01x08 - Molly's Dolly

[bunniefuu]

- Jakers! ♪ Here's the tales of our pal Piggley

♪ Ireland is the world he loves so well

♪ Wriggles outta spots that are downright stickley

♪ How he does that only he can tell

♪ Piggley Ferny Molly and Dannan

♪ Never miss a chance to have too much fun

♪ In Tara or Raloo lots of excitement for everyone

♪ Curiousity's in a hurry leaving

♪ No time to stop and think

♪ The line between wild and crazy gets blurry

♪ Jakers!

♪ The Adventures of Piggley Winks

♪ Something in the way his eyes start blazing

♪ Tells us he's onto a brand new plan

♪ His lips curl up it's downright amazing

♪ Looking for mischief

♪ Well he's your man

♪ Piggley Ferny Molly and Dannon

♪ Never miss a chance to have too much fun

♪ In Tara or Raloo lots of excitement

♪ For everyone

♪ Jakers!

♪ Go to bed just to wake up early

♪ Get in trouble or on the brink

♪ The line between wild and crazy gets blurry

♪ Jakers!

♪ The Adventures of Piggley Winks

(upbeat piano music)

- Heads up!

(grunting)

Good save, Grandpa!

- Oh, well (mumbling).

- Wow.

- Look at this, eh. (grunting)

- [Three Little Pigs] Grandpa!

(laughing)

- I been playing ball since I was in short pants.

I was kinda hopin you kids would ask me

to join your game.

- Really?

- You?

Wanna play?

- Grandpas don't play basketball.

- And why not?

- Because they're grandpas!

- Oh, so grandpas can only do grandpa things?

I see.

- Uh huh!

- Right.

- That's right!

- And what makes you think that playing basketball

isn't a grandpa thing?

- It just isn't.

- Everyone knows that.

- Sometimes what everyone knows

is nowhere close to being the truth, you know?

Why I remember I once thought I knew everything

there was to know about my old grade school teacher,

everyone called him Old Homework Hornsby,

as he was the toughest, most homework givenest

teacher in all of Ireland.

(chuckling)

(silly roaring)

(blowing raspberries)

(snickering)

(groaning)

(chuckling)

- Watch this one!

(silly music)

(giggling)

(snapping and stretching of rubber)

- Fernando!

Since you seem to have so much extra time,

I'm sure you and your monster face friends

there won't mind doing a little extra homework.

(groaning)

I'd like to see a two page essay on Irish myths

and monsters.

(giggling)

- [Grandpa] I'd never forget that day.

It was the day Old Homework Hornsby made

an announcement that sent shivers down

our very spines.

- Class, over the next few weeks I will

be visiting each of your families for supper.

The first family I will be visiting is...

Piggley's.

(gasping)

(ominous music)

(loudly swallowing)

(ominous music)

- Are you telling me that Mr. Hornsby

is going to be coming right into me very own home?

- It's unnatural, I tell ya!

It shouldn't be allowed.

Why I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!

- Well I thought you really liked Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.

- I do.

In the classroom.

That's where he belongs,

and that's just where he ought to stay!

- Aw, Piggley, I'm awful sorry you had to be the first.

- Oh you wonder what a teacher does when

he comes to your house.

- Uh, teacher things, probably.

You know, teachin, correctin.

Giving out grades!

(ominous marching music)

- Well, Hornsby.

- That's Mr. Hornsby!

- (clearing throat) Would you like some--

- Please raise your hand before speakin.

Ooh, sit up, young man.

(boinging of spring)

(giggling)

Who is laughing?

(boinging of spring)

(tsking) Oh, F, F, F, F.

(belching)

(loudly gasping)

(dramatically clearing throat)

That is one more big fat...

F.

(ominous music)

- Jakers!

My parents haven't been to school in years!

And Molly's never been!

They don't know about all the rules.

- That's not a good thing, Piggley.

Mr. Hornsby is very strict with his rules!

- I've gotta get home and help 'em get ready!

- That's a terrible thing Piggley has to go through!

- Oh, could be worse!

Could be one of us!

- It will be Fernie, it will be.

- Oh, Janey Mac!

- Hopping hippos!

What is this?

We're infested.

Inhabited.

Let me put it this way, flock,

we got bugs.

(frantically scratching)

I know what you're thinking.

Where did they come from?

Why are they here?

Should we charge rent?

(pinging of sheep picking bugs)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Not like that!

That's how monkeys do it.

We got no thumbs.

(silly music)

(clucking of chickens)

- And, if you don't follow the rules,

he'll make you sit in the corner,

or read from the Korben, or write a two page essay

on Irish myths and monsters.

- So now, are you saying that I should eat with my fingers,

or I shouldn't eat with my fingers?

