Doll Merchant, The (1955)

[bunniefuu]

Once upon a time there was
a film producer who had an idea

of making a film
about a modern legend...

THE DOLL MERCHANT

Screenplay

Cinematography

Starring

Also starring

Music
Sound

Ballet sequence
Dolls and masks

Set design
Editing

Direction

Head of production

Forward, march!

The courier, Mr. General Director.

Good morning.
Beautiful weather we're having.

At least it's not raining.

Open the basket!

Quickly!

Gentlemen, please buy a doll.

The dress is silk on both sides.
It eats, drinks and wets its bed.

It's not the courier.

Wrong man!
Take him away from here, quick!

To the hospital.

Idiot!

I have cured you.
You are well now.

You can have a decent job now.
A modest one, but still decent.

Something that suits you.
Now listen closely.

You're a man with
a sense of responsibility.

Now you're a cogwheel.
A wheel with cogs.

If you won't work, you'll be sick.

I'll cure you.

I can cure everyone.

Jag skapar kugghjul.

I create cogwheels.

- Do you understand?
- No.

You're a man.
You think logically.

You will no longer get engaged
in dubious activities.

You will no longer sell dolls.
It's a shameful thing to do.

You're a cogwheel!

Very well, you can go now.

Stop!
What have you got in the basket?

Very good. Now I've cured you.

Remember! No more dolls.

Now go.
And make an example of yourself.

Buy a doll, please.

Silk on both sides...

Buy a doll, please.

- Buy a doll, sir.
- Like hell I will.

- Hey!
- Hello, hello.

LIVE THE REVOLUTION
DOWN WITH THE STATE

- Blood...
- Blood?

Blood and death.
They're coming up.

Did you bring it with you?

Oh yes!

What's this?

A pumpkin.

Wrong man. Get out of here.

If I could put you in a shell

you would look as innocent
as that idiot's doll.

Doll merchant!

Doll merchant!
Come back!

I'll buy a doll from you!

I'll buy all of them!

Doll merchant?

Guess what I have here?

You there...

Take the doll.

- Take it. You can have it.
- Have you got a screw loose?

Buy a doll, please.
Silk on both sides.

It eats, drinks and wets its bed.

Waiter, come here, quick!

- Waiter, please remove that man!
- Take that crazy man away.

Do something, quick!
This gets on my nerves...

Look!

- Oh dear Lord, dolls!
- Don't laugh. It was a scandal!

My authority is lost.

They brought in an idiot
who started selling dolls.

Can't you see how comical it was?

The highest authority
receiving a doll merchant.

No! Don't you understand that he
could have brought anything at all?

He was mad.

Anything at all...

Just bills.

Buy a doll, please.
It eats, drinks and wets its bed.

Lilith, now I know!

Now is not a good moment,
come some other time.

I love dolls.

Did you hear? She loves dolls.

Now I've got it.
That doll merchant is a saboteur.

- The dolls are bombs.
- You see saboteurs everywhere.

- Even in my bed.
- What? No!

He's a saboteur who must be defused,
whatever the price might be!

What would you have? Salmon?

Chicken?

Wine?

To the most beautiful woman
in the world.

Hey, it's half past nine!

Children, you have to go to bed.
You can't stay up so late.

Gentlemen, let me assure you that
the doll merchant is a saboteur.

A dangerous spy.

His dolls are camouflaged bombs
or infernal machines.

Do you see what thr*at we're facing?

I demand that he's found
and rendered harmless.

Get on it!

AY15, get going. The doll merchant
must be arrested at once.

Good morning, children.

Good morning, Kanarius.

Beautiful weather outside.

We'll meet Lilith tonight.
I'm in love with her.

These here!

Sir, you gave 50 marks too much!

Are you trying to get straight to heaven?

Yes, to meet an angel!

Thank you, they're wonderful.
Come in.

Excuse me for not having
dressed properly.

- But you're not looking, are you?
- No.

Please sit down.

Not there, on the bed.

How beautiful it is here!

The bed is so soft.

- And wide...
- More than enough room for two.

Cigarette?

- Sherry?
- I don't know. I've never had...

My name is Lilith.

What?

- So you're a doll merchant.
- Yes.

Music box and doll merchant.

That's proper. One should play with
dolls and not with bombs and such.

I'm afraid of bombs, but I like dolls.

So it seems.

You're very sweet, like a doll.

I'm not a doll. I'm a...man.

- Oh, a real man?
- Yes, a man.

Is that so?

A man...

His basket is full of bombs.

We must be extremely careful!

Now I'll go sell some dolls.
Everyone must buy one. I feel it!

- Go.
- But Lilith...

No, it's insane.

Take this doll.
I'm so happy.

Goodbye!

Doll merch...

Be careful.

Attention!
Lunchtime starts now!

Be seated!

Grab the fork!

Fork into the stake!

Grab the Kn*fe!

Kn*fe into the stake!

Stake into the mouth!

Grab the mug!

Didn't you hear the order?
Grab the mug!

We interrupt the lunch briefly
for an important announcement.

The security office announces
that a dangerous saboteur is loose.

He is carrying dangerous weapons,

among them bombs and
infernal machines disguised as dolls.

His identification marks:
worn-out face,

worn-out clothes, worn-out shoes.

He poses himself as a doll merchant.
Be careful!

The security office will let you know
as soon as he's arrested.

