11x09 - You Get What You Pray For

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes My cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ There's nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ Hold you ♪

♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

[saxophone solo]

♪ Sunday, Monday Happy days ♪



-♪ Tuesday, Wednesday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪



-♪ Thursday, Friday Happy days ♪

-♪ Whoa, whoa, ooh ♪

♪ Saturday ♪

♪ What a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪

Ahh! Ahh!

Ooh! Ah!

Eh! Ah! Oh!

Oh, that's better.

Marion, how can I shave like this? The water's so hot.

I'm going to fix it.



-[gasps] One more, please.

-All right.

[both humming]

Marion!

I've got a razor in my hand!

Oh, forget it. You know, I am sick and tired

of having to shave down here in the living room

while Joanie is up there holding the bathroom hostage.

She's a young lady now, dear.

It takes her time to put on her face.

Lon Chaney didn't take this long to put on his face.

I hate shaving downstairs 'cause I always...

[yells] ...cut myself!

Oh, gosh, now I'm going to be late for work.

Well, Potsie can take over while you're away, dear.

Potsie, huh? You're talking about a guy

who went out and bought a rocking chair

and then asked for an instruction booklet.

Well, he's very good at it now.

I wanted to be at the store

when that first shipment of silent toilets arrived.



-Oh, the whisper flush.

-Yeah.

That's such a great name.

I'm going to demonstrate them at the hardware convention.

It's going to be a big hit.

It could mean a lot of money for us.

Oh, Howard, I don't need money to be happy.

It could mean a trip to Sweden.



-[shrieks]

-Oh, oh! Sheesh!

Marion. Marion, I've got a crazy idea.

Oh, dear, you're already late for work.

No, no.

This is real wild. Now, just go along with me.

What would you think if we added a second bathroom?

Right in the house?

No, sweetheart, in the car.

Of course, in the house! Huh?

I mean, the whole works.

A shower, a tub, lock on the door

so I don't have to whistle while I'm in there.

This is instead of the trip to Sweden, isn't it?

Oh, no, I couldn't do that to you.

No, I guess having a second bathroom is just a dream.

It's not meant for people like us.

[timer rings]

Okay, Joanie, your half

-hour is up.

Get out of there this minute.

[Joanie] But, Dad, I'm not finished doing my hair!

You want to bet?

Oh, all right.

But I have to teach class sixth period.

I'm going to look like Mahatma Gandhi's niece.

Now you listen to me, young lady.

There is such a thing in this world as consideration.

You know, when I was your age

-

-

I know, Dad. You used to sell newspapers on the corner.

No, that's another story.

When I was... Mar

-

- Marion!

That settles it. I am calling a contractor,

and we are going to build a second bathroom.



-Oh, there goes Sweden.

-You weren't going anyway.

[Howard] Well, thank you for your estimate.

And in all fairness, I think I should tell you that

this is the last time you will ever talk to me.

Weren't you a little rough on him, Howard?

The man is a thief, Marion.

He wanted to charge more for the second bathroom

than I paid for the whole house.

Howard, that was years ago.

You could get a suit for $.

You still can if you know where to shop.

I don't want to talk about it now.

We'll discuss this when I get back from the convention.

Try to stay out of jail this time, Howard.

Marion, that was not my fault.

Those guys stole my clothes,

and I had to get through the lobby.

Oh, Dad. I'm glad I caught you.

You know that bathroom you're going to build?

Oh, yeah. Well, that's run into a bit of a snag.

The minimum wage law.

Well, I found a guy that can b*at any price.



-Really?

-Mm

-hmm.

Well, if he's so cheap, he can't be very good.

Not very good?

This is a master bathroom builder.

You, Fonzie?

Yeah. You, Howard, huh?

All right, let's get serious. Let's talk fixtures here, Mr. C.

Well, Arthur, this is so good of you!



-Yeah.

-Who's that?

Oh, ignore him, don't worry about it.

So, you want a stall shower,

you want a tub, you want a sink,

you want a sink and a stall shower, what do you want?

