04x09 - The Naked Man

[bunniefuu]

Ted (2030): Children, it is believed all know how long it takes to recover from a breakup.

At the apartment of Lily and Marshall, Lily and Ted in the kitchen.

Lily: Half the time the relationship.

Marshall: One week per month spent together.

At the apartment, Ted is sitting on the couch with Robin.

Robin: Just 10,000 glasses. No matter how long it takes.

It is now McClaren's with Barney.

Barney: You can not measure something like that in a while. It is step by step. From his bed at the front door. Bam! You're outside. Next!

Ted (2030): But you're beginning to recover when you meet the person who puts you in the game. This is the story of how I met this person. (Ted takes the elevator with a woman. She goes out and Ted is in the elevator) Children, if you go swimming, you immerse them directly. (Another, he finds himself again in the elevator with the woman) First, you dip your toe in the water.

Ted: Hi.

Woman: Hi.

She goes back to the elevator. And the next day, they are again in the elevator together.

Ted (2030): You take the temperature, to get an impression.

Ted: For me it's Ted.

Wife Vicky.

Then she goes out. Another day, between Ted and then take the elevator to spring. Vicky arrives and does the same. The elevator reaches the ground floor and ride the elevator together.

Ted (2030): And you come back gently into the water.

Ted: I was left on the altar, there is one month.

Ted (2030): Or, you know, the b*mb.

Ted: It was a complete disaster and since then I have not even managed to look at another woman. Except the old lady in the subway that makes break dancing. I look at it that way. I just watched. Finally, it is an old lady who made the break dance.And it is good. I will give him a dollar, the next time. Let's pretend I said it: These travel lift were asleep the moment of my week, and I would like to see you Friday night. In a lift. At the restaurant, nice. What do you think?

Vicky: Yes.

GENERIC

Ted (2030): Children, I saw a bunch of crazy stuff on entering the apartment all these years.

Flashback

On November 26, 2004, Ted returned to the apartment. There are two acrobats and Lily with its range of hand painting.

Lily: Sorry guys. I'll just make a fruit cup.

July 16, 2007, Barney was handcuffed and locked in a box filled with water.

Marshall: It's been 12 minutes!

December 15, 2006, Robin holds a g*n in his hands and also two men, including one on TV under his arm.

Robin: Put it!

Man 1: You first!

Man 2: Why you referred me, Ike?

Ike: Do not say my name!

Robin: Ask your weapons!

May 8, 2009, a goat is in the living room.

End flashback

Ted (2030): But one of the craziest things I saw happened when I was a roommate with your Aunt Robin.

Ted returned to the apartment and found a naked man sitting on the couch.

Ted: You're who?

Man Mitch.

Ted: What are you doing, Mitch?

Mitch: You must be the roommate. I'm with Robin. She came out to take a call. I think its handheld gaming here.

Ted: Robin did not use the super secret signal. We put the old menu on the handle. This restaurant had to close. Mr. Popol...No need to explain why it's funny. I'm off. When leaving, take the pillow with you. This is a waste now.

Ted left the apartment. Robin is still out on the phone.

Robin: I think I am more than qualified for the job. My weaknesses? I would say too caring, overworked, and I spend my career first. Oops! The latter is true. What?

Ted finds Barney, Marshall and Lil McClaren's in there.

Ted: Apparently, our sweet, innocent, little Robin led a lover. A young skinny named Mitch.

Lily: His thing arranged? A real disaster. She sent me text messages all night. She just let go to use the bathroom.

Ted: Excuse me one minute.

He gets up and goes back to the apartment.

Mitch: Man, you annoy me. I am in action here.

Ted: What action?

Mitch: This is my technique. It's called, "The guy with hair."

Ted: "The guy naked?"

Flashback

Robin returned to the apartment with Mitch.

Mitch: That's the trick. You're the first date, you've had a few drinks, you go out an excuse to go to the girl.

Robin: The bathroom is. (His phone rings) You know what, I will respond.

Mitch: Then when she leaves, you undress and wait for you.When she returns, she laughs. She is so fascinated by your insurance, and your bravado she sleep with you.

