07x22 - Gone With The Whim - Part II

[bunniefuu]

B.J.: Getting us this job is the best I could do.

As long as someone is trying to take over Poteet Industries,

my assets are frozen.

Which means our assets are on the line.

Let's see what we got here.

[GIGGLING] [ALL GASPING]

Isn't it perfect in this room?

Two implants ago, she was his receptionist.

But now she's redecorating his house.

That's pretty good for a woman who uses Wite-Out on a computer screen.

CARLENE: Can't you just see all the parties,

and the... And the balls, and the beautiful women

tripping over their hoop skirts down that magnificent staircase.

[WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Isn't it lovely to be southern?

CARLENE: Oh, yes.

And isn't this the perfect ball?

And isn't it lovely to see all these beautiful clothes?

And isn't it lovely to be rich when most people aren't?

Oh! Here comes the Widow Clifton.

Bah, bah... Listen. You hear that echo? Bah!

[FADING] Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

[QUIETLY] Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

I am gonna k*ll that scum-sucking,

lower than a snake's belly lowlife.

What snake belly lowlife, B.J.?

I just saw my lawyers and I found out

who is behind this takeover.

It's Kearney. [GASPS]

He has a vendetta against my sweet James,

who busted him

on some shady business venture years ago.

Well, doesn't he know that James is dead?

Well, I guess I'm the next of kin likely target.

It's the reason he gave us this job, to rub my face in it.

No, no. Now, B.J., that's it.

We're not gonna go through with this job.

We may be going down, but at least we'll go down with our dignity intact.

Well, before you make that decision final, Julia,

there's something else I gotta tell you.

I don't know how to say this.

He not only wants to take over Poteet Industries, but...

He's also trying to buy one of my holdings as well.

Sugarbakers.

He wants it for Kiki.

We'll be working for her.

Kikibakers? [GROANS]

Not go long as there is breath left in this body.

I'm going out there right now and tell that woman.

Well, wait, she's here? Oh, Julia, you can't tell her anything.

I mean, first of all, we have to have this job.

This is the only income we can be sure of right now.

Yeah. She's right, Julia. That's the key word here. Income.

Furthermore, my lawyer said no matter what we cannot antagonize him.

We can't even let him know that we know.

And the only way we have hope of saving ourselves and Sugarbakers

and Poteet Industries

is by playing up to nice, sweet, sensitive Mr. Kearney

and his charming and talented wife, Kiki Kearney.

Well...

If that's what we have to do, then...

That's what we have to do.

I'm in. CARLENE: Yes, me, too.

Hey, I never left.

Well, thank you, y'all.

I know it isn't easy to buckle under, but we'll get through this.

We'll... We'll work it out.

B.J.: Yes? Can I help you? This way, fellas.

Excuse us, ladies, this staircase is coming down.

Ms. Kearney has decided to install an escalator.

JULIA: Uh... Excuse me, I must not have understood you correctly.

Did you say you're thinking of tearing down this staircase?

That's right, lady. You got a problem with that?

Julia. Julia.

Battle stations!

Lady, what do you think you're doing?

As God as my witness, this staircase is not coming down!

Especially not to install an escalator.

Julia, who do you think you are, Norma Rae?

Oh, I liked her.

I really liked her.

We have orders from Kiki Kearney.

Now unless I'm mistaken, she's the owner. You work for her.

You want us off these stairs, you're gonna have to lift us.

And I warn you, we're heavier than we look.

We're all three of us retaining water.

Okay, ladies, you win.

We're out of here.

Suckers. Yay!

Hey, well, we saved the staircase.

At least for this afternoon.

Oh, for crying out loud, Julia, wake up and smell the magnolias.

It's the s.

Forget about Gone with the Wind.

You want southern pride?

Don't we have Ann Richards?

Don't we have Rosalynn Carter?

Don't we have Jimmy Dean sausages?

What we don't have is any hope of saving Sugarbakers

if we don't do this job the way we were asked to.

But something in me, that is beyond reason,

rises up at the thought of this old piece of southern history being destroyed.

Well, that's just fine for you, Julia, but...

But in the Old South, you know,

you would be sashaying around this ballroom

eating good food and wearing beautiful clothes.

[LAUGHS] Me?

I'd be toting that barge, and lifting that bale, with my roommate Kunta Kinte.

Well, B.J., do you have any ideas?

Well, I'll think of something.

Just give me some time.

You know, I can't help but think that my sweet James

must have had a way to swat Kearney

like a big old horse fly buzzing around a feeding trough.

[SIGHS] Oh, I feel so helpless.

Oh, B.J., now, don't give up.

You'll think of something.

Somebody'll think of something.

Somebody always thinks of something.

Don't they?

[LAUGHING] [GIGGLING]

[EXCLAIMS] Thanks for the spin, fella.

I don't understand why everyone complains about w*r.

Have you ever seen so many handsome men in uniform?

And when they come back from w*r, they're so appreciative.

And so chivalrous.

And so horny.

Oh, speaking of that, have you seen the way

that Scarlett has been throwing herself at all the men around here?

