07x22 - Woodshop

[bunniefuu]

- Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

[rock music]

- Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh. - Heh-heh, heh-heh.

- Heh, heh-heh, heh. - Heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

♪ ♪

[birds singing]

- So you slowly feed the board through the saw,

being extremely careful to keep your hands

at a safe distance from the blade.

- Heh-heh-heh.

Hey, Beavis. - Now, always remember

to move the wood very slowly-- - Heh-heh, we've got wood.

- And keep it against the grain.

[saw whirring]

- Whoa!

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, yeah, yeah!

Heh, yeah, [imitating saw whirring]

Heh-heh-heh.

- Okay, now remember,

these safety goggles must be worn at all times.

Now get to work.

I want those birdhouses done by Friday.

Now remember, when you put the roof on the birdhouse...

- Heh, heh-heh-heh. - Heh, heh-heh-heh-heh.

[saw whirring]

- Heh-heh. - Ha, heh-heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh.

Heh, yeah-hah-ha, heh-heh, yeah!

- Heh-heh, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

[maniacal laughter]

Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh, oh!

- Woodshop kicks ass! - Heh-heh-heh, cool, heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, yeah, heh-heh-heh.

- Let's, like, go find other stuff to saw.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, yeah, yeah.

Heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- [imitating saw whirring] - Heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh. - Hm, yeah, heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh, my turn, heh-heh, yeah.

- Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh-ho-ho, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

- Yeah, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

[glass shattering]

- Yeah, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Hey, Butt-Head, heh.

I don't know why, but, um, heh,

this is giving me a stiffy.

Heh-heh-heh. - Uh, maybe that's why

they call it woodshop.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh, yeah, yeah, heh.

Yeah, heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Heh. - Heh-heh-heh-heh.

[munching] - Ha-ha, heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh, yeah, heh-heh.

- Cool. - Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh, yeah!

Heh-heh-heh-heh. - Uh, hey, Beavis.

Help me with this, heh-heh-heh.

- Oh, yeah, heh.

- Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

[imitating saw whirring] - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh.

[grunting]

- Hey!

What the hell are you doing?

I'm going to k*ll you two idiots!

- Heh, heh-heh-heh. - Heh, okay, heh-heh-heh.

- Heh-heh, heh-heh.

- Yeah, heh-heh, oh.

[heartbeat pounding] Ha-ha-ha, oh, heh-heh-heh.

Oh-ho-ho, ha-ha-ha.

[ominous synths] Heh, oh-ho-ho, heh-heh-heh.

[screams]

- Both of you are going to fail this class

if you don't quit goofing off.

- [screams]

- Heh-heh, heh. - Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh. - Cool, heh-heh-heh.

- But--[screams]

Ow!

Heh-heh-heh, yeah, heh-heh, yeah, ow!

- Heh-heh-heh-heh. - Oh, my God, no!

- Ow, oh! - Put--put pressure on the cut!

Get a tourniquet!

- Heh-heh-heh. - [yells]

Heh-heh-heh. - Dear God,

where's that first aid kit? - [screams]

- "Ah, Dear God, where's the first aid kit?"

- Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh.

[tense music] - I'm gonna call an ambulance!

Damn it, where's the phone? - Heh-heh, heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Uh, heh-heh, it's right over here, sir.

- months without an accident--oh!

- Heh, yeah, heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Ah, ow!

[screams]

- Heh-heh-heh. - Heh.

Ugh, damn it, this hurts. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh.

- Heh, ow, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

Hey, Beavis, pull my finger.

Heh-heh-heh, uh, I mean your finger.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh.

Shut up, Butt-Head!

Heh, ow. - Heh-heh-heh.

- I called the ambulance.

It should be here very soon.

Meanwhile, I'll need you to put

the severed finger in some ice, okay?

- Ow, heh-heh-heh.

- Oh, my.

- Heh-heh-heh.

I gave her the finger.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh, oh, yeah, heh-heh-heh.

Ow, heh, ow, heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Now be careful with the finger.

It needs to remain completely sterile.

I'll get you some painkillers now.

- Heh-heh-heh, ow. - Yeah, I could use some.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh, ow, heh.

- Uh, heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh, hey, hey!

Hey, what are you doing?

Leave my finger alone!

Cut it out, Butt-Head!

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh, heh.

[sniffing]

Uh, your finger smells funny, Beavis.

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh, really?

Heh-heh-heh. - What were you doing with it?

- [grunting]

I don't know.

Heh, ow. - [sniffing]

[siren wailing]

Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

- Luckily, we were able to reattach your finger.

- Mm-hmm, heh-heh. - You almost lost it forever.

- Yeah. - Now remember,

you're not to use that finger

under any circumstances whatsoever

for the next to weeks. - Yeah, yeah, heh.

- Yep, you are very lucky. - [grunting]

- Now I'm going to give you a prescription for--

- [screams]

- Oh, God!

[heavy metal music] - Heh-heh-heh.

Heh-heh-heh. - [screaming]

- Heh-heh-heh, dumbass.

Heh-heh-heh. - Ow, ow, oh!

Heh-heh-heh, ow, ow, heh-heh.

[Sugarhead's "Sold My Fortune" plays]

- Yeah, yeah!

♪ Da dun, da da dun dun ♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Heh-heh.

- Heh-heh-heh, yeah, heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Ooh, ooh, you see that?

Chicks lying all over each other?

Yeah, heh-heh. - Yeah, heh-heh-heh.

- Fight, fight, heh-heh.

- Whoa, heh-heh-heh. - Check this out, Butt-Head.

It's like, it starts out pretty cool,

and then it's like, starts rocking more and more.

Watch, watch, check it out, here it comes, heh.

- Uh, okay, heh-heh-heh. - Check it out.

Wait, it--yeah, it's right here, it's right here,

here it comes. - Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.

- ♪ Da da, da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da da, da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da da, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da da, da-da-da-da ♪

- Uh. - See? Heh-heh.

I get the point, Beavis. - ♪ Da da, da-da-da-da ♪

- Heh-heh-heh. - ♪ Da da ♪, heh.

- Now will you shut up so I can hear it?

Heh-heh-heh. - Yeah.

Heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- ♪ Sold my fortune ♪

- Yeah, yeah, ♪ Sold my fo-chun ♪

Heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

- Um, hey, Butt-Head, what's a fo-chun?

Heh. - Uh, I think that's, like,

one of those beds that, like, folds into a couch?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, those things, yeah, heh-heh.

So, like, um, heh, how come he sold it?

Heh-heh. - 'Cause he probably got, like,

a big bed, so he didn't need it anymore.

Heh-heh-heh. - Oh, yeah, heh.

Maybe he got tired of, like, people, like,

just crashing in his house and sleeping on it,

and so it's like, so he sold it,

and then it's like, he wrote a cool song about it.

Heh-heh-heh.

♪ Sold my fo-chun ♪

Heh-heh-heh. - Yeah, heh-heh-heh.

And then he had a bunch of fights happen in the video.

Heh-heh-heh. - Yeah, yeah, come on,

you want to do something about it?

You think you're bad?

Come on, let's go, come on, right now!

- Beavis, heh-heh, I don't think there's

anybody on TV that you could kick ass on.

Except for, like, maybe Urkel.

Heh-heh-heh. - Um, heh,

I don't know, Butt-Head.

Urkel's pretty big now.

He's, like, '" or something.

Heh, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. - Heh-heh-heh.

♪ ♪