♪ When I get older,
losing my hair ♪
♪ Many years from now ♪
♪ Will you still be
sending me a valentine ♪
♪ Birthday greetings,
bottle of wine? ♪
♪ If I'd been out
till quarter to 3 ♪
♪ Would you lock the door? ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ You'll be older, too ♪
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
♪ And if you say the word ♪
♪ I could stay with you ♪
♪ I could be handy,
mending a fuse ♪
♪ When your lights have gone ♪
♪ You can knit a
sweater by the fireside ♪
♪ Sunday mornings,
go for a ride ♪
♪ Doing the garden,
digging the weeds ♪
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Every summer we
can rent a cottage ♪
♪ In the isle of wight ♪
♪ If it's not too dear ♪
♪ We shall scrimp and save ♪
♪ Save ♪
♪ Grandchildren on your knee ♪
♪ Vera, chuck, and dave ♪
♪ Give me your
answer, fill in a form ♪
♪ Mine forevermore ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
Garp?
Garp.
Garp.
Garp?
Yes. Garp.
Sounds like a fish.
My daughter got
knocked up by a garp.
Is that his first or last name?
Was that his first
or last name, dear?
It was just garp.
That's the whole thing.
It was his last name.
What was his first name?
I never found out.
She never found
out his first name?
You must know his first name.
Technical sergeant garp.
I knew it, I knew it.
A g*dd*mn soldier.
Technical sergeant?
T.s.
Yes, t.s. Garp.
That's my baby's name.
If I find him, I'll k*ll him.
He's dead already.
I don't suppose you
bothered to get married?
Married? She never even met him.
I didn't want marriage.
I wanted a baby.
But a wedding ring...
I didn't need his ring.
I needed his sperm.
Don't...
Don't you dare say
sperm in this house.
Where are you going?
To get a job.
I'm a trained nurse.
I plan to continue my work.
Jenny!
Jenny! In the w*r,
Which side was he on?
Was he on our side, at least?
He wasn't on any side.
He was on his back
in the hospital.
One night when he
had his usual erection,
I got on top of him
and inserted it in me.
He ejaculated
almost immediately.
Now I have a wonderful baby!
I can't hear a damn thing.
Where'd she go? Where the...
Oh, my god!
What a bod.
What a bod.
This, gentlemen, is a bod.
I wish I was a girl.
I'd take off my clothes
And stand in front
of the mirror,
Looking for hours.
The all-american bod.
Hey, why can't a
basketball player
Father a child?
Everybody knows that.
Hey!
Get him!
Pritchard, give me that!
Where is it?
I haven't got it.
Where'd you put it?
Of course you can
tell me what happened.
Come on in here.
Well, I zipped it up too fast,
And it got caught.
I can see that.
We'll just have to unzip you.
I tried that
already, but it hurts.
It's either that or amputate.
You can't parade around
Like a savage from borneo.
Aah!
It's all right, hold on.
I'll put something on it.
I'll get you for
this, pritchard.
Jeffrey?
Leave it alone for a while.
Yes, miss fields.
What are you doing awake?
Da-da.
Not da-da.
Mama.
Say mama.
Mama.
Da-da's dead.
He got k*lled.
No, let go.
Give this to me.
Let go. Let...
Where did you get this?
Sick.
Even when they're healthy,
They're sick with lust.
Bosworth.
Bosworth!
A word of warning,
you filth monger.
If you expose my baby
to any more cheap sh*ts,
I'll inoculate your
jockstrap with bubonic plague.
It'll work so well,
You'll have nothing
left to scratch.
Understand?
Yes, miss fields.
Fine.
Well, good night,
then, bosworth.
Sleep well.
My father was a flier.
I told you, he was a
tail gunner in a plane.
If he was in a
plane, he was a flier.
Was he real big?
I don't know. I never
saw him standing up.
Why not?
I'll tell you about it someday.
This is one course
you won't be taking.
The text is dull,
And stewart percy
is even duller.
I nearly fell asleep
in his class today.
Maybe he didn't die.
Who?
My father.
He sure did. Dead and gone.
Mythology.
I'll check out this class
For you next week.
The long ranger died.
It's lone ranger, not long.
He died.
I'm sorry to hear that.
But he really didn't.
Everybody thought
so, but he didn't.
Maybe my father
didn't really die, either.
Not really.
I'm a nurse. I know. He died.
Will I ever fly like daddy?
I don't know.
I remember flying.
When you were
born, I was so happy,
I threw you up and down.
I remember.
You were too young to remember.
I went flying with
daddy last week.
Are you going to sleep,
Or are you going to think
your weird thoughts?
I'll think weird
thoughts for a while.
All right. Fine.
Good night.
I'll see you in the morning.
If I'm still here.
You know, you don't
really need a father.
All the other kids have one.
If all the other kids
had trench mouth,
Would you want that, too?
I'm tired of that answer.
And I'm tired of your questions.
Good night.
Hey, over here!
I know how to make babies.
I know, too!
How could you? You
don't have a father.
You're a bastard,
But I'll teach you.
Monkey in the middle.
Monkey in the middle.
All right. The first thing is...
I have a headache. Oh, my head.
I have a headache. Not tonight.
Now you're supposed to attack me
And pull my clothes off.
Are you sure?
Yes, and you're supposed to say,
"Every night you
have a headache," ok?
Ok.
Not tonight. I have a headache.
Every night you have a headache.
No, don't do that.
That tickles.
No, bonkers! Stop it, bonkers!
Stop it!
No!
Go away, bonkers.
Cushie. Cushie!
No, bonkers.
Cushie!
Aah!
Stop!
Bonkers!
Bonkie!
Ohh.
Bonkie, are you
all right, big boy?
Cushie, what happened?
Bonkie bit garp.
I see.
Bonkie bit garp.
Oh, gosh.
Ohh.
At least the dog's
got good taste, right?
Does it hurt?
A lot.
You shouldn't tease bonkers.
He didn't!
Come on. Run along
to your house.
Your mother's a nurse.
She can take care of it.
What happened?
Bonkie bit garp.
All right, kids.
Fun's over!
Woman: come on, pooh.
Time for lunch.
Mom!
Mom!
Garp?
Mom!
What happened?
Bonkers bit me.
Son of a bitch.
Aah!
He bit your earlobe off.
Mr. Percy said
that I tasted good.
He did, did he?
Stay, bonkie, stay.
That's a good dog.
Smile, cushie.
That's right. Come
on, pooh, smile.
This picture's going to
all our friends this year,
So smile and look merry.
Pooh, will you smile, damn it?
If you don't smile,
You'll never get a husband.
Damn it.
Oh.
My son is not dog
food, god damn it!
Calm down, jenny.
Bonkers got a little excited.
I'm a little excited, too.
Where's bonkers?
Why?
I want to give him a shot
So he won't bite people.
A shot'll do that?
Yeah. He'll be dead.
You can't be serious.
You bet your fat ass I am.
Either tie him up,
make him behave,
Or I'll make him
dead as a doornail.
Come on, garp!
Oh, mom.
I don't want any
discussion about it.
Oh, good afternoon, dean bodger.
Good afternoon, jenny.
Hello there, garp.
Hello, dean.
I understand you'll
be starting classes
Next semester.
Yes. We're on our way
to enter him in a sport.
What sport?
Basketball.
I don't know.
