05x33 - Skin Trade

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

[both laugh]

- People are stupid for throwing this stuff out.

- Yeah.

What a bunch of dumbasses.

[bang]

- Cool.

[chuckles]

What is it?

- Whatever it is, it stinks, Beavis.

- It does?

[sniffs]

Oh, yeah.

What should we do with it?

- Uh, we could, like, take a leak on it.

That would be cool.

- Damn it.

I just took a leak on some dog turds.

Damn it.

Um, maybe we could keep it like a pet.

- Beavis, you ass-munch.

It's dead.

- Yeah, it's pretty cool.

- Uh, I know. Let's sell the fur.

Then we can buy something cool.

- Yeah. Yeah.

That would be cool, yeah.

- [laughs] [upbeat rock music]

Uh, this sucks. Uh. - Yeah, really.

- ♪ Must have been a perfect disaster ♪

- Uh, all right, who's the lead singer here?

- Yeah, come on.

Let's get this crap straightened out

before we sh**t the video.

- Keep an eye on that dude.

He's got his hands in his pants.

- Yeah, yeah. Where's that guy goin'?

What's he doin' back there? - [laughs]

Is that Elton John?

- Yeah, yeah, it is. That's him.

That's him all right.

- Yep, and that's his dad,

and, like, his whole family too.

- Oh, yeah.

- Check it out. I can read sign language.

Will Beavis ever score?

And the answer is...

"My sources say no."

[guffaws]

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

- You're never gonna score.

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

Those eight balls aren't accurate.

She didn't shake it enough either.

- Yeah right. [laughs]

Damn it, if I see one of these pictures

of water in a video again, I'm gonna smack somebody.

- Yeah, it's like they put that in every damn video.

You really should smack somebody, Butt-Head.

- Uh, okay.

- Aah! Cut it out, Butt-Head.

- [chuckling] - I didn't put the water

in the damn video.

- [chortles]

Well, you probably would have

if you had, like, gone to video college or something.

- Oh. - But now thanks to me,

you never will.

- [laughs] Thanks, Butt-Head, yeah.

- Uh, you wanna buy some fur?

- What do you think?

- Uh, I think you do.

- Yeah, yeah.

And don't try to gyp us,

and don't waste our time unless you're serious.

This is real fur.

I'll give it to you for some nachos.

- Check it out. Chicks go nuts for this crap.

You might score. - Yeah, yeah.

Um, we'll take nachos, you know, some rocket pops.

- Look, here's the nachos.

Now get that damn thing outta here.

- Cool.

This animal is, like, good luck.

- Yeah, maybe they'll buy it at the mall.

[chuckles]

- Hey, Butt-Head, if we were, like, dead,

and an animal found us,

do you think he'd try to, like, sell our fur?

- Don't be stupid, Beavis.

He'd probably just sniff our butts.

- Oh, yeah. Really?

- Yeah.

[chortles]

- Can I help you?

- Uh, we got, like, some fur.

- Yeah, we'll sell it to you for, like, $.

[laughs] - Yeah.

And it's worth at least half that.

- Sorry, boys, but we don't sell real fur anymore.

Tell you what, I'll give you a buck

and I'll dispose of this poor thing properly.

- Uh, that's a pretty good deal.

- No way, he's worth more than that.

Just look at him.

- Uh, what if he gave us, like, five dollars?

- Um, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah.

- Uh, we'll take five dollars.

And that's, like, our final offer or something.

- Five dollars?

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

And take your smelly little creature with you.

- Uh, okay.

Come on, Beavis.

- Oh, yeah? Well, you suck.

And your sucky store sucks!

[laughs] You don't know what good fur is.

I'ma tell everybody that you don't sell real fur here!

They don't sell real fur here!

They don't sell real fur here! You suck!

- [laughs]

- Um, I don't understand.

How come nobody wants our fur?

- Uh, I don't know.

It's like that saying.

Don't look a dead horse in the mouth.

- Um, I don't think

this is a horse, Butt-Head.

- What are you doing, Beavis?

- [laughs] Now I have a fur hat.

Like Davy Crockett. Yeah.

- Cool.

I bet you could, like, pick up chicks with that hat.

Unless, like, they didn't like animals or something.

- [laughs] Yeah.

- Hey, baby, check out his fur.

- Ew, that's gross.

- Yeah, it's a dead animal.

- Not anymore, though.

Now he's a hat. [laughs] Yeah.

- So, like, how 'bout it?