End flashback

Ted: No chance it works!

Mitch: Two out of three.

Ted: Two out of three?

Mitch: Two out of three. You just choose your moment. "The guy naked" mostly run as a last resort, the last resort to first appointment when you know that there will be no second.

Ted: How do you know?

Mitch: Look at me.

Ted: I'd rather not.

Mitch: Robin is not in my division. I'm not smart, funny and handsome. As you can see, there is nothing impressive nowhere there. My only chance with a girl like Robin, is the surprise. And let's be honest, a little pity. This is shock and "Ohhh."

Ted: It does not work really.

Mitch: Two out of three. Guaranteed.

Back at the bar...

Marshall: No December '.

Ted: Two out of three. He assured me.

Barney: Seriously. No chance it works on Robin. It will come, take a look at this idiot and send tampers.

Lily: She'll b*at him up, yes.

Marshall: It's going to take his g*n and sh**t him.

They laugh and run off the bar. They arrive at the door where the menu is hung on the doorknob.

Marshall: My God!

Ted: It worked.

Marshall: The business returns for Mr. Popol.

At the bar...

Barney: "The naked guy" works! It will revolutionize the blows of an evening! It's like the forward pass in American football.Dunk the basketball. This stuff barber where they hold the wick and cut above. It changes everything!

Lily: Barney, this guy has slept with Robin, you say that being in love. How it makes you excited?

Barney: "The naked guy" is more important than me and Robin. All these years, I broke my ass, with my secret identity, my laps and my gadgets. I mean, I'm Batman. But this guy is Superman. He tears his clothes and go.

Lily: What kind of gadgets you talking about?

Ted: So, it's going to be, a roommate? I come home, and guys with whom you will go out sitting on the couch, naked.

Robin: I can not tell you.

Ted: I can not believe that "The guy with hair 'market has on you.

Robin: How do you say? I entered and he was naked. It was funny. I laughed, he laughed. And then it happened. I know not.

Marshall: I say ***** s!

Robin: Sorry?

Marshall: Sorry Robin, but cate with this type suggests that all that separates you from sex, it's the clothes.

Robin: I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked.

Marshall: So, why did you lie?

Robin: Because... It... It... because I like Mitch. Much. There was a... connection specificity. Specificity and feelings.

Marshall: Because he was naked. Sorry, but I disagree. There is only one reason to sleep with someone, and it is "love".Marshall is a big girl because he believes in love and read "And it was true" because the secretaries were forced to join the Oprah book club. But you know I'm right.

Lily: Marshall, I love you, but there are plenty of reasons to lie.

Marshall: Cite me one.

Lily: I will quote 50.

Marshall: You could not.

Lily: Number one: last Thursday.

Flashback

Marshall and Lily are in bed. Lily does not sleep.

Lily: Marshall, you wanna do?

Marshall: I'm here.

End flashback

Marshall: You have defiled the marital bed because you could not sleep?

Lily: It was you who said, "This shadow on the ceiling, it looks an awful clown toothless. Good night, Lily. "

Marshall: Okay! It makes one. But I dare you to...

Lily: I'll give you 50. There's sex reconciliation... breaking sex, and sex "a friend told you about a new position."

Barney: You're welcome. There is also "revenge", "bounce back", "parachuting". When you're traveling, but instead of going to the hotel, you'll live in a bar to find a girl to get a foothold.

Robin: Oh, that, "the kiss for a roof."

Marshall: ***** S!

Robin: I do not. My roommate in college did.

Marshall: No, Robin, it's just a bad cough. I'm not really a bad cough. We all know that the "roommate in college," it's you, ***** s! Nobody has a Strepsil?

Lily: Oh, I have one. Sex "bugger all on TV."

Ted: The sex "hotel room".

Barney: "Curiosity," style, "Me have always wondered how to do this is with a great girl." Big guy not a girl, just great. Like...if a normal girl was 2.10 m, 2.25 m high, and... wearing a mini denim skirt. I wonder how it is.

42 reasons later...

Robin: Sex, "He says he loves you, but do not want to say the same."

Lily: 43.

Ted: "The co-pilot who jumps on the grenade to a friend."

