05x16 - Stewart Moves Away

[bunniefuu]

[Beavis and Butt-Head chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[Butt-head grunts]

- [chuckles]

I'm gonna kick Stewart's ass.

- [grunts] Yeah.

I can't believe he moved the Hide-A-Key.

[thud] [grumbles]

[TV static drones] - Warning.

The following feature presentation is not rated.

It contains scenes of full-frontal nudity

and extreme v*olence.

Viewer discretion is advised.

- Yes! - Yes! Yes!

[both chuckle]

- Discretion is cool.

- Pay-per-view rules. [thudding at door]

It rules. [chortles]

[thud, crash]

- Whoa. [chuckles]

Who are you guys?

- We're the damn moving men.

Who the hell are you?

- Uh, we're, like,

these dudes that Stewart knows. [snickers]

- Yeah?

Well, he don't live here no more.

- Yeah, yeah, GWAR!

- Cool. - Yeah, yeah, all right.

[both chuckle] Yeah.

Whoa, GWAR has horns now?

- Yeah, they taught the sex slaves to play horns.

- Yeah, yeah. [both snicker]

- It's like, Balsac told 'em, "Throwing blood and urine

"in the audience isn't enough.

You guys need to learn to play something."

- Yeah, yeah, really.

[both chuckle]

♪ ♪

- I heard that one time this kid had, like, a seizure

at a GWAR concert and that singer dude

told everybody not to help him.

- Really? - Yeah.

[both snicker]

- Uh-oh.

[both chuckle]

It's happening.

[grunting and groaning]

- I'm not gonna help you.

Oderus Urungus would want it that way.

- Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, Butt-Head. [both snicker]

- ♪ They were the ones who could rise with the sun ♪

♪ As they lived with their planes ♪

♪ And they died and they died ♪

♪ And they died ♪ - Whoa, check it out.

♪ He died and he died and he died ♪

♪ And he died and he died ♪

♪ And he died and he died and he died and he died ♪

[thud] Ahh!

[both chuckle]

Oh, thanks, Butt-Head. I was stuck.

Um. Whoa, cool!

Look at that giant worm thing, Butt-Head.

- It's like that worm eats up really hot chicks

and then it, like, takes a dump.

- Yeah, yeah.

Now that's a damn good show right there.

[both chuckle] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They shall drown in their own blood.

- The streets will flow with the blood

of the non-believers.

- The mother of all wars has begun.

[both chuckle]

- That would be cool if they had, like,

a GWAR marching band. Beavis: Mm-hmm.

- And if, like, they could form a big wiener.

Beavis: Yeah. - And then they could, like,

spray sl*ve urine into the crowd.

- Yeah, yeah. That would be cool.

[both snicker]

You know what would be cool, too,

is if, like, they sprayed sl*ve urine

on, like, helpless people.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Up your butt with people.

[both snicker]

- ♪ If you survive what falls out of his mind ♪

♪ You'll make the political world ♪

♪ World, world, world ♪

[moaning]

- Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head, a naked chick.

Yeah!

- Cool. [chuckles]

- Maybe you didn't hear me.

Your little pal moved away, so get the hell out.

- Come on, get out of the way. There's a naked chick.

Yeah.

- Yeah, butt-munch.

- I said get out.

- [chuckles]

These guys are cool.

- Yeah.

[both chuckle]

- Hmm.

His and her Barcaloungers.

Might be worth something.

- Check it out, Harlan.

It's one of them smoking devices.

[both laugh]

- Uh, that's Stewart's chemistry set.

- Yeah, I can show you how to melt the carpet with it.

- Oops.

[both laugh]

- I thought moving men aren't supposed to break stuff.

- Listen here, punk, we don't have

any use for this kind of crap.

We just want the good stuff.

- See? Crap.

[both chuckle]

- These are the coolest dudes I've ever met.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Me too.

- On the other hand, this TV, for example,

see, I could get maybe bucks for this baby.

- Uh, Harlan, buddy.

- Um...

tell you what, boys,

you help us locate the quality merchandise

around this dump,

maybe you can be movers like us someday.

- We want to be the kind of movers

that take the cool stuff.

- Yeah, and then, like, take all the crap

and break it, break it, break it!

Yeah. [snickers]

- You boys are quick learners.

- There's usually cool stuff in here.

- Whoa, here's one!

[snickers] Yeah.

- Check it out.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. Her boobs aren't too big.

But when she wears this--

- Damn it, quit screwing around.

- Let me explain, boys.

We're looking for anything maybe hidden or secret.

You know, like nobody knows about it.

- Uh, I know.

Hey, Beavis.

[whispering] Know where he's got those things

with lots of big hooters? [both chuckle]

- Oh, yeah.

[snickering]

- Keep going, boys.

You're bound to find something cool.

- Here it is, dudes.

- Yeah.

Stewart's dad's dirty magazines.

[snickers] Yeah.

- We've torn out all the pages with butts on 'em,

but there's still plenty of good boobs left.

- Yeah. [both chuckle]

- Yo, Harlan, we gotta hit the road, man.

