01x03 - Green Tea

[bunniefuu]

[sniffs]

Thanks.

[car turns off]

Thank you God for giving me my life back.

[car locks]

Hey, Kaylyn.

Oh, there he is.

Miles. Ready to meet on the proofs in ten?

What? Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, Miles.
Copy wants your headline and body notes.

Miles, tell Martin
that one cow shouldn't be a sad cow.

I think it's noble.

Oh!

Oops.

Chicken...

What the f*ck?

[Pool] ♪ There he is ♪

Hey. [laughs]

So, I moved up the pitch
with old man Hillston to next Tuesday,

all hands tomorrow
to share your ideas with his team.

Got my star back.

Hey, uh, real quick.

Out of curiosity,

what did you like best about my pitch?

All of it.

[Kate] Hey, your sister called.

Again.

Oh, and um, I didn't notice
the dry cleaning upstairs.

Where did you put it?

What dry cleaning?

Did you hit your head?
The one I rang you about a few hours ago.

Right. Uh...

[stammers] Sorry, no, I just...
I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry.

- Sorry.
- Are you okay?

Yeah, no. I'm just... I'm just so stressed
with all of this work. Uh...

Hey, you're not planning
on going to Vegas, are you?

What? No. Why?

[Kate] I got an alert from the bank.

You didn't take money out of our account,
did you?

Uh-uh.

That's weird.

[Kate] Hmm.

I'll... I'll take care of it.
Don't worry about it.

- [Kate] Okay, I'm gonna grab a shower.
- Yeah.

We don't have to have all our friends

down from the city next week
if this is all a bit too much.

We can tell them we have the flu or Ebola
or something.

No, it's fine. I just...
I'm a little... uh...

Just work stuff.

Sorry.

[dishes clatter]

[breathing heavily]

[sighs]

[footsteps depart]

[sighs]

[phone beeps on]

[sighs]

[phone beeps]

[sighs]

[cell phone ringing]

[continues ringing]

[stops ringing]

I thought I had it on vibrate.

[rock clatters]

[sighs]

Why'd you come back?

Why did you call?

I'm just gonna get you guys
a green tea and Coke.

- Let me know when you're ready to order.
- I got a green tea last time.

But you wanted a Coke.

What makes you better than me? Huh?

Green tea? 'Cause you know what?

I've been looking at your pitch all day,
and as far as I can tell, it sucks.

I mean...

What? Neighbors and friends?

I can't pitch this with these drawings.

- Is that a cow?
- Well, no, that particular sketch

is of two dairy farmers
shaking hands across a stile.

A what?

A stile.

It's a bridge that connects two pastures,
connects neighbors.

It's a metaphor.

Oh, great.

No wonder your pitch is so cheesy.

Pool didn't seem to mind.

That's the worst part.

Oh...

God.

[sighs]

Don't make me say it.

You want help?

For a week, all right? Just a week.

Just until the Hillston pitch is through.

Ah, okay.

And you... take a week off?

Relax? Get back to that play

you've been secretly promising
you'd get back to but never really do?

Yeah. I remember that, too.

- [inhales] But I have a question for you.
- Why would you do it?

'Cause you want your old life back,
you'll take whatever crumb you can get.

Yeah. No, that's right. I know you, too.

Me... I-I know me too.

You...

You know what I mean. [inhales]

But...

we can't tell Kate.

Ever.

Deal?

Have a great day, hon.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

What do you think of the teal?

What are you, a magician?

Hmm.

Here.

Hey.

Just come home before she does.

[sighs]

[laughs]

[keyboard keys clacking]

[vehicle approaches]

Oh, finally.

So?

So, what?

"So what?" So, how did it go?

Oh. It went...

great.

Yeah. How was the meeting
with the advance team?

Great.

Really? What about Pool?

Great.

Yeah, she officially moved our pitch
to first position.

Oh, is Dan pissed?

Mm-hmm.

Very. Says he's ready to...

jump in as soon as I screw up.

Of course.

Anything else?

Um...

Well, I think Kaylyn was hitting on me.

Bullshit!

Seriously?

[scoffs]

You know, you're married, right?

Yeah, so? I...

What, I can't enjoy the fact
somebody finds me attractive?

You, us, attractive?
She finds us attractive?

Apparently.

Wow.

