05x10 - Walking Erect

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, boner watch. [chuckles]

This is gonna be cool. [chuckles]

- Yeah.

Morning wood. [chuckles]

- I saw a dog with morning wood once.

[both chuckling]

- So, like, when you say you saw a dog with morning wood,

do you mean, like, you had a Woodrow,

or the dog did?

- Um, we both did. I think.

[both chuckling]

- Check this out.

Uh, do you have any horses?

[both chuckling]

- No, we only have wild animals here.

- Uh, how about, like, really big dogs?

[both chuckling]

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

- Wild animals only.

- So, like, do you have any, uh, woodpeckers?

[both chuckling]

Woodpeckers.

- Why don't you kids go annoy the animals or something?

[both chuckling]

- Wood. [chuckles]

Pecker.

[both chuckling]

[Alice in Chains' "I Stay Away"]

♪ ♪

Um, um, is this Alice in Chains?

- Uh, yeah. - Wow.

Boy, they sure look different.

- Uh, maybe it's 'cause they had to, like,

you know, clean themselves up, you know,

'cause it's a slow song.

- Yeah, I'll buy that.

- ♪ Act crazy ♪

- Hey, remember that time we went to the circus,

and we saw that clown,

and then I, like, pulled down my pants?

Whoa, check it out. I just saw a nipple.

Butt-Head, look. - Where?

- It was, like, right at the end of a boob.

- Beavis, that's just a puppet nipple.

- Uh, no, it wasn't. What do you mean?

- That's just, like, a chick made out of clay, Beavis.

- Um, oh, yeah, yeah, but she had a nipple on it.

- Beavis, I could go get some clay now

and make a boob with a nipple on it.

So what?

- Um, wait a minute. Do you have some clay?

[both chuckling]

- No. - Damn.

[both chuckling]

Next time they have those clay projects in school,

I'm gonna make a big boob. Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] Maybe a but too.

- Yeah.

Last time, you just made an ashtray.

[chuckles] It sucked.

- [chuckles] Oh, yeah.

Well, you made a baseball.

- Oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

Then the teacher called me a lazy turd.

- Oh, yeah, so then you made that.

- Yeah, but not out of clay.

[both chuckling]

- Which is so long

that the elephant uses it to feed himself.

[both chuckling]

- That would be cool. - Yeah.

[both chuckling]

But I don't see it. Where is it? Where?

- Uh, his nose is, like, in the way.

[chuckles]

- Are there any questions back there?

- [chuckling]

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, um,

who has the biggest, uh, you know, thingy?

- Uh, what do you mean?

- He means, like, which animals have the biggest thingies?

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, that too.

- Well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by thingies.

Giraffes do have very long necks.

Unfortunately, our giraffe is laid up

with a pulled groin muscle.

[both chuckling]

- She said long. - Yeah.

- Yes, well, next on our tour is a gorilla.

This animal's natural habitat

is the jungles of Central Africa,

and his diet includes--

- Uh, when he's bad or something,

do you ever, like, have to spank your monkey?

[both chuckling]

- No, we don't permit any v*olence

towards any of our animals.

As I was saying, the gorilla's diet includes--

- Uh, because Beavis would be happy

to spank his monkey.

- Shut up, dillweed! - Ugh!

- Ah! - Buttwipe.

- Hey, hey, ah, ah!

- Gentlemen, if you can't behave yourselves,

I'll have to ask you to leave the tour.

- Uh, okay. - Yeah, okay.

[chuckles] No problem.

Ah! [chuckles]

- The female zebra's reluctance to mate

is difficult to comprehend since the male of the species

is extremely well-endowed, as you can see.

- Whoa! [laughter]

- Tours suck. - Yeah.

[both chuckling]

They never talk about anything cool.

- All these animals must have been, like,

sprayed or something.

- Yeah, yeah, and then someone, like, cut their wieners off

and their nads too, yeah. [chuckles]

- This zoo sucks.

[chuckles]

Let's get out of here.

- Yeah, really. [chuckles]

- Whoa. [chuckles]

Snakes.

[chuckles] - Yeah, cool.

[chuckles]

Whoa, are they gonna show a movie?

- We're in the snake home, fartknocker.

[chuckles]

They have to keep it dark 'cause of the snakes.

