A Pest in the House (1947)

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR. Once upon a time,
there was a labor shortage.

It became so bad that employees would
hire anybody...

(BELL DINGING)

... or anything.

Yes, sir!

Take this gentleman to suite 666.

Yes, siree, sir!

Just one more thing.

I'm a tired man.

I gotta have my sleep, plenty of it.

So see to it that I get
lots of peace and quiet.

Because if I'm disturbed at any time,
I'm gonna bust you right in the nose!

Likeable chap, isn't he?

May I go to my room now?
I'd like a little rest.

Yes, sir, if it's peace and quiet
you're looking for,

then, brother, you've hit the jackpot

because if there's anything
we've got plenty of,

it's good old peace and quiet.

Right this way, sir.

As I was saying, you couldn't have chosen
a better spot for peace and quiet.

Yes, sir, brother, this is your lucky day.
Take...

"And another thing, Sam,"
I said, "did it ever occur to you

"how much peace and quiet
we've got around here?

"Did you ever notice how we're just
slopping over with peace and quiet?"

(LISPING) And here we are, suite 666.

Let's see now,
the key to the grand ballroom.

The key to the broom, mop,
and slop closet.

Uh, the key to the solarium,

uh, the June, moon, swoon room.
The snack bar and, uh...

(WHISTLES)

Ah, here it is!

Just drop them any old where.

Here you are, my lad.

Thank you.

(EXCLAIMS)

What a ridiculous bonnet.

Never come back in style, never!

Bed!

(SNORING)

Poor fella, sure is sleepy.

(SNORING)

Hmm, little stuffy in here.

Better let in a little fresh air.

(TRAFFIC CLATTERING)

DRUNK: (SINGING) Nobody knows

(DRUNK HICCUPS)

How dry I am

(DRUNK HICCUPS)

Nobody knows

(DRUNK HICCUPS)

How dry I am

Don't stir yourself, sir,
I'll muffle that inebriated canary.

Nobody knows...

(CORK POPPING)

(GARGLING)

DAFFY AND DRUNK: Nobody knows

How dry I am

How dry I am

(BOTH HICCUPPING)

(DAFFY GUFFAWING)

(BELL DINGING)

(SINGING) Time waits for no one
It passes you by

Time waits for no one
Passes you by

Speck.

(HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAKING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(DAFFY LAUGHING)

DAFFY: Oh, brother, what a story!

Funniest story I heard in years.

I never laughed so hard in all my life.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, that's too good to keep.

Oh, what a lulu!

What a lollapalooza.

Hey, mister, wake up a minute.
I gotta tell you this one.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, it'll k*ll you.

Well, it seems
there was a traveling salesman

and he came to a farmhouse,

and he asked the farmer...

He asked the farmer...

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
And then... And then, here's the pay off.

Oh, it'll k*ll you.

When the farmer says, "Do you expect
to come back this way next year?"

The salesman said... The salesman says...

The salesman answers, he says...

Hey, what do you know,
I forgot what the salesman did say.

Oh, but it was a riot.

The funniest thing I ever heard!

Shh!

(TSKING)

How do they expect the poor guy to sleep?

Why, it's freezing in here.

Hmm, on the fritz. I'll fix it in a jiffy.

(CLANGING)

(MUFFLED CLANG)

(EXCLAIMS)

(PIPE WHISTLING)

(MUFFLED WHISTLING)

So! A fine kettle of fish!

Here I work myself down to the skin
and bones trying to keep this guy asleep,

and what do you do? Blow whistles!

Just when I got things so quiet
you can hear a pin drop,

- you bust in here...
- Shh!

...and bust out with a whistle
and you snafu the whole works.

How in the name of all that's reasonable

do you expect a guy to get his slumber
when a goof like you goes around

- making noises...
- Shh!

...like a one-man 4th of July celebration?
He needs peace and quiet!

It's positively outrageous!

(BELL DINGING)

Yes, sir!

For very meritorious service

you are herewith promoted
to the position of manager.

Take over.

Noisy little character, isn't he?