10x10 - Hoarders/Needle Dicks

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- We now return to hour four of the "Hoarders" marathon.

- His daughter told us it was bad,

but nothing prepared us for this.

- Let's watch something else, Butt-Head.

[snickers] - Uh...

no way.

Those chicks at school said they love this show.

And now we must figure out why

so that we can score with them. [chortles]

- You've hit rock bottom,

but we are going to help you get your life back.

- [sobbing]

- Whoa!

Whoa, she is really into this dude.

Look at that. - Whoa.

- You think she's gonna score with him?

- Uh... - [snickers]

- Of course she is.

Just look at her go. [chuckles]

- Ooh, things are getting out of hand here.

Whoa. [snickering]

- No wonder chicks love this show.

They like to score with disgusting hoarder dudes.

- [sniggling]

- We know what we have to do. [remote clicks]

It is time to become hoarders.

Let's fill this house with garbage.

[both chuckling] - Cool.

- Damn it, Beavis.

How are we gonna fill this house with garbage

when it's full of all this crap you left on the floor?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I guess we better clean it up.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- And done.

- [grunts] We did it. Yeah.

- We sure did. [chuckles]

And now let's get to work. [chortles]

[grunting]

[clattering]

- [grunts]

- Hello.

I'm Gary Ray Smith, the Knitting Man.

Welcome to my first episode for my YouTube channel.

This episode is called "How I Learned to Knit."

- Huh.

Oh, boy. [snickers]

- Did you get that, Beavis?

It's called, "How I Learned to Knit."

[chuckling]

- The Knitting Man's origin story.

[laughing]

The boring-gin story. [snickers]

- So first of all, I want to say why I started--

- By day, he's an interesting man that people wanna be with.

But then by night, he becomes Knitting Man,

the most boring person alive.

[both chortling]

- He bores his enemies to death. [snickers]

- Able to put an entire building

full of people to sleep with one story.

[both guffawing]

Look up there. It's somebody cool.

It's somebody I wanna hang out with.

No, it's Knitting Man.

[chortling]

- So it looks like there aren't any floats,

and I say it's a no-float method,

but really, there are floats.

They're just one stitch long.

- What a lying sack of crap he is.

He just said there are no floats,

but there are floats!

See? - Yeah, really. [chuckles]

Kids could be watching this.

- I mean, it's one thing to bore everyone to death,

but don't lie. [snickers]

I mean, the truth is boring enough!

- My wife, by the way, is called the Knitting Widow

because she--

- Because she wants to k*ll me. [chuckling]

- People often ask me, "Does your wife knit?"

And the answer is, she can--

- His wife is made out of yarn.

[both laughing]

[upbeat acoustic music] - [inaudible]

- [chuckles]

Why are you doing this with your life?

[both snickering]

[both grunting]

[shattering]

[chortling]

- And some of that.

[both grunting]

[clattering]

- There we go.

Now let's go check out our new chick magnet.

[clattering]

Whoa.

This is cool. [chuckles]

- Cool. [snickers]

We're hoarders now.

- It's time to go tell those chicks at school.

[chuckles]

And then we'll bring 'em back here

and let nature take its course.

[both snickering]

- Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

[sniggling]

Um, uh, Butt-Head?

Um, where's the door?

- Uh...

I don't know. [chuckles]

- Um...

maybe it's this way.

[clattering]

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this looks familiar.

- Uh, here we go.

[clattering]

- Oh.

We're here again. [snickers]

- Uh, maybe it's this way.

[chuckles]

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[clattering] [grunting]

Okay, okay. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think the door's over here.

- Chicks, here we come.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

Right this way. [snickers]

[clattering]

- Eh.

Oh, this is it. Yeah.

Um...[chuckles]

Um, uh, is this the same place?

- Uh, I think so.

[chuckles] - Um...

um, Butt-Head?

We can't find the door. [snickers]

Are we stuck in here forever?

- Uh...

this sucks. [chortles]

- Uh, where's the door, damn it?

[chuckles] - Um...

I can't remember if the house used to have a door.

