07x12 - Citizens Arrest

[bunniefuu]

[snickering and farting]

[rock music]

* *

- Uh, hello. Can I, uh--

Hi, how--may I, uh....

Hey, Beavis, what's that thing we're supposed to say?

- Oh, um--

I think it's um, um...

Bunghole!

Yeah, that's it. Bunghole!

- Uh, do you want, like, some food or something?

- No, I want your money.

- Uh, will that be all for you today?

- Now, empty the drawer!

- Empty my drawers?

- I've got a g*n, idiot. This is a robbery!

- Whoa, cool.

[snickering]

Hey, Beavis, this dude says he's got a g*n.

[snickering]

- Cool.

Tell him to go home and get it!

- It's in my pants!

- Don't make me take it out!

- Yeah, yeah!

Whip it out!

- [cocks g*n] There!

Now give me some money!

- Whoa, uh...

Okay.

- Aw, damn. It's the cops!

Damn it!

- Yeah really, damn it.

It's that dumbass cop again.

He probably wants another free refill.

- All right, listen. I work here, you got it?

It's my first day, and you're training me.

Don't screw up. Remember, I got a g*n!

- Uh...

what was that g*n part again?

- Hey, fill it.

And not so much ice this time.

Do you work here?

- Watch where you're pointing that, butthole.

- What are you doing back there?

- Uh, tell 'em.

- I told you to stop that, asswipe.

- He's going to whip it out, Butt-Head.

- It's my first day on the job,

and this kid's training me. - Ugh!

Uh, could you tell this asswipe

to quit pointing his g*n at me?

- Freeze, scumbag!

Congratulations, you boys just made a citizen's arrest.

- Uh, really?

- Yeah, cool.

- Hey, Beavis.

That cop said we can just like, bust people and stuff

because we're like, citizens?

- Yeah, cool.

We're citizens now.

Citizens.

- Beware the long arm of Butt-Head.

- Yeah, beware of the long Wiener of Beavis.

[snickering]

[snickering]

- Yes?

- Uh, excuse me, sir, we're citizens.

- So? - Uh, how old are you, sir?

- What? - Yeah well, I think you're

old enough to know better.

Can you step out of the car, please?

- Why? What's this all about?

- Hey, we'll ask the questions, sir.

Uh, how much have you had to drink today, sir?

- Yeah.

You'd make it easier on us all

if you just cooperate.

- Hey, I'm going somewhere else.

- Uh...

[snickering]

- Well, everything looks secure out here.

Hey Butt-Head, let's arrest her.

[snickering]

- Yeah, she looks suspicious.

Excuse me, ma'am, is that yours?

- I don't know.

- You don't know, huh?

- Yeah, well maybe you better start remembering.

- Uh, ma'am, that wrapper didn't get there by itself,

and it's not just going to pick itself up.

So if you could just like, uh...

lean over and uh, you know.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Aren't you guys paid to clean it up?

- Ma'am, we're here to keep this store safe.

Now, we had a robbery earlier today,

and I was almost k*lled trying to protect this store.

Now, I don't know if you had anything to do with it or not,

but when I see garbage on the floor,

it tells me that people don't care.

And when people stop caring, that's when crime breeds,

and criminals take over, and--

- All right, all right, I'll pick it up.

- In society um--

- Whoa.

Cool.

- Yeah, now that's better.

Maybe you'll think about it next time.

[snickering]

- Hello?

I'd like to order.

- Book him, Beavis.

- Yeah, yeah, um, you're under arrest, sir.

- Very funny, smart-ass.

- Okay, now step out of the car, sir.

Nice and slow, move it.

Now, like, put your hands on the car and spread 'em.

- Yeah, yeah, spread 'em!

Spread 'em!

- Yeah, now whip out your schlong.

- Yeah, you're just making it

harder on yourself, pal. Come on.

- You better say something fast.

The cops are here already.

- Remember me?

- Oh, hey, how's it going?

Ow. - Ugh, hey!

- Aaah! Ow!

- Hey, you're under arrest.

[hard rock music plays]

- Hey, we're citizens!

Ahh!

["Prison Sex" by Tool plays]

- Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head.

It's an outie.

- That's not an outie, Beavis.

There's two of 'em, see? It's a nipple.

- Those aren't nipples, Butt-Head.

Look how low they are.

- No way, Beavis.

That's just 'cause she doesn't have

any legs or a butt.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

- Besides, nipples can be low.

Just look at your mom.

- Yeah, yeah, I guess they are nipples, yeah.

Woah, check out that black dude!

- Yeah.

He's going to save the day.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

* *

- Check it out, he's shaking his head.

Wake up! Wake up, h*nky!

- Yeah.

That dude's, like, saying, "Damn it, quit messing

with my head and go get my legs."

- Yeah.

[snickering]

* *

- Check it out Butt-Head, a slot.

- Yeah.

Your mother's a slot.

- That's not a moth-er, that's a bee.

- Whoa, that dude's got a pet bee.

- That's pretty cool, yeah.

If I had a bee, I'd teach it to go sting people.

It's like, sic 'em, boy, sic 'em!

Sting 'em in the butt, go!

- Yeah.

- Okay, good night, little dude.

See you tomorrow.

[rock music]

* *