Wholly Moses! (1980)

[bunniefuu]

MAN 1: Got a pebble in my shoe
and I can't seem...
MAN 2: Behind that bush...

MAN 3: I'm sorry for the short
delay. Our driver has it
all fixed.

And we'll be on our way.

WOMAN: You've made this trip
so enjoyable.

MAN 3: Well, it'll get
better, it'll get better.

WOMAN: Do you think we could
open a window? It's
awfully stuffy in here.

Oh, you can open 'em,
close 'em, whatever you like.

-Excuse me.
-Yes, ma'am?

I get woozy on the
back of the bus. I'd like
to change my seat.

Sure, sure, go ahead.

-Watch your step.
-Move along.

Do you think we'll see
any Jerusalem artichokes?

You've been roaming around.
We can't wander
off like that.

Now, there are snakes and
all sorts of animals,

Oh, thank you, Sister,
thank you.
Yes.

-I can feel...
-Oh, Sister Mary Rose.
Yes, Sister Rose Mary. Yes.

Uh-huh. Thank you.

Where, where did I go wrong?

All right, now everybody,
here we go again, finally.

I realize that it's warm,
it will cool off when,

Ah!

Somebody's knocking on
the door.
.

Stop the bus! Stop the
bus! Stop the bus!

(TIRES SCREECH)

-Oh!
-Watch your step, there.

It's the most interesting
thing that's happened on
the trip so far.

Okay, now that we have a
little time before our next
stop, I'd like to welcome you

to Pilgrimage Tours,
No-Frills Israel.
Where Moses led his

people to the Promised
Land and Christ grew into
manhood.

Since we'll be spending 15
days together here in the
Holy Land,

I'd like to take this time
to get better acquainted.

I'd like to start by
introducing our driver,
Mohammed.

I'm living in,
Mohammed!

(EXCLAIMING)

I'd like all of you to turn
to the person next to you,

shake their hand,
and say to that person,

"Hello, neighbor."

-Hello...
-Hi, I'm Zoey
from Los Angeles.

-Oh. Los Angeles, eh?
-Yes.

Yeah, my girlfriend was
from Los Angeles. Gosh
she put me through hell.

Lisa and I were living
together at the time you
know.

Everything had always been
fantastic sexually and
suddenly,

Suddenly everything started
changing. You know, she
started changing.

Things weren't just the same
anymore, you know.

Turned out there was
another man in her life.

Actually, there was
another three men in her life.

Now, starting here in the
front row, I'd like each of

you to say your name
and tell us a little
something about yourself.

I'm Arthur Burns from
Miami Beach, Florida,
and I've come to

plant this fig tree in
honor of my grandmother
and grandfather.

Now there's a fine young man.

Uh, I'm Edgar Grant.

I have faith that the
healing waters at Bethesda
will cure my blindness.

-No way, Edgar.
-That's not very nice,
you know.

We're the Rutherford's.
Ralph, and my lovely wife
Florence.

We're celebrating our
50th wedding anniversary.

Well, I'd say that deserves
a round of applause. Huh?

What are you doing here?

Every time a relationship
of mine breaks up, I take
a vacation somewhere.

You must have been around
the world several times.

Listen, uh, maybe we
should start all over
again.

Uh, I'm Harvey, Harvey Orkin.
I'm Professor of Language
Studies.

Hmm.

City College, New York,
New York.

Oh.

Oh, God, I had to, I had
to get out.

I had to have a change of
scenery. Just to take my
mind off that tramp Lisa.

God, I, I had to get
out. I had to, I had to
go somewhere.

But this isn't the place I'm
supposed to be in.

I mean, look at me, I'm not
even dressed for, for
the Holy Land.

You back there, why don't you
stand and, and share your
story with all of us.

Because of some stupid
mix up with the travel
agency,

Right now there's a Rabbi
Orkin living up in Paris while
I'm stuck on the stupid

tour of the Holy Land!

Okay. Well, our next
stop will be the Mount
of Temptation,

where Christ fasted for
40 days and 40 nights.

So we're going to have lunch
there, huh.

Oh, aren't we having fun now?

Be the third wise man.
Two dollars and you can
be the third wise man.

Only two dollars!

Careful now, watch your
step and figs.

All right, careful brother.

Oh, thank you.

-We really hit it off on
the bus, didn't' we?
-Uh-huh.

Listen, I'm sorry if I
embarrassed you, but
I'm, I'm a little, you know.

-Forget it. I understand.
-Okay.

Watch your step, watch
your step.

Oh, listen, I'm not so
good on heights.

Why don't we go and join
the others. I'll buy you
a new hat, for God sakes!

I didn't buy it 'cause
it's not functional.

-It happens to look great on
me. I want that hat.
-All right, uh...

Now let's just look
around here. It's got to
be here somewhere.

Hey, look at this!
I think I've found
something, come here.

My God, the stink. Hey!
Come on, here's your
hat. Let's go.

Wait a minute.

Harvey, come here.
Look at this.

God!

That's a scroll!

That's a scroll. God!

It's in Aramaic. It's more
than 3,000 years old.

Can you read it?

Yes. Uh, I'm a language
professor, remember?

You know, maybe it was
fate that travel agent
made a mistake.

Humph.

And it came to pass that
a decree from Pharaoh
went out over the land

commanding all his people
that every male child
born of slaves shall be

put to the sword.

Farewell, my son.
Farewell.

Yes, you're, you're gonna have
all the things that I cannot
give you in your new home.

You're going to be so happy.
Yes, you're going bye-bye.

Say bye-bye. Say
bye-bye, Dada. Say
bye-bye Dada.

Here you go.

You got everything
you need in here.
Here we go. Yes.

There you go.

Look what I got. Look
what I got. Charlie camel.
Yes, you remember him.

And your rattle.
What would you do without
your rattle, huh?

And some extra food in case
you get hungry. I know
how you love to eat.

Just like me.

(BABY WHINES)

Oh, no. No. I'm going to miss
you. Gonna miss you.

Thus the sl*ve Hyssop
took a basket and cast it
adrift in the River Nile

with the hope that
Pharaoh's daughter would
discover the infant Herschel,

and raise him
as her own son.

-Do I look all right?
-You look gorgeous.

-Here, look.
-Oh, we better get up.

Oh.

You will be my son.
Your name will be...

Your name will be Moses,

because that is
like the word that means
"to draw out".

And I drew you out of
the water.

(SCREAMS)

Shhh-shhh.
Forgive me, princess.

-Oh forgive me, Princess.
-How dare a sl*ve set foot
on the Royal Bathing Float!

Be gone before I call
the guards!

No, no, no, no! I had a
dream that you were in
need of a sl*ve.

Guardian to your newborn
child. That dream is surely a
sign that I am that guardian.

I would defend
this child with my life.

I would guard this child
with my life. I would,
I would.

Oh, you haven't
seen another ark around
here, have you?

-Guard!
-No, shhh. Uh, listen,
this'll take a second.

Same kind of ark, same colors,
brown instead of white.
You know what I mean?

-Same kind of kid,
too, but...
-Guard!

-Any of you girls seen
another ark around here?
-Guard!

Uh, no, no, I'm going.
I'm going. I'm going. I'm
going the same way I came in.

-Oh, father...
-I, I want
to play with it!