[snickering]

It had walls. I do remember that.

[snickers] They were cool.

But, um, you know, you gotta admit,

um, it's kinda cozy this way, you know?

Pretty cozy. Yeah.

[snickers]

- Uh...

I think the door is over there. [chuckles]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, don't touch the newspapers.

No. [snickers]

- Uh, why not?

- I just like 'em where they are.

Don't touch 'em. [snickers]

- They're just old newspapers, dumbass.

- Yeah. But I-I might wanna read 'em.

- You can't even read.

- I might learn, though, you know?

From the newspapers, you know?

Like, maybe there's, like, a "How to Read" section

in there or something. Just don't take 'em.

[snickers]

- I have to move the damn newspapers

so we can get out of the damn house.

- They're good newspapers.

Those newspapers are worth $, I bet.

Yeah. I could sell 'em.

Don't touch 'em.

- Beavis, you butthole.

We finally became hoarders and now all you wanna do

is hang on to all this stuff you don't need.

[chortles]

Those chicks are at school right now,

waiting to score with us.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, scoring.

Yeah, sorry, Butt-Head, I just got a little crazy here.

I forgot what's really important.

Let's go score. [snickers]

- Good. [chuckles]

- Or are you just trying to trick me out of my newspapers?

[snickers] - Damn it, Beavis.

- No!

- [grunts] - Uh...

- No! No, no!

No! Ahh!

Butt-Head. [grunts, coughs]

Butt-Head.

Butt-Head, can you hear me? [grunts]

Are the newspapers okay?

[grunting]

Can you see 'em? [snickers]

- Beavis, you're a dumbass. [chuckles]

- I'm getting used to it in here.

It's nice.

Very comforting.

Ahh. [snickering]

[clattering]

- Whoa.

After all that crap fell on you, I can, like,

see the window and stuff.

We can escape.

I'm gonna climb out of here and go talk to those chicks.

[chuckles]

- Fine. Go ahead. [chuckles]

- Well, I'm leaving, Beavis.

- Good. Yeah. [snickers]

Got everything I need right here.

Got newspapers and--

and the darkness and, um--

whoa.

Whoa, there's some empty cans. [snickering]

That reminds me of when I was a kid.

Yeah. [snickers]

- Okay, Beavis.

If that's the way you want it,

I'll go score by myself. [chortles]

- Yeah, maybe bring some chicks back too, you know,

if they like empty cans, you know.

[both chuckling]

- [grunting]

[rumbling]

Uh....

ahh!

[clattering]

[grunts] Damn it.

[chuckles]

- Whoa, look.

I bet this mayonnaise is still good.

[snickering]

- If I ever get out of here,

I'm gonna k*ll you, Beavis.

[chortling]

- Don't wanna eat it yet, though. [snickers]

It could be worth something, you know?

Yeah. It's a collectible. [snickers]

[machinery rumbling]

[crashing]

- Oh, no.

Now we gotta halt construction

while the police come check this out.

- Well, I didn't see it if you didn't see it.

[both grunt]

[rock music]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Now, I've noticed recently that you guys have

had some trouble concentrating, mm-kay.

- Um, what? [snickers]

- And believe me, I understand why.

The world is so full of injustices,

and worrying about them can cause your generation

a lot of stress.

- Uh, huh?

- What? [chuckles]

- You know, I was hoping your parents would come

to this conference, but since they're not here,

it makes it easier for me to recommend

non-Western medicine.

Have you boys ever tried acupuncture?

It's the only thing that helped me with my vegan gout.

- Now, don't worry.

This won't hurt a bit.

- Uh, okay. [chuckles]

- I'm going to put a small number of needles

in your skin-- - Uh-huh.

- To balance your body's energy.

- Okay. - And these needles will

make you feel relaxed and calm--

- Uh-huh. - With a general sense

of well-being. - That sounds like it sucks.

[chuckles] - Okay.

I'm getting the first needle ready for insertion.

- Insertion. [chortling]

- Now just hold still.

Here comes the first needle.

- Hey, that's a needle!

- Ahh!

- Um, so when are you gonna put those needles in?