That's, um...

[chuckles]

So, what you think? Same thing tomorrow?

I guess so.

- Have a great day, babe.
- Oh, bye.

[burps]

[man on video speaking indistinctly]

Mmm.

[laughs]

[sighs]

What am I doing?

That's better.

[moaning on TV]

[video game sounds]

Had a fun week, have you?

[man] Amazing!

We're heading up to pitch Hillston
next week.

Advance team is thrilled.

So is Pool.

So is everybody.

Except Dan.

[man] Excellent.

Ah, that's good.

[slurred] You're doing a good job.
That's great.

[man] Amazing!

How much have you had to drink exactly?

Since when?

Let's say this morning.

This m...

Uh...

Um, I don't know.

You do realize tonight is Kate's party?

[man] Excellent!

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, God.

[sighs]

Are you sure?

[people laughing]

[New Miles] So I'm thinking, "Hey, you
know, my luck might change now," right?

Obviously, but...

before I could make my move,
I must have passed out in the backseat,

because the next thing I know,
Kate is screaming.

She's terrified of this baby bear...

- [laughter]
- And she... she wakes up,

and I hear, "Drive, drive!"
So I wake up and I look around

and I think to myself,

"Uh, where's the steering wheel
on this car?"

[laughter]

[Kate] Get into the bed.

m*therf*cker.

Hey. Hey.

[door opens]

- Oh.
- [giggles]

Thank you.

For what?

For trying.

I've missed your stories.

I'm glad they're back.

[Kate moaning]

I love you so much.

- [breathing heavily]
- [Miles grunts]

[Kate moaning]

[doorbell rings]

Oh.

My long lost brother.

Hey. Uh...

I need to talk to someone.

Okay. Come in. Yeah.

[Maia laughs]

So, you knew?

[laughing]

Wait a minute. Did he...

Other me... did he tell you?

Oh, come on. It's funny, though.

You have to admit it's really funny.

Henry, don't you think it's funny?

- What, my love?
- [Maia] Uh, never mind, sweetheart.

- You're doing great.
- f*ck.

I can't believe that you knew
and you didn't even, you know, call me.

I believe I left you
three separate voicemails.

- Oh.
- sh*t. I'm sorry.

- Right. No.
- Hey, how's it going?

- Hi.
- Henry.

Any particular reason
you didn't call me back?

[Henry exhales]

I didn't listen to them.

Sorry. I just...
I thought it was your usual...

- Why didn't you text me?
- [Henry] sh*t.

He would listen to my voicemails.

He wouldn't even let it go to voicemail.

So what, you two just hang out?

Yeah. He's come over a few times.

And we talk, you know.

He asks about my projects.

You know, you're my little sister.

Half-sister. And not so little.

Come on. Damn it.

I actually... I kind of like him.

He's better than me, isn't he?
I mean, like, in everything.

With work, with you,

with Kate.

Are you seriouslyjealousof you?

Wow.

[laughs] You are making
incredible advances

in the field
of feeling sorry for yourself.

I don't get it.
Why can't I be happy for once?

Because you didn't earn it.

[Henry exhales] Okay.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[door opens]

This play is my life.

This is my story.

These are my thoughts.

I mean, what are you thinking, huh?

Are you trying to piss me off?

Well, that's my story, too.

I have just as much of a right to it
as you do.

Excuse me?

At least it's not boring anymore.

You wrote that the lead murders someone.

So?

So he would never do that!

How do you know?

Because he's me!

Yeah, no wonder it's boring.

Oh, you're unbelievable.

[stammers] I'm trying to make art.
Something real!

No, art should be exciting, not boring.

It's not a single continuum...

Wait. What... Why is this boring?

See, that you don't know why,
that's your problem.

You're drunk on power.

- You're Dr. Jekyll.
- No, Dr. Jekyll was the sane one.

You mean Mr. Hyde.
You should pick up a book sometime.

I'm gonna do that pitch.

I'm gonna k*ll it.

You're gonna see that I k*lled it,

and then you're gonna get on a plane
to Fiji or wherever and go!

Hey. Going to bed?

No, not yet.

Do you want me to wait up?

That's all right.

Man of the hour.

[brakes squeal]

[pig snorting]

[exhales]

[rapid, heavy exhaling]

[exhales heavily]

You win this, I might have to rethink
who gets that promotion.

