04x09 - 1-900-BEAVIS

[bunniefuu]

Don't waste your life away watching
TV. Call our free 800 number

and get started in the
exciting field of hair removal!

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and our well-trained instructors--

Alone?

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Just 9.99 a minute.
What are you waiting for?

Hello?

Hello?

I know you're there.

She said something!

- WATER, WATER!
- So what, Beavis?

I don't know, water's cool!

This seems pretty cool.

- This chick is hot!
- Chicks are cool!

This chick's pretty hot, but it's like,

she has a tendency to
wear too many clothes.

If she would just, like, take that
damn turtleneck off, then it's like:

"Heeeeyyy, baby! yeeaahh!"

- ...heading my direction...
- Whoa, did she say "erection"?!

I hope so!

I'll say it. Errrection!

I don't care if you say it, Beavis!

I think she said it. Really.

Dammit, this video's been on for two
minutes, and she's still not naked.

Well, her face is naked.

So what, Beavis?

- Every girl's face is naked!
- Really?

That'd be cool if, like,
they put clothes

on their face, but then,
like, not on their body.

- I'd settle for that.
- Yeah! I bet chicks would go for that!

Ass naked rules.

Hello?

Who's this?

Don't tell her our
real names.

Uh, I'm Beavis
and he's Butt-Head.

Yeah, yeah,
me too.

Would you like to know
what I have on?

Absolutely...

nothing.

I'm naked.

Are you there?

Hello?

Hey Beavis...
I think I just inoculated.

So...

what do you want to talk about?

- Don't be shy.
- Well...

could you, like... put the
phone on your butt?

Whoa! I can
hear her butt!

Oh, got something
on your mind?

Hey mommy, it's
your phone sex ad.

Hey, I warned you about
that language.

What's with this damn chair?

What's this?

Hey! put it back! Put it back!
Put the phone back!

You still there?

With--

With the money you
spend on phone sex,

you ought to start your
own 900 number.

Cool!

I'm Jay Whitelman, your phone company
representative. How can I help you?

We want to, like, get
our own 900 number.

Ah, starting your own business.
A piece of the American dream.

What type of line?
Sports? Information?

- We want to meet chicks.
- Yeah. And score.

Social interaction. What's your
current rate of income?

Uh...
Six?

Under 15,000.
Education?

- Is that like, school?
- We'll put down "third grade".

Now, boys, this
is very important.

A 900 number is a bond of trust
between customer and proprietor.

You're asking people to call
you and pay for the privilege,

because you're providing
a valuable service.

You do intend to provide a
valuable service, don't you?

- No.
- That's what I like to hear.

Congratulations, boys.
You're on the gravy train.

All you have to do is sign at
the bottom and put today's date.

Keep your eyes on your
own paper, butt burglar.

- This is hard.
- Yeah.

- Getting a 900 number sucks.
- Yeah, yeah.

Where are you going?

We're gonna get our phone
sex the old-fashioned way.

What way
is that?

- We'll call from Stewart's place.
- Oh yeah, yeah.

"Put it in?"

- Cool!
- Yeah.

Put it in. PUT IT IN!

Man! I bet this is, like, the
horniest dude that ever lived.

He should, like, wear one of those
Viking hats with horns on it.

What?

You're a weirdo, Beavis.

How come every time I'm
talking about chicks

and stuff, you just
like, don't get it?

I get it!

It's just that, you know,
I thought it would be cool if,

like, he had this hat
on with some horns on it.

Yeah, Eric the Rod.

The Rod. See? See? I got that.

The Rod!

Baby please, please...

Put me in...

Whoa! This is one horny dude.

- Hey, Beavis.
- What?

If we got our own 900
number, it'd be like working.

That would suck.

This is better.

Maybe we'll hear some butt wind.

That would be cool.

Shut up, Beavis.

You're beginning to piss me off.

They need to learn how to
hold the damn camera still.

Yeah, really.

I'm sick of videos.

It's like, they have like,
all this fast camera crap.

And then it's like, they show some--
Whoa! Look what those chicks are doing!

Where? Where?

Where, Butt-Head?

It's gone now, Beavis. You missed it.

Maybe they'll show it
again. That would be cool.

It looked cool.

But it's like...

if they'd show that, like, the whole
time, then it would be pretty cool.

It's like, why don't they
just, like,

take the good part of the video and
then, like,

- make it longer.
- Whoa! Look at that!

It's two chicks making out! Look!

- They must be, like...
- Waitwaitwait, is she naked?

This video is turning out to be very cool!

They must be, like,
some of those "libyans".

Libyans are cool!

That was cool.