02x08 - The Fiancé of Despair

[bunniefuu]

No! Keep your hands away from my.. Tail, you little freak.

Cause you're just another tomcat after all.

Boss. Can't say I blame you, though I know I'm irresistible.

Huh? Hey! Come on, fight back! You're such a moron, Linea.

What'd you call me? A moron? I dare you to say that again.

Enough! I can't even hear myself think.

If you're not here to work, then go home.

Well, what do you think, Julie? Who

the hell do you think you're talking to me?

Sorry. You're right. We'll try to keep

the noise down as long as we're all in the classroom.

Hey! Sit down. Huh?

It.

Yes.

You are.

Hey, give it a rest. No need to pick on that poor turtle.

Huh? Hell, are you supposed to be?

Oh, wait. I think that might be quagmire.

It doesn't matter who started it. Only cowards g*ng up like that.

Okay, let's go here. Whatever.

Are you all right?

At what point did it sound like I wanted you?

Sorry. I'm fine, thank you. Yeah. No problem at all.

I figured he was going to snap at me

as he finally realized I'm not his enemy.

What I do to upset him so much in the first place.

Well, whatever.

Hey.

So there's this girl I like.

Okay. Is it me? It's not me, right?

Maybe he just wants help writing a love letter or something. Yeah.

That's her there. Oh. Good for.

You poor guy. That is my love, Lady Elena. Dragon

road I named nearly as beautiful and bold

as the woman who bears it.

She is studious, as her grades can attest,

and as an adventurer, she grasps the practicalities

of magical combat. How I admire her.

Yeah. Huh. I hoped I was mistaken,

but nope, he really does mean Elena Lee's. Oof!

There have been some scurrilous rumors about

her taking any male student who looks

at her twice as a lover,

and somewhat the professor says, well, I've

tried to intervene, but..

Sorry, Bud, but those were no rumors.

So what do you want me to do?

Oh, well, you know her, right? So would you mind introducing us?

Romantic advice. Why do you have a crush on someone?

No, but a classmate of mine does. Who's that?

As long as this stays between us,

it's Cliff, one of the other special

students. Oh, yes, I know him.

Please continue the way he tells it.

He fell in love with this woman immediately at first sight.

And I'm kind of close with the person he fell for,

but I'm not sure about introducing them.

I just don't want him to think

it's because I want her to myself.

Do you have any idea how I should navigate this?

Well, I suppose I should ask, where does your hesitation come from?

I have nothing against her, but she has

some issues that make her a tricky match, I see.

You know, even if a trait is unappealing to you,

that doesn't necessarily mean it would be to Cliff.

From what I hear, most people couldn't

imagine dating the person I like.

But Mr. Fitz has a crush. I wonder who it is.

Princess Ariel is probably the safest bet.

And it's hard to see someone around

all the time and feel like they're out of reach.

So yeah, I'd say go ahead and introduce them.

And that way he would at least

have an opportunity to express himself.

You think I'm afraid that could lead

to all sorts of trouble down the road?

That's not your burden, though. I mean,

once you get them in a room together,

they have to figure out the next steps for themselves.

Yeah, he does kind of have a point there.

Guess you're right. Thank you, Master Fitz. I appreciate the input.

Oh, please. I'm just glad I was able to help at all. So.

Mm. Hey there. Rudeus. What a lovely surprise.

You don't often call on me. And who is this?

All right. Good luck in there. Just remember, I did warn you.

So if this goes poorly in any way,

please don't take that out on me.

Of course I'm fully prepared for rejection.

Hello, Ellen. Elise, I would like you to meet Cliff Grimoire.

He's one of the special students and a year ahead of me.

It's an honor, my lady. As he said, I am Cliff.

Oh, my. What a perfect gentleman you are.

My name is Elena Elise. Dragon road.

Now, then, what brings you to see

me this fine afternoon, master Cliff?

He's been interested in meeting you for some time,

so I thought I'd introduce you.

Indeed. I've spent many an evening admiring

your radiant beauty from across the courtyard.

I beg you to consider a personal relationship with me.

Um huh?

Really? Really what? How much do you want for him?

