03x31 - Most Wanted

[bunniefuu]

MOST WANTED

Coming soon to a theater near you

it's "Weekend at Bernie's Part 7".

That's right, Bernie's still dead
and he's stiffer than ever.

Cool.

Yeah.

We're back with a breaking story.

Eyewitness Action News
has just learned

that a deranged
serial k*ller

has escaped from the county jail.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

Unfortunately, we only have
this crude sketch of the escaped k*ller.

But it shouldn't be
too hard to identify

since he has a jailhouse tattoo
of the word "k*ller" on his forehead.

I wish all words
were that cool.

Yeah. Me too.

lf you should encounter this individual

do not, repeat,

do not attempt to bring him
into custody yourself.

Contact the police immediately.

This individual is
armed and dangerous.

However if you're ignorant enough
to go after him yourself

there is a $ 25,000 reward.

Hey Beavis, l bet when we get
that reward money

we can, like,
see that movie about stiffies

and we can, like,
pay for our own tattoos.

Yeah, yeah.

Then we'll be cool.

I'll get a tattoo
of a butt.

I'll get a tattoo of a butt
on my butt.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, I'll get a tattoo of a butt
that has a butt-shaped tattoo on it...

and I'll get it right on my butt.

That would be cool.

Yeah, me too.

Well, there's a chick...

She's singing...

I think, like, a couple of minutes later
she is gonna shake her boobs.

Yeah, yeah!

We don't want to miss that.

- Cool!
- Yes, yes!

That part is pretty cool.

I like chicks that
have their own room.

She needs, like, some
posters and stuff.

Yeah. As a barbed wire.

Wire, wire, wire.

Barbed wire? Why?

I don't know. I have some barbed
wire in my room. It's pretty cool.

How come you have
barbed wire in your room?

Well, sometimes at night, there's like, these
foreigners that try to come in my room.

What are you
talking about, Beavis?

You know...

I think they're trying
to, like, steal secrets.

You're stupid, Beavis.

Yeah, thanks.

He knows a chick
who makes toast?

- So what?
- Yeah.

- I can make toast.
- Yeah, really.

I think this is
college music.

You can tell because that
dude has orange hair.

Yeah.

That part is pretty cool.

Then it's like, you can
also tell it's college music

because it's like,
they are in a field.

Fields suck.

How come he keeps singing
about these people he knows?

- Who gives a rat's ass?
- Yeah, yeah.

I know a guy!
His hair is orange!

He sucks!

Butt tattoos are cool.

Yeah.

Butt tattoos
kick ass.

And ass tattoos
kick butt.

Speaking of butts, Beavis...

did you just
cut the cheese?

Sounded like it
came from outside.

What are you,
some kind of butt-ventriloquist?

Yeah.

That would be cool.

Are you sure you didn't
cut the cheese?

Shut up, Butt-Head.

Maybe it was, like,
a wild animal with rabies.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's catch it.

I always wanted
a pet with rabies.

Hey Beavis,

did you know
when you get rabies...

the doctor gives you, like,


with this really
long needle?

It feels like this.

Whoa.

That Kn*fe is cool.

Yeah.

Do you use that for, like,
cutting and stuff?

Yeah. Cutting people.

- Whoa!
- Yeah.

Hey Beavis...

remember that thing we were watching
about that escaped k*ller dude?

Yeah, yeah.

I bet this guy is
tracking him down, too.

If he sees him first,
he could get our reward money.

- That would suck!
- Yeah.

Are you, like, trying to
track down that escaped k*ller?

'cause we need
the money.

For tattoos.

And we decided
to track him down first.

Yeah.

I wouldn't want to have to, you
know, kick your ass or anything.

I'm tracking people
down too, man.

But nobody on my list
is an escaped k*ller.

See, l don't need money
for a tattoo...

'cause I already have one.

Check this out.

You guys are not going to
get any chicks looking like this.

Yes they will, dumbass.

Didn't you know that, like,
all you have to do is be in a video

and you automatically
get chicks?

Oh yeah.
That's cool.

It's like, all you gotta do
is go out and say:

Hey baby...

I'm, like, in a video...

Wanna, you know...

Hey, leave her alone.

Leave her alone.

Fartknocker!

I'll kick your ass.

These guys are, like,
a cross between...

Danzig and Megadeth.

I think they're like a cross
between Danzig and my butt.

That wasn't very
nice, Butt-Head.

Yeah it was. It was a compliment.

My butt rules.

Yeah.

He said "number one".

Eww, he stepped in it.

Someobody has to clean it up.

This video is all serious.

Yeah, it seriously sucks.

Hey Butt-Head.

This sucks, huh?

It sure does, Beavis.

These guys are
skinny wimps, too.

But they could
still kick Axl's ass.

Whoa!

- That was kinda cool.
- Where?

I'm getting dizzy.

Me too.

I'm gonna vomit.

Check out the bee.

