kuh-wah-ah-ah-ah-ah..."

Oh, forget that, help me pry that thing open.

[Both grunting]

[Gasps] pip, you're ok.

Thank goodness- oh, man, skunk cabbage, p.u.

I think I'm all right, I just...

[Mumbles and grunts]

Uh, abby, ratboy's injured and he smells terrible.

Get him back to the barnyard and take care of him.

Otis, wait.

Before you face certain doom, I gotta tell you something.

What is it, abby?

You know how everyone says

The only reason I believe in you is because...

I kind of like you?

Yeah.

Well, see, the truth is...

Seriously, what smells, is that me?

[Both groaning]

That is rotten. P.u.

The gate, gotta go.

But I was gonna tell you...

No time, take care of pip, I'm going in.

Don't worry, pip.

I'll protect you with my very...

Ok, I get it, I stink.

[Whispers]: ok, stay frosty, otis.

Danger lurks around every corner, trust nothing.

Hey, free bananas.

[Thudding noise]

Welcome, cowman.

I hope you wiped your feet.

Evil lairs don't clean themselves, you know.

Professor twineyvines.

And mrs. Beady.

It's time you learn my true name, cowman.

A name destined to strike fear into the hearts of dozens.

Now and forever, I am merton fargleman.

Of the ohio farglemans?

No, you're thinking of the fleagermans.

Oh.

You're toast, cowman.

With the help of my new gentleman friend

I'll reveal to the world that you're nothing but a talking barnyard animal.

Great, what'd you guys do, meet in a chat room for friendless nut-bags?

Hey, I barely know her.

We took one balloon ride together, that's it.

Good, don't let him know you're sweet on me.

I'm not sweet on you- oh, enough frabber-jabber.

Hand over the jurassic corn kernel

Or your friends will suffer a horrible and squishy fate.

I guess you have me right where you want-

Exploding cow pellet!

[Fargleman screams]

Stinging, the itchy throat, the watery eyes, oh.

[Screams]

Surrender, villain.

There's no place on earth you can hide from cowman.

Unless you stay in there.

That's apparently a very good hiding place.

[Grunts]

Good work, justice brood.

Now all we have to do is figure a way out of this den of evil.

Good thing I brought these spare costumes in case we're spotted.

Ooh, can I wear the purple cape?

Pig, that's freddy's, he's paranoid man.

Well, why does he get to be paranoid man?

Why would you ask, what do you know?

[Screams]: can we focus, please?

[Fargleman breathes heavily]

I've got to... Make it... To my balloon.

[Breathing heavily]

You're full of hot air, dirt bag.

[Chuckles] see, because it's a balloon

And it operates on the principle of hot air

'Cause it rises, and you, it's your balloon.

[Chuckles] I don't know how I come up with these.

Enough with the puns, look.

What?

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Yeah...

Fargleman: no, leave me alone.

Sit still.fargleman: it's pinching.

I'm gonna chafe, ow.otis: stop wriggling.

Guys, look, it's otis.

And he's b*ating up that nice professor again.

Otis really has become evil.

Well, his reign of terror ends here.

Come on, guys, we've gotta help that poor man.

The dark cow has triumphed.

[Pottery smashing]

The dark cow's gonna take a little nap now.

[Groans]

The justice brood?

It's ok, professor.

We knocked out cowman.

You did, I mean, you did, thank you.

Cowman vexed me sorely.

But where's mrs. Beady?

She's the one who brought us all here.

Her?

Oh, I've, uh, already defeated her

With my brute strength and cunning.

Wow, you are one talented guy. [Chuckles]

Hey, got any more ice cream?

Never mind that.

Let's take cowman and get out of here.

No-no-no-no, wait.

Leave him here.

I'll see that poor cowman gets the help he so desperately needs.

You know, he just hasn't been himself lately.

Oh, don't worry, I'll fix him right up.

Well, thanks for saving me, drop by any time.

Ta-ta now, bye, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

What a sweet guy.

If anyone can reform otis,he can.

Yeah, maybe kindness, understanding

And years in prison is just what otis needs.

Yeah.peck: what a nice thought.

Uh, no, mommy.

No, not a dress, I'm a boy-cow, mom- [screams]

Rouse yourself, cowman.

