- My throat's
- k*lling me,
I'm nauseous,
and my head is pounding.
- You get all
- the breaks.
You better go.
Remember how you hated
those salmon croquettes
last night?
Well...
- You're really gonna
- hate them in a second.
- It's gonna be weird
- going to school by myself.
Who's gonna walk with me?
Have lunch with me?
Laugh at my jokes?
I never laugh at your jokes.
I hear somebody laughing.
It's you.
Oh, yeah. I'm funny.
Honey, I got breakfast.
I made you
some nice tea and toast,
and I even heated up
those salmon croquettes.
Here's a bell
so you can ring me
if you need anything.
Mom, this bell
doesn't ring.
- Oh, yeah, I took out
- the ringy thingy
- Last week when
- ray was sick.
He was working it
like he was quasimodo.
Mom, no offense,
but can you
get out of here?
Tia, I'm going to keep
bugging you till you eat.
Now, you know what
they say: Feed a fever.
Lisa, do you have a fever?
Preventive medicine.
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew
how much I missed you ♪
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♪ I ain't ever gonna
let... you... go ♪
Today is the day
we've all been waiting for.
It's time
to dissect our frogs.
Please don't hate me.
Um,
- sorry I'm late,
- but there was this girl
- In the bathroom
- giving birth.
I had to midwife.
Denise, take a seat.
- You can
- be my partner.
- Tia's out sick.
- Great.
What a cute frog.
- Hey, froggy,
- froggy, froggy.
- Don't get
- too attached.
Marvel, and listen
to the heartbeat.
Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom.
She's bizarre,
bizarre, bizarre.
- See, my jokes
- are funny.
Ooh.
I can't do this.
You do it.
No, you do it.
I can't hurt kermie.
You've named him?
Now we're never gonna
be able to k*ll him.
The spinal cord
should now be exposed.
I don't want to see his cord.
- What are we
- gonna do?
There's
an open window.
- Do you think
- we should?
- We definitely
- should.
Shh.
- Go, froggy,
- froggy, froggy.
Jump to freedom.
Jump.
- We did it,
- we did it.
Yeah.
- Too bad we're
- on the third floor.
No, look, he's okay.
- He landed
- on that cheerleader.
- Good thing
- she stuffs.
Girls...
- What happened
- to your project?
He went out there.
- You're telling me
- a perfectly good frog
Just jumped out the window?
To tell you the truth,
he was really depressed.
- Ray.
- Hmm?
Ray, you know
our new neighbors
down the street?
Oh, yes, the hubbles.
I know those old bags.
- They never mow their lawn,
- and they always keep
- That junky car
- parked right out front.
Slobs.
They were just
robbed blind.
- Those poor,
- sweet people.
They took everything.
- They even stole their
- washing machine
- In the middle
- of the spin cycle.
- Got all
- their underwear.
- Sounds like
- professionals.
Oh, ray,
those dear old people
are running around
with their tired,
hanging flesh.
- Please, don't tell me
- any more.
Ray, it's winter.
Lisa!
Think
of the chafing.
Hey, dad, Lisa.
Hi.
- How's Tia?
- Not too good.
- She couldn't keep
- anything down all day.
Oh, that's too bad.
You want a snack?
- I'm not
- very hungry.
I'm starving.
- Yeah,
- I'm starving, too.
- You want to go
- to the kitchen?
- Yeah, let's go
- in the kitchen.
I think tamera's
picked up a stray.
All this robbery stuff
is making me nervous.
What if something happens?
Who'll protect me
and the girls?
Hey, I'm here.
I'm getting some barbed
wire and a bazooka.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
- I've never been to
- a neighborhood watch meeting
So tastefully done.
- Well, we try. - See you later,
- Neighbor.
I don't live around. I just
came for the free cookies.
Been there.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, Marge.
- Oh, Marge, Marge,
- by the way,
- That new robe
- you've been wearing
To pick up
your morning papers...
Much better.
- I don't even see
- the veins.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Enjoyed it.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Toodle-oo.
Bye.
What a pathetic bunch of...
- Neighbors, would you like
- a cup of coffee?
Well, i'd...
I'd love some.
Even though it does
give me the runs.
Ooh.
Fresh out, all out.
I still can't believe
that we were robbed.