Oh, what do the men see in her?

She's no prettier than we are, is she?

Is she, Pappy?

Well, I... I don't rightly know, Missum.

Now, you know you all look alike to me.

Yes, but do you think that Scarlett's pretty?

Oh, Missum, now you know us colored folks don't look at you all that way.

That dress you have on is so alluring.

Oh, well now, don't you know just how to...

Ooh, make a girl blush!

Actually, there's a reason I look so good.

Little Johnny Johnson told me his friend Bobby Roberts

was going to see Charlie Charles from Charleston.

Charming man.

So I told Dickie Richards to bring me a present.

And they gave me these beautiful petticoats wrapped up in green gingham.

But Johnny Johnson caught a cold

and had them delivered to me by his cousin, Jimmy Jimson.

Aren't they magnificent, Marky Mark?

Scarlett's just making a fool of herself in front of everybody.

She's taking all the good men, I tell ya.

There'll be no one left to marry. [WHIMPERS]

No one! [SOBBING]

Well, ladies.

ALL: Scarlett.

Oh, look, there's Rhett Butler from Charleston.

[WHISTLES SHARPLY]

I think he's headed this way.

Ladies, how lovely all your bosoms look.

Oh!

ALL: Rhett...

Doesn't that music just get your foot to tappin',

and your hips to shakin', and your legs to twitchin'?

No, it just makes me wanna dance.

Well, if you've got something to ask, Mr. Butler, ask it.

Dance with me, Scarlett.

Well... Okay.

One, two.

One, two.

One... Two... Scarlett,

forgive my forwardness,

but you're like a fine Georgia peach hung ripe on the vine.

A fine peach, and we're a great pair.

Mr. Butler, I'm afraid this conversation is fruitless.

I'm not the sort to be swayed by pretty words.

You're so beautiful, and your lips...

They are so... Lip-like.

Why, Rhett, they're just lips.

Soft, rosy,

tender, pouting lips.

I wanna kiss you, Scarlett.

[EXCLAIMS] It's getting warm in here.

Is anybody else warm?

ALL: No.

What you need is a man like me to marry you.

To protect you and defend you.

The Yankees is coming! The Yankees is coming!

Oh, heavens, the Yankees?

How do I look?

They at the hedge post! They at the hedge post! [GASPING]

Oh, how can this be?

Yankees?

I didn't even know we had a hedge post.

What is a hedge post?

I'm scared.

Scared, I tell you!

Who will protect us now?

Who? Who? Who?

They at the barn! They at the...

The barn!

Rhett, they at the barn.

How do you know? How do you know?

B.J.: Do something, Rhett.

[YELPS] They's coming up the steps!

They's coming up the steps!

[GASPING]

Captain Butler, we're counting on you.

Now. I'm thinking.

Thinking. They's here.

Whoa, look at the time. [LAUGHS]

I forgot all about my poker game.

Damn this gambling habit.

I'll be back.

All the men are gone.

CARLENE: Who is gonna save us now?

Ms. Scarlett, it's been fine working for you.

Don't worry about me, I'm gonna catch a bus.

Well, now, isn't that always the way?

The women end up doing the works.

Stand back, ladies,

I'll show these Yankees what us southern women are really made of...

[EXCLAIMING] [g*nshots]

You'll regret the day you ever tangled

with Scarlett O'Hara and the Georgia...

[g*n FIRES] [GRUNTS] Peaches!

[BLOWS]

Well, I guess I showed them.

Scarlett, you saved the day.

You saved the day.

You saved the day.

KIKI: What are you doing?

Taking a break? Hmm.

Up and at 'em.

Time is money.

Where are all the workmen?

I'll tell you where they are, Kiki.

We've decided you have to live with that staircase

a while...

[STAMMERING] Before you... You know, make up your mind.

Isn't that right, Julia? Not entirely.

Well, I got news for you. [LAUGHS]

You don't decide anything.

I'm not supposed to say this... [GIGGLES]

But it just so happens

that my Kearnsey is buying Sugarbakers for me.

Well, I can't wait any longer for Kiki to get here.

I've got a : appointment

with the Securities Exchange Commission.

And once they give me the approval,

well, Poteet Industries will be mine

and Sugarbakers will be Kiki's.

You really get off on this, don't you?

Well, it's the little pleasures.

And that's why God created corporate America.

Then tell me this.

Why did God create clog dancing?

Pleasure doing business with you, ladies.

B.J., is he really just gonna gobble us up like Pac-Man?

Oh, I don't know.

But until my lawyers tell me one way or the other, we have to do what Kearney says.

You mean suck up to Kookaberry?

I don't know, B.J., that's really testing the limits of our friendship.

I'm simply saying play along.

Hi, everyone.

[EXHALES]

So, what do you think? [GIGGLES]

I had this designed specially.

This is what we'll all be wearing.

Of course, some of you aren't as developed as me,

so they'll be room to say, "Kikibakers Design Firm Incorporated of America."

Mine just says "Kikibake."

Oh, and, uh, Anthony, I had this made for you.

Uh-uh. No...

Are you... Anthony...

