01x05 - Saying Goodbye

[bunniefuu]

Juggling is an art.

It takes steady
hands, a keen eye,

a quick wit, and a real juggler.

[THEME MUSIC]

I can't do it.

I can't do it, Katherine.
It's over.

Here, you can...
You can have that.

You know why I can't
do it, Katherine?

[CHUCKLE]

Because I can't do it.

But it's just a roast.

I mean, you stand up, you tell
a few jokes, and then you eat.

Katherine, I really
know my limitations.

I can play football.

I can do color.

I can... I can open
up difficult jars,

but I can't tell jokes in
front of hundreds of people.

That's it, Katherine.

Believe me, darling.

Hey, hoo-hoo.

I quit.

Sure you can do it.

If you're a good boy,
after the banquet,

I'll show you a gypsy good time.

I can do it.

Webster, you want hear
George tell some jokes?

- WEBSTER: No thanks.
- Come here.

Webster.

- OK.
- OK.

Thanks.

George Papadapolis.

Thank you.

- Yay!
- Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I know we're here to
roast our guest of honor,

but maybe we should
bake him instead.

After all, he's been
a ham all his life.

[LAUGH]

[FORCED LAUGHTER]

Oh but seriously, folks.

I don't want to say our
guest of honor is boring,

but... you two say,
how boring is he?

How boring is he?

He's so boring, he left
his wife two years ago,

and she still hasn't noticed.

[LAUGH]

He's bombing.

That's it. Over.

Hey, I got a joke.

Is it clean?

Sure.

I got it from Humpty Dumpty.

Great.

Listen.

See, there was this guy.

Right?

He dreamed he swallowed
a giant marshmallow.

GEORGE: Yeah?

Here comes the good part.

And when he woke up,
his pillow was missing.

Well, come on.

Wait... wait a minute.

Was that a giant marshmallow?

Good one. I can use that one.

I thought you were
just going to a party.

It's a formal party, a banquet.

A football banquet?

- Mhm.
- Yeah.

Oh.

- Are you OK?
- Oh yeah.

Sure. I'm fine.

- You sure?
- Sure.

Sure.

I have a... I have
a picture to color.

Katherine, something's
bothering him.

Probably your jokes.

Maybe if he's upset, maybe we
shouldn't go to that banquet

tonight.

Oh, he's upset
every time we go out.

Well, I'm... I'm just concerned.

Are you concerned
about Webster,

or do you just not want
to go to the banquet?

OK.

Webster...

Yes, ma'am.

Now, are you sure
that you're going

to be all right
while we're gone?

Sure. Sure.

- I'll be fine.
- You see, George.

He's going to be fine.

OK.

Well, if you need anything,
Jerry knows how to reach us.

You're leaving me with him?

[DOORBELL]

Believe me, Web, I feel just
as bad about is as you do.

But old Jerry was
as good as we could

do under such short notice.

It's good to see
you too, George.

Thank you, Jerry.

- You're a saint.
- True.

True. True.

True. True.

True.

I thought young Webster
and I might pass the time

by alphabetizing my
collection of Bobby Short 45s.

- Like I said, Web, I'm sorry.
- You two have a good time.

Don't even give us
a second thought.

Jer, we never, ever
gave you a first thought.

- George.
- I like that one.

[IN PLAY VOICES] I can't go.

But you must.

But Rick... Listen, sweetheart.

Don't make it any
harder than it is.

You're what Laszlo believes in,
the thing that keeps him going.

If you don't get on that
plane, you'll regret it.

Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,

but soon, and for the
rest of your life.

And she got on that plane.

And they never saw
each other again.

And they lived
happily ever after.

Webster...

Hm?

Well, don't look so sad.

"Casablanca" Is just
a story, an old movie.

I know.

Good thing I didn't
do my "Camille".

Well, what do you say we play
a nice, hearty game of catch.

Huh? Come on.

Sit up on your pillow.
That a boy, Webster.

A little exercise here.
Here we go.

Now, are you ready?

And... am I doing this wrong?

I see.

Well, it's getting late anyway.

What do you say we put away that
bag, and I'll put you into bed.

- Hm?
- OK.

I guess I can pack
in the morning.

Jerry, what time are
you picking me up?

Picking you up?

Yeah.

They said they were
leaving me with you.

Oh, that's just
for this evening.

Katherine and George will
be back long before morning.

No, they won't.

Webster, what are
you talking about?

It's just like in the
Casablanca story you told me.

After tonight, we're never
going to see them again.

No, they're not
having an affair.

They are at an affair.

Football... you know were the
large men wear tight pants

and slap each other
around a little.

Well, if it was over an hour
ago, why aren't they home yet?

They do too like me.

You certainly had more joie
de vivre on our honeymoon.

I can't believe you're
such a stick in the mud.