He shall be
raised as one of our own.

Now Hyssop could not bear
being parted from his
infant son,

so he sold himself
unto the House of
Senmut as a sl*ve.

And so it came to pass
that Herschel grew
into his manhood

and entered
the family business as
was the custom.

God this is good.

-sl*ve!
-Here.

The Goddess of Fertility
is almost done. Tell the high
priest he can pick her up

before 5:00 p.m., otherwise
he has to pay our delivery
charge.

I'm so good at these,
you know, so good.

Do you think I overdo them?

-No.
-Huh? Mmmm.

I think I've got a real
feel for them.

More orders came in.

God, I can't believe how
busy we are.

Ah.

This is no life. God. Working
for an ungrateful family.

None of them have ever
lifted a mallet or a chisel
in their life.

They treat me, their own flesh
and blood, like garbage they
fished out of the river.

I'm going to leave
here one day.

I'm going to seek my way
out in the world, and there'll
be no stopping me.

Mmmm.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine,
ten, eleven. I think one's
missing.

Ladies!

-Hello, Herschel.
-Hello, Herschel.

Listen, I told you not to come
until after hours. What is it?

Will you be needing us
today, Herschel?

No, not today.

You know we'll model for
you any time, Herschel.

Yeah, I, I know.

We can still come over
and play the game with
you, can't we, Herschel?

You remember, Herschel,
the game we play after
closing time.

I love it when you dress
up as Pharaoh and we're
summoned before you in chains!

And when we take your
scepter, and...

Uh, we'll have that in
stock probably in a
couple of weeks.

Uh, listen, we'll work
together really soon,
and, you know,

you girls will always be my
four favorites.

Thank you so much.

Scepter? Mmm-hmm.

What can I show you today?

Mmm,

something in Gods.

May I inquire whether... Oh.

Uh, is this, for that someone
special?

If so we, we do have gods that
make ideal presents.

And we do gift-wrap.

Is this for your husband
perhaps?

-I'm without husband.
-Well, uh, oh, dear...

I'm sorry.

No, no. I'm fine. Uhm...

I can think of no better
way of investing your
money than in a God.

I don't recall ever seeing you
before in Senmut and Sons.

I usually shop at Chock
Full of Gods.

Oh. Well, I think you'll
find that we at Senmut
and Sons have the

most reasonable prices in
town. And, and our gods
are returnable within 10

days of purchase if you
are dissatisfied.

If I may point out the perfect
choice, this is Hathor,
the great cow goddess.

The confidante of lovers
and lovely women.

I worship her myself.
And if I may say, it is you.

-What was the name?
-Herschel.

Odd name for a goddess.

Uh, no, sorry. I'm Herschel.
I am Herschel,
and this is Hathor.

And...

Oh, I'm called Zerelda.

Oh. That is a beautiful name.

Thank you.
What does she take?

-Take?
-As a sacrifice.

Oh. Sacrifice.
Uhm, let me check on it.

(RINGS BELL)

sl*ve.

-Here. Oh.
-Uhm, oh.

(INAUDIBLE WHISPERING)

Virgins. Everything on that
side of the shop takes virgins
unless otherwise marked.

That, uh, it's,
the wrong color.

Uh, what, what, what, do
you have in mind?

Well, something
that, uh, won't clash
with our tent.

-Mmm.
-And, with this. I see
nothing here that would match.

But, I, I haven't shown
you everything yet.

Well, I, I really should
be virgin, going.

I must see you again!

I have heard tales of
fierce bandits who
plunder, r*pe and m*rder.

No bandits, however
fierce, would dare raise
a hand against us

while we're in the hand of the
most mighty gods.

Hey, hey, shouldn't you
be in chains?

Yes. Yes. And they are,
they're selling a new
chain this year.

That shackles you around the
neck and I thought...

Wrong. Your old one
will do just fine.

All the slaves are
wearing them around the
neck this year.

Listen, I cannot afford
new chains.

Do you have any idea
of the upkeep of a sl*ve
in this day and age?

Oh, how embarrassing.
I'll be the only sl*ve on
the block...

Hurry up. We've got all
these deliveries. You know
how I hate driving at night.

It isn't actually
diamonds or...

-What?
-Nothing.

-Or emeralds.
-Hmm?

Nothing.

-It's a reflection on you,
you know. I mean...
-What?

Nothing.

Now Herschel and the sl*ve
Hyssop set out on their
appointed delivery rounds

as they did every Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bandits! I told you there
would be bandits. But
would you listen?

Relax.

Rockslides are a
natural occurrence, Hyssop.

You must remember that it is
knowledge that will banish all
fear from the hearts of men.

Bandits!

-Our knives are sharp!
-Oh, didn't I tell you?

-Our arrows are straight.
-Back in the village,
did I tell you?

So stand and deliver
if you love life!

What do you think they
are, tourists? Hmm, hmm?

Don't, don't, don't, don't
be afraid. I just remembered,
we're with them.

I am Herschel.
And I am traveling this road
with my sl*ve Hyssop.

We are in graven images,
idolatry and the likes.

We are not worth robbing
unless you are devoutly
religious.

Throw down your
valuables.

Does that mean me?

Hardly.

When I give the word,
jump off the cart and
form the gods in a circle.

Here we are, you swine.

Any moment now the gods will
strike you jackals with
thunderbolts.

Yes, thunderbolts!
Any moment now.

This god...

This god I hold in the palm
of my hand, is he very strong?

That god is all-powerful
you witless ass.

All-powerful, is he?

All-powerful.

Where are the
thunderbolts?

Oh. No, you shouldn't
think I, what I was saying...

I was just having fun, you
know, I, when I really like
somebody I always tease them.

Do you have a family?

Yes. Yeah, absolutely.
And you're all, all invited
to dinner. Please come.

Fine. I'm going to ransom you.

Send them a nose, or an ear.
We'll send it to your family
as proof of your capture.

Well, they'd probably
think it was only more
junk mail, you know.

Then we'll slay the two
of you right here and be
done with it.

Well, slaying is, is perfectly
all right with me, but who
would spread your fame?

Who would tell of your daring
robberies, your, your
terrible fierceness?

You got a point.

Oh, yes, yes I have.

-This one dies.
-Which one? Which one?
Which one?

Free the salve.
Take the chains off.

Oh, no, no, no.
Slay me instead.

-Listen now, he has a point.
-Yes, yes. Take, take
off my ear.

Listen to the voice of reason.

My nose. My leg.

-Silence!
-My toes?

All right.

But before we
end your master's life,

I promise you it'll be a
slow, extremely painful death.

He wasn't so bad, really.
I mean, a little chintzy
about chains, but...

This is your chance.

Take your vengeance on him
for all those years of
suffering and misery.

Well...

Now's your chance. Go on.
Enjoy it. Go on. Go, go, go.

Go on.

I have something really
important to tell you.

-Know that I am your...
-Shut up!

-I... Well, I just...
-Be gone. Go! Go!

-Yes, I just wanted to...
-Go!

-It won't take a second.
-Go!

Alone at last.

Hi. Lovely beard.

There must be some
explanation. God!

You'd of thought a thunderbolt
wasn't too much to ask for.

Maybe I made them wrong?
I've been an idol
maker for 20 years.

Just thought I could cut it
right now. Maybe I left
something out.