Did you see Person to Person,

when they visited Jayne Mansfield?



-Who is that?

-[Fonzie] Nah.

Don't pay him no mind. I sure did, I saw that.

I'd like a bathroom just like that, you know.

She had everything pink, everything was heart

-shaped.

Oh, and she had a heated towel bar.

Oh!

Who are they?

Mr. C, don't worry about it. They're like bees.

You don't hurt them, they don't hurt you.

Now, look, Fonzie, I don't know about this.

Yeah, okay, so I'm going to level with you now.

I'm going to be a man, I'm going to put it right out straight for you.

Joanie.

Dad, Fonzie has a wonderful idea

for a work

-study program for the kids at Patton High.

It's called the L.O.D.P.

The L.O.D.P.?

Yeah, Learn Or Die Program.

Yeah, and our bathroom is going to be

their semester project. Neat, huh?



-The kids from Patton High?

-[Joanie] Yeah.

Oh, I don't think they can build a bathroom.

Oh, Mr. C, let us not underestimate these kids. You understand?



-They have made a machine g*n out of a blender.

-Yeah.

Mr. C, look, you're going to help them

locate their self

-confidence. Can you dig it?



-You're going to help them locate their self

-esteem.

-Yeah.

Well, I appreciate the offer, Fonzie,

but I don't think it's going to work.

Well, then of course, it doesn't cost you a dime.

On the other hand, self

-esteem is very important.

Let me get them down here. They're going to thank you.

This is a wonderful thing you're doing, huh?

Mr. C, God bless you.

Everybody, down here! Down here! Let's go! Thank Mr. C.

Oh. Yeah, uh, look, kids, I just want to...

That's my suit.

Fonzie, I don't think this is going to work.

Don't you understand that one bad egg

is going to ruin the entire barrel of apples?

Will you talk to the man?

Mr. Cunningham, I wasn't stealing.

It's just that I've never had a real man's suit on before,

and I wanted to see what it felt like.

Aw, Dad!

When I was confirmed, my parents bought me a suit for $.

Where?

I don't want to ruin it for the others,

so I'll just take the suit off and go home.



-Oh, Howard!

-Dad.

All right. Now, look, Fonzie, you'll keep an eye on all of them, huh?

Think of me as a mother eagle watching her cubs.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to trust you now.

All right, I've got to go. I've got to catch a plane.



-Excuse me.

-Oh, goodbye.

All right, what are you, wax fruit?

Get up there. Let's work. Let's work!



-Oh, goodbye, sweetheart.

-Goodbye, dear.



-Bye, Daddy.

-Bye, Joanie.

$, huh?

I wonder if I pass that store on the way to the airport.

Oh, Howard. Bye

-bye, dear!

Bye, Daddy!

[funky music]

[inaudible dialogue]

Daddy's home!

Oh, Howard!



-Oh! Not the screw hat!

-Yeah.

You didn't wear that on the plane!

Well, I tried to, Marion, but the plane wouldn't leave the gate

until I took it off.

Oh, Howard.

Oh, well, my darling, how was the convention?

Oh, it was terrific, sweetheart.

I ran into this guy, Dwight Mesmer,

and he's thinking of placing an order for whisper flush toilets.

Oh, he must have a big family.

He owns a hotel, Marion.

Well, I should think he would, with a family that size.

I may be in for a big order

when he comes to dinner next week.

You see, I want him to hear the sweet silence

of the whisper flush in person.



-[banging]

-[glass shattering]

Marion, don't tell me those kids from Patton High

haven't finished the bathroom yet.

Well, Howard, it isn't even a week yet, dear.

Yeah, but the contractor would have done it by now!

Oh, dear, if you're going up,

why don't you take this up to the kids?

Marion, there's meat on these sandwiches!

Well, yes, dear, it makes them taste better.

You mean to say that you've been making them sandwiches all week?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Howard.

Yesterday, I took them to a restaurant.

But don't you understand?

Mesmer is coming.