I'm sure you'll do splendidly.
Good luck.
Thank you very much.
Why can't I decide
what sport to take?
You're too young. I've
looked into them all.
Basketball is the best.
I'm too short for basketball.
Garp, you want to play?
Yes. I do.
No, you don't.
That cushie could use
a good sport herself.
All right. Over here. Let's go!
Get the rebound! Get around.
Good, we got them.
Back on defense!
Let's go. Set up number 4.
Let's go, chris.
Set up on the base line.
Give and go, guys!
Move it up.
Come on, chris. Let's go!
Weak side. Come on.
Get on the boards! Come on!
We got them! Watch him!
Take a shot. Swish! Nice shot.
All right! Same thing!
Bottom man down! Same man down!
Let's go! Ready?
Hold him down. Ride him. Good!
Good reversal.
Stay off your back!
10 Seconds!
Hold him. Hold him.
5...
4...
3...
2...
Ok, gentlemen, that's
it. Hit the showers.
Hey, garp, how you doing?
Good to see ya, garp.
Why can't basketball
players father a child?
Because they're ugly!
No. Because they dribble
before they sh**t.
What's the definition
of brassiere?
I don't know. What?
An over-the-shoulder
boulder-holder.
What's the
definition of a girdle?
What?
It's a lower-decker
pecker-checker.
My father wore a helmet.
He was a flier.
Oh?
Can you fly?
No.
Garp?
Jesus christ!
What's she doing in here?
Spare me your modesty.
You know why santa
can't father a child?
Because he comes
down the chimney.
Garp!
What are you doing in here?
Wrestlers, big meet tomorrow.
So no beating the meat tonight.
Hi, jenny.
I want to do what they do.
Animals.
Garp?
Garp?
Garp?
Garp?
Ploosh!
Plaat!
Aah!
Mom! Mom!
Garp?
Garp?
Mom! Help me!
Garp!
Help!
Mom! Help!
Dean bodger!
Who's on the roof?
Mom!
Who's that?
Garp?
Mom!
Garp!
I'm afraid.
Garp, I'm here.
I'm coming to get
you. Stay very still.
Hold tight. It's all right.
Get some mattresses!
Something to cushion the fall!
I wanted to fly.
I understand. It's all right.
Careful. Give me your foot.
Get the mattresses
close together.
Next to the building
so he can fall on them.
Give me your free foot.
A little bit more over.
I've got you! I won't let go.
You're going to be all right.
Quickly.
Now slowly take your
foot out of the gutter.
That's a good boy.
Take it out.
I'm slipping.
I got you!
I'm gone!
Uhh!
Mmm!
Miss fields!
Miss fields!
Yes?
What about dean bodger?
Bring him into the infirmary.
Let's go, boys.
Everybody back inside.
You sure like
trouble, don't you?
Thank god I caught him.
Yes. Just in time.
What was he doing up there?
Pretending to be
his dead father.
I wanted to be a father myself,
But I never got married.
Neither did i.
Hmm?
I always wanted a child.
If I could've had one
by myself, I would've.
But god or nature or whatever...
Well, you need a man.
You know men... Full of lust.
I can talk to you.
You're past all that.
What?
You're not well enough to walk.
That's a very nasty bump.
Anyway...
The w*r was on.
I was a nurse.
One day, they brought
in a tail gunner
Who'd been wounded
by antiaircraft
In a raid over germany.
A splinter of steel
lodged in his brain.
All he could say
was his name... Garp.
For medical reasons I
couldn't understand,
He also had a constant erection,
And he deteriorated steadily,
Until one day, all he could say
Was part of his name... Arp.
It was then I knew he
wouldn't last much longer.
His erections continued
however, quite unabated.
I see.
I'll just be going.
Not yet. No, not yet.
You'd better rest.
Anyway...
Where was i?
He kept having erections.
Thank you.
He was dying.
I wanted a child.
It seemed a good way to have one
Without the bother of a husband.
So one night, when
the wounded and maimed
Were all asleep, I went to him.
He was asleep,
But his erection
was there as always.
I removed my undergarments
And climbed on top of him.
He woke up then,
said the only word
Other than his name
I'd ever heard him utter.
He said, "good."
It didn't take long.
Once was all that was needed.
You r*ped him.
You r*ped a dying man.
Are you all right?
No.
Uh, yes.
I have to get home now.
You've been very kind.
I've never heard anything...
Good night.
And then he died.
He did die.
Really?
Really.
Will you throw me in the air
Like you used to?
You're too big for that now.
May the lord's
light shine upon you
And give you peace.
Amen.
Now you don't have
a father, either.
I know.
Everybody dies.
My parents died.
Your father died.
Everybody dies.
I'm going to die, too.
So will you.
The thing is...
To have a life before we die.
It can be a real
adventure having a life.
Garp!
Careful of the undertow!
The undertow!
Be careful of the undertow!
Howdy do!
Hi.
Hello again.
I hope I'm not disturbing you
Running up and down here.
Nope.
It's distracting, isn't it?
Not to me, it's not.
What do you weigh?
About 112 or so?
113.
Ahh. Pleased to meet you.
I'm 158, on my way to 147.
Sorry about that.
My name is t.s. Garp.
What's t.s. Stand for?
Terribly sexy.
I used to be terribly shy,
But I changed.
I'm helen holm.
Home sweet home.
Our new wrestling
coach is named holm.
What a hard ass.
We call him home sweat holm.
He's my father.
I'm his daughter.
We're the holm team.
Take care.
You assh*le.
Let's get him, garp!
Next playoff.
Do it!
2!
You're out of bounds!
Concentration.
You walked right
into that fireman's cap!
Let's go! Let's go!
That's 2!
Off the face! Off the face!
That's 2! Come on! 2 Down!
Get him, garp!
Down 2!
2 There!
That's 2.
2 Back!
Ernie, congratulations.
You beat us on the takedowns,
And we're lousy on takedowns.
Thanks. We got some guys.
Nice job.
Nice yourself.
He got all the takedowns.
And most of the falls.
Mr. Holm.
Oh. Hi, jenny.
Mr. Holm, were you aware
Of what was going on out here?
Well, garp wasn't
really concentrating
The first period.
It was lust.
Beg your pardon?
Lust.
Mr. Holm, you have a daughter.
I have a son.
He's a fine boy.
He's also full of lust.
I can spot it a mile away.
He's lusting after
your daughter.
I wouldn't worry.
Helen can take care of herself.
After all, it's only natural.
Diseases are natural, too.
Doesn't mean we
have to give in to them.
Keep an eye on your daughter.
Heh heh.
Heh heh.
Hello, garp?
Cushie?
Garp!
So, what brings you home?
I'm visiting.
I'm stuck at this
all-girls school.
I thought I'd see how
the boys are doing.
How are you?
I have this terrible headache.
I'll see you.
Take care.
Hi.
Hi.
Am I disturbing you?
I think you like to disturb me.
You sure read a lot.
I've always read a lot.
Me, too.
You're going to ruin
your eyes, though.
They're already ruined.
Oh. Ulysses.
You going to be a writer?
No chance.
I'm going to be a reader.
Maybe you'll marry a writer.
If I marry anybody,
it'll be a writer,
But I doubt I'll marry anybody.
You're certainly not
Going to marry a wrestler.
You can be very sure of that,
Unless it's a wrestler
Who's also a writer.