-Oh, Hyssop!
-Oh, you're alive.

-Oh, I can't believe it.
-For the moment.
Uh, do something!

This is hot. This is very hot.
How can you stand it
in there?

(SPITTING SOUNDS)

If I only had more spit.
Spit from over there.

I know, pull the stake up.
With all your strength.
Harder. Pull up. Pull.

Harder. That's it.
That's it, you've got it.

Now get out! Get out!

Herschel's belief in his
gods were shattered and
he put them behind him

and chose now to believe
only in himself.

And so left the House of
Senmut and traveled unto
the city of Goshen,

seeking fame and fortune.

That's it.

That's the new, a new look
that I saw in, uhm, Carthage.

Uh, where most people
are wearing ankle boots,
you know.

And I thought it looked
rather nice. Your, uh, polish
is also very good for hair.

You're losing a lot
of ankle hair.

And, so he traveled unto
the palace, pushing his
way to fame and fortune.

I trust you've all heard
that Zalman is no longer
among the living.

Another victim of
Pharaoh's wrath?

Mmm.

That's the fourth
advisor he's put
to death this month.

Now we must choose a successor
among ourselves.

If only there were someone
who would incur his wrath
rather than us.

-Who?
-There must be someone.

I can't think of anyone.

Who would enter upon his
most perilous position.

Who could be so unsuspecting?

Who could be so stupid?

I ask you, where can we find
such an imbecile?

Oh, pardon me. I didn't
realize the room was
occupied.

The High Priests of the court
told the chambermaid that good
fortune smiled upon him

and thus proclaimed him
the new stargazer to Pharaoh.

-sl*ve?
-Yes, Master.

Is everything prepared?

The orchestra has arrived
and is tuning up.

I want everything to be
just perfect, you know?

This is my first orgy. Ha.

The most beautiful women.
And the highest officials in
Egypt shall be here tonight.

Is it your hope that the
girl, Zerelda, will be
among them?

Alas I have given up any
such hope. The stars have
assured me of success.

I've just time to douse myself
with some sweet smelling
herbs and spices.

I think a scent of lemon
will be perfect tonight.

Perhaps a touch of
grapefruit behind the ear?

Just, uh, just a touch.

-Thank you.
-Oh.

Sorry.

Nobody in Egypt will
smell better than me tonight.

Now, are you sure you
want me to put the place
cards on the floor?

You should have done this
hours ago. Do it now!

-As you wish.
-Now, go over the
festivities one more time.

Grapes at precisely 7:00 p.m.

Feasting and drunken
debauchery at 8:00 p.m.

Orgy promptly at 9:00 p.m.
and concluding at 11:00 p.m.

What did you forget?

Forget?

How can there be drunk
debauchery if you forget
the wine?

-Wine.
-Wine.

Wine at 7:30 p.m.
Sorry. I'm sorry.

(BELLS RINGING)

There they are now.

Let the orgy commence.

Ahhhh.

Herschel, the stargazer?

Oh, I'm Herschel,
the stargazer.

Our Divine Pharaoh has
commanded your
presence at the front.

Uhm, the front?

I have a chariot waiting
outside. We leave at once.

I, I never go anywhere
near fronts. Uh, wars
are too loud for me.

I'm strictly a palace person.

Gather your things.
I shall await you
in the chariot.

Who are we at w*r with
this week?

I don't know. Uh, Hittites?
Or was it the Jebusites?
I never know.

They dress so much alike.

Pharaoh would never make
a move without me.

No doubt he wanted
the outcome foretold
of yet another battle.

Yes, that's it. Get the royal
horoscopes, my gauges,
my charts, everything.

Might as well send the
orchestra home. Oh.

My orgy was the flop
of the social season.

Girls.
There'll be other orgies.

Oh.

Will we ever see each
other again?

Oh, no tears, please.

I mean, I'm only going to
be gone two days at the most.

But the front.
Anything could happen.

This may be
the last moment we'll
ever share together.

Something I have kept
hidden these many years
will make you know the truth.

I placed you in this ark when
you were an infant.

And I drifted it
sown the Nile.

I'd hoped the Princess,
who was bathing in the river,
would discover it

and raise you as her own son,

but another baby was
there ahead of you.

Before I knew it, you
ended up with
the Senmut family.

I did want better for you.

-This is true?
-It's the truth.

I, I may be sick.

Uh...

You are a sl*ve.

Which means I am the son
of a sl*ve.

Which means,

I, I am a sl*ve.

-Father!
-Son! Son.

You understand, of course,
that even though I've suddenly
found myself part of an

oppressed people, I, I
see no point in joining them.

Who would I know? I mean, I,
I wouldn't be very good at
sl*very, anyway.

It's lifting mostly. I say we
leave well enough alone
and burn the ark.

No, no!

What do you think the
Pharaoh would say

if he discovered his
personal stargazer is
the son of a sl*ve?

It's all I have of you
as a baby.

If anyone sees this ark,
you will have nothing
left of me as an adult.

Here.

Excuse me, excuse
me... Uhm, I'm getting
such a sore throat.

You know, I, I think
maybe I'm coming down
with something.

I'd hate to give the army the
flu, and you know, have them
miss out on the battle

just on account of me.
You know what I mean?

Oh, terrific.
I left my wallet behind.
Oh, great.

Uh, could you stop,
I left my wallet behind?

I, I'm sorry to inconvenience
you, but I left...

Herschel the stargazer.

What shall the watchword
be tonight, oh Divine Pharaoh?

Poo-poo!

So speaks Pharaoh.

Greetings, oh Divine One.

I see someone's getting
a new toothy.

Congratulations on your
victory, oh, Divine One.

As our chariot approached
the encampment, I saw
the bodies of your enemy

littering the desert,
as I prophesied.

You may partake of my
fruits if you wish.

Oh, an honor, Divine One.

The ride was long and
hard and I'm famished.

There's been attempts
on my life.

I'm stunned, Divine One.

And you know what?
The fruit is often poisoned.

Poisoned?

The Royal Food Taster is
out at the moment.

Um, I could call him,
it's no trouble.

He's probably around
somewhere. Food Taster!

Taste this.

-Food Taster!
-I said taste it.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

Is it the wish, is it
the wish of the Pharaoh

to risk the life

of his ablest advisor?

The dead you saw littering
the desert was my army, not
my enemy, Stargazer!

Enemy, Divine One.

Enemy! Now swallow all
you're holding in your mouth.

But I don't, what are
you talking about? I...

Swallow it!

New Scribe?

Well, I haven't seen you
before... Delicious.

You still live only
because it is the will
of the gods.

Uhm.

Last night I saw a star
enter the House of Egypt.

Counter att*ck at the break
of day and the stars forever
ordain your victory

over the Hittites.

If you indeed have read
the stars well, you
should feat nothing.

But if my army is once again
defeated, and you survive,
I will have your head.

So let it be written,
so let it be done.

So speaks Pharaoh!

(UNDER BREATH)
The little sh*t!

The Hittites! The Hittites
are just beyond the dunes.

The Hittites are
just beyond dunes.

The, eh...

You don't understand,
I'm Herschel, the Stargazer.

Excuse me, can I get through.
Excuse me, you don't
understand.

Poopoo! Poo, Poopoo,
that's the password.
Excuse me.