It is time to wake up and smell the danger.

Otis: fargleman, beady...

Goat?

Wait, this isn't fourth period spanish.

And you're not señor pepe.

[Spanish music plays]

What have you done with my friends?

Oh, I have released them, cowman.

You're the only one I care about.

You and, of course, this.

♪ Dun, dun, dun.

You fiend.

You won't gloat after you've had a taste of my bove-erang.

That apparently are in my other super-pants.

Looking for this, cowman?

My utility belt, thanks for finding it.

Uh, if I could just grab it back, that would be cool.

Cowman, you are helpless.

Nothing can save you from the horror that is...

My multimedia presentation.

What, no, anything but that.

[♪...]

Fargleman: this is me in grade school.

I had already developed a method of hybridizing potato spuds.

The other kids threw them at my head.

Skip ahead to prom night.

My "hydrandea versatility" put betty sue johnson in intensive care.

I never dated again.

So... Boring.

Can't... Take it.

Fargleman: this is me losing the blue ribbon

At the county fair years ago.

This is me losing the blue ribbon the next year.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next!

Hey, professor mouth-moving, is there a point in our future?

All my life I have tried to create plants

That people would find useful in their daily lives.

Acid-spitting ferns.

Avocado grenades.

Venomous hollyhocks.

[Cries]: but my genius was never appreciated.

Oh, did the poor, little baby not get to make his poisonous plants on people?

Did I complain when the world didn't appreciate

Myhand-puppet version of the first thanksgiving?

"Hey, pilgrims, thanks for having us."

"Thanks for coming, indians."

"Oh, you brought pie."

"Yeah, let's chow some of that business down."

[Shouts]: may I finish?

Otis: sorry.

Fargleman: by supercharging the d.n.a.

Of the jurassic corn kernel

I will create the most fearsome hybrid of all

And the blue ribbon will be mine.

That thing could destroy everyone at the fair.

Yeah, I don't do details.

I'm more of a big-picture guy.

Well, enjoy being mulched to pieces by my diabolical robo-mulcher.

[Machinery clanking]

Good-bye, cowman.

But wait.

You said I could unmask him.

Did i?

I don't recall.

Well, off to the fair.

Good day to you, sir.

Stay calm, otis.

What would aqua-guy do?

He'd probably contact dolphins.

Oh, they'll never get here in time.

I better just scream like a frightened, little girl.

[Screams]

Cowman, catch.

Cow-b*mb, away.

Mrs. Beady, you saved cowman's life, why?

I can't let him take out his broken heart on those innocent people.

Oh, why, oh, why was I cursed with these good looks?

You won't regret this.

Cowman, away, moo...

But I'm still going to unmask you.

[Cow mooing]

[Carnival music plays]

Mayor: see, even though the fair's been destroyed

We can still have a good time.

Anyway, the winner of this year's blue ribbon is...

Wait, your honor, I have a late entry.

My newest plant-y creation.

Man: wow, what can that be?

That sounds really interesting.

Is it a breakdancing fern?

No.

Is it a tulip that skis?

Still no.

Is it a cactus that can write mystery novels

And fly fighter jets on weekends?

Ok, stop guessing.

Man: wait, I got one more.

[Siren wailing]

Corn, fair, evil, run!

[Murmuring]

Man: he's afraid of corn?

It's cowman, get him.

Yeah, let's get him.man: yeah, get him.

"Let's not get him."

That guy's right.

You have to listen to me.

Come on, seriously. [Grunts]

Thank you, citizens.

Or should I say "old friends"?

Ow... That hurt my lip.

[Gasping]

Man: it's that plant guy who always loses.

Man: the blue ribbon loser.

Now nothing can stop me from doing... This.

[Corn snarls and roars]

[Crowd gasps]

[Corn snarls]

[Roars]

Now nothing can stop me from doing... This.

[Corn snarls and roars]

[Crowd gasps]

[Corn roars...]

Behold, the fruit of my genius.

Although technically he's not a fruit at all, but a domesticated grain.

I tried to warn you, he is not professor twineyvines.

He is an insane plant scientist named merton fargleman.

Insane, you say?

Why, would an insane person warp the laws of nature

Just to win a blue ribbon at the county fair?