[door opens]

- [Hillston] Good afternoon.
- [Pool] Oh.

Mr. Hillston. [chuckles]

Charcuterie.

- Right from my farm.
- It's wonderful.

[Hillston] Try it. You're all very skinny.

- [Pool laughs]
- [Hillston] Thank you, my dear.

- Ms. Pool.
- [Pool] Mr. Hillston.

Ten years ago, I hired one
of the brightest minds in the business.

A branding bard,
a storyteller to the people.

A gold pencil winner.

But what he has for you today...

is some of his best work.

[whispers] Miles.

Hillston.

Your neighbor...

and a friend. And your f...

F... And your friend.

We know you.

Listen, I'm a very simple man. Just...

say what you have to say.

It's all about connection.

Neighbor to neighbor.

Doctor...

to patient.

Dentist...

to patient to patient.

Also to patient.

It's...

It's not just a telecom company...

that's regional.

It's love.

The...

I think this will...

uh, explain it best.

- [moaning]
- Oh!

[upbeat instrumental music plays]

We did prepare a second pitch.

- It's not as fleshed out...
- I like it.

I like it.

The campaign is yours.

Oh! [laughs]

And... if it succeeds,

I'll bring you on
as our lead marketing company.

- Oh, God!
- I would like to talk

to Miles,

alone.

Of course.

Sorry, I was a...

I was a little nervous.

[chuckles]

Mangalitsa.

Mangalitsa is a rare breed of pig.

Brought it over from Hungary.

Nothing like it in the entire world.

Here. Try some.

Here.

Try it. Come... come on.
You're gonna love it.

Hey, yeah.

You know, uh...

I was wondering...

how you came up
with this pitch of yours?

There were times...

you seemed a little hesitant,

like maybe...

the words were not your words.

Hmm?

Your boss says you're a great storyteller.

I'd like to tell you a funny story

about when I was a boy during the w*r
in the concentration camps.

Would that be all right? Hmm?

Yeah, of course.

You see...

I was in Birkenau.

And there never was enough food there.

But we were a bunch of rascals.

We would eat anything...
garbage, rats, dead rats.

But...

if you could find

a piece of bread, some meat, ooh...

[laughs]

One day, the guards called a line up
for all the children in the camp,

because...

a Jewish child...

had stolen a ration.

Which meant that another Jewish child...

would not be eating that night,

which is very sad.

But you see, I knew who did it.

So I took my little hand...

and I pointed to this

eight-year-old zsivány, this naughty boy.

He was always getting in trouble.

Anyway, they marched him out
and they blew out his brains,

right there in front of me.

But that's not the funny part
of the story.

Would you like to hear the funny part?

Hmm?

The funny part is how I knew

who had stolen the food.

I knew because...

I had stolen it.

So, you see...

I don't mind a cheater.

But if you're gonna cheat,

do it right.

And however you came up
with that campaign of yours,

don't stop.

Hmm?

Have some pork. You're very skinny.

[door closes]

[cell phone rings]

[thunder sounds]

[sighs]

[cell phone continues ringing]

Hello?

[Pool] Congratulations, superstar!

We got a tower of shrimp
with your name on it.

[people chattering excitedly]

[brakes squeal]

[thunder sounds]

[grunts]

Come on. Roll down your window.

[tires squeal]

[crashes]

- [thunder sounds]
- [crickets chirping]

[car locks]

[New Miles]
So, I'm trying so hard, too hard,

to impress her
with this elaborate camping trip,

and everything is just going wrong.
I mean, it's...

It's sweltering hot, we're being
eaten alive by mosquitoes.

The universe decides to just open up

and pour down rain. I see the...

I see the tent. Do you remember that?
I see the tent wash away.

- "Bye, tent!"
- [laughter]

So we're running over to the car.
We're getting out of our wet clothes.

Before I could make my move,

I, uh, fall asleep
in the back seat of the car.

Yeah, it's true. It's true.

And then, I remember, she screams.

She's terrified
because of this baby bear.

- And she's shouting, "Drive! Drive!"
- [laughter]

So I wake up, I look around,
and I think to myself...

"Where's the steering wheel on this car?"

[glass shatters]

No?

Well...

I guess it's funnier when he tells it.