Stargazer coming through.

I bring you a message
from my king.

Speak!

You have fought bravely,
but now all is lost.

You can still save yourself
and your men.

My king will give you safe
conduct home if you
surrender.

Tell your king that we
who fought together will
die together!

Will somebody please shut
him up!

Our great king grants you
life. You have no hope.

In a few minutes you
shall all be dead.

Tell your king that we who die
for the glory of Pharaoh will
live forever.

Will you wait, wait,
wait, wait. Could we
just discuss this a moment.

Think of all the, uhm,
the wonderful things
we'll be giving up.

Uhm, sunsets, flowers,

the love of a good woman.
Uhm,

breathing. I've always been
particularly fond
of breathing.

Finish them with arrows.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Uhm...

I really do have a lot of

loose ends back on the
Nile. Could we possibly
get together another day?

Uhm...

Oh, listen, I'll
leave you my name and
address, and, uh if,

if you ever find yourself in
the neighborhood with
no, with no place to go,

please, drop by, march through
the place, burn it down to
the ground, pilage, r*pe...

-Finish them!
-Not right now, God you
stupid... Ohhh, my god!

Ohhh!

Ugh!

Ugh, oh, oh. Oh, god!
And so it came to,

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

And so it came to pass that
Herschel fled from the wrath
of Pharaoh.

He was stripped of all rank
and worldly wealth,

and wandered into
the blistering wilderness.

A forsaken man, without
a country, without a hope.

-I'm sorry.
-I didn't...

-Shadrach!
-Herschel?

Oh, god, I, I haven't
seen you...
I don't know when.

-Ah, it's been a long time.
-Oh, God, yes, too long.

Look at you.
You look terrific.

-Oh, no, no.
-Yes.

You're the one that looks
good.

-Well, I feel good.
-How've you been?

Great. I mean, really,
you know, really great.

That's nice.

Very good. Things are really
coming together and,
and what's happening with you?

Well, nothing really.

-No?
-No.

Well, you know, it's up
and down...

One of those.

-Hills and valleys.
-Yeah. Oh dear.

-My God, it's getting late.
Listen, I, I gotta run, but...
-Oh, yeah.

-Really wonderful
seeing you.
-Ditto.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's have lunch.

I'll...

-Good.
-Okay.
Bye-bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Strength to you, stranger.
I am Jethro of Midian.

Oh. I am Herschel, son of
Hyssop.

Health, wealth and happiness
to you, Jethro of Midian, for
giving me shelter.

I thank you.

-Let us break bread.
-Yes, please.

-Have you come far?
-From Egypt.

Across the desert on foot?

Mmm-hmm.

He-Who-Has-No-Name must
have guided your steps...

Oh. He-Who-Has-No-Name?
Another god.

I have worshipped 2,000
gods in my time and not
one of them has been

worth the sacrifice of a
field mouse, much less
what I paid on livestock.

If you're in need of a wife,
I'm father of seven daughters
and only one husband

among them.
Moses, the Egyptian
fellow with the stutter.

Said he was a prince or
something. Married my
daughter Zipporah.

Now he's prince of my flock.

Ha. Well, it must be
wonderful in your old age to
have your family around you.

Especially when you sit down
together and, uh, partake of
that delicious bread.

(MUSIC BEGINS)

My daughters will now
entertain you. They're
all very talented.

Hey...

Zerelda! Zerelda!

It's me, Herschel, from
the Idol Maker's Shop,
Senmut and Sons.

Yes, Herschel, from the
Idol Makers Shop.

I remember you.

I have something of
yours, I have always
carried with me.

For you.

-Thank you.
-A pleasure.

Leave us, my daughters.
And take all this broken
bread with you.

There is someone who can
warm my heart.

Your heart speaks louder
than your tongue.

I will wed Zerelda, if
she'll have me.

Herschel, you shall have
your own tent, on your
own piece of land.

Ohhh.

It is my wedding gift to
you and my daughter.

You got anything a bit
more, uhm, uh, rather than...

Uh, yes, nice.
It's, it's perfect.

Perfect. Thank you, oh,
Jethro of Midian.

-Where was I?
-Wedding night.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My
wedding night approaches
and I, I am not, uhm,

learned in the ways of
love making.

Love making.
Don't know how to do it.
Right.

-Right. I was wondering,
could you uhm...
-Help you?

-Please, let me know.
-Of course.

My little sister, when your
wedding night comes up, you
shall do in your husband's bed

what the sheep
do in the fields.

Oh God!

Zerelda?

Yes?

Arriving shortly.

Jethro must have sand
on the brain to give
us this land!

Give me your hand.

Zerelda, I love you.

Baaaaaa...

What?

Baaaa!

Oh.

Baaaaaa.

Now Herschel, help keep
the flock of Jethro

and dwelt under the
shadow of Sinai, the
mountain of the one true god.

-Baaaaa.
-Not now, Zerelda.

-Uh, Herschel...
-Hmm?

Moses and Zipporah
invited us over for
dinner tonight.

Oh, can't we get out of it?

I already told them we'd
be there around sevenish.

Oh. Tell them I have
a headache.

Mmmm, we never go anywhere.

It's a desert! Now we
have the choice of your

father's tent, Moses and
Zipporah's tent, or your
other sister's tents.

It doesn't make any
difference which tent we
go to anyway.

-All they talk about is sheep.
-Well, it's a family
business.

Well, I, somehow believe
that my life would have
greater purpose.

Oh, Herschel, you have
the respect of the sheep.

But I'm not even entrusted
with the flock, just
the stragglers.

Herschel!

There's Jethro on my back
again. Yeah, here, here.

Take those stragglers on
up the mountain so they can
be numbered with the flock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do not keep Moses waiting.

(MIMICKING)

Mmm. Oh, uh, we'll go
to Moses' and Zipporah's
tonight.

Oh, great.

-Baaaa.
-Baaaa.

See you later.

Something burning?

BOOMING VOICE: Come no
nearer.

Huh? Ahem.
Is that you Moses?

Uh, listen, I've, I've got
your sheep up here,
wherever you are.

If it's all right with you,
I'll leave 'em here
and I'll, I'll go.

Uh, it's about time I started
down the mountain.

BOOMING VOICE: Take thy shoes
from off they feet.

For the ground on which thou
standest is holy ground.

I am the God of thy father,
the God of Abraham,
the God of Isaac,

and the God of Jacob.
Come now, and I will send
thee unto Pharaoh,

that thou may
bringest forth my people
out of Egypt.

Me?

Now therefore, go!
And I will be with thee.

You want me?

Me? Hey, you want me?

Me? Oh, oh,
Zerelda, he wants me.

He wants me.

Zerelda!
Zerelda! Zerelda!

Zerelda! Zerelda!
Wait'll you hear.

Wait'll you hear what happened
on the mountain!

-Calm yourself.
-Everybody here, everybody,
everybody. Everybody here.

Why are you not on the
mountain tending my sheep?

-Because I quit.
-You quit?

-Yeah, I quit.
-Oh, Herschel, no!

I've had it with sheep.

I stood on holy ground.
Holy ground, Zerelda.

Herschel, did you lose
good sandals?

He told me to take the
shoes from off my feet.

Who?

God.

The One true God
spoke to me on the mountain.