- Dad, don't be jokin'.

Mr. Hornsby doesn't like jokes.

- Alright, Piggley, why don't you just relax

there and wait until supper and lets see how it goes then?

(chickens clucking)

- [Grandpa] Time is flying by, and I wasn't getting

through to my parents at all.

(rushing of water)

(calm lovely music)

But at least I had my good friends around

to comfort me in my time of need.

(triumphant music)

(thudding on ground)

(triumphant music)

(water splashing)

- Oh, come on Piggley, your turn.

- Now you know that Piggley can't be jumpin

around, getting all dusty and dirty before

supper tonight!

- I'll go then.

- Oh, no you don't!

- Why not?

- Because you have to be as clean as me.

Mr. Horsby's going to be your teacher next year as well.

(water splashing)

- Why do I have to stay neat and clean for a teacher?

- You're not in school yet, you wouldn't understand.

(splashing)

(silly music)

- Aw, Molly, there are all kinds of things

you'll have to do that won't make a bit of sense

until you're there in school yourself.

- Yeah, you'll have to work hard everyday!

- Really.

Really hard.

- Alright, now, two plus two.

Four plus four.

The square root of nine.

Name the seven wonders of the world!

What was William Shakespeare's middle name?

You'd better pick up the pace, boys.

You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan?

(ominous music)

- (giggling) You're silly!

- Ah, nevermind.

She just doesn't understand.

- Mr. Hornsby is nice.

He waves to me.

And you said he brought a cake to school

for your birthday, Ferny.

- He brings a cake for everyone's birthday!

- He brought a whole batch of fairy cakes on my birthday.

(screaming)

- That's not the point!

- He's gonna teach me to read.

- Reading is great, but.

- Wait!

Hold everything!

- What is it, Dannan?

- Piggley, I just thought of a way you could

earn some extra credit points for your family tonight.

You know how Mr. Hornsby always gives me extra credit

points for neatness?

- [Ferny and Piggley] Yeah, we know.

- You could earn points for your neatness too!

If your house was absolutely spotless!

- That's brilliant, Dannan!

Let's get started!

- [Grandpa] We set to work like a herd of termites

in a wood pile, determined to make that house

clean as a whistle.

- Molly dear, are you dusting?

- Mmhmm, Piggley said we could.

I get to clean the bathroom as well.

- Oh, I see.

And what is Piggley cleaning?

- The kitchen.

- Oh dear, Piggley!

- Okay, Fernie, give us some water.

(silly music)

(trilling of xylophone)

- What are you children up to?

- We're cleanin!

First, we're washin all the cupboards.

Teachers like their cupboards clean, you know.

- Put everything back.

Where you found it.

(creaking of stretching balloon)

- But, I--

- Now!

(creaking of stretching balloon)

(ominous music)

(bursting of balloon and splashing of water)

Alright, all of you, out, out, and don't come

back until I call you for supper, understand?

- But we're not done cleanin!

(door slamming)

- I think we are, Piggley.

(scratching)

- What can we learn from our friends the warthogs?

(scratching)

(bleating)

Let's pretend Carl is a warthog.

A big, fuzzy, wooly, warthog.

A good looking warthog.

Hey, handsome!

But he's crawling with bugs.

However, being a smart, oddly alluring, warthog,

Carl knows exactly what to do.

Stop, drop, and roll!

(silly music)

And like the clever warthog,

Carl knows to clean his wool by covering

himself in earthen filth.

(roaring of motorcycle)

Unfortunately, being Carl,

(roaring of motorcycle)

he doesn't know when to stop!

(roaring of motorcycle)

That is one clean sheep.

- [Grandpa] Time was ticking away,

and Mr. Hornsby would soon be sitting right there

in my very own house.

It was unimaginable.

What could we possibly have to say to each other?

- Okay, Piggley, seven plus seven is?

- (Groaning) !

- The capital of France is?

- Oh!

Uh, I know that.

Uhhhh.

Uh, Paris!

- What is the gross domestic product of Paraguay?

- What?

Ah, I'm never gonna learn all these things

before dinner tonight.

- Why do you have to?

(giggling and shrieking with glee)

- Mr. Hornsby is a teacher, Molly.

These are the kinds of things teachers

talk about over supper.

- I'm sure your parents'll be able to talk to him.

- They don't know where Paraguay is, either.

- Well now,

we should be goin' Ferny.

- Oh, yeah.

- No, you can't leave yet.

I'm not prepared.

- Uh, I don't think any of us could ever

be prepared for something like this, Piggley.

- Oh, Piggley, she's right.

This is even worse than the first day of school

after a long, great, summer.

- That's it!

- What?

- What?

- What makes Mr. Hornsby smile?

Every year on the first day of school?