All I can say
is thank goodness
that you weren't hurt
- and that you still have
- your health, huh?
Well, that is true.
- You're safe.
- They could've walked in on you,
Hit your head with a shovel,
and thrown you in a trunk.
- But it's over
- and done with,
- So there's nothing
- to worry about.
- Oh, yeah, there's nothing
- to worry about.
Of course, there was that case
on unsolved mysteries
- where they made copies
- of the keys.
They came back,
- chopped them
- into 1,000 pieces,
Wrapped them in cellophane,
gave them out as candy
on Halloween.
Well, it's been fun.
Thanks, uh...
Thanks so much.
- You've been
- such a comfort.
Ooh.
You have a such
a lovely house.
Thank you.
We used to have
a lovely house.
Until they took
everything.
- Uh, I better
- get that door.
They... they even took
our clapper.
Now when
we do this...
We just get
on each other's nerves.
So, we all made
some new friends.
And I was having a great time
hanging with Denise.
And poor Tia was still
fighting off that nasty bug.
Roger, leave
me alone!
I just want to take
your temperature.
I really missed Tia,
but Denise and I
had some great
philosophical conversations.
Not only were we both deep,
we were both
really into sports.
- I guess I should have spent
- more time with Tia,
But what could I do,
watch her sleep?
Well, eventually,
Tia got better.
I'm back, and I'm bad!
- Tia, when we
- get to school,
- Please don't
- talk that way.
- Oh, come on, I know
- you missed me.
- Okay, okay,
- I missed you,
- But at least
- I had Denise.
- You know what,
- we have so much
In common that
it's almost scary.
Hi.
Now, that's scary.
Well, what do you
think of my hair?
We love it.
We have it.
So, Tia, you're better.
I guess we can all walk
to school together.
- Uh, yeah,
- that would be fine.
- You sure?
- 'Cause you know what they say.
Two's company, three's...
Triplets?
- Girls, you want
- a ride to the...
Whoa-oh-oh.
What is this, invasion
of the body snatchers?
- Morning, Tia.
- Morning, honey.
Honey, that's...
That's not my honey.
That's...
I get it.
This is a joke.
You're so funny, Denise.
Oh, yeah.
A joke.
From now on, I'm going
by my middle name...
Tanya.
Isn't that cool?
Tia, tamera, Tanya.
Wait a minute.
We're still
lab partners, right?
Well, I'm sorry,
but, you know,
now Tia's back,
I thought she'd be
my lab partner again.
Well, where will I go?
School psychologist.
Tia.
- Well, I thought
- you'd go back
- With your old
- partner, Marcie.
But I don't look anything
like Marcie.
- Class, we're going
- to be looking
At some very exciting film
- on the reproductive
- habits...
of fungus.
So, what are we doing
after school today?
- Well, we were just
- gonna hang out
- At the house.
- Great, I'm there.
No.
We meant the house
next door.
Great, I'm there.
Well, they really
don't like strangers.
Great.
I'm not strange.
Now, this fungus takes on
the appearance of the host
and slowly expands until it
completely engulfs
every square inch.
This is so fun.
This is so bizarre.
I'm telling you, she
was following us all day.
Tia, you're
getting paranoid.
She's not that bad.
Hi, it's me.
Just wanted to see
if you were home yet.
Call me.
See?
Friendly.
Normal.
- What happened to you guys?
- Are you dead?
Where are you?
Don't make me hunt you down.
Call me.
Hey, girls.
Uh, Tanya called.
- She wanted to know
- when you were getting home.
I told her, if she really
wanted to be a sister,
she should change
her name to latanya.
- Mom, what are we
- gonna do?
She's so desperate
and needy.
- Maybe you just have
- to introduce her to somebody
Who is as desperate
and needy as she is.
Hi, girls.
- Roger!
- Roger!
Ah, hearing my name on the tip
of your lovely tongues
is music to my lonely ears.
Roger, we have
a proposition for you.
Don't mess with my head, girls.
No! We want to set
you up with a friend.
Oh, no!
- A friend always means
- that they're a bow-wow
- That can't get a date
- to save their pathetic lives.
All right, forget it.
No, no. I'm very interested.
Hi, guys.
- What happened
- to your face?
- I went
- to a tanning booth.
Ooh, triplets.
This could k*ll a lesser man.