Shut up, Beavis.

That monkey was cool.

I'd like to spank it.

Hey Beavis...

- he wants someone to pull his finger.
- Yeah.

Now he's pointing
down there.

Whoa!

Cool.

It says: "KILER".

- Yeah, is that your name?
- "Kiler"?

"Kiler", I like that.

Good one, Kiler.

Yeah, yeah, that was cool.

You hear that?

Hear what?

The voices. Voices are everywhere.

They're calling me.

They guide me.

They command me.

And forever I must obey!

Yeah, voices are cool.

I hear voices, too.

They, like, tell me to do stuff,
like stay home from school...

and watch TV and, like, break stuff.

And, like, just...

Preach on,
Brother Beavis.

Yeah, and sometimes the voices
tell me to do other stuff like...

even cooler stuff.

Like, this voice said: "Beavis,
go get a gum wrapper

and, like, roll it up into a cone

and, like, stick it in the butt
of a big old horsefly".

And it's like, the fly
just flies straight up.

And it's like, it keeps going up,
and it can't come down

'cause it can't fly anywhere else,
and, like, keeps going up

until it dies of exhaustion

and then it falls down.

Settle down, Beavis.

You're twisted, man!

Yours is twisted.

You twisted yours
when you were chocking it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, l'm always
gonna remember you guys.

And now it's time for me to give you
boys something to remember me by.

Get moving!

- This may hurt a little.
- Yeah.

Let me get this straight.
You want a tattoo of a butt

which has a butt-shaped tattoo on it?

Yeah.

And I want it right on my butt.

Hey Butt-Head, how come
you're so interested in butts?

Shut up, Beavis.

Yeah.

Oh man!

What is this?

This guy really sucks.

And I'm not just saying that either.

Where's he going
with that magazine?

He's going into the bathroom...

and he's taking
those guys with him.

Yeah.

"Sing me a song,
you're the piano man".

Whoa!

That’s a pretty cool shirt.

Yeah, that guy is cool.

- Whoa, spit, spit! Cool!
- Yeah.

Whoa, look at the nads on that pig.

You know, I got
nads like that.

Really, you got pig nads?

Sort of.

Whoa, that concubine
is gonna run them over.

- Yes!
- No way, dumbass.

That's not really
running them over.

Yeah it is! Look!

No way, Beavis.

That is just, like, one of
those tricks, uh...

trick p*rn... things.

No way, Butt-Head. They were
gone as soon as it left.

Beavis, if that thing k*lled him,
how come they're still singing?

I don't know.

Dumbass.

You know, like, with those monster
trucks and like, that pig and everything...

this video is turning
out to be pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.

And don't forget about
the big nads.

I didn't forget, Beavis.

That's part
of the pig.

Oh yeah.

- Now we're cool.
- Yeah. Yeah.

We have a bizarre but
welcome update on a breaking story.

The serial k*ller who escaped yesterday
from the state penitentiary

is now back behind bars

and authorities say
he turned himself in.

He claims voices have directed him
to a new calling.

A warden at the state penitentiary
described him as a new man

a model prisoner.

According to officials he says
he will now serve out his life sentence

administering tattoos to the derrières
of his fellow inmates.

These are tattoos of derrières

with derrière-shaped tattoos on them.

- In other news, the 5...
- Hey Butt-Head, what did that guy say?

I don't know.

I wanna spit in their faces…

She's gonna spit on someone?

Yeah, yeah. Go for it.

That would be pretty cool.

Is that Dave Mustaine?

Yeah, yeah.

"I got a bowling ball
in my stomach...

I got a desert
in my mouth…".

That was pretty good, Beavis.

Yeah, thanks.

How many videos are they gonna make
with chicks in a bathtub?

At least if they showed
them naked it would be cool.

Yeah. How come they never
have chicks in showers?

Like in soap commercials.

Did you ever see that soap commercial
where that chick gets stabbed?

No, buttmunch...

that's that movie
about those guys in the woods.

They're not in the woods.
They're in the shower.

Is this, like, a commercial for VH1?

"The difference between
you and your parents".

Yeah.

That's stupid.

What's that
red thing?

I think it's
toilet paper.

Yeah.

It's toilet paper!

This sounds pretty cool
for Ugly Kid Joe.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey Butt-Head, I don't
think this is Ugly Kid Joe.

Well...

He's ugly...

I don't know,
I don't think he's that bad.

- This part of the song rules.
- Yeah, yeah.

That was cool.

But it's like, then he gets all tired and
he has to take a break. See?

Hey Butt-Head,

have you ever, like, stuck your
face on the xerox machine

and like, xeroxed your face?

Yeah.

I xeroxed my butt once.

Remember that time
we enlarged your butt

like, 141%?

Yeah. I think I'm gonna go back
there and like, enlarge my wiener.

Yeah, yeah.

Then you can like, make 100 copies
and like, pass them out all over school.

Ok.