03x22 - True Crime

[bunniefuu]

TRUE CRIME

Banks are cool.

Yeah. That's where
they keep all the money.

"Substantial penalty for
early withdrawal".

Please remove card.

Cool! It's one of
those money machines!

Hey, somebody left the card.
Shove it in Butt-Head.

No way, you shove it in.

Thank you. Please
enter password.

Hey Beavis, how
do you spell "chode"?

Check this out.

Thank you for
using First Homeowners.

Check it out, Butt-Head.

- That was pretty cool.
- Yeah. Thanks.

This is cool!

Yeah, yeah. It rules!
It rules! It rules!

Yeah. Right on, Beavis.

- These guys are cool.
- Yeah. It kicks butt!

It kicks ass!
It kicks ass!

- Rock on, Beavis!
- Yeah, yeah! Rock!

Check it out.

They put that dude in a fence!

Fences are cool.

Especially
electric fences.

When I was little and had no
sense/I took a whiz on an electric fence.

It hurt so bad/it shocked my balls/
Then I took a crap in my overalls!

- Whoa! That was pretty cool!
- Yeah, yeah.

Whoa! His eyes
are sewn shut.

He must have seen something
so horrible, like, his eyeballs melted.

Maybe he saw that
Winger video.

Yeah! Yeah!

Maybe we should
go buy something.

Like what?

Good evening and welcome to
"America's Most Hated".

What you are about to see

- is a crime so heinous...
- Anus?

so repulsive, so actual, it may shake
your very faith in human nature!

What we are about to show you is
actual video tape of the actual crime...

This sucks!

I wanna see some domestic disputes.

... show these criminals actually
robbing one of the ready-tellers.

A victimless crime?
No way.

I stepped away from the Keno table,
Bob, then those creeps att*cked me.

Took that bank card
right out of my wallet.

- Bust them!
- Yeah. Give those guys the chair!

The chair!
The chair!

The chair!

What I don't get is how they
figured out my password:

BALLS, how did they
know I was a pro?

One frightened eye witness

a cleaning woman who
concealed herself behind

a trashbin, was willing to
tell us what she saw.

One of them was a real ugly
fella, Bob. Kept scratching his butt.

This tall-tale gesture may eventually
lead police to the robber's liar.

They should pay
for their crimes.

Our America's Most Hated
crime artists have created

sketches of what we believe
these two look like.

If you have any information
about these career criminals

please dial our
information hotline.

Hey Butt-Head, let's call and
say we know those guys.

Maybe there is a reward.

Authorities remained baffled in their
search for two mysterious robbers

who seem to have dropped
completly out of sight.

Tonight, we recreate exactly what might
have occured that terrible night.

What you are about to see is a
dramatization by professional thespians.

"Professional lesbians"?

Travis, check it out. Another cash
machine ripe for the picking.

These cash machines are the best thing
that ever happened to criminals like us.

I can practically
smell the cash.

They should arrest
those lesbians.

Yeah. Use the taser,
the taser.

Zap him!
Zap him in the butt.

Who are these monsters?

Well, it is not clear if these thiefs work
on a national or international scope.

It is known that they are wily
and they are dangerous.

- Cool.
- Yeah!

Wait a minute!

This isn't cool.

- This sucks!
- Yeah.

Who is this?

- Is this Manute Bol?
- Yeah.

That dude can slam dunk
without even jumping.

Yeah.

It's too bad he
can't sing.

Yeah.

Maybe this isn't
Manute Bol.

Yeah. Manute Bol sings better than this.

- This man has lipstick on!
- Yeah.

This is scary.

Can I sleep at your house tonight?

I don't know. I'll ask my
mom's boyfriend.

Ah, nevermind.

Sometimes I dont know if I'm coming back.

"Coppers" is filmed live on location with
the men and women of law enforcement.

All suspects are considered innocent
until proven guilty in a court of law.

Whoa!
Check out that neighborhood!

I've been there.

Ok, now remember to take
out the big guy first.

He's armed and completely irrational.

- Ok move! Move! Move!
- Let's go, let's go!

- Hey Beavis, did you hear something?
- Yeah, I thought it was you.

- Don't move!
- Get your hands up!

- Hands on your heads, now!
- Now.

Those two guys don't look anything
like those lesbians they were after.

Shut up, Butt-Head. They're
gonna use the taser! The taser!

Are there, like, pills you
can take for that?

Yeah! Yeah!
That would be cool!

I have a bad feeling
about this video.

Me too.

This is just another bunch
of British mama's boys.

Where is Britain?

I think it's like, somewhere near English.

Yeah. That's where everyone
talks like a wuss.

Yeah.

"I believe I will go
spank my monkey".

Me too.