07x09 - Head Lice

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- [muttering]

- Now, if we multiply both sides of the equation

by x, we have an exponent of .

Now-- - [loud muttering]

- What in the hell is that noise?

Beavis and Butt-Head, what in the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, my God.

You two little turds have got lice.

- Uh, huh?

- What?

- Bugs! You've got bugs in your hair!

- You mean, like, daddy longlegs and worms

and centipedes?

- No, idiot.

I mean scalp-biting, bloodsucking,

disease-carrying parasites!

- Cool.

- [muttering]

- Yep, you boys have the worst case of head lice

I've ever seen.

- "Head."

- Yeah.

- We've got bugs in our hair.

- Yeah.

[as Cornholio] Do you have any tsetse flies?

Tsetse.

- Well, these lice are pretty disgusting.

Here, I'll show you what they really look like.

Take a look under the microscope.

- Um, I don't see any bugs.

- Yeah.

- Just look into the little hole.

[both chuckling]

- Put your eye there!

- Uh, oh.

- Oh, yeah.

Ah.

[chuckling]

Hey, Butt-Head.

This one's taking a dump.

- No, no, it's laying eggs.

In fact, hundreds of them are doing that on your scalp

right now.

- Cool.

Yeah.

- Now, here's the name of a special shampoo

and a lotion for skin irritation.

- You said "foreskin."

- Yeah.

Foreskin irritation.

- And you need to make sure you wash your hair thoroughly,

clean all your clothes and sheets in hot water,

and boil your combs.

You've got to k*ll every one of those little bugs,

or you'll never get rid of them.

- Yeah, yeah!

And k*ll them!

- Yeah.

This is going to be cool.

- Yeah.

[chuckling]

Hey, Butt-Head.

What does that note say?

- Uh, I think we have to, like, buy

a subscription to a special shampoo or something.

- No way!

I'm not going to spend money on shampoo.

- Yeah.

Let's k*ll these bugs the old-fashioned way.

- Yeah.

[objects clattering]

[both chuckling]

- Ow!

What the hell are you doing, asswipe?

- I'm kicking a bug's ass! Yeah!

- Ugh! - Yeah.

- Ow!

I'm going to kick your ass, fartknocker!

[grunts] - Ow!

[grunting]

Ow.

- Now, get up.

We got to, like, use an infesticide.

Now, hold still, buttmunch.

[spray hissing]

- [coughing]

Um, hey, Butt-Head.

This stuff isn't working.

[coughs]

We need to, like, try something else.

- Uh, okay.

[fly buzzing]

[zap]

Hey, Beavis.

Let's electrocute them.

- Yeah.

[chuckling]

Hey, Butt-Head! Check it out.

This thing's got bug guts stuck to it.

Yeah.

- Bug zappers rule.

[zap]

- Whoa!

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that'll show you!

What about you?

You want some, too?

Come on!

Bunghole!

- Shut up and put your head in, dumbass.

- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Ow!

Ow.

[grunts]

Damn it.

Um, this, like, doesn't work on people or something.

- You dumbass.

You got to, like, open it first.

- Um, oh, yeah, yeah.

[grunting]

[zapping, both screaming]

Whoa!

[chuckling]

Hey, Butt-Head, are they dead?

[coughs]

- Uh, I think we got 'em, dude.

Um, uh, wait a minute.

Damn it.

I think I've got some more bugs on my nads.

- Uh, how'd they get there, Beavis?

- Um, I don't know.

Damn it.

- Maybe you should stick your wiener in the bug zapper.

- Um, yeah, yeah.

That's a really good idea, Butt-Head.

Yeah.

Let's get this down here.

Yeah, there we go.

Just do that.

[unzips]

[zapping, screaming]

No!

[heavy metal music]

- Dumbass. - No!

[Beastie Boys' "Sabotage"]

- Yes!

- Yeah, yeah, here it is!

- It's about time. - It's on, Butt-Head!

It's on! - Okay, Beavis.

Now, shut up.

- Oh, yeah. Okay.

I'm just going to shut my mouth and watch.

Yeah.

[vocalizing along]

Yeah! Kick this door open.

Yeah, they're going to kick some ass now.

- Beavis, you said you were going to shut up.

- Oh, oh, sorry.

I'm just going to shut up and listen.

Yeah, yeah! Kick it!

Yeah. Now, see, this guy--

this guy's going up on the roof.

And this guy doesn't know what's going to happen.

And so when they get in-- when he goes into his apartment,

they're going to b*at the living crap out of him!

Check this out. - Damn it, Beavis.

I told you to shut up.

- Okay, okay.

I'm not going to say anything.

I'm just-- I'm just going to be quiet.

I'm just going to be quiet for a while.

[chuckling]

Whoa, whoa, check this-- check this out.

Check us out. Check it out, see.

He--he's coming. He's delivering room service.

- Damn it, Beavis.

- Aah! Oh, oh, sorry.

Yeah, I forgot.

Yeah, this is exciting.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see.

Now, that's Stewart Wallace. See?

So Stewart Wallace, he plays himself.

[chuckling]

This is going to be cool when this video finally comes out.

- Uh, what are you talking about, Beavis?

- You know, when the-- when the real video

finally comes out.

- This is the video, dumbass.

- No way.

That's cool.

Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head.

See, this is Fred Kelly.

He plays Bunny. - Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, it's Nathan Wind!

See? It's Cochese!

- Cochese is cool.

- Yeah, Cochese kicks ass!

And that's the rookie, see?

See Cochese back there? - Uh-huh.

- See, the rookie, he's got a really short fuse, see?

- Oh, yeah.

- It's like, he's pretty good,

but it's like, he's got a bad temper,

and so, like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.

- Cool.

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