He's got to see the whisper flush in a finished bathroom.

Marion, when you're selling toilets, atmosphere is everything.

Hey, that's very good. That's very good.



-Thanks, Fonz!

-Sure. Now turn it on.

What's going on here?

Food! Yeah!

Fonzie, this place is a mess!

Hey, you want to make lemonade,

you got to bust up some lemons.

But you don't understand.

This bathroom's got to be finished by next Wednesday.

There's no problem there, Mr. C. We can do it by a Wednesday.

I didn't say "a Wednesday,"

I said "a next Wednesday."

I've got an important customer coming here

to examine the whisper flush.

No, I don't think you understood.

This is a semester project.

These kids are going to take all semester.

Hey, yo, Pops, could you hold this up for me?

Yeah, right here.

Look, Fonzie, if you don't finish the job by the end of the week,

I've got to get somebody else.

Wait a minute, are you telling me for money, for a business proposition,



-you're gonna sell out my kids?

-You got it.



-Excuse me.

-Oh.

I have gone about as far as I can with you on this, Fonz.

[shrieks]



-Hey, hey, hey! Whoo!

-[shrieks]

Okay, that's it, that's the last straw.



-You guys are fired!

-Hold it, Mr. C.

You cannot fire them. This is schoolwork.

Excuse me.

You're expelled. Now get out of my house!

All right, everybody wait for me in the hallway.



-Let's go, come on.

-[students mumbling]

Mr. C, you cannot do this to me.

Don't you understand, if we do this,

these kids won't trust anybody anymore?

Oh, talking about trust, Fonzie,

when you asked me for this job,

you didn't say anything about taking all semester to do it.

Au contraire!

As a matter of fact, Joanie said,

"It's going to take a semester,"

and when you heard the word "cheap,"

you didn't care if canaries did this.

I am not going to stand here and let you call me cheap.

All right, where do you want to go?

Fonzie, there's an old saying.

"Friends should never do business together."

Well, that's great, because right now, we are neither.

Oh, Howard! What did you say to Arthur and the boys to make them so mad?

One of them mooned me on the way out.

I fired them, Marion.

Well, how are we going to get the bathroom finished?

I'm going to do it myself.

Yourself? [laughing]

[coughs]



-[knocking]

-[Howard] Yeah?

You'll turn this bathroom into a real showplace here.



-Yeah.

-How you doing, Joanie?

[Joanie shrieks]

She still looks great.

Did you come over here to ogle my daughter,

or have you got something else in mind?



-You mean I get a choice?

-No.

Well, in that case, I've got something on my mind.

Mr. Cunningham, Fonzie's really down.

You know, he says you're his second father to turn his back on him.

Oh, boy, give me a break, huh?

Look, tell Fonzie I'll be glad to make up with him.

I'm big enough to accept his apology.

Those are Fonzie's words exactly.

You see, Mr. C, you guys think alike, you belong together.



-Just like Liz and d*ck...

-Chachi.

...like Simon and Schuster,



-like Rocky and Bullwinkle.

-Chachi!

Now I happen to have a very important client coming here,

and this bathroom has got to be finished by tomorrow night.

Not that I don't appreciate your coming over here to irritate me.

Anytime.

You know, all in all, I'd say you did a pretty good job here.

Oh, thank you. My head is spinning with praise.

Except I can't figure out how this door opens.

Ah!

It doubles as a desk, right?

I'll fix it.

Hey, is that the whisper flush?

[gurgling]

The water is boiling.

I bet you can make spaghetti in this thing.

Look, you build your bathroom your way, and I'll do it mine.

Mr. Cunningham, you're in big trouble here.

Now can I give you some advice, please?

Will you call a contractor, huh? Call a plumber.

I've got an idea. Call Fonzie.



-I've got a better idea.

-What's that?

Why don't half the people who are here now

be here now?

Oh! Okay, I'll see you later.

I guess you'll have to go back to whistling again.

Oh, Howard, now the water's off in the other bathroom.



-I can fix it, Marion.