The answer is yes.

Thanks for taking care of me, abby, I feel much-

Hi, guys.

We're back from being held prisoner.

I'm starving, what's for lunch?

Uh, fellows, where's otis?

We left him with professor twineyvines.

You what?

[Louder]: we left him with...

I heard you.

I can't believe you left otis with that insane, evil villain.

No, no, otis is the villain.

Yeah, why do you keep defending him?

Because, peck...

♪ Abby likes otis, abby likes otis ♪

Hey, I can see my spleen from here.

Guys, guys, on tv.

Farmer's house, follow me.

If you're just tuning in...

A giant, man-eating ear of corn is rampaging through the county fair.

And in a stunning development, he appears to be taking orders

From professor twineyvines, a.k.a. Merton fargleman.

[Laughs]

Why is the nice ice cream man attacking the fair?

Let's see, how can I put this simply?

Because he's evil!

Ah, I see...

Wow, look at the choppers on that sucker.

Let's try to get a word with him.

Excuse me, mr. Corn monster

A moment of your time.

Hey, put me down.

[Snarls]

I appear to have made a horrible miscalculation.

Otis was just trying to protect everybody.

And we didn't believe him.

Some friends we are.

Fellows, someone once said that with great cow-power

Comes great cow-responsiblity.

Well, otis is in trouble, and we gotta save him.

We're with you, abby.

[All speaking at once]

Justice brood assemble, moo...

[Footsteps walk away]

[Footsteps return]

You guys coming?

Oh, you mean now.

Yeah, now.

Well, let's do it.

Well, let's go, you don't have to ask me twice.

[Roaring]

[People screaming]

Ok, it sounds like you're all as excited as I am

To see who wins this year's blue ribbon.

So let's get to the judging, shall we?

[Corn roars, people scream]

Dude, we're totally about to be eaten

By a prehistoric ear of corn.

Awesome.

[Laughing]

I gotta save 'em.

Cow-springs, spring-tivate.

[Grunting]

Let's go blog about this. [Screams]

Our first entry is sadie mcclusky's morning glories.

Hmm, leaf fungus, clogged primary sphericals.

Eh, I don't think so.

[Grunts]

Come on, pirate ship. [Grunts]

Hey, corn-creep, over here.

Huh?

[Thump][screams]

Unreticulated basil stems. [Grunts]

Bifurcated root system. [Grunts]

Smells weird. [Grunts]

Well, I guess that means that this year's blue ribbon goes to...

Me, yay.

[Roars]

[Snarling]

Make way for gravity.

[Grunts]

For his brilliant and original creation

Of a monstrous, fair-stomping ear of corn

I award this year's blue ribbon to... Merton fargleman.

Oh, i, why, this is such a surprise, I really wasn't prepared.

First of all, I'd like to thank my imaginary girlfriend who's been very supportive.

Nice corn monster.

Oh, good boy, whoa, hey, big fellow.

Lasso att*ck, moo...

[Corn grunts]

I'd like to thank all the little people I had to destroy to get here.

You were all special in your own...

Huh?

No...

I'm saved, but by whom?

By me, cowgirl.

And the justice brood.

Stop looking at me.

Abby, guys, oh, am I glad to see you.

I'm sorry we didn't believe in you, otis.

You're the greatest superhero we know personally.

Yeah, you know, I was saying that-

Wait, what do you mean "personally"?

Well, you know, thunder-boy does some nice work.

And I hear some very good things about magnetic man.

[Roars]

You have plagued me for the last time, justice brood.

And now with my specially-designed rumble seat

I shall personally see to your destruction.

To the left, creature.[Corn grunts]

No, no, my left.[Corn grunts]

Now promenade.

And step back, bend the knee, sashay, big hips.

And... Jazz hands.

Wow, they're really good.

That's it, that's it, now crush them.

[Growls]

Scatter.

[All screaming]

[Grunts and gasps]

Otis...

Huh?

[Abby screams]

Abby!

Ha, one down, several of you to go.

[Laughs]

Otis, run, there's nothing you can do.

No, I gotta save abby.

You and the others create a distraction.

Right.

Fireworks.

Perfect.

Hey, corn monster, I'm not touching you.

Not touching, not touching, uh-uh, nope.