It, like, makes 'em scarier or something.

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

- Cool, there's, like, snakes everywhere.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

- You know, I bet, like, lots of chicks

get real, uh, excited in this place.

[chuckles]

Especially if a snake, like,

escapes from its cage or something.

- [chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

They get all excited and go,

"Snake, snake, snake!"

- Did he say a snake escaped? - Yeah.

- Escaped snake. Oh, my God, where?

Help, help, snake! - [screaming]

- Ooh, an escaped snake. - Snake?

[both chuckling]

- Snake, oh, my God, snake. - Ah, ah!

- Ah, there's a snake! - A snake!

- Snake, we're gonna die! [screams]

- Ah, ah! - [screaming]

We're gonna die!

[Pride & Glory's "Losin' Your Mind"]

Yeah! - Yeah.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

- That old dude gets a pretty good sound

out of that banjo. - Yeah, he rocks.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ Woke up early this morning ♪

- Uh, is this Skynyrd?

- Um, yeah, no, wait.

Hey, Butt-Head, that's that guy

from that Ozzy video. - Uh, what Ozzy video?

- Um, it's that Ozzy video with that chick.

- Oh, yeah, that one.

- The one, um, with that chick that's, like,

that's drowning in all those, uh, tears...

- Mm-hmm.

- And, like, and, like, he's got that guitar,

and he goes... [hums melody]

Remember that?

[both chuckling]

- Oh, yeah, that was cool.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ But you're too far gone ♪

♪ Now you're just losin' your mind ♪

- That old dude should start his own band.

- Yeah, yeah, it's like-- it's like they could rock out,

and it's like they could go fishing.

- Yeah, fishing is cool.

- Yeah, yeah.

I like going fishing with worms

'cause it's like you take the worm,

and you put that worm blower in it,

and you blow up its butt. [chuckles]

- What are you talking about, Beavis?

- You know, you get, like, a little pump,

and you stick 'em up the worm's butt.

You know what I'm talking about.

- Uh, no I don't, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah, it's like it makes them float or something.

Yeah.

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

- Yeah, yeah!

- ♪ You're just losin' your mind ♪

- Huh? - Uh...

- Ah, there's a snake! - Help!

- A snake, we're gonna die! [screaming]

- [screaming] - We're gonna die!

Snake! - Ugh.

Ugh, ah, ugh. - Oh, ah!

- Ugh, I got him!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too!

I got him! I got him!

- Don't let go, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah, I got him good.

He's not that big. - Yeah.

[chuckles]

It's a pretty small snake.

- [screaming] Help!

- Snake!

- Hit the lights! - Quick, turn on the lights!

- Ugh, ugh! - [screams]

- What the hell?

- I thought you had him, dumbass.

- You said you had him, butthole.

- Uh, I think he, like, escaped or something.

- Yeah, yeah, he got away. We had him, though, yeah.

[The BC-'s "[Meet] The Flintstones"]

- Yabba dabba doo!

♪ ♪

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones ♪

- Uh, meet the Flintstones?

- Yeah, yeah, hi.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Please say hello to my butt. - Yeah.

[chuckles] My butt rocks.

[chuckles]

- My rock butt.

[both chuckling]

♪ ♪

- This isn't "The Flintstones."

This is "Roseanne" - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's Roseanne, see?

- That was Butts-Anne. [chuckles]

- Oh, yeah.

Hey, Butt-Head, was this what the stone age was really like?

- No, it was more like "Jurassic Park."

[chuckles]

- Yeah, the special effects were better back then.

This is, like, intac-- incack--

inca--inaccur-- "incaccurate."

Yeah. [both chuckling]

It sucks is what I'm trying to say.

- Yeah, if these were real cavemen,

they'd, like, have long hair and beards,

and they'd be, like, sniffing each other's butts

and, like, beating each other up with rocks

and, like, pulling women around by their hair.

- Really? [chuckles]

Hey, Butt-Head, I bet my uncle Louie is a caveman.

- Oh, yeah.

- Do cavemen, like, have cars up on blocks

in their front lawn? - Uh, I think so.

- Yeah, yeah, that's him. He's a caveman.

Yeah, I didn't know that.

[both chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