But a writer first and foremost?
Yeah. A real writer.
Like joyce?
Maybe.
But he never made any money.
He worked as a clerk
To support himself and his wife.
You've read him?
Did you know he had a
beautiful tenor voice?
No, I didn't.
He was 21 when he entered
the feis ceoil in dublin.
It's a gaelic
musical competition.
He was runner-up in
the tenor category.
Know who the winner
was? John mccormack.
Really?
Do you always wear a sweat suit?
Don't you like it?
I was just imagining what
you're like without it...
I mean, in a dress.
I spend a lot of
time imagining things.
It's part of my
training as a writer.
All real writers imagine.
Good night, garp.
Oh, my god.
Garp, you've no
right to write this.
If you're going to write
about my personal life,
Wait till I'm dead.
While I'm alive, the
subject belongs to me.
I might want to
write about myself.
Nothing's happened
to me yet, mom.
Too bad. Make
something up, then.
Good night, son.
Good night, mom.
Sleep well.
You, too.
How do you know you're
going to be a writer?
It's just something you know.
What are you going
to write about?
My life, once I've
experienced enough.
You'll write,
you'll marry helen,
And she'll read.
Is that what you want?
Maybe.
I guess I'd better
Give you something
to write about, huh?
Oh, boy.
It's stuck, ha ha!
Is this your first time?
No.
I thought so. Ha ha!
Where's your thing?
Where's what?
Your thing.
My thing? Don't you
have ahold of it?
No, your glove.
My glove?
Look, I don't want babies.
No glove, no love.
Oh, you mean rubbers.
Pooh?
Oh, poor garp.
You're about to burst.
Oh...
Oh...
Oh, ha ha.
Helen! Oh, helen!
Helen!
Ha ha!
I'm gaining on you, helen.
What's the matter?
Ohh!
Watch where the
hell you're running.
Sorry. Helen!
Helen! My short story!
Oh...
It's my first short story.
I wrote it for you.
You wrote it for me?
Yeah.
What'd cushie think of it?
Cushie?
Cushie.
I don't think she's the type
To appreciate
serious literature.
From what I saw,
She seemed to have
a pretty good head
On her shoulders.
Oh...
Boy!
Helen!
Helen!
We haven't got much time!
Men die young in
my family, helen!
I'm leaving!
I'm going to new york
to become a real writer!
Helen!
Hel...
Oh, god.
Oh...
Oh... Bonkers.
Bonkie...
Come on now.
Give me the paper.
Ha ha.
Bonkers, give me that paper,
you hairy son of a bitch!
Aah!
Help!
Bonkers, you chickenshit!
If I were a dog, you'd be dead!
What happened?
I had a fight with helen.
With helen?
Oh, and bonkers, too.
I want to get the
hell out of here.
I want to go to new york
and become a real writer.
We ought to leave. We've
been here long enough.
Are you going to come?
I think it's a good idea.
Maybe I could write there, too.
What's this?
Bonker's ear.
His ear?
A part of it.
Garp! Are you up there?
Jenny fields! Are you up there?
Yes, what is it you want?
What the hell did
your bastard son
Do to my dog? There's
blood everywhere!
He's under the house
and won't come out!
Garp bit bonkie.
We got oranges,
Fruits, and vegetables.
Now all we need
Is some butter,
some milk, and...
Some coffee.
And, uh...
We're also out of cereal.
Is that the latest fashion?
No, mom, that's the
oldest profession.
Whores?
Oh, yes.
How do you know?
Oh, just a writer's instinct.
I want to talk with one of them.
Come on.
No, I want to ask
her about something.
About what?
About lust!
Mom! Mom!
Oh, boy.
Pardon me. My
name is jenny fields.
Are you a prost*tute?
What's it to you?
My mother and I
were just passing by...
Your mother?
I'll be glad to pay you.
I don't go for kinky stuff.
You want that? Try 8th avenue.
She just wants to talk.
Well, what's your
regular charge?
Would $10 be enough?
$10?
What's the usual charge?
It depends.
I'll give you 20.
We'll get some coffee,
Get warm, and talk.
You pay for the coffee?
Of course.
Oh, what the hell.
Good.
Thank you very much.
Mom, can we go now?
Do you feel anything?
Do you get physical
enjoyment from it?
Not when I'm working.
Oh, sometimes.
Why do you think men like you?
We really got to go.
Why, do you like her?
She's very nice, mom...
What is it about her you want?
I don't mean just her sex parts.
Is there something else
That's satisfying?
Well, it's...
Well, ahem,
Well, it's a combination.
How do you feel to
be wanted in that way?
Does it degrade you
To have my son want you,
Or do you think it
only degrades him?
I don't know.
Do you want her?
Do you want her
like you want helen?
Is it the same kind of want?
You really want to
have sex with her?
Well, do you?
Yes.
Of course I do.
All right.
It's all right with me
If your mother wants
to buy me for you,
But she can't come along.
Oh, no...
I won't have her watch us.
I'm still catholic,
believe it or not.
I don't intend to watch.
I've heard quite enough.
Thanks for your time.
You do what you want
or you have to do, I guess.
Here.
Don't give me money here!
Why not?
'Cause it's illegal, mom.
Why?
Because it is, that's why.
That's silly. It's her body.
Why shouldn't she use it
The way she wants to?
Here.
I'll see you later.
Good night.
Thank you so much.
Your mother's weird.
You could say that.
Mom?
What are you doing?
Writing.
About what?
None of your business.
Just lay off me, will you?
You've been hammering at me
Since we got on
the g*dd*mn plane.
We should have
stayed in chicago.
Oh, rachel...
Don't rachel me, stephen.
Get your mattresses!
Put mattresses under
him! Cushion his fall!
Go!
Jump!
Go ahead and jump!
Oh, my god!
Stephen!
Stephen!
Rachel?
Stephen!
Stephen!
Remember chicago?
Do you?
Do you remember these, rachel?
Do you?
I don't want them anymore.
♪ There will be
other songs to sing ♪
♪ Another fall, another spring ♪
Come down, stephen.
♪ But there will never ♪
Aah! Aah!
Watch out!
Aah! Aah!
Well?
It's, uh...
A bit thin.
Yeah, but it's not
quantity that counts.
Thank god for that.
This is good enough for me.
That's not very
artistic, though.
Well, I'm not an artist.
I'm a nurse.
It's time I got back to it.
Well, I want to be an artist.
I want to know what you thought.
I'm not sure I understand it.
It's very simple.
He does wonders
When he's wearing
his magic gloves.
If his wife is sad,
He touches her with his
gloves, and she's happy.
If his children are crying,
He just touches
them, and they smile.
But he can't feel them.
He yearns to feel.
He can even hold off
death with his gloves,
But he can't feel life.
So he takes off the
gloves, and he dies,
But he finally feels life
As he's flying into
the arms of death.
I like that.
If that's what
it means, I like it.
Well, let me see yours.
No. I've got to go.
That's not fair.
I showed you mine,
you show me yours.
You think you're playing
doctor's office with cushie?
I have an appointment.
With who?
Whom.
With whom was your
appointment, mother?
With him.
He's a publisher.
He looks like a nice man.
I'll let him publish my book.
Let him?
Why not? Bring
that along, will you?
We can return it.
Come along.
