06x20 - Buy Beer

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- Who survived now get only a frac...

[static crackles] - Do you like the taste

of cold beer?

- Damn straight. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

- Are you drunk right now?

- Um. [laughs]

- Well, you wouldn't be if you were drinking the Edge.

That's what beer drinkers drink when they're not drunk.

And you don't have to be to buy the Edge

because the Edge is % non-alcoholic.

- Whoa, cool.

- Yeah, yeah. You don't have to be .

- And the Edge gives you all the fun you expect

from a beer.

- Beavis, we gotta get some of that stuff.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna get some beer.

[both chuckle] It's really gonna happen.

[moody guitar music]

- Oh.

- Um, hey, Butt-Head, is it normal

for the inside of your bunghole to itch?

[both laughing]

- ♪ Stars ♪

- Whoa, is this video over?

- Um, yeah.

Yeah, it's over.

- Well, that was pretty cool.

I mean, it sucked, but at least it was short.

They should make 'em all this short.

- Yeah, really, then you wouldn't have

to listen to 'em as much.

What else is on?

[rhythmic rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I change my body, I'm changing... ♪

- Whoa, whoa. Check it out, Butt-Head!

I can do that. Check this out.

Okay, here we go.

[splutters] Aah!

[both sniggling]

- That's pretty good, Beavis.

You're probably gonna be like this guy when you grow up.

- Oh, really? You think so?

Yeah, that would rule. Have my own recliner,

and a TV, and some beer.

That would kick ass.

- Uh, yeah.

- You know, um, that's all you ever need, really.

Like, if I had to, I could probably live

without scoring as long as I had a chair,

and TV, and a beer.

Yeah.

- You're never gonna score, Beavis.

- I'm not saying that I'm never gonna score.

I'm just saying, you know,

if that's the way it worked out, you know,

it wouldn't be too bad.

I mean, well, no, it would suck, but, um--

but it'd be better if I had a TV and, um, some--

damn it, never mind.

- You'll be lucky to even drink a beer.

Probably won't have a chair either.

[chortles]

- This is gonna suck. [both sniggling]

[bugs trilling]

- Yeah, can I help you?

- Uh, yeah.

We're gonna buy this beer and get drunk.

- Yeah? Well, you can't buy beer unless you're .

Lemme see some ID.

- Oh, uh, well,

uh, uh, uh, uh.

We left our IDs in the truck.

Uh-huh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The truck. [muttering nonsensically]

- Oh, you guys are buying that pee water.

I guess I can sell that crap to you.

- That's right you can sell it to us.

[laughs]

We're old.

[both chuckle]

We really fooled that guy.

What a dumbass. - Yeah.

[both laugh]

Hey, he didn't give us any straws.

Butthole.

- You don't drink beer with a straw, dillweed.

- Um, shut up, bunghole.

I know how to drink beer.

- Okay, then shut up and drink, dumbass.

- Yeah.

[gags]

Aah! [gags]

- Wussy.

I'll show you how a man drinks beer.

Uh.

[shudders]

Uh, that's good beer.

- [laughs] Yes, sir.

[both laugh] Yeah.

- Check it out. We're wasted.

- Yeah, yeah!

Yep, yeah, I'm startin' to feel it.

- You know, Beavis,

it doesn't get any better than this.

[siren wails]

[indistinct radio chatter]

- Cop.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[both laugh] Cop.

- Are you boys drinkin' beer?

- Uh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're fit chased. [both chuckle]

[rambling stupidly]

- You boys look a little young.

I'm gonna have to see some identification.

- Check this out, Beavis.

You have the right to remain silent.

- Yeah, yeah.

You have the right to shut up, or I'll kick your ass!

[both laugh]

- Uh, looks like I've got two intoxicated minors here.

- Yep. - I'm gonna have to give

you boys a sobriety test.

- Uh, no way.

I'm too drunk to take a test.

- Yeah, me too, yeah.

- No, you idiot.

This is a test to see how drunk you are.

- Really? [laughs] Cool.

- Hey, Butt-Head,

I bet I'm drunker than you.