Katherine, that was the
filthiest joke I ever heard.

Katherine...

Just a minute, Jerry.

I can't believe you're offended.

There were ladies there.

I wasn't offended.

- No because you told it.
- Hello.

They didn't even
smile at my big joke.

They didn't get it.

I said it perfectly.

You forgot the part
about the marshmallow.

Oh, jeez.

Hi, Jerry.

Is everything all right?

Everything is not all right.

You're 40 minutes late.

Does that mean we're grounded?

You may not care anything
about my feelings,

but what about poor,
little Webster?

What about Webster?

He thought you were
never coming back.

We were only 40 minutes late.

Maybe a little fresh air would
cool you down a little bit.

Don't bother.

I'll throw myself out.

Good.

- What are you two doing here?
- We live here.

Remember?

Is this a dream?

Ow.

I don't think so.

If it's not a dream,
how come you came back?

Well, why would you think
we weren't coming back?

Well, when you went out
for the football banquet,

you were dressed
up in that tuxedo.

Yeah.

Ma'am was dressed up
in that fancy dress.

And?

Just like my mommy
and daddy the night

that they didn't come back.

You mean, you thought
that when people

got all dressed up
and went to a banquet

that they didn't come back?

Well, that's not true.

Look, we came back.

We're here.

We're here.

You mean, people still
go away and come back?

They sure do.

They may be a little
late like Katherine

and I were tonight, but...

But they still come back?

They still come back.

Of course, they're late!

Webster, what are you doing?

It's almost midnight.

I'm staying right here.

I've got to wait until
Mommy and Daddy come back.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Good, Peanut Butter.

Right, Peanut Butter.

You sure, Peanut Butter?

Right, Peanut Butter.

Right.

I'll see you later,
Peanut Butter.

OK, Peanut Butter.

That was Peanut Butter.

I know that was Peanut Butter.

Great linebacker.

Well, what did he
say about the funeral?

He said Webster didn't go.

He didn't go?

No.

He said the guys
on the team just...

Just told him that
his parents went away.

Damn, if only I'd
have been there

instead of off on some
cruise marrying you.

I'm sorry, darling.

That didn't come out right.

You mean that
nobody ever mentioned

the word death to him?

Katherine, he's...
He's just a little boy.

Well, maybe if somebody
had told him the truth,

and maybe if he had
gone to the funeral,

the little boy wouldn't be
sitting around all dressed up

waiting for his
parents to come home.

Well, the guys did the
best job they could.

You know, when I was
six, my grandfather died.

And well, my parents didn't
make me go to some chapel

to... to see some thing that
used to be my grandad.

You must have
loved him very much.

I couldn't stand him.

He used to pick me up by my ears
and yell, life is an eggplant.

Go stuff yourself.

He was a weird
person, Katherine.

That's a charming
anecdote, George.

Well, the point is, you
know... I don't blame my parents

for not letting
me go the funeral.

I don't think I could
have handled that.

We're talking about
more than funerals here.

Webster doesn't know
his parents are dead.

I don't even know if he
knows what death means.

Then again, neither
does Woody Allen,

and he's made 10
movies on the subject.

Well, we're intelligent
people, darling.

We'll just rely
on our instincts.

We'll have to play this by ear.

Yep.

Ma'am, George, look at my sign.

Oh, that's... that's lovely.

Yeah, that's...
That's real nice, Web.

Good.

See ya.

What happened to
playing it by ear?

The ear was all right.

The heart got in the way.

[SIGH]

[KNOCK]

Webster, can we talk to you?

Hi, Web.

Am I in trouble?

Do you remember that hamster
that Melanie used to have?

Yeah.

Remember how he
used to run around

and around on that little wheel?

Sure.

That's all he ever did.

Web, uh, do you
know what Melanie

and, um, her mother
did when, um...

When it stopped running around?

- They got a new one.
- Right.

And... and do you know why?

Not really because Melanie
was kind of quiet about it.

And well, I didn't want to pry.

What about flowers?

Flowers are nice.

Yeah, flowers are nice.

Do you remember the flowers
that George gave me last week?

- Yes.
- Yeah?

What happened to them?

Don't look at me.

I didn't touch them.

No. No, I know that.

Um, what happened was they
um... they wilted and died.

Do you know what that means?

George bought crummy flowers.

Possibly.

But the point is that
the flowers are gone.

They're dead.

Huh?

Um, just like your
mommy and daddy.

We won't ever see them again.

That's not true.

Yes, it is, Web.

But you said people
still come back.

Yes, but... but you
misunderstood us.

Just like the flowers,
your parents are gone.

They are not coming back.

No.

They are in the
ground, under the earth.

They can't be.

No one can live
under the ground.

That's right.

Webster, everything
living eventually dies.