I had the feeling that
was it! Oh, Herschel, did
you tell him I said hello?

He, he, he did most of
the talking.

How do you know it was
God? And not some
practical joker?

How did I know? I know
gods! Senmut and Sons! You
forget I was in the business.

Forget about that.
What did he say?

He said...

That I should go into Egypt

and deliver His people out
of bondage.

Oh, Herschel.

Do you know how?

I was, chosen. God will
show me the way.

Oh, He spoke like, like
thunder in the storm. I could
tell he was, he was used to

addressing large
groups of people. You
know, a very commanding voice.

Really sure of himself.

-(IMITATING) I am the...
-Wait a minute, wait.

Hey, everybody, my husband
has just talked with God!
Come here. He's doing God now.

He's doing God.
He just talked to him.
Okay, go ahead, do it.

(IN A DEEP VOICE) I am
the God, thy father. I am
the God of Abraham.

I'm, I am the...

I, I, I, I'd have to hear him
a few more times before
I got him down pat.

But, you know, that's
the general idea.

Never mind. It was wonderful.

Ha. Come, my wife,

we must begin our journey.

Thus Herschel took Zerelda and
set her upon her ass and began
the long journey into Egypt.

Over hill and dale,
rivers and mountains.
Deserts and canyons.

Can you believe this, Zerelda?

This is no everyday
occurrence, Zerelda.
This is the hand of God!

I parted the water!
We're talking miracles!

Oh, Herschel, you're first!

Okay, I'm going to let the
water go, so pick up your fish
and we'll move upstream.

Alms! Alms! Alms!

Alms! Alms! Alms!

Be of good cheer,
thou unfortunate wretch.

Thank you. Alms! Alms!
Alms! Alms!

With the power given to
me from above, I will
make you see again.

Oh, no you won't, no.
No you won't. Alms! Alms!

And walk again.

No. Please, sir, please,
sir, I beg you. There are
others in this town far

more deserving than
my, myself. b*at it!
Alms!

We are all, we are all
children of the Lord and
equally deserving of His love.

I, I, I, I couldn't
agree with you more.

In fact, there's, there's a
leper colony not three
leagues from here.

Make a left at the first large
clump...

Lift up thine eyes unto
the Lord and thou shalt see!

Oh, oh, sir, please.
I am happy getting the pity
of my townspeople.

I get it from them sometimes
as much as twice a day.
Don't blow it. Alms! Alms!

O Lord God, let Thy
healing power come
through my hands

and into the eyes of this
unfortunate man.

Thou shall see.

Owwww! What do you want
to do, blind me?

Look, he who was bind can see.

-It's a miracle.
-His second.

Yes, it's a miracle,
but, ohhhhh, I'm still
lame as a duck.

-I am cr*pple, I shall
never walk.
-Rise up.

Please, believe me, you've
done enough, both of you.

You've been very fine, but...

-Alms! Alms!
-Rise up!

No, I'm content to
grovel. I must grovel
down here. I cannot walk.

-Walk!
-I can't walk! I, I can walk.

Oh, look, he who was once
lame now can walk.

It's a miracle.
His third.

Beg no more.
Go praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.
Keep the faith.

Who are thou, stranger?

I'm Herschel, son of Hyssop.

Nice work.

Well, it's the work of
the Lord.

On your way somewhere?

-Egypt.
-So soon?

Ahh, well, if you must know,
I am delivering the children
of the Lord out of bondage.

And He in His infinite
wisdom has guided you
here. Deliver us first!

From what?

Amok! The biggest,
strongest, and most dreaded
of all the giants.

He stands nine
cubits, just from the crotch
to the heel of the foot.

That means, that means
that he's got a twelve
foot ins... Inseam.

-Oh, yes.
-Mmm-hmm.

-You know his measurement.
-I am his tailor.

-Ahhhh.
-He has a tailor.

He may be a bloodthirsty
giant, but he does keep
up his appearance.

Always in fashion. He was
wearing open toe sandals
before it became the fad.

Chic or not, he is still
a giant and we want no
part of him! So could you?

-Could I what?
-Smite him!

ALL: Oh, yes!

Our town should be thriving.
Are we thriving? No!
All because of him!

Ahhh, gather around me.
That's enough.

Just because somebody is
taller than us, you, you
needn't wish him harm.

We are all brothers in the
eyes of the Lord.

Open your hearts, show him
kindness.

Uh, you there.
What has Amok ever done
to you?

-Nothing.
-Nothing.

But he squashed my
grandmother once.
It was horrible.

She was lying
on the ground, her eyes
were bulging out.

He crushed my cousin
flatter than a matzo.

-He'd walk all over us if
you'd let him.
-Right.

Oh, Herschel, I think,
uh, you should have a
chat with him.

Indeed I should.

Hey, Shorty!

I come in the name of the One
True God, who will make me
victorious over you, Amok.

(LAUGHS)

Oh! Ah!

Oh, you didn't have to
hit him there, did you?

I was aiming, aiming
between his eyes.

You shouldn't have hit
him there!

Oh, false prophet!

And the angry giant
stepped heavily upon
the village.

And those among
the villagers, who were
not made flat, rose up

against Herschel and
curse his name, and he
was sent into sl*very.

Ah, a little one.

Come on.

Greetings. I think
you're gonna like it here.

Water, come here. Quick.

(FLY BUZZING)

What?

Squashed foot.
Squashed foot.

Washed foot?

You're on my...

Do any of you, any of
you, uh, any of you
understand Ethiopian?

Or Nubian? Now say,
say it slowly, I can't
understand you.

Rock...
Rock-k-k-k-k?

-Rock-e-e-e-e...
-Rock-e-e-e-e?

Throw him in!

What? No, no, don't.

(LAUGHS)

And behold, the Angel of
the Lord appeared unto
Herschel

in his hour of
darkness and a heavenly
light shined in the pit.

-Hi. Hi.
-Oh, oh!

I thought I was forsaken but,
but at last you've, you've
come bearing a message

from the Lord.

Oh, no, no, no.
No, you're, you're
still forsaken.

But, you mean the Lord
didn't send you to, to
deliver me from the hands

of the Taskmaster?

No, no, no, as far
as I know, no.

Maybe I wasn't making
myself clear.

I'm perishing here in
a salt mine.

And making much too much
of it, if you ask me.

Oh, listen, God spoke
to me on the mountain.

(IN VOICE OF GOD) I am the God
of thy Father. I am the God
of Abraham.

That, that's fantas...
That's uncanny.

That is, you got, you
got him down pat.

Well, I, I, I've been
working on it, you see.

But I'm, I'm supposed to be
delivering His children out
of bondage in Egypt!

I'm sorry. Look, until I
have a signed document...

Ahhh!

On you, with your name
on it, signed by somebody
in a very high position,

I cannot lift one little
finger to help you out.
I'm sorry.

And since you won't have
a little drinky with me,
I guess I'll be on my way now.

Bye.

-Hey! What are
you, you can't do this.
-Oh, yes, I can.

-You can't!
-Please, where's my wife?

That's trouble, for you.

As the Angel of the Lord
soared into the heavens.
He told Herschel to look

for his wife, in the
most, wicked of cities.

-Whoa, ho, ho, hold it.
-Is, is this the road to
the most wicked of cities?

Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh.
You don't know who's
around here.