Lily: 44.

Barney: "Condoms will expire."

Lily: 45. It gets a little tough.

Barney: 46!

Lily: Still 4. "You make a crisp fall on his knees and the when you picked up, he thinks it is an approach, and it happens."

Marshall: Thanks for ruining the memory of the anniversary of our six months.

Lily: You gave me some chips.

Marshall: You can stop with this stupid list? You make me sad.

Lily: No, I have fun. But this thing of a "partner", it sucks sometimes. I always talk about you. I can not play "I never," because everyone knows all the quirks that I let you do.

Marshall: The only oddity that I did was to open my heart and my soul when I had put me to hair when the room was empty.

Robin: I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked!Mitch and I have something special. My fingers are crossed.That may be correct.

Marshall: The good? Mitch? The guy naked?

Barney: You mean the naked genius. All this time I wore a suit when I should have removed it. That's it. I "The guy naked," tonight. And you too.

Ted: What?

Barney: With the girl from the elevator. You're with her tonight?"Dude naked"!

Ted: This is the first girl I had the courage to invite, from Stella.

Barney: "Dude naked"!

Ted: This is the eighth place I try tonight! I cut my hair 3 times! I am out!

Robin: You're makeup?

Ted: It's not the makeup! It is a sun cream with a subtle shade of... It is for men. It's good, I want my eyes stand out.

Barney: "Dude naked"!

Ted: No, Barney, I like Vicky. It could be serious. I want to do anything stupid to jeopardize that.

Barney: I really like... this girl, but... I had not seen from behind. I really like... this girl. And I am willing to compromise our future for a night of glory. "Dude naked"!

Barney gets up and goes to see the woman at the counter.

Ted (2030): That night we all had something to prove. Robin wanted to defend his honor.

Robin (on phone): Mitch, baby, that's me. Robin. Want to grab something to eat tonight? Because you're my boyfriend!

Lily is sitting on the couch, when Marshall returns.

Ted (2030): Lily needed to prove she could finish his list.

Lily: I'm stuck. I find it the last 2.

Marshall: Reason 48: "To reinforce good behavior, such as shaving or dental hygiene." Now you conditioned me? Great!That's why I have an erection when I go floss.

Ted is the restaurant with Vicky.

Ted (2030): I had to prove that as scary as it may be out, Stella and I had forgotten I was ready to return. (Barney from the bar with a woman) And Barney had to prove that he too could be "The guy naked."

In women...

Barney: Thanks for letting me see your aquarium. You save my life.

Woman: Sure, no problem.

Barney: I just go to the bathroom and I'm off. Ted, I do. I "The guy naked"!

Ted: Me too!

Ted is in the living room of Vicky, naked.

Barney: You...

Ted: I do. I "The guy naked"!

Barney: It's great! Why did you change your mind?

Ted: The evening started well, but... not as good as I hoped.

Flashback

At the restaurant...

Vicky: Oh, my God! Ted, you're so funny! And I can tell you that you have beautiful eyes.

Ted: What, this old stuff?

The server reverses a pitcher on Vicky.

Vicky: Well done, hothead.

Server: I'm sorry.

Vicky: Stop! Go and tell the director he owes us an entry. One of those with shrimp! Nothing. You were saying? And then his cane missed the last step and fell, while, I swear, at least 2 minutes. God, I love old.

End flashback

Ted: When I realized that there was no future in this relationship, I decided to do.

Barney: Great! OK, the important question: What will your pose "naked guy"?

Ted: It's a good question. I have not really thought.

Barney: I thought "Superman."

Ted: And the "Captain Morgan"?

Barney: And "Oops, I did not have you seen?"

Ted: The Thinker?

Barney: And the Heisman?

Ted: Mr. Clean?

Barney: The "Burt Reynolds".

Robin is the restaurant with Mitch.

Robin: It's a pleasure to see you again. I really enjoyed it last night. So how does it feel to hold a Pizza Hut? Who had the idea to put a pineapple in the...

Mitch: OK, enough. I know what it is. I have already given. This is the hot date "I'm not a ***** s".