She thinks I'm here to pimp my upperclassmen. Now that's low.

That's not what this is. You can't mean that.

Rudy has to know what I'm like.

I really can't commit to anyone.

Why would you bring this naive little choirboy here? That's just cruel.

Now I'm the shameless one. I'm not trying to trick him.

I am just introducing him like he asked me to. You mean it?

Yeah. I'll even swear by Master Roxy if you like.

Well, if he's serious, that's also a problem.

People shouldn't have feelings for me.

That's a surprise. I figured she'd say

that she had an in or something

booked just in case, and whisk him away.

You didn't forget about my curse, did you?

It's not compatible with an exclusive relationship.

Yeah, that's too bad, isn't it? Guess

you'll just have to turn him down. You wouldn't mind?

That won't cause any bad blood between you two.

Nope. It's not a problem. But I do think

you should tell him exactly why. I can do that.

Rudeus. Please see

yourself out so that Cliff and I may speak in private, huh?

Oh, yeah. Of course. Excuse me. I'll be just outside.

And rudeus. Thank you. I mean that..

The gratitude in his voice makes my chest ache.

Hey, Zynerba, are you hear me?

Good morning. Rudeus. Uh huh.

As you can clearly see, we've chosen to become a couple. Okay.

Why? There was such a fire and passion

to his proposal that it pierced and melted

even my most frozen heart of hearts.

Congratulations. I'm happy for you. But what about your curse?

A curse is nothing in the face of true love.

For Cliff's sake, I'll do my best to control myself.

If your heart belongs to me, nothing else matters.

And I swear to you I will

lift your curse one day. Oh, Cliff. Oh, Alena. Leaze.

Now if we use this figure from

the marketplace as point of contrast.

If this works for them, then who am I to interfere?

How all the components of a human man.

If I'm being honest, I would also

love to break my curse and get busy with someone.

Wow, they're so intense. Fall is upon us,

and Beastfolk mating rituals are in full swing.

Namely, a one on one duel that acts

as a marriage proposal and determines who will lead the resulting family.

In other words, they're in heat. Which brings

me to my two absent classmates.

Linnea and Pacena are princesses of the Dhodia tribe.

The Beastfolk all adore them, and despite their public disinterest in marriage,

they're inundated with challenges from suitors every year.

So they wrote to let me know

that they wouldn't be leaving the girls dorm for a while.

But they also said the rest is up to you,

and I don't know what that means.

I take it that you, sir, are quagmire Rudeus.

I challenge you to a matrimonial duel.

Oh. Is this one of those..

Proposal challenges that have been kind of in vogue

around campus lately, or.. Indeed.

I beg your pardon, but I'm actually straight, you see.

So I'm going to be going.

You have no right to refuse. I wrote

to Lady Percina and she informed me

that you're the boss of her pack.

Thus you are duty bound to accept all challengers.

Oh, that's what they meant. Jerks! Now draw your w*apon. Oh!

Well, better luck next year, I suppose.

Hey, Rudeus, have you seen this line outside? What did you do?

I didn't do anything, but apparently whoever

beats me gets to marry Linnea and or Pacena.

No, really. There's no way you have the authority to allow that.

That's for the chief of the Dodia tribe to decide.

Well, they've been redirecting all their personal challenges to me either way.

Gauntlet of highly motivated, horny alpha males, here I come.

Oh, well, it is an all men. From what I could see, there was

at least one girl out there. Wait. Really? Is she cute?

Wow. You really are your father's son.

Hey. Sorry. What'd you say?

Hey, Master.. Fitz. What the heck?

Hahahahahahaha!

Your courage is a credit to you.

This university of magic attracts some truly stouthearted fellows.

What?

Hello. They said I had to defeat them all.

If I didn't want to wait my turn to see you.

And here you are. Right on cue.

Yes. The eye of foresight. You must be Rudy as gray.

Red. My fiance, Kasereka Kissuiso, great emperor

of the demon world, speaks well of you.

I am the Demon King bodyguard.

And I've come to challenge you to a duel. What is happening?

Must we wait? Forgive me. Someone is on their way to fetch

my staff for me right now. You humans can be so hasty. I

expect you to be shooed away.