I love it, Kiki.

And these are for you, Craigsey.

CRAIG: Well, gee, this is great.

I never had a white collar job before.

I think I'll take this desk over here.

That way I can keep an eye on everybody.

Oh, no, that's Julia's desk.

You don't think she'll mind, do you?

Mind? Oh, no, not at all.

As a matter of fact, I... I think it's a great idea.

Mmm.

Hi, Julia. How you doing?

You know, I slept so much better

just knowing we saved that old staircase, at least temporarily.

Uh, Julia... We gotta formulate a plan of action...

Julia. We gotta save that old house

permanently from Kiki's clutches.

Julia!

I think we ought to call the historical society

and see if they might not want to make it a landmark, what do you say to that?

Uh, Julia...

Not Mary Jo.

Not B.J.

Not Carlene.

Not the voice I wanted to hear first thing this morning.

Who let you in here?

And what are you doing at my desk?

Oh, oh, oh... Now, Julia...

Acceptance is a part of starting new relationships.

Of course.

I'm sorry.

Truly sorry, B.J.

I've just gotta accept that Kiki is here to stay.

It's done.

So, Kiki, before this thing is finalized

and all the paperwork is done and the takeover is completed,

and your name really is on my business...

This is my desk. [YELPING]

And this is my house.

And you're on your way out my door!

[SHRIEKS]

Well, this is more like it. Things are looking pretty good around here.

Didn't I tell you, Kearnsey?

It looks great.

I knew they'd shape up once they figured out who the boss was.

Oh, and by the way, B.J., just in case you have any question about that,

I've had my meeting with the SEC and the takeover is set.

Your lawyers won't be able to save you now.

We own you.

So you finally got your way, Kearney.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised.

There's an upside to it for me.

I get to tell you exactly what I think of you

and not give a horse's hide about it.

Well, not if I don't stay and listen.

Anthony.

You going somewhere, Kearnsey?

Kearney, you're slime.

You're the slime that grows on slime.

You're white collar slime.

You got to own things.

Buildings, corporations, even little old Kiki over there.

That's where you get your kicks.

Well, get a kick out of this.

You got Poteet Industries, you got Sugarbakers.

But I got friends who like me for just who I am.

I don't have to buy them houses or jobs... Or breasts.

It may not be here, and it may not be now, but you mark my words,

the day will come when you'll regret ever having tangled

with Anthony Bouvier and the Sugarbaker girls.

Well, thank you so much for sharing that with me, B.J.

Ladies, as of right now, you are all fired.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Oh, brother, I can't believe this.

No more Sugarbakers.

Oh, I feel like I'm dreaming.

Oh, Julia...

After all these years,

such bad news.

And such a good hair day.

And no more Poteet Industries.

James spent his whole life building that company up.

As long as his name was on it,

it was like he was still alive.

Well, at least there's this...

We're all going down together.

You know, the late Mr. Clifton always used to say,

"Without friends, you don't need Sprint."

Hey, everyone, everything's unloaded.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Yeah, and good riddance, Kearney.

Hey, don't say that.

I kind of like Mr. Kearney.

I... I never knew a dry cleaner before.

"Dry cleaner," Craig?

I don't think so.

Oh, sure. Kiki told me.

He's got a great set-up. They can wash anything over there.

Uh, Kiki even said that they were washing some guy's money. [LAUGHS]

Washing some guy's money?

You mean money laundering? Oh, yeah.

That's it.

What I wonder is how do they get those bills on hangers?

Craig, let me ask you a question.

Did anyone ever tell you you were smart?

Just Kiki.

Well, then you've heard it from the horse's mouth.

I'm gonna give you a big old southern thank you.

Mr. Butler, you have just saved the day.

[BOTH CHEERING]

What's so important we had to get here right away?

[GROANS] It's all that old stuff.

Kearnsey, do something.

What the hell are you doing to this place?

The question is, Kearnsey, what are they gonna do to you?

"They" who? The SEC.

You see, we found out where your money comes from.

You know, how clean it is, and how dirty your hands are.

So I turned the matter over to my lawyers

and now I'm afraid that it's your lawyers who can't save you.

God, I love corporate America.

Really, you don't have to say anything.

The pleasure was all ours.

This way to the hoosegow, Master Kearney.

You're gonna hear from my lawyers. Ha!

[LAUGHS]

B.J., James would have been so proud of you.

Oh, yes, and so would Scarlett O'Hara.

Well, I'm relieved. We got Sugarbakers back.

We got money coming in, and we will never go hungry again.

Ooh, speaking of hungry, let's celebrate.

Yee-haw, I'll buy.

I'll buy. [ALL CLAMORING]

MARY JO: Oh, no, I think B.J. ought to buy.

Rhett?

Rhett Butler from Charleston, where are you?

The w*r is over.

Show your face, my beloved.

Scarlett, you're beautiful.

So what else is new?

I love you, Scarlett.

It's , and people will talk.

I'm black and you're white.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

♪♪ Black man, black man Where did you go to...

♪♪ Black man, black man... ♪♪

[WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING]