05x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

*

- God is dead.

- Yes.

"God is dead", cried Nietzsche.

And the cry has been heard for years.

But for each philosopher, there has been a cynic.

- No way!

- Prove it!

- And that is where the argument has stalemated.

Until now.

- God is dead.

And here is the body to prove it.

- You just blew my mind!

- Our minds have been blown!

- The world is shocked.

First, to find out God did in fact exist;

and second, to find out he was now dead.

- I've got some good news and some bad news.

- But the world was most shocked to find out how small God was.

Imagine winds,

storms...

the miracle of life,

all from this tiny God with such tiny hands and feet.

- And he's really light, too.

- Yes, God did exist.

He d*ed.

He was very small.

Mystery solved!

The world has a brief period of mourning.

And then it's business as usual on the streets

and highways that God built.

[laid-back rock music]

*

[cheerful music]

*

- Hmm.

[humming]

Hmm.

*

Thank you.

[voices overlapping]

- Sure gonna feel good to be working.

- Hmm?

- So how many guys do they take?

- Hey!

Are you here to talk or to work?

Good.

Okay, ladies.

We're going to need guys today.

[all shouting]

You!

Are you wearing steel-toed boots?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Testers!

Now.

- Ow! That doesn't hurt.

- I think you're lying.

Huh?

Okay.

How about, uh, you?

Hmm?

Are those steel-toed boots?

- Yeah.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- [screams]

[dramatic music]

- Yes, they are.

[metal clanging]

- You twelve, on the truck.

Blindfolds!

- Why are we being blindfolded?

- Hey!

Are you here to ask stupid questions,

or are you here to work?

- Let go. - Hey!

- Move it! - I said move it!

[ominous music]

*

- I know.

I bet we're going to a warehouse out by the airport!

- I just hope we're not doing insulation.

That's the worst. - Yeah.

all: Whoa!

- Hey. Come on.

- What's going on?

- Hey, what are you-- What are you doing?

Wait! Wait!

- Hey, what's happening? - Hey, man.

- Leave them alone. - [grunts]

[cheerful music]

*

- Jocelyn, you ever done any p*rn?

- Yes, um, I was in Emmanuel III when I was living in France.

And you?

- Well, I shtupped a donkey once in this movie.

I can't remember the name of it, though.

Probably because it was only five minutes long.

Like a short feature, more like a loop.

- Did you make much money at that?

- No, but I got to keep the donkey.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Mm.

How's your snake?

- It's fine.

- It's dead, isn't it?

It's okay.

- Look, I never called you stupid.

I just said I thought it was a stupid movie.

- Well, I guess you must think that I'm pretty stupid

for liking it, then.

- No, I don't.

- Well, you think my opinions are stupid.

That's what you're implying.

- No, I'm not.

I do, however, think it's stupid

that we are fighting over such a stupid movie.

- Wow, you just never tire of calling me stupid, do you?

- What?

I got to get out of here! - Fine!

- I'm going for a walk! - That's great!

- What am I doing?

Honey, I'm sorry.

I was insensitive and opinionated and--

who the hell is that?

- Look, I'm sorry, too.

But while you were away, I found someone else.

- Look, it's pretty obvious you've been cheating on me.

- Wow, is that the kind of suspicion

you lived with all those years?

No wonder you were so reluctant to get involved again.

- I just find it hard to believe that you're suddenly

in love with this guy.

- Hey!

After you walked out that door,

I bounced around from one empty relationship to another.

And then Harrison came along, and he made me feel safe.

So don't you dare say we're not in love.

- But I was only gone for two seconds.

- Oh.

Was I to wait forever?

- Maybe you should just leave, pal,

or haven't you caused enough pain?

- I'm leaving.

This time I'm really leaving!

Wait a second.

It's my house!

Why should I leave my house?

- Look, I really thought I could do this, all right?

But I can't!

And I just think it's better for you and our son

if I just go, okay?

- So are you back to stay?

My baby needs a father.

- Baby?

- Don't you judge me!

Don't you dare to judge me.

You walked out on me.