-You never know
who's around.
-Oh, sorry.

All right, come on, get in.
Hurry up, get in.

Just find a spot.

But, uh, hey, hey, hey,
hey, all right, all
right, put, put that down.

Look, don't touch my fruit and
mind you don't quench your
thirst on my elixirs.

That is not your everyday
produce back there.

-Oh.
-Okay, move it, move it.
Get up, get up, get up!

Tell me about this most
wicked of cities.

-Sodom.
-Yeah, yeah.

They had fire, they had
brimstone. You name it,
they got it.

Oh, he gave
it to them good. Ha!

Ha-ha.

But you know people,
though, how they love
a party.

-They built it right back.
-Yeah.

They got it, uh, they got it
bigger, they got it more
wicked than they had before.

-Now they call
it New Sodom.
-New Sodom.

Get over there!

Have you, uh...
Have you heard of my wife
Zerelda? I'm looking for her.

-Zerelda?
-Mmm.

Zerelda, Zerelda, Oh,
yeah, Zerelda. Mmm.

-Zerelda, you've, you've
heard of her?
-That depends.

-On what?
-Uhm, would you care to
buy a sundial?

Uhm, I would love to,
but I, I have no money.

-The same old song.
-Oh.

Yeah, I've seen her. She
has taken up with Amok,
the giant.

-Amok, the giant?
-Yes.

-Oh, no!
-Yeah.

-Amok, the giant?
-Yeah.

Oh.

How much longer is it?

I don't know. You'll have
to ask Zerelda that.

I mean to New Sodom.

Oh, that's not far.

Love your hair.

What?

I love the way the sun is
glistening through your hair.

It's beautiful.

Ah!

(ALL CLAMORING)

I'm Herschel, son of
Hyssop, I, I wish to
enter your city.

No one passes without the
king's permission.

Unless you're one of those
eunuchs who'll be waiting
on his banquet this evening.

(IN A SHRILL VOICE)
Oh, open your gates.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

There will be incestuous and
other unnatural acts
tonight at the Lodge of

Good Fellowship! Bring
your own relatives!

Oh, yes. Oh, oh, more,
more. Oh, more, yes,
harder, harder.

Oh, that's it. Oh, more, yes,
harder, harder.

Yes, oh, oh,
yes, love that. Oh, more,
harder, harder.

(MOANING)

Maybe the three of us
could go to your room.

You!

(CLEARING THROAT)

See you later.

No, I thought I gave him
the slip.

You know this man?

(STAMMERING) Well, I...

I occasionally may have
manifested myself before
him, when... When

times, we're particularly
slow, but he's, uh, just a
casual

acquaintance, I assure you.

You, shut that door.

What were you doing
outside of this room?

Oh, just a, uh, spot of fresh
air, and, uh...

Uh, a little stretch of the
wings, that's all.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

This is Mrs. Memnet your
landlady. Do you shepherds
have girls in there?

No, Mrs. Memnet, no girls.

Sheep?

(WHISPERING) This town
disgusts me beyond belief.

No, Mrs. Memnet, no sheep.

Keep it quiet and
behave
yourselves.

Or out you go!

Yes, Mrs. Memnet.

She's gone.

For too long now
this city has incurred

His righteous indignation.

It must be
destroyed one more time.

No.

If we go out on a limb
with one of these fancy
plagues of ours,

and it fizzles,
So, I say, and I think

we'll really
catch hell from Him. So...

I say and I think
you'll agree,

we go with fire and brimstone.

Any questions?

You have something
on your mind?

Me! Uh, I have me on
mind. I mean, what about me?

What about you?

You cannot destroy me,
along with this city.
God has spoken with me.

Uh, he does God real good.

-Oh, no.
-No, no, do it, do it.

-No!
-Oh, it's really great!

I... I must deliver His
people out of bondage,
in Egypt!

And
my wife is here, too.

-Zerelda's in town?
-Yes.

Oh, all right. All right.

You and your wife
will be spared.

Only you must be
out of the gates before
midnight.

And one word of warning,
if either of you

turn back to look in
the direction of the city,

you will be turned
into a pillar of salt.

As Lot's wife was.

Yeah. Thank you.

Eunuch!

(IN A SHRILL VOICE) Yeah.

Shouldn't you be pouring
wine?

Then start pouring.

Big boy, love it.

(CLEARING THROAT)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Zerelda!

(IN A SHRILL VOICE) Zerelda,
Zerelda, Zerelda.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Zerelda!

Zerelda.

Zerelda!

Herschel, are you having fun?

I'd given up hope of ever
finding you again.

MAN: More wine, eunuch!

Dance over this way. I'm
one of the eunuchs
serving at the banquet.

(IN A SHRILL VOICE) More wine.

Herschel, you have
changed.

Not in the least.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Come on,
we're getting out of here.

-What do you mean we're
getting out of here?
-Come on.

Beware!

Turn from your evil ways
before God destroys you
and your city with fire

from the sky...

And put some clothes on.

Grab your bag and
let's go, Zerelda.

-Just one thing...
-Come on, don't pack.

So it is true what they were
saying about you and
Amok, the giant.

I'm sure I don't know who
you mean.

Oh, come off it, Zerelda.

He visits you here,
doesn't he?

Not anymore.

God! What were you doing
when I was in the salt
mine, wasting away?

Well, you had God.

So you just picked up and
chased after the first
giant you met.

It was just a physical thing.

Oh, fine.

Amok and I were very
discreet about it.

Discreet? They probably
saw you doing it as far
away as Babylonia.

Come on.

(THUNDER CRACKING)

Come on, it's almost midnight.

-I don't want to go.
-Come on.

I've made a lot of good
friends in Sodom

and you didn't even give me a
chance to say goodbye.

We haven't got time.
Don't look back.

Zerelda,
don't look back! Zerelda!

Zerelda, answer me!

Listen, if you want to be
alone, I'll understand.

Ah!

Oh, you've come to tempt
me, Devil.

Man gives in to temptation
freely enough without any help
from me, thank you very much.

Tempt me, Devil, and
you'll fail.

Fine. Fine, fine.

Fine, just, please sit
down. Relax, don't get tense.

I've no intention of leading
you from the path of
righteousness or whatever.

Can you believe that?
An entire city up in smoke.

What a temper.

Shouldn't you be in Hell?

Everyone in that city was
just damned.
I'm picking them up.

Oh.

I wasn't always the Devil
you know. I was an angel once.

You were?

I've known Him longer
than anyone.

We started out together.
We were partners.

How did you become the Devil?

Oh, it was very simple.

God comes over to me and
says, "Here, try this
on."

(SIGHING)

Well, here come the
damned now.

They'll be expecting me.

Listen, you'd probably
be surprised to know

that a lot of those
original ideas were mine.

What do you mean?

For instance, three of
the four seasons,
that was mine.

Oh.

-Great.
-Mmm-hmm. And trees. Mine.

Trees, you like trees?

Trees, uh, trees are great.

My idea.

You're to be congratulated.

Thank you.

A pleasure.

But what can you do.

What can you do.

Tears me up sometimes.

HARVEY: (VOICEOVER) Herschel
continued forth across the
desert into Egypt

to fulfill his mission.

And to find his father,
Hyssop, where he had left him

-in the comforts of his home.
-Hoppity hop, Hoppity
hop,

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-Nobody's home.