- No way.

- All right, put your cans down and stand up.

Okay, first, I want you to close your eyes,

tilt your head back, and touch your nose.

- Uh, you better not try to steal our beers.

I said, "Close your eyes and touch your nose."

- [chuckles] Yeah.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Um, I'm closing my eyes and touching my 'nads.

This is easy. - [sighs]

- [laughs] - Okay.

Now I want you to say the alphabet backwards.

Can you do that?

- Oh, uh, okay.

Uh, A,

uh, B,

uh, A?

Uh, no. Uh, what comes before B?

- Um, um, should I take

my hands off my 'nads?

I mean, um, you know,

I don't have to, you know?

I'm fine. - Yep.

You boys are definitely intoxicated.

I'm gonna have to confiscate your beverages

and bring you downtown.

- Oh, yeah, we don't wanna forget the beer.

- Yeah, I wanna knock back a few on the ride downtown.

- Wait a minute, this stuff's non-alcoholic.

- Check it out, Butt-Head.

[laughs] I'm full.

[gargling]

[both laugh]

- You guys aren't drunk. You're just stupid.

[upbeat rock music]

- Uh, who is this?

[laughs] - Um, um, his name is--

oh, I've seen this before.

Um, his name is Mike Watt.

And, um, later on he, uh, pours a bottle

of urine out the window.

So, um--so don't change it yet.

- Uh, oh, cool.

[both sniggling]

Is he peeing?

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he did. That's--yeah.

Uh, that's the name of the song.

It's called "Piss Bottle Man."

Yeah. - Uh,

that's pretty cool, I guess.

You know?

- Yeah, yeah. Why not?

♪ ♪

Um, later on this guy gets abducted by aliens.

- Cool. [laughs]

- Hey, Butt-Head, do you believe in aliens?

- Uh, I believe in illegal aliens.

- Yeah, yeah.

I believe in Mexicans.

- Shut up, Beavis.

You're supposed to call 'em "His-Spandex."

[chortles] - Yeah, okay, okay.

I'm sorry.

You know what would be funny?

If he changed his name, you know?

Instead of Mike Watt, he changed his last name

to Hunt, you know what I'm saying?

- Uh, why would that be funny?

- Um, you know, um, you know, I don't know, actually.

[both laugh]

- Dumbass.

[both sniggling]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[engine turns over]

- [chortles]

- We're not drunk?

This sucks.

- You know, I knew we weren't drunk, though,

'cause, you know, I've been drunk before.

- No, you haven't, dillweed.

- Yes, I have.

Once time I, like, went around and, like, found a bunch

of empty bottles, you know, and, like, drank the stuff

at the bottom.

It was cool.

- Hey, Beavis, maybe we just need

to drink more to get drunk.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea, yeah.

[heavy rock music]

♪ ♪

[alternative rock music]

♪ ♪

Oh boy, I think this video has a message.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

The message is: leave.

Don't watch it.

[both chortle]

♪ ♪

- This video is, um-- it's like it's causing me

to influence my behavior, yeah.

I'm gonna leave.

I'm gonna go into the kitchen and break something.

[chuckles]

And it's all this video's fault.

[crashing]

- Yeah. [laughs]

- Ow, son of a bitch!

[grunts] - Go for it, Beavis.

- [sniggling] This is cool.

- The video still sucks. - This is cool, Butt-Head.

[dishes shattering]

[grunting] Son of a bitch.

[shrieks, laughs] Yeah.

Uh, Beavis?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Beavis! - [shouting]

- Settle down. - Yah!

You must die.

[wailing] - Uh.

Don't break the popcorn, Beavis.

- Aah, yah! [glass shattering]

Ow. - Uh.

- Aah, damn it! - Beavis?

- I cut my leg. - [chuckling]

- I cut myself.

Where are the BAND-AIDS? - Uh, they're in the bathroom.

- I'm bleeding.

Ow. - This is cool.

- Yeah, but I'm bleeding.

And it's all this video's fault.

- [chortles] [crashing, shattering]

- Yah! - [chuckles]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