- Yuck, it's so disgusting.

- No way.

He's good luck.

- Well, if you really like something,

you have to set it free.

And if it comes back to you, it's yours.

- And if it wasn't, then, like, it never was yours.

- Yeah, that's why we have to go now.

- Oh, yeah, so, uh,

I guess we'll see ya when you come back to us.

- Wow. [both laugh]

You're pretty smooth, Butt-Head.

- Well, you heard her, dude.

Set it free.

- Um, um, you can go if you want.

Yeah. [laughs]

- Uh, I guess it's like we go away,

and then, like, if we come back and it's still here,

then it's ours.

- Oh, yeah.

- I'm back. [sniggling]

He's really mine.

I mean, ours. [laughs] Yeah.

- ♪ The Plant Man knows that the plants will grow ♪

♪ The Plant Man knows that the plants will grow ♪

- Um, um, is this Robert Plant?

- Uh, "Plant Man"?

- ♪ Plant Man ♪

- What's that? - Oh, check it out, Butt-Head!

That's that thing I always play on the drums.

I can play that, yeah.

- ♪ Plant Man ♪ - [vocalizing]

- Yeah. - ♪ Plant Man ♪

- That's probably the only thing this guy can play.

And it's like he brings his friends over

and goes, "Hey, check this out."

[vocalizing]

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, really.

[chuckles]

♪ The Plant Man knows... ♪ - He's probably,

like, one of those rich kids,

like his parents bought him a guitar,

and he couldn't play that either.

- Yeah, yeah. Like he said,

"Well, maybe if I get a really cool suit,

then that'll help."

- ♪ Plant Man ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The Plant Man knows... ♪ - Damn it.

- This Nickelodeon crap has gone too far.

[both laugh]

♪ And the plants will know♪

- Hey, Butt-Head.

- [chortles]

- Hey, I just thought of something.

Who do you think would win in a fight

between Plant Man and Spoon Man?

- Uh, I think Spoon Man would win

'cause he's, like, a bum,

and he could, like, beat his head with spoons.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I just thought of something else.

- How come you keep doing that, Beavis?

- Doing what?

- That thing where you go "Hey."

[laughs] - Um, I don't know.

It just kind of feels good. Hey, how's it goin'?

- ♪ Plant Man ♪ - Hey.

- Uh, hey, this does feel pretty good.

- Yeah, yeah, hey.

♪ Plant Man ♪ - Hey.

- It just feels good, yeah.

Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

[chuckles]

- Um, those chicks haven't come back yet, right?

- Uh, not yet.

- Um, so, um, I guess that means, like,

they were never ours to begin with.

- Damn it, Beavis.

If there's one thing I know it's chicks.

They'll be back.

They're just, like, playing hard to get or something.

- Oh, yeah.

[chortles] Hard to get, yeah.

Go get it, Lucky. [both laugh]

- You dumbass.

It's dead. It can't fetch.

- [chuckles] Yeah, it can.

Check it out.

[grunts] Go get it, boy.

[laughs] Yeah, see? - [chortling]

[grunting]

This is fun.

[upbeat rock music]

Yeah.

Oh, check it out, it's Cousin It.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[speaking gibberish]

[sniggling] - [guffaws]

- ♪ Magniloquent, bleeding dark ♪

- Whoa, what are they doing to that guy?

- Uh, maybe they're welding his butt cheeks shut.

- Um, why would they do that?

- Uh, I don't know.

I think it would be cool to have a butt without a crack.

If, like, instead of having two butt cheeks,

you just have one. [both laugh]

That would rule.

- So, like, um, how would you take a dump?

- Uh, it's like you wouldn't have to take a dump anymore,

'cause, like, you know, you'd only have one butt.

- Really?

But, um, I don't know, I'd kind of miss it.

You know? [both chortle]

- ♪ In deft taints, diluted, tinted ♪

- This butt-munch sounds like Dave Mustaine.

- Yeah, really.

[speaking gibberish]

- Yeah. [laughs]

What a butt-munch.

- Oh, look, he just flipped somebody off.

- He did? - Yeah, yeah.

That's pretty cool. - Uh.

Not unless we know who he flipped off.

- Oh, yeah. [laughs]

- Maybe he flipped off that dude.

- Yeah, what is that?

- Uh, I think it's, like, a gong.

- Yeah, it's like you hit him in the head and then he goes,

"Aah!" - [chuckles]

Yeah.

Why don't they do that?

It might help the song out a little bit.

[both sniggling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