Come on, here we go.
There we go.

There, that's a good boy.

Yes, there we go.

I said no one is home.
Why...

Oh, oh, no.

Oh, my son!

-Oh, my son.
-Oh, Father!

Oh, my son. My...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, my son. Oh, I missed you.

I missed you.

Oh, it's so good to
have you home. Look at you,
you look wonderful.

-Well...
-Let me see. Have
you lost any of your hair?

-No.
-You will soon. Soon, soon.

-Ah.
-You'll put on a few pounds,
just like me.

Where are my things?

Oh, well, uh, things
were tough. I had to sell
a few little things.

Not to worry.

The house is in a mess.
You haven't looked after
it very well.

And these frogs, they're
everywhere.

Yes, the frogs are the
work of the chosen one

who is called upon to
deliver us out of bondage.

Why I didn't summon up
these frogs from the river.

No, no, no, it is not of
you I speak. I speak of Moses.

Moses?

Last week Moses turned
the waters into blood.

(SCOFFING)

This week it's frogs.

Moses is the chosen one that
God has called upon to deliver
us out of bondage.

No, no, no, no! God
called upon me!

I am the chosen one!

You're putting me on.

Moses and I were... Were
shepherds together
in the wilderness.

He couldn't keep his flock.
I was always having to round
up his stragglers.

God wouldn't entrust somebody
like Moses with a
mission like that.

I know Moses.

His wife and my wife are
sisters, which makes him
my brother-in-law.

-You took a wife?
-Yes.

-Well...
-She's outside.

Well, bring her inside so I
can make my
daughter-in-law welcome.

She's a bit...

You took a... Well, just
don't stand there, bring
her inside.

Don't keep the girl waiting.

He took a wife.

I thought I'd never
see the day.

Oh, soon we'll have little
leaping children around,
instead of all these frogs.

I don't know how I
look. If only I'd been
prepared.

(MUMBLING)

Welcome to my house...

(BABBLING)

My wife, Zerelda, Dad.

(GASPING)

(GROANING)

She seems like
a friendly girl.

-She is.
-Nice smile. Nice...

-Hands.
-Hands nice.

Hair...

My goodness, this is what
you've been up to.

Yeah.

Oh!

Maybe...

Maybe you ought to cover her
with a cloth.

I'd never forgive myself if,
uh, a daughter-in-law of mine
got chipped.

-Dad, don't make a
fuss, all right?
-No fuss.

Please. It's all right.

It's all right. But
listen, listen.

(STAMMERING) I have to clear
up this confusion about the
chosen one.

I, I have to gain an immediate
audience with Pharaoh.

What if he remembers you?

What, what if he
remembers you? What then?
Then off comes your head!

I shall not be alone.

-Oh, I can't. I have work.
I've got to,
-Oh, no, no, no.

God will be with me.

-Oh, yeah?
-Mmm.

-Oh, then I'll go along
for a couple of hours.
-Good.

Which one's the prophet?

How many minutes do you do?

-Do?
-How long are you gonna be on?

Uh...

Yeah, right, right, keep
it short and funny, huh?

You follow Timba the
dancing elephant.

Don't worry, the Lord
will be with me.

Why the basket?

If I tell you, you'll
just be angry.

I won't be angry.
Oh, you will.

-I will not be angry.
-I promise you,
you'll be angry.

I won't be angry.

All right.

I'll need the
basket when the Pharaoh
cuts off your head.

-Now that makes me angry.
-Prophet, you're on.

And what do we do?

We sing. We dance?

I'm warning you.
Timba is a hell
of an act to follow.

I come in the name of the
One true God.

Another damned prophet.

The One true God.

Well, we'll just look him up
in the Book of Gods.

One True God.

One True this, One
True that, One
True, One True, One True...

I don't seem to
have much of One True
anything in my book.

Perhaps, he changed his
name.

(ALL LAUGHING)

-(LAUGHTER STOPS)
-(ALL LAUGHING)

-(LAUGHTER STOPS)
-(ALL LAUGHING)

(LAUGHTER STOPS)

The whole universe is
filled with the might and
power of God!

He existed
before the world was created!

It is He who stretched the
heavens above like a curtain.

It is He who laid the
foundations of the earth.

I mean, if you concede
the Universe,
you must concede Him.

He created everything out of
nothing, even you, the
ruler of this kingdom!

That cannot be, for I am
God, I am...

(BABBLING)

...the son of God.

He is the
son of the father of the son,

with the great father.
Faster, faster.

Who created the Nile
that gives life to everyone.

(ALL AGREEING)

Does...

Does your God have magic?

Ah, far greater than
Pharaoh's magic.

(LAUGHING)

You tore your ass on that one.

Leon, hit it.

(ALL GASPING)

What a honey, huh?

Strike! Strike! Strike! Ah!

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

Mine takes a bit more
time to warm up.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I know you from somewhere.

Faster with
the fan, please.

And, uh, I'll have
a pistachio later.

Let my people go.

Um, hum a few bars.

Uh oh, no, that's my
pictures... What people?

All the slaves you
hold in bondage.

There are no slaves in
bondage...

-They're gone.
-Gone?

Bye-bye.

Tip-toe.

But who...

Who...

Moses.

* The most beautiful sound
I ever heard *

Moses!

Moses!

Moses?

He had great magic.

His staff devoured

Ian's staff.

Moses.

I'm gonna kick his ass,
you know that, don't you?

How could you let Moses
take them?

The man was phenomenal.

What, are you kidding me?
Did you ever see Moses'
sh*t in action?

There must be some
mistake. I was supposed
to deliver them from bondage.

We all got a cross to
bear, all right?

Moses put some
heavy action on it.

Curses on our homes.
Ten plagues on my house.

And if that wasn't bad
enough, he split the Red
Sea in half.

Moses?

I mean, zip, down the
middle. (EXCLAIMING)
Cover quick, and no excuses.

You like fruit?

Bring me a grape,

pluck it into my
mouth, foolish prophet.

You heard only the boys. Ah.

Did you wash your hands,
you scoundrel?

No, I, I didn't. Sorry.

Away with you.

Nourish thyself,
Divine
One.

Stargazer!

Flee, father, flee!

Would you hold this a
minute please?

Excuse me.

Cast Herschel, the Stargazer
into the dungeon!

Tomorrow you'll
be fitting entertainment
for my court.

Oh, I'll rehearse some
new harp and lute
numbers immediately.

Your beheading shall be
quite enough entertainment.

Beheading? I, what if
I'm a hit and you want a
repeat performance?

So let it be written!

So let it be done!

Big boy, love it! Just
perfect.

(HUMMING)

Everybody.

I was once
angel of the Lord.

That should be good
for at least one drink on
the house,

in any reputable wine shop!

-Excuse me.
-Oh, that, that's all
right. That's all right.

I, uh... I couldn't
help overhearing.

If you are truly the Angel of
the Lord.

It's not "are", do you
understand what I'm
saying? It is "was".

Was, was, the Angel of
the Lord.

Then you must know my son.

A prophet of the Lord.

I'm, I'm sure you
must have bumped into each
other somewhere along the way.

My son is in the
Pharaoh's dungeon.

The Pharaoh will cut off
his head unless you help him.