- Thanks, anyway, boys.

Maybe next time.

- Hey, wait.

So, like, when do we get to be movers?

- Yeah, like when do we get to break stuff?

[chuckles]

- Well, yeah, why don't you boys practice breaking stuff

around the house?

But we gotta be moving on.

- Someday, Beavis, that will be us.

- Yeah.

Cool. [snickers]

[engine sputters] [men laughing]

- Uh, well, we better get started breaking stuff.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

We need to practice. [shattering]

[thudding] Yeah, yeah!

Break it! Break it! [shatters]

[Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy"]

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- I heard this dude, like, did this whole song

just by, like, whistling and singing

and slapping his butt and stuff.

- Whoa, really? [chuckling]

I think I'm gonna try that. - Yeah.

- ♪ Here's a little song I wrote ♪

- So am I. [chuckles]

[grunts] - Ahh!

Cut it out, Butt-Head.

- ♪ Don't worry ♪

[both chuckle]

♪ Be happy ♪

♪ ♪

- Don't worry, Beavis. Be happy.

- Shut up, Butt-Head. I'm not worried.

[both snicker] - Oh, yeah?

Does this worry you?

[grunt, thud] - Ahh!

Cut it out, Butt-Head!

I'm gonna play drums on your nads with my foot!

- I'd like to see you try, butt-knocker.

- Don't call me that, Butt-Head!

[whack] - Ahh!

I'm gonna play drums on your face, butt knocker.

- Shut up, Butt-Head! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Cut it out! - Butt-knocker!

- Cut it out! - Butt-knocker!

[grunting, whacking] - Ahh!

Shut up! Shut up!

[thudding, groaning]

- Okay, the fight's over. I won.

- No, you didn't, Butt-Head. I won.

[both chortle]

- Dumbass. - Yeah.

- ♪ Make a smile, don't worry ♪

♪ ♪

- Whoa, check it out. It's Mrs. Doubtfire.

- Oh, yeah.

[both chuckle]

- I don't think that guy is very funny.

- Yeah.

It's like, he tries to talk really fast

so you won't notice that he's not very funny.

- Yeah, yeah.

I think he was, like, funny like a long time ago,

like, but it was, like, really fast.

- Uh...

okay. [both snicker]

[whack] - Ahh!

[clattering]

- Uh, well, I guess that's everything.

- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Yeah, let's, like, break everything again.

Yeah. [chuckles]

- Uh, they're back. [chuckles]

- Yeah, I bet they'd hire us.

- Yeah.

We did a good job.

[chuckles]

[both gasp] - Holy--

- Oh, dear!

- [snickers]

How's it going?

- Beavis?

Butt-Head?

What happened?

Where's the couch?

Where's the TV?

- Uh, the movers took it, dude.

- Oh!

Movers? You idiots!

We've been robbed!

- Robbed? [chuckles]

We were here all day. We didn't see any robbers.

- You guys are in big trouble.

- Whose dirty magazine is this?

"Wet Hooters?"

- Uh, uh, I--

hell, I don't know.

Stewart?

- Hey, Butt-Head, how come Stewart's dad's so pissed?

- Uh, I don't know.

Maybe their new house sucked even worse than this one.

- Yeah.

We got robbed! We got robbed!

[both snicker]

- You little twerp! - Wait!

- Yeah. - Idiot!

- But--but-- - What a dork.

[both chuckling]]

[Dinosaur Jr.'s "Feel the Pain"]

- All right, golf! Yeah.

I'm up for this. [both chuckle]

- Yeah.

- All right. Yeah.

[both chuckle]

- Yeah, check this out.

[quietly] He's teeing off.

He's using his woody.

- Um, he's trying to get a bung-hole-in-one.

[both snicker]

- We see some dork riding a tricycle

down the street. - Yeah, yeah.

[both chuckle]

- He's in the rough.

- Whoa, look, a fight!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hit him!

- [chuckles]

- If they had fights in golf, maybe it would be cool.

- Yeah, yeah, then maybe I'd watch it.

- You watch golf all the time, Beavis.

- Um, oh, yeah. Yeah.

[snickers]

Golf is cool. [both snicker]

- Check this out.

It looks like he's gonna use his -iron

to smash the big, fat dead guy's face in.

- That's right, Butt-Head.

I think what he's planning on doing

is smashing his glasses in

and shoving the -iron up his bung hole.

[both chuckle]

- It looks straight.

Ooh, he's in the water.

And it'll cost him a stroke.

- That's right, Butt-Head. Oh, I don't believe it.

He's gonna actually try to-- it looks like it's gonna, um--

gonna go, um--

- You can't do it, Beavis.

Shut up. - Shut up, Butt-Head.

You weren't that good.

- You're not good at anything. [chuckles]

- Check this out. That's right, Butt-Head.

That's gonna cost him two strokes.

He's probably gonna--um.

Damn it! Damn it!

- See, Beavis, you can't do it.

[both snicker]

Beavis is a complete wuss

and he's not good at anything.

[both snicker]

His mom is a slut.

[both snickering]

♪ ♪

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