"In this dirty-minded world,
"You are either somebody's
wife or somebody's whore
Or fast on your way to
becoming one or the other."
I think so. Don't you?
To tell you the truth,
I've never given the
matter much thought,
But... Garp!
Is that right... Garp?
That's right. Garp.
Mom, you didn't write
about me, did you?
I wrote about my life.
You're a part of it.
But you said when I wanted
to write about your life...
My son's also a writer.
Short stories.
"Sexual suspect?"
Well, I wanted a job,
And I wanted to live alone.
That made me a sexual suspect.
I wanted a baby,
But didn't want to share my life
To have one.
That also made me
a sexual suspect.
Oh.
I wanted to express
an inner longing...
Well, I'll call you.
Mom, that wasn't fair.
You said I couldn't
write about you.
Oh, my god.
Go away.
Well?
It's...
So sad.
Really?
So sad!
Oh, that's great.
I mean, thank you.
Oh-ho!
It's the saddest
story I have ever read.
Ha!
Yeow!
Ha!
That's wonderful!
Oh, I'm so happy!
I'm so sad!
Helen, do you know
This will be published
in the review?
And mom's publisher said
He'll publish my
first novel, too.
Do you think I'll
be a real writer?
I do.
Oh, I do!
Oh, heh heh.
Oh...
And you said
That you'd only
marry a real writer.
I did.
And I do.
I do, too.
It's sickening.
Every bookstore in
new york looks like this.
Every bookstore in the u.s.
I mean, what the hell
does she know about lust?
She never felt it, not once.
Some authority she is.
It's like listening to plants
Discuss the motives of mammals.
It's timing.
Timing? In writing, it's
supposed to be the writing.
In writing, it's writing.
In publishing, it's timing.
I'm stunned.
It upsets people.
I'm getting hate mail
Just for publishing it.
It's dangerous stuff,
And dangerous stuff sells.
In one way or another,
We have all been
suspect all of our lives.
Thank you.
We have been suspect
as the weaker sex.
Yeah! Yeah!
When we showed
strength, we were suspect
As not being weak enough.
When we showed intelligence,
We were suspect
Of covering up some
defect in our femininity
With our brains.
Yeah! Yeah!
What really gets my goat
Is that she wrote about me.
I am known as the bastard son
Of jenny fields.
Hello. How nice
to see you again.
How you doing?
Very well, thank you.
Yeah?
Thanks so much for everything.
Aw, what the hell.
Am I in it?
In a way.
Yeah? I'll read it.
She is going to
be very, very rich
And very, very famous.
I get the picture.
I don't think you do.
You're a wonderful writer, garp.
Your novel's a good first novel.
I'm proud to publish it.
But your mother has
written a political manifesto.
She's a cult, not a writer.
Hi.
Could you write a
little something in there?
It's for frank, my husband.
"Dear frank, the
kids are in the school,
"The dog is in the yard,
"And I am gone, gone, gone.
Love, ruth."
I think you better write that.
Thank you. I will.
We're neither little nor weak,
But a force to be dealt with!
Yeah!
The women of america,
hungry for a heroine,
Have at last found
one in jenny fields!
The men of america
will soon find out
What that means.
Mom!
Mom!
I'm all right, darling!
We don't usually find
homes quite this lovely
In this quiet of a location.
Is this nice?
Isn't this a beautiful street?
And the landscaping...
They've done lovely
things here with the lawn.
It's a lovely place.
Lovely.
Just the ticket
for young marrieds.
And my firm will even
finance the mortgage.
My mother's paying for it.
She's become a firm these days.
Oh.
What do you think, helen?
Is it a home?
Uh...
It's close to the college
where I'll be teaching.
And close to the supermarket
Where I'll be shopping.
Ha ha! Just like our house.
I work. My husband
putters around the house.
My husband doesn't putter.
He's a writer.
His novel was just published...
Procrastination by t.s. Garp?
T.s. Garp?
Not the bastard
son of jenny fields!
Oh, I loved your mother's book!
Loved it!
Oh! I keep buying them,
And my husband
keeps burning them.
Ha ha!
Ha ha.
Ha ha!
Oh! And you write, too.
Isn't that nice?
You must be so
proud of your mother.
Oh, I'm very, very proud of mom.
You folks all right down there?
Yeah, ok. We're all right.
But are you all right?
Oh, I'm fine. Mind if
I use your phone?
Sure, if you can find it.
Thanks a lot.
We'll take the house.
Garp...
The chances of another
plane hitting this house
Are astronomical.
It's been predisastered.
We're going to be safe here.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Yes, there is.
Nobody is buying my novel.
I'm starting my second,
And the same nobodies
are going to line up
Not to buy that one, too.
I have just read
in time magazine...
That my mother's book
Has been translated into apache.
Apache, helen.
Not even shakespeare or dickens
Has been translated into apache.
She's timely.
She struck a chord
women wanted to hear.
The reviewers
took her to pieces.
They said wonderful
things about your book.
I don't want reviews.
I want an audience.
A big audience.
One of my students
brought you up in class today.
He didn't even know
we were married.
They started talking
about magic gloves.
Well, what was the verdict?
They loved it.
One of them even
called it a novella
Instead of a short story.
I like that kid.
There's another kid I'm
sure you're going to like, too.
Really? What's he like?
Can't tell yet.
Quiet type?
Yeah, real.
He's very young.
A real baby.
I invited him over to meet you.
When?
Should be here in
about 7 1/2 months.
Hmm.
Oh, don't cry.
I'm the one who's
supposed to be crying.
I got to do everything
around here.
I got to cook, got
to clean, got to cry.
He's in there, right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's nice in there. I know.
Cute little bugger, isn't he?
It's our baby.
Oh...
I got to kiss our baby.
Mmm.
Come on, duncan.
Say da-da.
It's easy.
Da... Da.
Anybody can say mama, duncan.
Quit torturing me. Say da-da.
Say it, say it.
All right, duncan.
This is technical sergeant garp.
Make it easy on yourself.
Don't be a baby,
duncan. Say da-da.
Da da-da-da.
♪ Da da-da-da da ♪
Hey, you! Wait! Wait!
Hey!
Wait!
Wait!
Hello.
This is a residential
neighborhood.
And this time of day,
The residents are kids
Who can't look
out for themselves,
So we have to look out for them.
We have to follow speed limits.
Yeah, yeah.
Come to a full stop,
you son of a bitch!
Every time we come here,
there are more people.
Boy, they take advantage of her.
Wonder who they all are.
Moochers, hangers-on.
That's what happens when
you become rich and famous.
That's why I avoided it.
Ha, ha, ha.
Garp?
Garp!
Garp, how lovely to see you.
You look wonderful.
Helen.
Hi.
Hello, dear.
Who's that?
Hello, duncan.
How about a hug for grandma?
Mmm. Oh, yes.
Say grandma.
No.
Well, come on inside.
I'll take you upstairs.
There we are.
We're going to go in there.
Hi.
Bye.
Who's that?
Somebody mother
introduced me to.
Back to your basic
hospital white, eh, mom?
Yes.
Come on upstairs.
I'll show you your rooms.
I'm want to see my room.
Yes, it's a brand-new
room that I had...
Hi. My name's t.s. Garp.
Ooh! Don't touch
me! Don't touch me!
Don't touch me!
Alice, dear, it's
all right, darling.
Come on. Sit down.