- Look, I'm sorry I left, but that's not my baby.

- Well, why don't you just leave again?

That's always your solution, huh?

- No, that's what got us into this mess in the first place.

- Look, could we not fight?

- You're right, you're right.

I'm going to go into the kitchen, just the kitchen.

I'll make us some tea,

and we'll talk about this like civilized people.

[scoffs]

Now what's happening?

- Oh, hon.

Try to understand.

You see, my-- my son's all grown up now

and joined the Navy,

and I'm not hooked on the painkillers anymore,

and--I just feel, for the first time in my life,

I'm ready to be on my own.

- But I just went to make some tea.

- Don't think this is because I don't love you,

because I do love you.

- The kettle's not even boiled yet.

- Please, let me go now, while I still have the strength.

[doorbell rings]

Did you miss me?

- Yeah, sure.

- Oh, hon.

You know, traveling has really changed me.

I think I'm ready to settle down now.

- Great.

Let me go finish making that tea.

Hey, why don't you come with me? - You're right.

Let's never be parted again, even for a second.

- Yeah, that's a pretty good plan.

[laid-back rock music]

*

- Well, the unions got too big.

- Hey, girls. - Hi, Rude.

- Here's your new price list I promised you.

- Oh, great. Give me here.

Oh, boy.

- Um... - Jeez.

- Rudy, I don't-- I don't know, Rudy.

I mean, these-- these prices are so high.

I don't, I don't think--

- Well, I've done some thinking.

The only reason you two ain't high-class whores is,

our prices are too low.

- Yeah, that may be so, Rudy, but $ for a hand job

is pretty steep, eh?

- It's pretty steep.

- Listen, I don't want to get all mushy here,

but you two deserve the same kind of respect and admiration

a high-class whore like Julia Roberts gets.

- Rudy, do you mean that?

- Abso-toot-ley!

- Ah, Rudy. - Oh, Rudy.

- Thank you. - You're so sweet, sometimes.

- You made me feel so good tonight.

- Okay. Back to work, b*tches!

Back to work!

Hustle! A little hustle!

- cent hand jobs right here!

[aggressive dance music]

*

- Bon soire, mais aime.

Et bienvenue a paris.

I am feeling so "Francais" tonight.

It's just because I adore Montreal, I do.

And I don't just love Montreal because of its bagels,

or its civilized drinking hours,

or even its hashish.

No.

What I love most about Montreal is its men.

Mmm!

Especially its ----.

Montreal,

you should stop boasting about that dumb hockey team

and start talking proud about your tapettes.

Ils sont fantastique!

And I don't just say that 'cause I always fall in love there.

It's just that there,

they usually fall back.

Mmm.

I fell in love my very first time in Montreal.

Mmm.

I must have been all of years old.

His name was Mario.

He was an older boy-- about

Please! Now, please!

Stop it, be mature.

Don't get all excited; I was already jaded.

You see, I had a very accelerated childhood.

My parents were international diamond thieves

who traveled all over the world, especially North Africa.

So I knew the score.

One day we were on our way from Vancouver to Tangier,

and we had to make a little petite stopover in Montreal.

I left my parents briefly at the airport

to buy myself a fashion magazine.

And when I returned, the plane was gone,

and so were they.

Yes.

Just the smell of my mother's

Chanel Number Five hanging in the air.

That's probably why I hate Catherine Deneuve so much.

All I had with me was cents and a big diamond ring

worth about $ million.

I figured that would keep me going for about a month.

There was only one solution.

I had to find myself a sugar daddy, tout de suite!

Then conveniently, as if from heaven,

this very good looking man

who looked sort of like Omar Sharif came over

and asked me if I'd ever done any nude modeling

or posed for wrestling photos.

I said, "Of course"

I mean, what kid hasn't?

And that's how I started my modeling career.

This, of course, was Mario.

Mario fell madly in love with me,

and I moved into his charming little flat

with a fabulous fire escape

in a working class French neighborhood

where everybody spoke in a rough and jaunty jouel.

I, however, spoke French with a refined, Parisian accent,

which made some people think I was a snob.

