07x23 - T.V. v*olence

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

- A little to the right.

No, the right.

Up a little.

There, yes.

Oh, the picture is perfect.

Keep it right there.

- Hi, guys. Check it out.

My dad bought us a new satellite dish.

I'm going to be able to watch channels.

- Uh, you mean like on TV?

- Yeah. It's so cool.

- channels.

[chuckling]

- Finally, a chance to hang out together.

This is cool, huh, guys?

- Shut up, Stewart.

We're trying to watch TV.

- Yeah, yeah.

Just keep it shut.

- Now, back to "Night of the Comatose

Decapitated Undead, Part ."

[woman screaming]

- Whoa.

- Yeah, yeah.

[imitates chainsaw]

- TV v*olence rules.

- Uh, wait a minute, guys.

I don't think my mom would--

- What are you boys watching?

- Hey, hey, hey! - Uh, hey.

- Hey!

- Get out of the way, damn it.

- Sorry, boys.

But as Stewart's mother, I need to protect him

from the media's glamorous portrayals of v*olence.

There, that's better.

Why don't you watch baseball?

- Oh.

[ballpark organ music]

- There's the windup. And the pitch.

[thudding]

Oh, my God!

He beaned the batter right in the nut.

- Nads, yeah, the nads.

- I think he got him in the testicle.

Wait, the batter's rushing the pitcher's mound.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, fight.

Fight, fight!

Come on.

- This is a pretty good game.

- Hit him! Get the bat.

- Stewart, dear, please change the channel.

- Sorry, guys.

- Damn it.

What the hell is your mom's problem, Stewart?

- Yeah.

Your mom sucks.

- This next story contains scenes of graphic v*olence

that may not be appropriate for some viewers.

- Whoa. - Ah.

- Cool.

- Yeah. - That's right.

This story is full of extreme graphic v*olence.

I repeat, you may not want your children

watching this shocking, violent exclusive

eyewitness news report.

- Whoa. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, cool.

- ♪ I'm so glad we love each other ♪

- Ah! Hey, no. - Ugh!

- I'm sorry, boys, but I've really

got to put my foot down.

You see, I'm a mother, and it's my job

to eliminate bad influences from my little boy's life.

- Eh. - You'd be amazed

at how damaging v*olence

can be to Stewart's psyche.

Why, his father took him to a PG- movie,

and the poor boy had nightmares for a week.

So please, let's keep the TV tuned

to children's programming, okay?

- Super-dee-duper!

Oh, boy.

I'm so glad we love each other.

- Damn it, this wussy crap is pissing me off.

Come on. Come on. Get violent. Yeah.

I want to see some v*olence.

- Beavis, you dumbass.

It's just a kids' show.

Here, I'll find something violent.

- No, wait, I want to do it.

Give me that, you son of a bitch.

- Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna shove this

remote control right up your butt.

- Mom!

- Damn it.

This no-v*olence crap is starting to piss me off.

- Yeah, really.

What's the point of having channels

if you aren't gonna watch anything cool?

- I'm going to talk to your father

about returning that satellite dish as soon as he comes home.

All those channels do is promote v*olence.

- Whoa, look. He's got a Kn*fe.

I bet we're gonna see some v*olence.

Ah!

- It's a cooking show, dumbass.

He's just gonna, like, cut food with it.

- Ah, damn it, Butt-Head!

Change it back, or I swear I'll rip your bunghole off.

I'm gonna kick you in the nads.

- These baby rabbits will spend a full year

by their mother's side, that is,

unless this hungry wolf finds them first.

[howling]

- Whoa.

Wait a minute. - Yeah.

[growling] Yeah, yeah.

[squealing]

[REM's "Shiny Happy People"]

♪ ♪

- Happiness.

[chuckling]

- You said "penis."

Just thought I'd tell you.

- I know.

Why do you think they call it happiness?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, because like, you know--

it's like your wiener--

when your wiener is happy, you're happy.

- Yeah.

[chuckling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Gold and silver shine ♪

- You know, I wasn't feeling very good

when the song started, but I feel pretty good now.

I'm feeling pretty happy and shiny.

- Shut up, Beavis.

You're a miserable piece of crap.

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

I'm happier than you.

- No way, Beavis.

You're miserable because, like, nobody likes you.

Chicks don't like you.

You're not good at anything.

[chuckling]

- Yeah, but I'm hung like a horse.

- Uh.

[chuckling]

♪ ♪

- Yep, feeling pretty good.

Shiny happy people. Yeah.

[vocalizing]

Shiny happy people.

Ah!

- ♪ Shiny happy people holding hands ♪

♪ ♪

♪ People! ♪

♪ Happy people! ♪

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