He touched me! He touched me!
I'm sorry. All I did
was just touch her.
It's ok. She can't bear a
man's hand touching her.
Boy, she's got problems.
Yes, she does.
It's hard to avoid
being touched.
Yes, it is, but that's
why she's here.
My name's roberta.
I'm garp.
You're jenny's son!
Yes, I am.
I just finished
reading your novel.
I think it's
wonderful. I adored it.
What happened?
Oh, it's all right.
Garp frightened alice
a bit, but she's fine.
I just touched her.
It's all right, darling.
It's all right, everyone.
Go back to whatever
you were doing before,
'Cause everything is fine.
Barbara! Barbara.
Barbara, it's all right.
Mama, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
He's my son.
What's her problem?
Oh, she's an ellen jamesian.
What does that mean?
You don't know what
an ellen jamesian is?
No. Has she taken
a vow of frowns?
What's all this?
She has no tongue.
What do you mean?
She has no tongue.
It was cut off.
Oh, christ. I'm sorry...
It was cut off on purpose
Because of what happened
To a girl named ellen james.
2 Men r*ped her when she was 11.
They cut off her tongue
So she wouldn't be
able to describe them.
Some women formed
a society in her honor.
You mean this
ellen james society
Goes around not talking
As if they had no tongues?
No. The women in the society
Have their tongues cut off
To protest what
happened to ellen james.
They have their tongues cut off?
Yes. The society...
Oh, mom, I don't want
to hear about this shit!
You're short on sympathy.
I got lots of sympathy
for a girl who's r*ped,
But this is self-mutilation!
Supposing after the next r*pe,
I cut off my prick and
wear it around my neck?
Barbara, what?
What?
Why not cut off your left tit?
That way, your armor will fit!
It's ok.
Jesus christ!
No sense making things
worse than they are.
This house is full of...
I know. Everyone here
has something missing
Or some wound that won't heal,
And your mother tries to
nurse them back to health.
She's a wonderful person.
What, are you visiting
somebody here?
No, why?
You just seem like the
only normal person
Around the place.
Oh, I don't know.
Pardon me. I hate to
use a corny line like this,
But haven't I seen you before?
You like football?
I've watched it quite a bit.
You might've seen me.
I was a tight end with
the philadelphia eagles.
Number 90? Robert muldoon?
Oh. Oh, yeah.
I had a great pair of hands.
Yes, you did.
Yeah.
Heh heh heh.
Are we going to
come back, duncan?
You want to come back?
Mmm. Goodbye, helen.
Bye, roberta.
Duncan, kiss for grandma?
Can you say "bye, grandma"?
Bye, grandma.
Did he?
Yes, he did.
When are you due?
How did you know?
I'm a nurse. I know.
When's what due, mom?
Oh, son, helen's expecting.
No, she's not.
Yeah.
She is.
Oh, boy.
Helen!
Helen.
Oh, boy.
Oh, wonderful!
Hey, not so hard.
Well, have a lovely trip back.
We will.
I'll send you the
book when I'm finished.
Call you when we get home.
Drive carefully.
Yeah.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
I did it again.
You sure did.
Hope it's a girl.
Bye, duncan, darling.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Bye-bye!
Bye-bye!
Bye-bye!
Pretty nice
halloween party, huh?
Death scared me.
It wasn't death. That
was just a costume.
It scared me.
Nobody is scared of bears.
And bears are scared of nobody.
Except death.
What's gradual school?
Gradual school?
Yeah. Mom says she teaches kids
That go to gradual school.
Oh. Gradual school's
where you go
And gradually find out
That you don't want to
go to school anymore.
Who's mommy talking to?
I don't know.
Who do you think
she's talking to?
Aah!
Damn you, duncan.
Leave him alone.
Gotcha! I gotcha!
What's going on out here?
Hey.
Walt's scared of death, mom.
No, he's not.
I am so.
Inside, duncan.
Roberta called.
To wish us a happy halloween?
That's right.
Should invite her
over next weekend.
I just did.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Oh, no.
I don't want your
names on these.
I just want to know
Why you selected
This particular
literature course.
Anonymity promotes honesty.
Thank you.
That's it.
I will see you tuesday.
Michael milton.
The thing that's hard is,
I'd love to have kids.
Of course, I can't,
And they won't let me adopt.
Jenny's doing all she can.
We're taking the case to court.
I love kids.
Oh, me, too.
I didn't know I
loved them so much
Until I became a woman.
If I'd known, I'd have
had some while a man.
Duncan and walt
are crazy about you.
Well, you know how
I feel about them.
What's the matter?
It's just one of those
raging hormonal att*cks.
Oh, come on, come on.
Son of a bitch!
Garp?
Garp.
Garp!
Hey! Hey, you! Stop!
There's a stop
sign there, right?
Means you're
supposed to stop, right?
Means a full stop, right?
Children could have
been playing there!
Pregnant women!
Old men!
Garp! Garp, what are you...
Right?
Right?
Garp!
We are civilized people,
And civilized people obey rules,
You neolithic dipshit!
What are you doing?
Will you knock it off?
What was that all about?
That guy's been terrorizing
this neighborhood for years.
Wasn't that overreacting?
He was...
Oh, f*ck!
Come on!
That son of a bitch
ran the same stop sign.
You have one hell of a way
Of making converts
to civilization.
The only thing you've
inherited from your mother
Is your... Your natural
ability to piss people off.
That was a dreadful film.
I love dreadful films.
Whoever made this dreadful film
Is a friend of mine.
Wish I had friends
Who wrote dreadful novels,
novellas, and short stories.
Practically a whole
window to yourself.
How about that?
I like it.
Hiya, teacher.
Hi.
Who's that?
Just one of my gradual students.
♪ Warm summer nights ♪
♪ Like this ♪
♪ And I'll be standing here ♪
♪ With someone new ♪
♪ There will be
other songs to sing ♪
♪ Another fall ♪
♪ Another spring ♪
♪ But there will ♪
I wish you wouldn't do this.
♪ Never be another you ♪
The kids love
it. It's like flying.
It's dangerous and silly.
♪ Taran-tarantara ♪
♪ There will be other lips ♪
♪ Tan tan tan tan tan ♪
Oh!
I'll send the sitter out.
Roger and out.
♪ But they won't thrill me ♪
♪ Like yours used to do ♪
♪ Yes, I may dream ♪
♪ A million dreams ♪
♪ But how can they come true? ♪
Hi.
Hi.
♪ We still got a
long way to go ♪
♪ We still got a
long way to go ♪
♪ We both got a long way to go ♪
♪ What's keepin' us
apart is this selfishness ♪
♪ What's holdin' us together? ♪
♪ Is it love? ♪
You know, I've just
been reading this.
Really? How do you like it?
I love it.
It's awfully sad.
I've read everything
you've written, mr. Garp.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
What does the t.s. Stand for?
"Terribly sad."
Used to be "terribly sexy,"
But i... But I changed.
Oh, I don't think so.
Really?
How old are you?
18.
18.
18.
Is there any word in
the english language
As sexy as that?
How old are you?
Mmm...
30.
Mmm.
30.
Dirty 30?
You really 18?
Mm-hmm.
Promise.
♪ We still got ♪
♪ Still got a long way to go ♪
Wish I'd known you
when you were 15.
I really wish I'd known
you when you were 5.