[snickers]

- I did.

I put in about needles.

- Oh, so you did. [sniggling]

What do you know. Feels pretty good.

Very relaxed and calm and, like, some other stuff.

Yeah. [snickers]

[clattering] - He tried to s*ab me!

I'll kick your ass! - Someone call the police!

- Can you excuse me for a minute?

[glass shatters]

- Stop choking me, you butthole!

- Oh, my God!

- Ahh. - No!

- It feels so good, I'm gonna go outside

and walk around and enjoy the day.

♪ Doo doo-doo doo doo ♪ - Don't touch me!

- Me and my needles.

[needle twangs] Oops.

[snickers]

[door opens] - Hey, Beavis. [chuckles]

You won't believe what that acupuncture butthole tried

to stick in my face.

I was gonna--

- What was it? Sounds interesting.

[snickers]

- What the hell is on your face, Beavis?

- What do you mean?

- It's full of needles.

[chuckles]

- Oh, you mean the needles.

Yeah. [snickers]

- Of course I'm talking about the needles, dumbass.

- Oh yeah, they're just sitting in my face, I guess.

You know, it feels really nice.

It's like my energy is balanced or something.

[laughs]

What are we watching? [snickers]

- Damn it, Beavis.

Get those needles out of your face right now.

- Oh, no, no.

No, why would I do that?

I've never felt better in my life.

[exhales deeply]

- Beavis, you weird son of a bitch.

I'm gonna kick your ass.

- You know, Butt-Head, you might feel calmer

if you had some needles in your face.

[snickers] - Damn it, Beavis.

[needles twang] - Ahh!

Ow. [chuckles]

- Ahh, I sure do love my needles.

Yeah. [snickers]

- Hey, everyone. It's Doug.

I hope you're doing well.

In today's video, what I'm actually gonna be showing you

is the basic fry scream sound,

how it's made, how it's created.

- Uh, ice cream sound? [chuckles]

- Yeah, what's that? [snickers]

- [screaming] ♪ Above the talk ♪

- Whoa. Did you hear that?

He just sang "Butt-Head sucks."

[snickers] - Uh...

he did?

- [screaming] ♪ Above the talk ♪

- [screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

[snickers]

- ♪ Above the talk ♪ - Uh...

damn it. [chuckles]

I'm gonna k*ll this guy. [chuckles]

- Yeah, I've been saying "Butt-Head sucks"

for a long time, but, you know,

I never thought about, you know, singing it, you know?

Like, really belting it out, you know?

[snickers] - ♪ Talk ♪

- Beavis, I'm gonna belt your face out.

- You know, I gotta hand it to this guy.

I don't sing it as good as he does, you know?

[snickers]

You know, I say just, you know, "Butt-Head sucks,"

but he says-- - ♪ Above the talk ♪

- Damn it, Beavis.

That's not even what he's saying.

He's saying, like, "a-vuv a sock"

or something. [chortles]

- No, no. That's just his Australian accent.

[chuckles]

I think there's, like, a number-one song in Australia

called "Butt-Head sucks."

- ♪ Talk ♪ - [snickers]

- Damn it, Beavis. Shut up.

[chuckles]

- And I'll show you even close up.

[gargles] - Whoa.

What is that thing back there?

Looks like a nut sack or something.

[chuckles]

- Um, actually Butt-Head,

that's called your "uvulvia."

It's actually really useful 'cause, um--

'cause it helps you go--

[screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

- Damn it, Beavis. Cut it out.

[chuckles] - So it's step two now.

We actually wanna create the fry sound.

And it's like this. Like--

[vocal fry]

- Uh, he's trying to make a fry sound?

[chuckles]

Like when you put the fries in the fryer

at Burger World? [laughs]

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know what that sounds like?

It sounds like this:

[screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

- Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna clobber you.

- Remember the one time that customer came in?

He said, um, "I'll have the, uh"--

[screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

- Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna kick your ass.

[chuckles]

- I-I'm not saying you suck, Butt-Head.

I'm just singing the song.