-Well, Fonzie can fix it, Dad.

[mockingly] "Fonzie can fix it, Fonzie can fix it."

Can Fonzie do this, huh?

Oh!

[laughing]

Oh, Dad! You know what?

It's just like being back at Yellowstone.

You know, Dad and Mr. Mesmer have been upstairs

for a long time. I hope everything's okay.

Oh, everything is all right.

You know, I really have to hand it to your father.



-The bathroom looks great.

-It does.



-And it was finished just in time.

-Mm

-hmm.

It's so exciting, having two baths.

It makes me feel Japanese.

How about that, huh, Mr. Mesmer?

Didn't I tell you that that whisper flush was quiet, huh?

Cunningham, I have to admit,



-even with my head in the bowl, I couldn't hear a thing.

-[laughter]

My hair dry yet?

Well, everybody sit down. Dinner's ready. I hope you like this.

This recipe has been in our family for generations.

Oh, I was hoping for something fresh.

[laughter]

How about that? He's got rooms in a hotel and a sense of humor.

[laughter]

All right, so this is the toaster you want me to fix, huh?

I thought this was lodge night.

I didn't know you were going to be here.

I thought you were going to growl at somebody.

I'm entertaining a business associate, Fonzie.

This is Mr. Mesmer. Mr. Fonzarelli.

No, don't get up, don't get up. I'm just a tenant here.

Boy, you're lucky, huh?

This woman spreads out a great table.

Used to be my seat.

I'm only going to fix your side.

[Howard] As I was saying, Mr. Mesmer,

I'm sure that you're going to find

that the whisper flush is quiet and efficient.

Cunningham, Cunningham, please.

Cut the sales pitch. I'm sold!



-Oh, isn't that great?

-[Marion exclaiming]

I just happen to have the contract right here.

And I'll tell you something, Mr. Mesmer.

You can certainly expect prompt delivery.

You see, when you buy a toilet

from Cunningham Hardware, you're not only...

you're... you're not only getting the toilet,

but you're getting the man behind the toilet.

Cunningham, what's going on here?

Oh, it's probably nothing.

You see, this is an old house. It's just the humidity.

Now, if you'll just sign right here...

And if you would be kind enough to initial right here.

Cunningham...

your whisper flush should make a noise,

so that some people can get a warning!

Don't do that!

Oh, and, Cunningham, another thing.

Don't even think about staying in one of my hotels.

[door closes]

Howard!

I can fix it, Marion.

Hey, Mrs. C, you wanted to, uh...

Oh, Arthur, this won't take long.

I just need to talk to you.

Oh, I don't want to be picky or anything,

but your medicine cabinet's real crooked.

Howard wanted me to ask you

if you could get your students back to fix our bathroom.

What is he, a ventriloquist?

I'd love to see his lips move.

Oh, uh...

Fonzie, if you ask the students

to come back and finish the bathroom, I'll...



-Spit it out, Howard.

-...I'll pay 'em.

You will pay them?

All right, all right.

I know I have a reputation for being a little frugal,

but you've got to understand that people my age,

they grew up in the Great Depression,

and times were tough.

Guys would sell apples on street corners. And, okay, I'm cheap.

I want to tell you something.

It takes a very big man to admit that, Mr. C.

I'm sorry, Fonzie.

I should never have put business above friendship.

I let those kids down.

No, it wasn't, you know, just your fault.

I should apologize, you know, for, um...

Well, for, um...

Yeah, I think this one is your fault.

Yeah, well, I guess I let...

Ugh!

...my frugality get out of hand, but I'm going to change.

Does that mean we can get a dishwasher?

No, but it means you can start using the hot water, Marion.

Oh, Howard.

Hi, shortcake!



-[Joanie screams]

-Oh, hey!



-♪ Goodbye, gray sky Hello, blue ♪

-♪ Hello, blue ♪



-♪ 'Cause nothin' can hold me When I hold you ♪

-♪ When I hold you ♪

♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin' All week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days Are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy days ♪♪