Yeah, 5.
Wish we grew up
together as kids.
That way, I could
see you flat-chested
And watch you as
your breasts grew.
You just see my breasts sag,
My teeth fall out,
and my hair turn gray.
It's not as exciting, but...
Our youth is gone, isn't it?
Mm-hmm.
How about that?
I'm 30.
Dirty 30.
Why dirty?
I don't know.
You know, maybe we should move.
Why?
There's, like, nuclear
power plants nearby,
And there are crazy
drivers everywhere.
Strangers.
What strangers?
Oh... Well, we haven't
had any strangers,
But... Well, strangers
can come between us.
Did you seduce that babysitter?
Fo... Jesus christ!
Aw, that really...
That really gets me!
Sorry.
I should hope so.
Let's make love.
I don't think so.
Don't you think I want to?
I don't want to.
I really, really do.
I don't. I really don't.
I want to finish
reading this story.
You're reading another
writer in my bed, helen.
That's adultery.
See? A stranger
has come between us.
Black snow.
That's catchy.
Michael milton. That's his name?
Yeah.
Sounds like a flavor
In a gay ice cream parlor.
Strawberry swirl.
Chocolate-chocolate
mocha madness michael milton.
He's not gay.
His writing's nowhere
near as good as yours.
He write sad stuff, too?
Hardly.
Mmm.
He's one of my gradual students.
He's bright enough. He's just...
What?
I don't know.
Young... Maybe.
He's just...
Young.
Very bright, but young.
Well, how young? 17?
No. Not 17.
18?
19?
Is he a teen?
I don't know.
Let's go look at the kids.
We looked at them last night.
I know, but I really
feel the need
To look at them.
For both of us to look at them.
All right.
Let's go look at the kids.
I just really love it.
What?
Me being a father.
Being a husband and a father.
Oh, I really adore it.
I will never, ever write
anything that lovely.
I mean, I have
talent as a writer,
But I'm a natural
at only 2 things...
Wrestling...
And being a family man.
Come on, family man.
Help! Help!
Oh!
Hi, dragon!
It's coming! Help me!
Aah!
Get him! k*ll him! k*ll him!
Help! Help! Help!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
You're wounded.
When you're wounded,
you become a villain.
That's the rule.
I'll become the villain.
You've disgraced your tribe.
Scum of the earth.
It's time to die, sir scum.
I'm revenging my uncle's death.
You and who else?
Me and him. You ready, sir walt?
Ready, roger, and
out, sir duncan.
Sound the charge.
Taran-taran-taran-tarantara!
Charge! Charge!
Come on! Go get him!
Aah! Gotcha!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Well, what's the matter, walt?
What's wrong?
You guys always get to die.
I never get to.
You can't. Someone has
to rescue the fair maiden.
I want to die, too.
All right.
With his last dying breath,
Sir scum manages
to crawl forward
And fling his vile blade.
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh. Sorry about that.
We have to end the w*r
because of a pot roast.
Isn't that a pity?
Kids: aw.
Don't moan if you
want to eat dinner.
Dead men don't eat.
They don't bitch, either.
I've got to go. It's late.
Goodbye, duncan.
Sure you can't stay?
No. I have to go have a
heartbreak in manhattan.
He's young. He's handsome.
Ah, what can I do?
Maybe this time it'll work out.
Maybe so. I'm a
hopeless romantic
In a male chauvinist world.
Goodbye, darlings!
Having some trouble?
Looks that way.
Can I give you a lift someplace?
Where to?
Is your apartment clean?
Pretty clean.
If anyone finds out
about this, it's over.
You understand?
It's a small town.
It's not that small a town.
You've been sleeping
with marge tallworth.
She's in dirkson's
drama through the ages.
That's how small this town is.
You've been doing your
homework, teacher.
I like you calling me teacher.
It underlines the age difference
And reminds me
why I'm doing this.
So keep it up.
Not here.
Only in your apartment...
And only if it's clean.
It's been one of those days.
I saw the kids get
up, go to school,
I saw you go to work.
Then we played this
game with roberta.
Ta-ran-ta-rah! Ta-ran-ta-rah!
Ta-ran-ta-rah!
We beat him, mom.
We did it. We k*lled him.
Oh, boy, did they.
Then we talked about the fact
That I've never written
a christmas story.
It was my idea.
Story credit goes to duncan.
It's going to be called,
"A child's christmas
with a whale."
It's about this little lame girl
Who runs across a
beached whale, still alive,
And she helps it.
I get to do the drawings.
Walt gets to do
the illustrations.
You realize how good he is?
Uh-huh.
This is going to be a
real family project.
Sometimes you can
have a lifetime in a day
And never notice
This is as beautiful
as life gets.
Oh, I just feel
happy that I noticed.
I had a beautiful life today.
I even died and
lived to tell about it.
Right.
What a day.
What a day.
43, 29!
43, 29!
Down! Set! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
You got him!
No fair! No tackling!
Unnecessary roughness.
Oh, walt, isn't this lovely?
Look at him.
What's he saying?
Boo-hoo.
Did you really do them yourself?
Yes. Duncan did the
eyebrows on the whale,
But I did the rest.
Your daddy used to draw.
Not as well as you.
Down! Set! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
1 Mississippi, 2
mississippi, 3 mississippi.
Stay tight with him.
Oh! Hey! Hey!
Garp!
Come on, dad. Let's go!
Come on!
How old are you, granny?
Old as the hills.
Really?
That's right.
You'll be old, too, someday.
Old man walt.
It's not bad being old.
It's kind of nice, actually.
You can have cake and ice cream
And not worry about cavities.
You're done with school,
And, if you're very lucky,
You'll have many, many friends
And many, many memories,
And you can think about them.
Would you like that?
Can I go swimming?
Of course you can, darling.
Just don't go in
over your knees.
Time out.
Time out. 5.
What was that all about?
New constitution?
They had a crisis.
Ellen james wrote them a letter
Begging them to disband
And stop getting other
women to hurt themselves.
Well, good for her.
They took a vote and
decided to continue.
They're going to have
an ellen james society,
And ellen james is against it?
It's their right to
do what they want.
She sent me a
picture of herself.
So this is the little girl.
She's not little anymore.
She doesn't want anyone
to know what she looks like
Or where she is.
There still are men
who would hurt her.
Poor kid.
She not only has to hide,
But she's got to
feel responsible
For all these women
whacking their tongues off.
I'd help her if I
knew where she is,
But I can't find out.
Can I have it?
What?
The picture.
Why?
I don't know.
Walt!
Watch out for the undertow!
Be careful of the undertow!
How's your fella in
new york working out?
Ha ha. It isn't.
He says I make him feel
sexually ambiguous.
Can you imagine?
Sorry.
I'm going on a
cruise next friday...
2 Weeks to club med.
Maybe things will change.
Oh, god!
What's that?
Some of my hate mail.
This one hopes that
I'll get g*ng-banged
By the oakland raiders.
A lot of sick people out there.
Your mother gets
even worse than these.
You writing anything?
No.
If I could write,
I'd feel better...
Maybe.
What's the matter, roberta?
I don't know.
I think I'm developing
female intuition.
I don't know. It's
probably nothing.
You coming?
In a minute.
Toad? What toad?
I'm almost sorry
we're going back.
Home is home.
You know, undertoad.