Luckily, I was, so I didn't mind.

I stayed with Mario for six months, which,

when you're years old, is an awful long time, yes!

It's / of your whole life!

Now at my age, six months is nothing.

I take six months to return a phone call.

But nothing lasts forever, except poetry readings.

But especially not love,

which is where the Mounties came in.

It turns out Mario was borderline ----,

and I was arrested for the corruption of an imbecile.

I got six months.

Oh, well, the story of my life.

Bonsoir!

- Hello, Maudrie.

- Nice looking clock.

Where'd you get it, Joce?

- One of my johns, he didn't have any money.

So he paid me with this.

- Oh, I remember once this john didn't have any money.

So he tried to pay me with magic beans.

- Oh. What did you do?

- I got Bobby to b*at him up,

and then he shoved the magic beans up his nose

and cut up his face.

- Ah, well he'd have to. It's just bad business, eh?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[gentle jazz piano music]

*

- And how's everything here?

- Well, actually we've ordered some dessert.

We were wondering when it would come because...

My protégé and I want to go.

- I'll check in the kitchen.

- Could I have the dessert for table , please?

- I'm just finishing. - Oh.

Great.

What did they order?

- They're splitting an order of mousse with sorbet.

- And what's in that?

- You must be new here.

- Yes, I am.

- Well, let me tell you.

First of all I start with two islands of mousse,

a white mousse and a chocolate mousse,

contrasted with a scoop of cassis sorbet,

sprinkled with a herd of loose blueberries,

a sprig of mint, a light dusting of chocolate,

and finally, to top it all off, these four dipping areas.

- And what are the dipping areas for?

- Well, that's for dipping the mousse into.

But, of course, it's completely up to the individual.

- Oh, uh...

Did I overhear you talking about the dipping areas?

- Mm-hmm. - Yes.

- Well, they're really great,

but may I make one teeny, tiny suggestion?

- Certainly. What is it?

- Well, I think the dipping areas are so attractive

that instead of just having

four dipping areas for dipping the mousse into,

you should have six.

- Ooh.

Because,

and I find that this happens more often

on Thursday nights

than any other night of the week,

people seem to be running out of dipping areas

even before they've run out of mousse.

- Well, what do you think?

- Oh, well, I'm new here.

But I think I do like the idea of more dipping areas.

- More dipping areas?

I sure hope not.

That would cause a big problem.

- What kind of a problem?

- Well, my main concern is, there'll be no place

to put my thumbs when I'm gripping the plate.

- He's right.

Those big old thumbs would either be messing up

the chocolate dusting

or sitting right smack dab

in the middle of those dipping areas.

- I have a question.

Do we really need the chocolate dusting?

I'm sorry, was that a stupid question?

- Kind of.

- Well, I was just trying to find my way around

this thumb print problem.

- I know, I know. - Yeah, sure.

- But it would be a crime to compromise

on the chocolate dusting.

- Hey, it's a toughie.

- Listen, we're four intelligent men.

We should be able to solve this problem.

- I wish I could help more.

I--it's just that I'm new here.

- You're doing wonderfully.

- Yeah, you're doing great. - Oh, thanks.

- How would you serve the plate with the extra dipping areas

without a thumbprint?

- Maybe you could avoid the dipping areas

and the chocolate dusting entirely

if you carried the plate without gripping the edge.

Like this.

- It might work.

- That would work! - Yes!

- Wait!

But what if you had to serve two plates with the dusting

and the dipping areas without gripping the plate?

- Enjoy.

[dramatic music]

- [screaming]

- No. - No.

- No, it would never work.

- It's a toughie.

- Look, I'm in favor of the dipping areas.

But I just don't see how we can realize it right now.

What about we meet tomorrow early, before opening?

- Agreed. - Agreed.

- That's a very good idea.

- Well, I may be new here.

But I do know I should get this dessert out there fast.

- Well, go to it.

- And here we are.

- Oh, and what are these?

- Those are dipping areas for dipping the mousse into.

- Don't you think they should be bigger?

- We're working on it.

[both laugh]

[laughing continues]