Plants, animals,
flowers, and people.

Your parents may not
be with us in the way

that we know them to
be here, you know.

I mean, they can't
make you breakfast

or read you a bedtime story,
but... but their spirits,

their souls, will live forever.

Do you understand what
we're trying to say, Web?

My mommy and daddy are dead.

They're not coming back anymore.

I'm so sorry, honey.

Are you going to be all right?

Sure.

Would it be OK if
Teddy and I were alone?

Sure. Come on.

If you need us, we'll
be right outside.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I hate them for dying on me.

I know, Web.

I know.

They loved you.

They loved you, Champ.

I want to see where they
are under the ground.

I want to see where they are.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

We're home now, George.

You can take off the sunglasses.

My eyes are irritated.

OK?

My eyes always get sticky
when I've been crying a lot.

I wasn't crying.

- I was tearing.
- Crying.

- Tearing.
- Crying.

-Tearing. -Crying.
-Crying. -Tearing.

- Crying.
- Tearing.

- Crying.
- Tearing.

- Crying.
- Tearing.

Boys.

Anyway, I didn't cry.

You could have.

I was brave.

Yes, you were.

But you know, crying is brave.

It's when you let
your feelings out,

and that's a very
brave thing to do.

OK, I... I was crying.

I don't think we should
have left those roses.

Why? They were beautiful.

Yeah, but Mom's allergic.

She'll probably be
sneezing all night.

Webster.

I know.

She's dead.

I just wish she could sneeze.

I wish she was right here.

Well, she is here, Web.

I mean, not here, here like...
Like Katherine and me and you,

but here in your heart where
you keep everyone you love.

Really?

I use a cigar box.

What?

I'll show you.

Did you get him another frog?

Yeah, but I don't
think he'd put.

Zsa Zsa in a cigar box, darling.

Zsa Zsa?

Yeah.

The owner of the pet
shop was Hungarian.

He tried to sell me
Magda and Eva too.

But, Katherine, this
time I was firm.

Good.

Here.

You can open it.

Oh, no thanks.

I don't think I want to.

I don't let someone I don't
like open my cigar box.

OK.

That's where I
keep my men's toes.

- Men's toes?
- Yes.

You know, things I
want to remember.

Mementos ah.

There's a picture of us at
Marine Land, me, Mom, and Dad.

Mhm.

They let me pet the dolphin.

That's beautiful.

Uh, what's this?

Bubblegum.

Oh.

Susan Wasserman gave it to me.

It's only been chewed once.

I said if she ever gets famous,
it will be worth a fortune.

I wish her well.

That must be very special.

It is.

This is a letter
my dad once wrote m

mommy when he was away from us.

-Do you want me to read it?
Out loud?

"Dear Gert.

Well, here I am in Minneapolis.

They creamed us
again last night.

Fortunately, I have someone
here to share my hotel room

and comfort me
through the night.

Don't worry, it's
only Papadapolis.

And believe me,
sharing a room with him

makes me miss you even more.

How's my little quarterback?"

That's me.

"It hurts me that I'm not
with him on his birthday.

Give him a hug for me.

And tell him that
when I get back,

Daddy's got a present for him.

George and I went to the
amusement park this afternoon,

and I won a teddy bear."

That's my Teddy.

- I forgot.
- What are you doing?

Wha...
-Just... just keep reading.

I'll be right back.

Oh, OK.

Won a teddy bear

"Well, we're back on the
road starting tomorrow.

I'll give you a call
when we get to Denver.

All my love, Travis."

That is a lovely letter.

Thank you for
letting me read it.

- You're welcome.
- Ah ha.

What's that?

Well, it's the record
that your dad and I

made when we went to
that amusement park.

Oh.

[HUMMING]

GEORGE [ON RECORD]:
What song are we doing?

TRAVIS [ON RECORD]:
"Happy Days."

TRAVIS AND GEORGE [ON RECORD]:
Happy days are here again.

The skies are la la da da dun.

They sing the song
of cheer again.

Happy days are here again.

Very good.

GEORGE [ON RECORD]: Very good.

TRAVIS [ON RECORD]:
Now what do I sing?

GEORGE [ON RECORD]:
I don't know.

It's your buck.
TRAVIS [ON RECORD]: OK, my buck.

Uh, Hi-ya Gert.

How you doing?

How's my little quarterback?

Webster... I love you, Webster.

Sweet dreams.

I love...

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ma'am, is it really
a brave thing to cry?

The bravest.

I miss them.

Go ahead, Champ.

Go ahead and cry.

It's not easy to say good bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Guys, good night.

TRAVIS [VOICEOVER]: Hi-ya, Gert.

How you doing?

How's my little quarterback?

Webster... I love you, Webster.

Sweet dreams. I love...

[THEME MUSIC]