There's no toad under the water.
Boy, you are something, walt.
You hear that, dad?
What's that?
Walt thinks there's a big toad
Under the water.
You know, undertoad.
Come here.
First, there was
the gradual student,
And now the undertoad.
Come on, walt's a fine kid.
I know. He just can't talk.
Hey!
Aah!
Can I help you?
Well?
What is it?
God. You're one of them.
Listen, you got the wrong house
And the wrong guy.
My name is garp.
It's my mother you want.
Oh, listen, I know...
I know all about it.
I think it's a hideous
thing that you've done.
I didn't know you knew.
You can talk.
Why can't basketball
players have kids?
Because they're guys.
Daddy's a guy.
But daddy has mommy.
Daddy had mommy when
he was a basketball player.
You're so dumb. It's a joke.
You didn't say it was a joke.
Where's your handkerchief?
I don't have one.
Here, take mine.
How come we're eating out?
It's fun.
Hear that? We're having fun?
What's mom going to
eat when she comes home?
Shut up and eat.
This sure is fun, dad.
Garp?
Garp?
Duncan?
Walt?
Oh, god.
Hello?
Hello, helen.
Where are you?
What the hell do you
care where we are?
You call him, helen.
You call him and
tell that little wimp
It is all over.
Of course I will.
Call him, say goodbye...
On the phone. No
last f*ck for the road.
Come home.
I feel horrible
without all of you here.
Walt had a cold this morning.
He should be home.
Home? What home?
We're going to go to a movie.
I just can't see you right now.
Will you cut that shit out!
We'll be home later,
if we come home at all.
The word home keeps coming up,
But it sure doesn't
sound the same anymore.
Get in the g*dd*mn back seat!
Get in there!
Michael, damn it,
will you listen?
You can't, helen.
You just can't.
Not like this.
I said it's over.
I've got to see
you one more time.
I'm coming over.
No! You can't. Michael!
Michael?
Come on.
I don't feel like a movie.
Me, neither.
Too bad. Let's go.
Guess what?
What?
I think we're still having fun.
Dumb.
I've got to see you.
Go! You can't come in.
Then get in the car.
No. Please.
I brought some champagne.
Just for a minute.
We're not going anywhere.
I just want to sit
and talk with you.
Give me the keys.
Give me your keys, and
I'll get in for a minute,
But then you've got to go.
Be right back.
Let's go.
The movie's not finished yet.
It's finished when
I say it's finished.
Wow. It's real macho time.
Stop quoting roberta.
I'm quoting granny.
He is. He's quoting granny.
Shh!
Go f*ck yourself.
There. I've had 2
glasses of champagne.
You have to leave now.
I can't. I just can't.
I told you the minute
anyone found out,
It was over.
But you're all I've got.
I broke up with marge.
You broke up with
marge too late.
Be a man, michael.
You started it.
Now be a man and leave.
It's like being underwater.
Yeah, and you know
who lives underwater.
The terrible, the ugly...
Undertoad!
If we could...
Have just one more time.
Michael!
We wouldn't have
to leave the car.
Oh, my god.
Is that what you want?
I've always wanted you to.
Ohh! God!
Please?
Please?
If I do it,
Will you leave then?
Do you promise?
Yes.
Promise!
I promise.
Make it fly, dad.
Come on, we want to fly.
Ohhh!
Ohh!
It's like a dream.
You've got a nice tan.
That's all I got.
I came as soon as I could.
The cruise was a
disaster anyway.
I'm glad you're here.
How are they?
Well, we need you here.
There's a lot of
healing yet to be done.
You ok?
It was fine.
No, it wasn't. It was a bore.
I missed you all,
And I couldn't wait to get back.
Come on.
I'll take you up to your room.
The doctor says he'll be fine
Once they take the stitches
Out of his tongue
and unwire his jaw.
At least he's better off than...
What was his name?
Michael milton.
Yes... Milton.
I mean, I had mine
removed surgically
Under general anesthesia.
But to have it bitten off...
It's a nightmare.
It's lust.
What the hell's the
matter with you?
You think you're the
only one around here
With a broken heart?
Is that what you think?
Well, you're not.
Look around you!
This house is full of them...
And mine is one!
Garp!
Laurel!
Hey!
Laurel!
Now, hold onto it.
Have any of you seen my laurel?
Got it?
Yeah. You can let go now.
The more the wind blows,
the more you let out.
Laurel!
Hey, you!
Dildo.
This the nuthouse where
you're keeping my laurel?
Stay right here.
Ok.
Laurel's here, but
we're not keeping her.
Bullshit, you big d*ke.
I'm not a d*ke. Is
laurel expecting you?
Look here, douche bag...
All you men
understand is v*olence.
I know what sort of
freaks hang around here.
It's a big lesbian scene.
What are you, the
man of the house
Or the court eunuch?
Laurel! You in there, you bitch!
Hello.
Oh, I know who you are.
My laurel's not
your type, sweetie.
Perhaps she's not
your type, either.
Listen, if you don't
get laurel's ass out...
Ugh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Randy!
Are you all right?
Randy. You found me.
I don't think I can
drive the f*cking car.
I can drive. You
just never let me.
I guess randy needs me.
I'm sorry, baby.
That crazy d*ke blind-sided me.
I'll tell you honestly, son,
I think you've been
behaving very badly.
I've been watching you,
And I've been talking to helen.
What happened, happened.
Your blaming her isn't
going to change that.
She's hurt, and you're hurt.
You just keep pouring
salt on the wounds.
That's no way for a
nurse's son to behave.
Heal yourself, damn it.
And help her heal herself,
Before it's too
late for both of you.
Come in.
Did you see the doctor?
Did he take out the stitches?
Can you speak?
I miss you.
I miss you, too.
I really miss you.
Me, too.
I miss walt.
Me, too.
I want another child, garp.
You do?
Oh, yes. Don't you?
Ohh! Of course. Yeah.
As soon as possible.
Oh, helen.
I'm so, so sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
No, I am. I'm so...
No. No. I'm sorry.
Ohh.
Ohh.
You can order a nice glass eye
For any occasion.
Is that really true?
Yes. For valentine's day,
You can have one with a heart.
A, uh... Flag for
the fourth of july.
A turkey for thanksgiving?
If you insist.
I know what I want.
For christmas, I want one
like those crystal balls
That have snow inside them.
When I tip my head
back like this or this,
There's snow falling in my eye.
That sounds wonderful.
Shh.
Listen.
Is daddy writing again?
Ohh, duncan!
I see a man with one leg.
I wish you'd reconsider.
I want it published.
People used her. They
took her life away.
You're using her, too.
I'm helping to state her case.
Maybe, but you want
to get at the jamesians.
You want to hurt them.
I want them to stop
what they're doing.
Ellen wants that, too.
Have you talked with her?
Couldn't find her. I
don't know where she is.
You've a fine reputation
As a writer of serious fiction.
This is serious stuff,
But it's not fiction.
It's a long, merciless attack.
You're a publisher,
not a critic.
You just publish it.
I see a man with one arm.
I'm also a friend.
You'll be very
sorry you wrote this.
I'll chance it. Just publish it.
He's got a dog...
At least change the title.
No. I want it ellen.
Just ellen, and that's it.
Bye, uncle john.
Goodbye, duncan.
Garp?
Garp!
Garp!
Is it all over?