Roger, this is
our friend Tanya.
- Did anyone
- ever tell you
- You look like that little
- frumpy girl, Denise?
This is Denise.
Did I say frumpy?
I meant lumpy. I mean...
Go home, Roger!
- Hey, I'll see you guys
- at lunch.
- She's out
- of control.
- Yeah, no one says "go
- home, Roger," except for us.
Yeah, I'm your love sl*ve
and no one else's.
Go home, Roger!
Ooh!
- That crazy girl's gonna
- get you!
- You know, I was born
- to be a neighborhood watcher.
I like to watch people, ray.
What are you doing?
I'm watching you.
Ooh, it's a flea circus
in there, ray.
Why did I let you
talk me into this?
Oh, come on, admit it.
It feels good doing
our civic duty.
You know, I once thought
of becoming a cop.
Well, I see you got
the doughnut-eating part down.
Ray!
That house over there!
I think I saw a light.
- I think someone's
- prowling around in there.
Ray? Ray, are you
hyperventilating?
No... no... no.
Did I say no?
Ray, breathe. Breathe!
Ooh! Ooh!
Breathe!
- (Inhales and
- exhales loudly)
- There's a possible
- 2-11 in progress.
- I've been dying
- to say that.
- Come on, pull over!
- Where's my pepper gas?
- We're not prepared
- to make an arrest!
Oh, you're right, ray.
Ooh!
- Hang on to your apple fritters!
- We're going in!
We shouldn't be doing this.
- Oh, just stand
- behind me.
- Well, what if
- somebody has a g*n?
Oh. Just stand in front of me.
There's nothing going.
There's not even
anyone in there.
Freeze!
Oh, hi, guys.
Nice of you to show up.
I said freeze!
- Officer, we can
- explain everything.
Put your hands up
over your heads.
Okay, here we go.
- Huh? All right, but I haven't
- shaved in three weeks.
Just go down, girls.
Denise has
a little surprise...
Why are we doing this?
- Because we have
- to tell her to chill out.
Ooh!
But I hate basements!
- Why do we have
- to go in a basement?
- Yeah. Bodies are always
- buried in basements.
- I hope they
- Bury us together.
Will you shut up?
Denise?
Hey, it's like
a family room.
For a living family.
You know,
- what are we getting ourselves
- all worked up for?
- Yeah, Denise
- is our friend.
Our very
psychotic friend.
You know, I bet she wants
to get rid of one of us.
Yeah, so she can take
over as the other twin.
Surprise!
- Take her!
- No!
- You don't want
- a brownie?
- You've got
- a knife!
- Yeah, to cut
- the brownies.
Why are you
acting so crazy?
Crazy?
You think I'm crazy?
Our pictures are
all over your wall.
You have pictures of
your friends in your lockers.
What's the difference?
Well, uh...
- Well, why are you trying
- to look like us?
Huh? Answer that.
'Cause I like the way you look.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, but...
Who changes their name?
Yeah, Tanya.
It was a stupid joke.
Tamera makes stupid jokes
all the time.
You laughed
at my jokes.
I felt bad for you.
I don't have many friends
and I really hate
being an only child.
I just thought maybe
I'd found someone.
Denise...
- No, I was good enough
- to be your friend
- When Tia was sick,
- and then you just dumped me.
Oh, come on!
Just get out of here!
Oh, man,
we really messed up.
Does that mean
we don't get a brownie?
Get out!
I can't believe
we spent two hours
at that police station.
Yeah. They threw me in a t*nk
with a bunch of working girls.
And I ain't talking
about no meter maids.
- Lisa,
- watch out!
Floyd?
Hi. The missus was out,
and I didn't want
to be home alone.
And-and your door was open,
so I just came in.
I'm sorry to bother you.
Oh, no.
No, wait a minute.
- I'll put on a pot of tea. - You just relax.
- Oh.
Floyd, you old fool!
You forgot
the laser disc player!
Back so soon!
Oh, well, this is rich.
We're being robbed
by the keebler elves.
Oh. Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
You come back here!
- Come here.
- Come back here!
- I've got
- my pepper gas!
Give me your hand!
Give me a hand!
Ray, up in there.
- Give me your hand.
- Ray!
- No, not with
- the pepper gas!
- Not with
- the pepper gas!