Robin: What? It's crazy. Usually, you see clearly in my game, but there you are mistaken.

Mitch: C'mon, Robin. One of us has had a good time, and you know it's me.

Robin Mitchell... Thing is... not true!

Mitch: Really? How was the sex?

Robin: I have not hated.

Mitch: Did you see my technique. That's it. I have nothing to offer you. I am ruined, I sweat when I eat, and I'm in fantasy football leagues 5. I talking about it. Believe me, you want to be.

Robin: What? Of course I do! I did not sleep with you just because you were naked.

Mitch: But if. And now you pretend that it was more to feel better. Say what you want, at least "The naked guy" is honest.

Ted and Barney are always on the phone, naked in the living room of Vicky and the other in the bathroom of another woman.

Ted: What do you think of the good old "Baby Cadum"?

Barney: The Olympic gymnast successful landing.

Ted: I gotta go.

Barney: "Dude naked"!

They hang up.

Ted: It's nice home!

Vicky: Thank you, from you, it's a real compliment. I love you to be an architect, it's fascinating. I could listen to you talk about design structures all night.

Ted (2030): This is where I saw, lying on the table, a book of love poems by Pablo Neruda. The same issue I had in college. And the bookmark was my favorite poem. Maybe I was wrong about this girl. It was perhaps a future.

Ted: Damn!

He dressed quickly. Vicky returns to the show.

Vicky: And that's it.

Ted: Pablo Neruda.

Vicky: Yeah, this book is a sh*t. An idiot with whom I left it out there. This is in Mexico. (She returns to the kitchen) You know who writes good poems? Jewel. She has rotten teeth and she lives in a car. It has stuff to tell.

When she returns, Ted is naked. Barney is naked in the hallway, in the woman he met at the bar. And Lily is naked in the apartment.

Ted joined Marshall and Lily to McClaren's.

Ted: "The naked guy" works! I just sleep with a horrible person. I'm back!

Marshall: Congratulations, buddy.

Ted: You're not the only one who provided e "Dude-haired."

Flashback

Marshall discovers Lily naked in the living room.

Marshall: You just want to do to change the subject.

Lily: Hey, it's 49! It worked?

Marshall: As if I had just flossing.

Lily: I love you.

Marshall: It's been 50.

End flashback

Ted: Pretty! What made you ask?

Lily: It's "I have breasts."

Marshall: right on target.

Mitch and Robin arrive.

Ted: My God! Guys, guys! That's him! This is "The guy naked"!

Robin: Ted, his name is Mitch. And... this is my boyfriend. So...

Marshall: Okay, I'll treat you more ***** s.

Robin: Okay you can go. It's over.

Mitch: Thank you.

Ted: Wait, Mitch, I have to thank you. We all tried "The guy naked," tonight.

Marshall: We should see what is Barney.

He calls Barney but the young woman who wins.

Woman: Hello?

Marshall: Hi, Barney's there?

Woman: No.

Flashback

When the woman discovers Barney naked, she starts shouting.

Woman: My God. What is your problem? Vire!

Barney: I take my costume. It is expensive. Just tie...

Woman: Get out, now! Releases, you ugly whack!

Barney: Call me.

End flashback

Woman: And if I see him, I called the cops.

She throws the phone in the toilet.

Mitch: Two out of three.

Ted: I want you to know tonight, as crazy as it was, took me out of my shell.

Mitch: That's the beauty of the "naked guy." It gives you just what you need. Nothing more, nothing less. If you'll excuse me, I have to replace the shoulder of one of my quaterbacks imaginary football. He dislocated his shoulder!

Ted: A toast... Mitch. The sum of its parts makes him a man.But when it serves its parts, it becomes much more. It does not fit the definition of a hero, but he is the one I needed. The hero who helped me get over the disaster of the failure of my marriage and I was almost back in the saddle. He lives in the shadows. Is this a dream? The truth? A fiction? Damnation?Salvation? It is all that and also, no nothing. Because it is..."The guy with hair."

Barney is naked in the street.

Woman: My God!

He arrives at a costume store for sale.

Barney: thank you God.

He goes his way, naked.

The End