And, you know, the words to the song just happen to be--

[screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

[whack] Ahh!

- Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna kick your ass.

[chortles]

- [vocal fry]

- Why would anyone wanna learn to talk like that, you know?

[snickers]

- Uh...

[vocal fry]

I don't know. [chuckles]

- I can do it longer than that.

Check this out. [snickers]

[vocal fry]

- Uh...

okay, Beavis. You win.

[chuckles]

- [vocal fry continues]

- Uh...Beavis, you already did it longer than me.

You don't need to keep going.

[laughs]

Uh... - [vocal fry continues]

- Damn it, Beavis. Stop.

[chuckles] - I win.

[snickers]

- Anyway, uh--

- [vocal fry] - This guy should--

damn it, Beavis. [chuckling]

Cut it out.

You're gonna, like, suffocate or something.

[laughs]

That would be cool.

[laughs]

- [vocal fry continues]

- Are you ever gonna stop, Beavis?

- [groans]

♪ Butt-Head su-- ♪

[coughing]

- [screaming] ♪ Above the talk ♪

- [grunts] Butt-Head--[coughs]

Butt-Head--[coughs]

I can't talk. [coughs]

- You look kinda, like, purple or something.

[chuckling] It looks cool.

- I think my uvula fell off. [groans]

It's on the floor.

I think it rolled under the couch.

- Cool. [chortles]

- Butt-Head--[coughs]

I--I need to go to the hospital or something.

[groans] - Uh...

no way, Beavis.

He warned you. [chuckles]

- Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Come closer. I gotta tell you something.

- Uh, what? [snickers]

- No, closer. I can't talk very loud.

Is that as close as you can possibly get?

[grunts] - Uh, yes, Beavis.

[chuckles] - Okay.

[sighs] If I die,

there's something I want you to tell my mom.

Put your ear right next to my mouth so you can hear.

[groans]

I want you to tell her...

[screaming] ♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

- Ahh! Ow!

Damn it, Beavis.

- ♪ Dum de-dum dum ♪

[humming]

- God damn it, Beavis. [chuckles]

- ♪ Bum bum bum ♪

Beautiful day, isn't it? [snickers]

Ahh. Feeling good.

- Damn it, Beavis. You're embarrassing me.

What's your problem? [chortles]

- You're right, Butt-Head. I do have a problem.

[snickers]

My problem is that I need more needles.

These are great.

♪ Ba-dum bum bum ♪

♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪

This oughta do it, yeah. [snickers]

Do you have a dressing room where I can try these on?

- W-what?

- No, I'll just try them on in the bathroom.

Yeah. [chortles]

Yeah. This is gonna be cool. [snickers]

[door opens] [indistinct chatter on TV]

♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪

[humming]

[sighs]

I feel good today. Yeah.

[snickers]

- I'm not even gonna look at you, Beavis.

[chuckles]

- Guess why. [snickers]

- I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction.

Check this out, Butt-Head.

I can play "Enter Sandman" on my face.

Look at this. [chortles]

[needles twanging melody]

See that? [snickers]

See? [snickers]

[twanging]

♪ ♪

I feel the best I've ever felt, Butt-Head.

But you know what's gonna make me feel even better?

[chuckles]

- Beavis, if you say "more needles,"

I'm gonna b*at the living crap out of you.

[chuckles]

- Oh, no, no, no.

No, no. That would be silly. No.

No, I'm talking about spanking my monkey.

Yeah. [snickers]

Make a great day even better. Yeah.

♪ Dun dun dun dun ♪

♪ Ba ba ba bow ♪

[snickers]

Okay. Just gonna sit down here.

Go ahead and pull down my pants.

[zipper slides] [chuckles]

[grunts] It's not easy

'cause my hands have all these needles.

[grunts]

It's tricky.

[snickering] And here we go.

[flesh squishes] Ahh!

My schlong!

Ahhhh!

There's needles in my schlong!

Dahh!

Butt-Head! Butt-Head, help!

I-I mean, no, wait. Don't come in here.

- That kid is a dumbass. - No! No!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[chiming noises]

- Chirp.