Don't talk to the doll merchant and
especially don't buy anything from him.

I never knew that I had
a colleague in the city.

I'm also a doll merchant.

Hello?
Oh, hi...

Unfortunately I can't come tonight.
Something important came up.

It could take long.

Hello? No.

No... No!

Hello? Hello?

Good night.

Good night.

Soon we'll get a real mother.
She's called Lilith.

Mrs. Doll Merchant.

Don't move!

Get up!

- Put your clothes on!
- Excuse me.

- Where are the dolls?
- Over there.

Over there.

Here.

Place it here. Carefully!

What kind of tricks are you playing?

- Where are the bombs?
- What bombs?

You stay here and search for them.

Quickly!

Get going, forward march!

Form a queue!

Forward march!

Halt! Come back!

Forward march!

Company, halt!

Open the doors!

Leave!

DOLL

Do you know where
the doll merchant lives?

Ma'am, do you know where
the doll merchant lives?

Go home, little girl, before you
get into trouble. Dolls!

Bang!

Hey, you shouldn't
scare people like that.

If I'd had something in my mouth,
it could have been stuck in my throat.

What were you doing there?

A hedgehog had been caught
in the barbed wire.

There shouldn't be
barbed wire in parks.

I'll let animal protection
know about this!

- What are you gaping? Get going.
- I'm not afraid of you!

Do you know where
the doll merchant lives?

What? Why do you ask?

I'd like to have a doll.

So would I.

- Should we look together?
- Sure.

Don't cry.
I'll also start crying if you don't stop.

I'm not crying.
I want a doll.

There you go. Take this.

It's a doll.

- What's that?
- Don't touch it.

What use is a doll merchant to us
if we don't have the dolls?

Where are the dolls?

Officials like you are worth nothing!

This is no dictatorship!

I need evidence.

- General Director, sir.
- What?

Miss Lilith...

Now you've gone too far.

Your henchmen came into my room
while I was sleeping and stole a doll.

Please give it back to me at once.

At once, did you hear?

I only hope that
that's what really happened.

That we would have at least
one piece of evidence.

We haven't stolen, borrowed
or taken anything away from you!

Where did you get a doll, anyway?

You should be put in jail as
an accomplice of the doll merchant.

Dolls, dolls, dolls!

Everyone comes here to speak of dolls,
but nobody can find them.

Get out, every g*dd*mn one of you!

I didn't mean you.

Citizens, attention!
Citizens, attention!

Our city has been saved.
The doll merchant has been captured.

Citizens are advised to be wary
of any objects resembling dolls,

and report any such finds
to the police.

Citizens, attention...

- Did you hear what they said?
- Yes I did.

- Let's take this doll to the police.
- No!

They don't pay too well,
and it's not a real doll, anyway.

- So let's go find a real one.
- Sure.

- Excuse me, but my canary...
- Silence!

- Well, excuse me, but my canary...
- Be quiet!

- Name?
- Kanarius.

- You're lying. That's not your name.
- I thought you meant the canary.

Profession?

I'm a cogwheel.

You're a saboteur, a nuisance,
a crook, a numbskull, a parasite...

- Born? Idiot.
- Yes.

- I mean which day.
- Apparently on Sunday.

- Where are the dolls?
- My canary...

He denies, he denies!
Make a note of that in the record.

- So you deny.
- By no means, but I'd like to know...

So you admit that
a) you have sold dolls

that have been used to
disguise infernal machines,

b) knowing that you
would soon be arrested,

you have hid them in a place
that we have yet to discover.

No, I would just like to know
who will give water to my canary

while I'm staying here as your guest.

Couldn't you think of something?
You have a g*n and everything.

- I know. We'll organize a revolution.
- What's that?

It's easy to do.
We'll just turn everything upside down.

- I've planned them all my life.
- So what should we do?

Don't worry about that.

First...first we'll need
to have a general meeting.

Gather a big mob of people.
Then we'll break into the jail

and free the doll merchant.

- I'll give a speech.
- Sure thing!

Now my friend will give a speech.

Dear citizens...

You know why we are all here today.

The situation is very serious.

Our patience has come to an end,
and besides...

...we are pretty sore.

And why are we sore,
fellow citizens?

The doll merchant is
behind bars...that is...

...in jail. And...

And that's not all.

All dolls are who knows where.

Have you got a doll?

No. Have you got a doll? No.

Nobody has a doll.
I don't have one either.

Citizens, there's only one man
who can get dolls for all of us.

The doll merchant. Where is he?

In jail.

What are we going to do now?

We'll break into the jail
and free the doll merchant!

After we've freed the doll merchant,
then we'll see!

Then we'll get all the dolls we want.

Do you know what this is?

Brothers and sisters, by darned!

It's a revolution!

If we presume that
the doll merchant is X...

The probability factor is H...

- There are XY times 100 hiding places.
- Alarm!

Alarm! Over there...
Alarm!

Alarm, alarm!

Citizens, citizens...

Brothers and sisters, this way!

Come on!

You can hold this one
if you're nice.

Don't go!

I'll marry you when I grow up.

You might even become president.

Come.

This is a nice game.
Just look!

Now it's your turn.

- Do you live here?
- Yes.

Marry me.

- What did you say?
- Marry me.

I can't.

Why not?

I've received gifts and everything
and my bed is far too wide.

That's good.
Then we won't have to buy a new one.