Mom, you really don't have
to stay here.
Well, after that robbery,
I just was making sure
you're safe and sound.
You're gonna protect us
with a Turkey leg?
Hey, it's a w*apon and a snack.
Come on, just-just go to sleep.
Mom...
we did something
really creepy today.
We hurt Denise's feelings.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Well, we kind of called her
a dangerous psychopath
with homicidal tendencies.
Hey, I've been called worse.
Mom, what are we gonna do?
Well, I remember
this one friend of mine.
She dressed like me,
looked like me,
talked like me,
and acted like me.
What happened?
I realized I was drunk
in some ladies room,
and I was looking
in the mirror.
Mom, what's the point?
Apologize to Denise.
Everybody messes up.
- When somebody's
- desperate and needy like that,
It can scare you,
and you end up saying things
you don't mean.
Now, I better go downstairs
and do a little security check
in the living room
and in the kitchen.
- You need mustard,
- don't you?
Mm-hmm! This is very dry.
Say something to her.
- I don't know
- what to say.
- Well, say something
- really meaningful to show
That we're sorry
and that we really care.
Hey.
That was beautiful.
- Tamera & Denise:
- Kermie's back!
Kermie?
An old friend of ours.
How did he find his way
back home?
- Well, he's just
- like Lassie.
Except he's green
and eats flies.
There's miss cutler!
- Hurry up.
- Hide him.
Well, I better get
back to my seat.
Wait!
Denise, you know,
when you think about it,
we're kind of like a frog.
- I mean, he has only two lungs,
- and they're identical...
Tia, I hope you know where
you're going with this,
- because I don't
- have a clue.
- Well, the lungs
- are like tamera and me.
- And maybe
- you can't be a lung,
- But you could be
- something else real important.
Like a liver
or a spleen.
Let me get this straight.
You thought I was crazy?
Oh, my hat!
And now back
to the front.
That's them, officer.
They are the perpetrators.
Duh, ray.
Yeah. Look at those
little beady eyes,
that sloping forehead,
those cheesy clothes.
- Wait a minute.
- That's my shirt!
Louie?
Louie luabonos,
is that you?
Lisa? Is that you,
Lisa Landry?
¿Qué pasó, mami?
Hey, yeah,
it's me, Louie!
How you doing?
- Ooh, well, obviously
- not too good, huh, Louie?
- Ooh, ray, it's Louie
- from the old neighborhood.
Say hi.
I'm charmed, Louie.
Book 'em.
- And I hope
- this is the last time.
They come here often?
- Well, they fake
- their own robbery.
When people are
out on neighborhood watch,
they rip them off.
- You nasty
- old thieves!
Well, you're not gonna
be able to fake it
in the big house! Uh-uh!
Ma'am, the mic?
- Oh, you can kiss
- this mic good-bye.
And you are not gonna
get some cushy job
in the prison library.
I've got friends
on the inside.
Ma'am.
Big friends. Mean friends.
- Ugly friends.
- Lonely friends.
- Lisa, give him the mic!
- Give him...!
- They're gonna hook up
- that clapper to your basement.
Give him the mic!
Clap off!
Clap off! Clap off!
Oh, man, they stole
the coffee machine.
They even took the muffins!
Sorry, ray.
That was an inside job.
- Well, I still
- can't believe this.
Yeah, just when you thought
you knew somebody.
Who would have thought,
those old people.
No, ray, I'm not talking
about them.
I'm talking about you.
Me?
Mm-hmm.
I saw the way
you jumped in front of me.
- You were there for me, ray.
- I felt safe.
You were so brave.
And you weren't even
hyperventilating.
Man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
You had no regard
for your own personal safety.
Man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
I mean, could have had a g*n
or a club or a butcher knife.
Butcher knife?
Yeah.
With that shaky hand, he could
have cut you over real good.
Oh, no.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, ray.
Oh, come on, hold on.
Oh.
Ray, breathe, breathe.
(Breathing loudly,
(but slowly)
You feel better, ray?
My hero.
02x18 - Single White Teenager
Watch/Buy Amazon
Starring Tia and Tamera Mowry as identical twin sisters separated at birth who are reunited as teenagers.
Starring Tia and Tamera Mowry as identical twin sisters separated at birth who are reunited as teenagers.