You are not listening to
what I have been talking
about, have you?

-Yeah.
-I am no longer the Angel
of the Lord.

I am a Fallen Angel.

Disgraced, dishonored,

reproached,

dismissed from all favor,

put to
shame, put down,

and tarnished.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You have no hope with me.

You see, my son was
supposed to deliver the
slaves out of bondage,

-but everything went wrong.
-Don't cry.

It's been a terrible day.
I've been holding it in
all day long, I can't...

-Don't, don't cry.
-I know... I knew when you
said I'm the...

I was the
Angel of the Lord, I
thought, here it is...

-I understand, I understand.
I'll tell you what...
-What?

-...I'm going to do...
-What? What?

-I'm going to give it a try.
-You will?

-Yes!
-That's all I ask.

-But don't you dare...
-No. What?

-...expect any miracles.
-Never! Come, come, this
way. It's this way.

-Do you need any help?
No, I don't need any help.

Come, come, come.

You! I might've
known it was you.

-Boo!
-Oh!

A little surprise.

I brought the
Angel of the Lord, my son.

-Former.
-Yeah, former.

(SHUSHING)

Listen,

there's very little
of the night left.

And my head...

My head comes off at dawn.

So...

What are you doing?

Mmm, nothing, nothing.

You will be out
of here before you know it.

You'll be free, my son.

I told you dad
would fix it up.

You'll be out walking,
and singing and shopping,
for my new chains.

-You promised me, remember?
-No, no, I won't start.

-You remember?
-Do you think you can do it?

Not a prayer.

What am I going to do
with my son?

(SHUSHING)
Don't cry, don't cry.

I'll tell you what I'll do,
I'll give these old wings
one last flap. All right?

And then maybe
we can spring him.

I know you can do it. Here,
let me put this around
your waist.

Here, oh, oh...
You all right?

Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Here, let's put it...
Let's put it over your
shoulders, between the wings.

I know you're
gonna do it. I know it.

Okay, okay.

(GROANING)

Pull! Pull!

Pull!

Oh!

Yes, come on.
Here, help me.

All right, I gotcha.

I've gotcha.
All right, now. The
other one.

Okay.

You did it!

(COUGHING)

Was there ever any doubt?

We must go.

Thank you.

Oh.

-It's all right,
it's all right.
-I, I hope you get your

-wing back on.
-I will.

You're really impossible,
you know that though.

You can take care of
yourself from now on.

Yeah. Thank you.

-Come. Thank you.
-Thank you.

Goodbye.

HARVEY: (VOICEOVER) And so,
once more Herschel fled from
the wrath of Pharaoh.

And came to dwell again under
the shadow of Sinai.

Where his path crossed
with Moses one last time.

It kills me.

It kills me.
I love it, I just love it.

I told you, Moses doesn't
like you fooling around
with his things.

(ROCKS CLATTERING)

Ah, that about does it.

I couldn't have left Moses
alone and forsaken
on the mountain.

Even if it meant putting up
with him for forty days
and forty nights.

If I hear about the parting
of the Red Sea one more time,

I'll stuff these tablets
down his throat.

And he never leaves our tent.

(SCOFFING)

Moses would never leave the
tent and face the people
without the Commandments

God promised him.

A promise is like a thick
blanket

that leaves you shivering when
the weather turns cold.

Well...

(GROANING)

Well, I could only
think of ten.

So, it's better than nothing.

Honor thy mother and
father. Did you include
that one?

-That was mine.
-Yes.

-What about all that coveting?
-Yes. Thou shalt not
covet. That's in.

-And then the, other one
about adultery.
-Mmm. Yeah.

Did you finally decide to
include that one?

And the other one,
that's a good one.

The other one about,
you know, not taking
other people's things.

Yes, yes, yes.

-You need any help?
-No.

Those two tables were a
lot of work, you know?

Mmm.

I just hope he takes
care of them.

All those years it was Moses.

Moses all along. Not me.

(SCOFIFNG)

I've got work to do.

Mmm.

My greatest work.

You know, there are already
those who've made
inquiries about you.

You will soon have

a multitude of worshippers.

You'll soon have burnt
offerings galore.

Soon,

all the world will bow down
and kiss your granite asp.

Fell right into my trap.

(GROANING)

Ah!

I know you're a jealous God.

I knew an idol, such as this,
would arouse your wrath
and bring you down here.

I planned it.

So, speak up.

BOOMING VOICE: Thou shalt have
no other gods before me.

You like that?
That's number one.

I had you in mind
when I wrote it.

Ha. I only had this idol for
bait. So now you're here
with me.

And now you will hear me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I lived in your
world's cradle of civilization

and all men knew was poverty,
w*r and sl*very.

Now what I want to know is,
where were you?

I mean, let it be known if
you're keeping another
world on the side.

Let it be known if
you created two worlds

and you're spending all
the time with the other one.

I mean, that would
answer one of my questions.

(RUMBLING)

BOOMING VOICE: Who are you to
question the Lord?

Who am I?

I am man!

(THUNDER CRACKING)

Ah!

Was it you who commanded
the morning to bring on
the day?

Can your voice
reach the clouds and
bring on the rain?

Can you send down lightning?

Does the hawk soar
because of your wisdom?

Does the eagle fly at
your command?

And so I ask again,

who is this mortal

who finds fault
with the Lord?

Who questions his judgment?

And who just stopped the rain?

Very good.

(COUGHING)

I'm impressed.
I'm impressed.
Good, good stuff.

Listen,

tell me,

how could you get on letting
me believe all this time

that I was the chosen one,
but all along it was Moses?

I believed you were with me.

I was with you.

When were you ever with me?

I was with you during the
writing of the
Ten Commandments.

Nobody was with me
during the writing of the
Ten Commandments.

Well, uh, except my
father and he was...

You wrote the
Commandments through
me,

and I gave them to
Moses through you.

Oh, um,

thanks.

Thanks a lot.

(LAUGHING)

I mean I, am I going to
believe...

Am I going to be remembered
for my participation
in any of this?

Someone will know.

Somewhere, someday.

Well, all right, as long
as someone knows.

(STAMMERING)
I mean, I would...

I would hate to be
forgotten, you know?

I understand.

You do?

One more thing, Herschel,

you don't do me very well.

So, no more impressions.

(HORN HONKING)

-What was that?
-Uh, the bus.

Yes, it's getting late.

Um...

Let's take this back.

Take it back to town. We can
read the rest of it there.

-All right.
-And be careful of it.

Oh, boy!

(LAUGHING)

Oh, no, God!

Oh, God, the book is gone.

Oh, God.

Well...

That's the end of
Herschel and Zerelda.

(CHATTERING)

Three bucks?

All right, make sure you
all have your belongings.

Take your time, there sister.

Right, allright, sister.

Okay, now everyone.

Look, if there is a God,
why would he have us

find
that book and then...

And then have it blown away
in the wind.

You know what they say.

The Lord works in
mysterious ways.

TOUR GUIDE: Well, uh...

We'll have another
stop very, very shortly.

Uh, but we'll
have to...
Oh, Mohammed!

Mohammed, I'm stuck,
I'm stuck in the door.

Mohammed, stop
the bus? Mohammed!

Stop it!

(BOOMING LAUGHTER)

(CACKLING)

(BOOMING LAUGHTER)