- Givin' out homework?

- Besides that.

- Getting a nice, shiny apple!

What else?

(silly, triumphant music)

- Would you look at that?

Isn't it gorgeous?

- [Grandpa] I don't have to tell you,

me friends and I went straight to work,

using our brains and our brawn to bring

that perfect apple down to earth for Mr. Hornsby.

- Almost!

Just a little bit lower!

Keep pullin'!

- [Grandpa] It was a mighty effort.

(straining creaking of rope)

(grunting and groaning)

- There it is!

We'll get it!

- [Grandpa] Dannan reached out to pluck

the little beauty, and...

(zipping of Ferny and Piggley through the air)

It flew into the air,

and sh*t straight through the stratosphere.

Clear out into space we flew!

All the way to the surface of the moon!

(screaming)

(skidding on moon surface)

When we were met by a couple of crazy

looking moon men!

(growling of aliens)

(creepy space music)

- [Three Little Pigs] Grandpa!

- [Grandpa] What's the problem, children?

- You flew all the way into space

and landed on the moon?

- Well, maybe we didn't actually fly into space.

- Have you ever seen such an apple?

It's the biggest, reddest, juiciest,

most delicious apple in the whole of Ireland!

Hey!

(silly chase music)

(thud of body hitting dirt)

Oh no!

What do I do?

There's no time to get another one before--

- [Mom] Children!

Mr. Hornsby's here!

- Oh dear, dear.

- [Piggley] Oh, Janey Mac, he's here!

- I can't believe this is really happening!

- Come on now, time for supper!

- Uh, I think it's time for my supper as well!

So, I'll be off boys!

(zooming)

- Uh, me too, supper,

that is, time for, uh, goodbye!

(zooming)

- Wait! What about the apple?

(birds chirping)

- Congratulations, flock.

We are now totally de-bugged.

De bugs are destroyed.

And life is once again, delightful.

(squeaking of heads shaking)

Now has anyone seen or heard from Carl?

(rustling of fur and cracking of bowling pins)

(crashing of wood)

(whirring of a top)

Next time we rent monkeys.

- [Grandpa] With no decent apple to speak of,

and all chances of extra credit gone,

I accepted my doomed fate.

But as I got close to the house,

I heard something quite unexpected.

(laughing)

(creaking of door)

(chuckling)

- Oh Piggley, you're finally joining the party.

- Uh, seven plus seven is !

- Come.

Sit down, Piggley.

- Noggin just told us a real knee slappin joke!

(silly music)

(laughing)

- Noggin is Mr. Hornsby's nickname.

Did you know that your father and himself

went to school together when they were your age, Piggley?

(silly music)

- They were my age?

- We called him Noggin, cause he was the smartest

kid in school.

- Uh, but now they call me Old Homework Hornsby.

Eh, Piggley? (laughing)

Well, there'll be no homework here tonight.

(chuckling)

That reminds me of another joke, oh you'll

love this one, Piggley.

- I will?

- Yeah.

There once was a student who got in big

trouble for something he didn't even do!

- What didn't he do?

- His homework.

(laughing)

(snorting and laughing)

(clicking of shutter)

- [Grandpa] Who would've known,

Old Homework had a sense of humor!

(clicking of shutter)

That night I came to realize that Mr. Hornsby

wasn't so different from the rest of us after all.

(clicking of shutter)

He was a regular person who just happened

to be a teacher as well.

When it came right down to it,

(clicking of shutter)

he wasn't all that different from me self.

(clicking of shutter)

But the biggest treat of all came after supper,

(clicking of shutter)

when Mr. Hornsby played his fiddle for us all.

(children talking excitedly)

- Come on Piggley.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Back with ya now!

Give the boy a chance to breathe!

Okay, enough breathing, now out with it!

What happened last night with Old Homework Hornsby?

- Shh, oh, he's comin!

- Good morning, class!

- [All] Good morning, Mr. Hornsby!

(silly music)

(children excitedly chattering)

- [Grandpa] I didn't tell them too much.

After all, they each had a dreaded evening

of their own to look forward to.

- Sorry, lads!

It's too horrible to speak of.

You'll just have to get through this on your own.

(children excitedly talking)

- So, Mr. Hornsby wasn't anything like

you thought he'd be, huh?

- That's right.

I though he'd only want to do teacher things.

Plus, he enjoyed doing all kinds of things.

(silly music)

- Ah, just like you, huh grandpa?

- Right.

- Come on, two on two, hack or fall.

Grandpa's on my team.

- No fair, he's on my team!

- Come on, let's play!

(silly upbeat music)

- [Three Little Pigs] Grandpa!

- Ah, right!

Don't you be startin without me, now!

(upbeat music)

(upbeat Gaelic music)