But you seem quite composed. No wonder

my fiance thinks so highly of you.

And you said your fiancée is Empress Kasereka, didn't you? Yes.

Her Majesty bestowed this demon eye on

me, though we only met briefly.

She described you as something of a magical marvel.

She hasn't spoken of anyone with such excitement in a long while.

I'm no one special. I may have

a bit more mana than the average person, but..

Ha ha ha. Oh. Please be seated.

More marvelous than Laplace. That's how she

first described you to me without a moment's hesitation.

She's never said that of anyone else before. Which means your

capacity must be among the greatest in the world. Wow.

Is that so? Granted, I have been

training nonstop to improve it for most of my life now.

No amount of training would allow you

or anyone else to rival Laplace. For most, it's simply impossible.

Okay, even if most people can't do it,

what about reincarnated people like me?

Maybe the man God hooked me up

with some sweet hacks or something.

Come to think of it, Your Majesty,

may I ask you about a certain name?

And to be clear, I'm not an agent

or a minion or anything of this person I'm thinking about,

so please don't att*ck me for simply

mentioning them. If you wouldn't..

Mind, I said begin our duel until you're armed.

You have the Demon King's word.

Does the name Man-god mean anything at all to you?

Man. God, how is it that you came to learn this name,

boy? They appear in my dreams.

In your dreams, sir. I see. What do you know about them?

Nothing.

Well, that's too bad. Indeed. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, what

a sad fellow you are clamming up all of a sudden.

Laugh with me boy! Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha..

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha.

Here's your staff. I'm sorry it took so long to find it.

No, that's quite all right. I appreciate you running to get it.

Please don't do anything rash. If it looks like you'll lose,

just grovel and beg for mercy.

No one will think less of you for it, I promise.

Your Majesty. Call me body boy. Sir.

Body. Then I have a request.

Speak your piece. Even if I lose to you,

I would ask that you please spare my life.

Begging for mercy before we begin. You're a funny one, aren't you?

Life is a tragic thing to waste.

You're so sure you'll lose. One would

think such a large mana pool would lend a man some confidence.

About two years ago, I fought a man

known as the Dragon God and barely made it out alive.

Crap. He didn't react to the name

Mangat, but does he know Orsted?

I think I might have hit a nerve.

All right. I have a proposal for the terms of our duel.

What might that be? Just one below.

Strike me once. att*ck me with the force of your mightiest blow.

Perhaps use a spell you used against the dragon god.

If you can manage to wound me,

then you will be named the victor.

That sounds reasonable. I accept your conditions. Good.

Against Orsted. I was unarmed, one handed and panicking.

But here I can channel everything I have into this sh*t.

Creating the b*llet is fundamentally no different than crafting a figure.

I'll focus on hardness and aerodynamics, then rotate it.

The faster I can make it spin,

the better penetration it will have on contact.

But velocity is the most critical aspect.

I've never used this much mana for speed before.

All right. Get ready. Excellent. Go on.

No way.

Is he dead?

If.

Buddy Gotti has.. Revived. Oh. You're alive.

Yes, I thought I was a goner.

You vanquished me in single combat radius.

So you may call yourself a hero.

I don't think I will. But thanks.

Then at least let out a victory cheer for the crowd. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Okay, if he says I won, I guess I won.

I'm the winner. Well done. Now it's my turn to take a whack.

There. Is the pain gone too? Yeah it is. Thank you.

Well, healing aside, after the day you just had,

I would advise taking it easy tonight.

I really can't thank you enough for all your help, Master Fitz.

He's probably right. Between duels and demon kings,

I've had one hell of a day,

but hey, at least I'll probably never see Bobby Gotti again.

I'm you. You could do it, boss.

A whole mating season and we didn't

even have to lift a finger. But I never expected a demon king

would show up to challenge you for our hand.

I suppose our charms really must reach all corners of the world.

As thanks. I invite you to touch

Lina's boobs. Thank you. That's very generous.

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha. The immortal Demon king bodyguard.

He has returned!

Oh!

God! Hahahahahahahaha.

A. i.