I'm not touching you, either, is this annoying?

Almost touched you.

Will you stop not touching my corn monster?

Great, they're distracting him.

Thereby allowing me enough time to construct

A hastily-improvised catapult, which-

[Screams]

No!

Ah, this is much deeper than it looked from the outside. [Grunts]

[Abby gasps] otis?

Abby, you're alive.

Not for much longer.

That stomach acid looks pretty gnarly.

I'm getting us out of here, try to grab my hand.

Otis, wait, this could be the end.

And if we don't get out of this

I just want you to know that, that...

I kind of like you.

Really?

You know, I'm always kind of a jerk to you

But, you know, since we're facing certain doom and all

The truth is, abby, I like you, too.

Really?

Oh, otis, that's wonderful.

[♪...]

Reporter: hey, everybody.[Abby and otis scream]

Hilly berferd, channel eight news.

You crazy lovebirds got any ideas on how we could get out of here?

Oh, that, yes, I have these fireworks.

So all we have to do is...

Milk me, I forgot matches.

Hey, no problem.

I always carry a spare road flare in case the news van breaks down.

I tell you what, if I'd have made a list this morning

Of stuff I thought would've happened to me today

Being eaten by a giant corn monster

Probably wouldn't have cracked the top .

[Flare hissing]

[Roars]

[Laughing]

Who is laughing now?

I am.

My question was purely rhetorical.

Good-bye, justice brood.

[Roars]

[Whimpering]

[Coughs]

[Snuffles and coughs]

What's wrong, my pet, is it indigestion?

Perhaps eating cowman's friends will settle your stomach.

[Grunting]

He's gonna blow.

[Coughs and whimpers]

No, it can't end like this.

I wanted fame, power, my own cable talk show.

Perhaps a personal fragrance line.

[Growls and whimpers]

[Screaming]

Berferd: ooh, everybody.

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

[Chanting]: cowman, cowman, cowman, cowman...

Otis, they love you again.

What about ratboy?

They always forget ratboy.

Yay, catboy.

Pip: aw, man.

Take him away, jerry.

Curse you, cowman.

I will be avenged.

I'll write nasty letters to you with postage due.

As soon as I get out of jail, I will ring your doorbell and run.

Ow, hey-hey-hey, officer hercules

Will you stop it with the squeezing and the gripping?

[Grunts]

Uh, the name's fred, by the way.

Yeah, whatever.

Man, it's good to be back.

I sure could use a little peace and quiet.

Riddle me this, uddered avenger.

What walks and talks like a superhero

But is really a cow?

Don't you walk away, I'm on to you.

I think this "x" is the entrance to your hidden cow headquarters.

[Screams]

So what's on tv later?

Oh... Uh... Hi.

Hey... You... How's stuff?

Later.

So, um...

Uh, looks like we're alive. [Chuckles nervously]

Yep, we sure are.

Turns out we, uh...

Didn't perish after revealing those deep, personal secrets to each other.

Yeah, [chuckles], funny.

[Chuckles] hilarious.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Well, I'm glad we had this talk.

It's really good to clear the air.

Bessy: hey, super doofus.

Welcome back.

You done gambling the lives of everyone you care about?

Yes, bessy, don't worry.

I mean, being a superhero's great, but...

I think we're all looking forward to a nice, long break.

Pig: oh, you said it.

That's what I'm talking about.

I need to recharge.

[Cow mooing]

Ok, break-time's over.

Justice brood, assemble.

Mr. Ham tastic reporting.

And paranoid man- there are people in my eyebrows.

And the green rooster.

Don't forget ratboy.

And cowgirl, moo...

I'm starting to like that.

Yeah, she sounds good.

Has a nice ring to it.

Otis: come on, brood.

All: moo...

Otis: well, we can't all say "moo."

Some of you need new catchphrases.

Freddy: how about "narf"?

Peck: that's taken.freddy: aw, crud-monkeys.

Pig: that's mine.

Peck: hey, what about "whack-a-whack-a-doop"?

Abby: no...pip: lame.

Freddy: oh, I got one, "hey, do not disturb."

Abby: "do not disturb," that's what you hang on a door.

[♪...]

Low voice: oh...

High voice: mation.

[♪...]