03x26 - Canoe

[bunniefuu]

CANOE

I'm really glad the
school psychiatrist

required you three to
come on in this canoe trip.

Here in the great outdoors we're
brothers and we help each other out.

You know, the Burgeoning
Men's movement holds

that we spend too much
time fighting each other

and not enough
time loving one another.

Van Driessen is
looking for love.

- He wants you.
- He wants you.

Nice stroke, Beavis.

Told you, dude.

He wants to love you.

- That dude has lettuce on his head.
- His head is lettuce.

Let-us spray.
Ssssspray.

Cut it out,
Beavis!

- What are you doing?
- I'm spraying.

That's pretty cool.

- When did you start doing that?
- Just now.

Boy, this really sucks!

- Oh my God!
- Oh, dear Lord!

This sucks!

Good God Almighty!

This sucks more than
anything I've ever seen.

This sucks, like, like,
lots and lots!

Let me count the ways
in which this sucks.

One...

Two...

Four...

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Thirteen...

Seven...

Oh wait a minute,
we already counted that one.

Yeah, but if it happened again,
that means it sucks again.

Eleventeen...

What comes after
eleventeen?

- Thirteen.
- Oh, yeah.

Fifteen. Hit him! Hit him!
Hit him! Pull his hair!

Cool.

Maybe we should like, take some
points off 'cause that was pretty cool.

No way, Beavis!

Just 'cause something's cool doesn't
mean that something else doesn't suck.

What?

I said: just because
something's cool

doesn't mean that something
else doesn't suck!

What?

Nevermind,
buttmunch.

Hey Butt-Head,
why are we watching this?

I don't know.

This is still
on?

- That pisses me off!
- Yeah, that sucks.

It's bad enough when, like, stuff sucks...

but then when it's like,
really long, that sucks.

Guys, I hope our little incident today
shows why we never wrestle in canoes.

Luckily, and not coincidentally,

all the important gear
was in my canoe.

Where's the toilet paper?

Well, that's the only thing
we put in your canoe.

Fortunately Beavis, nature
has its own toilet paper,

- the humble leaf.
- You wiping with foliage, dude.

I gotta go too.

Now remember, Beavis: bury at least


away from our water and food.

Okay, Stew, let's
pitch a tent.

Grab this pole, Stewart.

Stick it in the hole, Stewart!
In the hole!

Stewart is the teacher's pet.

Yeah.

Ok boys, let's erect this thing!

Stay tuned to see Beavis and
Butt-Head totally nude. Maybe.

It's a good thing you went far from
the campsite, because that

is the biggest poison ivy
patch I've ever seen.

And human spores would lure bears
to the campsite, and we can't have that.

Okay guys,
now it's time for the time-honored

camping tradition:
the sing along.

- That's stupid!
- What do you mean, Beavis?

Where are you gonna plug it in?

- That's stupid!
- Boys, you're in for a treat.

Acoustic music,
"unplugged".

After all, folk music began
with woodland minstrels.

- What's he talking about?
- Flashback.

This is a song I wrote
especially for this occasion.

It's called "Men".

Men have feelings too.

May I share mine with you?

I may softly weep or cry out loud.

But either way
I'll still be proud.

- This sucks!.
- Yeah.

This kicks ass!

And I'm not just saying that, either.

Lemmy rules!

Hey Beavis...
check this out.

I can do that too.

- That was cool.
- I do it better though.

Do you know who
Lemmy looks like?

He looks like that dude down the street
that's always working on his car.

That guy that parks his
car in the front lawn?

Yeah. That guy is cool.

How come Lemmy has those two
big Coco Pops stuck to his cheek?

- Because it looks cool.
- Oh yeah. I forgot.

Fartknocker.

The inner child cries
from deep within

- nurture me, brother, with both hands...
- This is the worst song I've ever heard.

Yeah. This sucks.

- Whoa!
- Cool.

What Butt-Head?
What?

- Come on Butt-Head, what?
- Tweeter.

Oh yeah.

- Change it, Butt-Head.
- No way Beavis.

- Something cool is gonna happen.
- Oh really? Ok.

- So like, so like, what happens that's cool?
- You'll see.

Come on Butt-Head, tell me.
Come on, what is it?

Dammit, Beavis!

I have ever told you something cool is
gonna happen in a video and it doesn't?

Yeah, you do it all the time, buttknocker!

- You mean "fartknocker", Beavis.
- Oh yeah, yeah.

Ok. So like, so like,
what happens?

It's, like,
a surprise.

Yeah but it's like, if you tell me now
then it's like, I'll be surprised right now.

Here it comes. Here
comes the cool part.

Yes! Kick it!
Kick it! Kick it!

So come on Butt-Head,
what's the cool part?