Yes.
Is it all right?
It's not an it.
It's a she, and she's all right.
She's just a quiet little girl.
She's got the hiccups.
How's helen?
She's fine.
She wants to name her jenny.
It's a beautiful name.
Yes, it's about time
we had another one.
I've been jenny long enough.
Come here.
Say hi to your baby sister.
Hello.
Say duncan.
Can I go in?
Can't you stay?
No. I've delayed the
campaign long enough.
I wanted to be here
to deliver the baby.
We need a granny
around the house.
I don't want to be the
granny around the house.
I don't see what
you see in politics.
A mess, that's what,
and I don't like it.
I'm trying to clean it up.
This woman I'm supporting
Will make a fine president,
And she's running for governor.
Goodbye, darling.
I did a fine thing,
son, having you.
I'm kind of glad
you did, too, mom.
Mom!
I never needed a father!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Ever since I began running
For governor of new hampshire...
I've been the one who gets
introduced at these rallies.
With the election day so close,
I want to reverse that,
so that win or lose,
I'll be able to say later on
That was the year
that I got to introduce
Jenny fields!
Here she is!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!
I am jenny fields and...
It seems most of
you know who I am.
I only wish that...
Get out of the way!
Help me get her into the car!
Hello?
Yes. Yes, it is.
Oh, god!
Uh, yes.
Yes, he is. I'll get him.
Garp.
Oh, garp.
I tried to look after her.
I did.
I kept warning her to
stay away from crowds.
It's hard to protect
her in a crowd.
I hated crowds.
I kept warning her. I did.
If I'd seen the
man with the g*n,
If I'd only seen him a second,
Just a split second sooner,
I could have blocked the shot.
I would have done it.
I know.
I loved her so.
She scared the
hell out of me once,
But I thought she
was a fine woman.
I saved her boy's life.
Really?
Yep.
Caught him when
he fell off the roof.
Just plain caught him.
Death's like that.
It just plain catches you.
How's the basketball
team, coach?
I'm a wrestling coach.
Changed jobs, eh?
No. I'm retiring.
Don't say that.
You've got a long life ahead.
No. This is the last year
that I'll be coaching.
I'm off to florida.
Oh.
Garp wants to take over.
Take over what?
Coaching.
What do you coach?
It's being held at 5:00
tomorrow in new york,
But I'm afraid you can't go.
What the hell do
you mean? I'm her son!
It's just for women.
It's going to be
The first feminist
memorial funeral,
And they aren't going
to allow any men.
A man k*lled her.
They're very upset.
I'm upset. She's my mother!
I warned you about your book.
The ellen jamesians are sending
Threatening letters to me.
Me, too. So what?
There's been enough v*olence.
They're furious at you.
I know these women.
If a man shows up...
A man is showing up!
You want to make
trouble, don't you?
No. No, I don't.
I'll tell you what I want.
I want my mother alive again.
And since I can't have that
And since I miss her terribly,
I want to be around
as many people
Who feel the same way as I do.
I'm going to mourn her
death alone forever.
But right now, I
want to share it
With as many people as I can.
There was a voice in the land,
But now that voice
has been silenced
By a madman's b*llet.
Jenny's voice has
been silenced...
But her words
have been passed on
To each one of us,
And we now can
speak for ourselves
Because she taught us how.
I grieve,
Not because I'm afraid we
won't be able to continue.
We will continue.
I grieve because I loved her.
Because we all loved her.
She was our mother.
And therefore, we
are now orphans.
She was our home, and
now we are homeless.
Arp!
I had more to say...
Arp!
Pooh!
Arp!
A man!
I've got a right to stay!
Everyone, please
sit down. Please!
Silence, please.
Silence in the house.
Wait, uh...
Oh. I know. It's my book.
I really don't...
Oh, you're an ellen jamesian.
Thank god.
You're ellen...
You're ellen james?
I just want to
talk to you. Wait!
No point in taking
donaldson's class.
That's a real bore.
What shall I take?
I'm not sure.
What the hell is global
development studies?
I'll have to sit in on that
one and let you know.
That must be the babysitter.
I'll get it.
Hi, mrs. Garp.
Hi, timmy. Come on in.
Hi, jenny.
Oh, timmy.
Jen.
The movie should
be over by 10:30.
We'll be back by 11:00.
Ok.
I left the number by
the phone in the study.
Bye-bye.
Bye, mom. Bye, dad.
That's a babysitter?
I thought we were
going to the movie.
Where are we going?
I see.
We're going to stay
here and look at the kids.
This is some date.
Do you miss writing?
No. Not at all.
If I do, I'll start again.
Know what I really love though?
Thinking about everything.
How we met.
All of that.
We can't live in the past.
I'm not, but I can
live in the present
And think about the past.
You do that when
you're old and gray.
The hell with that.
When I'm old and gray, I
won't remember my past.
You got to be
young when you do it.
It's really nice, you know?
To look back and see
the arc of your life,
How it's all connected.
How you got from there to here.
To see the line, you know?
Mm-hmm.
It really has been an adventure.
I'm going to start
teaching again.
I'm going to take
up hang gliding.
This is what you
had in mind all along.
And I bet I know what
we can do later on.
We'll go look at the
kids when they're asleep.
Helen holm.
Go!
Legs, legs!
Go, marc. Come on.
Take him down!
That's it. Move. Good move.
10 Seconds!
Come on, marcus. Ride him!
5!
Come on, elmer.
Same men on the bottom.
I told you to drop him.
Get off your back, frujo.
Tie him up underneath.
Yeah! That's it. That's it!
10 Seconds!
Behind you, marcus.
5 Seconds!
Behind you. Bring him down.
That's it.
Pooh.
Get someone! Quickly!
Get a doctor!
Get an ambulance!
Oh, god! Please!
We're taking you to
a hospital in boston.
Everything will be fine.
Helen?
Remember.
What, my love?
Everything, helen.
Yes, my love.
I'm flying, helen.
Yes, my love.
I'm flying. Ta-ran ta-ran ta-ra.
♪ Yes, I may dream
a million dreams ♪
♪ But how can they come true ♪
♪ If there will never ever be ♪
♪ Another you? ♪
Captioning made
possible by warner bros.
♪ When I get older,
losing my hair ♪
♪ Many years from now ♪
♪ Will you still be
sending me a valentine ♪
♪ Birthday greetings,
bottle of wine? ♪
♪ If I'd been out
till quarter to 3 ♪
♪ Would you lock the door? ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ You'll be older, too ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
♪ And if you say the word ♪
♪ I could stay with you ♪
♪ I could be handy
mending a fuse ♪
♪ When your lights have gone ♪
♪ You can knit a
sweater by the fireside ♪
♪ Sunday mornings,
go for a ride ♪
♪ Doing the garden,
digging the weeds ♪
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Every summer we
can rent a cottage ♪
♪ In the isle of wight ♪
♪ If it's not too dear ♪
♪ We shall scrimp and save ♪
♪ Save ♪
♪ Grandchildren on your knee ♪
♪ Vera, chuck and dave ♪
♪ Give me your answer ♪
♪ Fill in a form ♪
♪ Mine forevermore ♪
♪ Will you still need me ♪
♪ Will you still feed me ♪
♪ When I'm 64? ♪
♪ Hoo ♪
World According to Garp, The (1982)
Moderator: Maskath3