03x05 - Slap the Stick & Addict

[bunniefuu]

[ATSUSHI] There's this café.

It's on the first floor of the building

where our detective agency is.

It's pretty common to find our people

spending their breaks there.

[ATSUSHI] Hey, everybody, we have a new job!

Anyone wanna take it on?

[ALL] Nah.

I guess this says it all, huh...

Yup, it sure does.

You're tellin' me.

What's going on?

[OSAMU] We're completely b*rned out.

Those fights we had with the Guild

were the most brutal this agency's ever seen.

[OSAMU] In the end, it was all worth it though,

because we managed to keep the Moby d*ck

from crashing into Yokohama.

[OSAMU] Did you know?

As a result of that, you're famous now.

It's not like that was my intention or anything.

[OSAMU] Even so.

The unfortunate truth is that trouble

always seems to follow behind recognition.

Oh, yeah. Where's Kunikida?

You find Kunikida upstairs.

[DOPPO yelling]

[OSAMU] He's more gung-ho than ever.

More coffee, please.

Coffee? Sure.

Curry for me. Make it sweet.

Yes, sir.

A pick me up, if you have any.

Are you hung over, ma'am?

Thanks for putting up with us all the time.

It's nothing.

As of now, the only issue

is Dazai's ever-growing tab with us.

If you could, sir, please buy some life insurance

before you kick the bucket.

Such a business savy girl.

You're really amazing, ya know that?

[BAR WAITRESS, ATSUSHI laugh]

That's right. A report came in from the m*llitary.

Foreign organizations are coming in

hoping to take what the Guild left behind when it collapsed.

Too bad they won't be very interesting.

Also, yesterday, I saw one of the members

of the Guild in the area.

[gasps]

[ATSUSHI gasps]

[ATSUSHI] I lost sight of her.

But I saw that she was carrying some kind of metal box.

I hope she didn't team up with a rival organization

to get revenge.

She could even be planning to b*mb this building.

Is this café in danger, too, then?

[OWNER] Danger is not unlike the bitterness of coffee.

For those ready to meet it head on, it can be quite savory.

[JUNICHIROU] So says the café owner!

You really lived your life for coffee.

He can't even wash the smell of it off his hands,

no matter how much soap he uses.

That's really the only life skill I've got.

[JUNICHIROU] Whoa, we got a real badass here!

[AKIKO] I would've gone with "misfit elite."

[RAMPO] A toast to the coffee man!

[OSAMU] To the coffee misfit!

[OSAMU] Here we are, once again.

It's the café's own fault that we're here every day.

It's so convenient and cozy.

[BOTH gasp]

What happened here?

[ATSUSHI gasps]

[ATSUSHI] Sir!

Are you all right?

Dazai, look. His fingers.

It's not that bad. I'll... be fine.

I'm just glad that... you are all safe.

[ZAPALLIC LEADER] We have no need

for elaborate plots and schemes.

If we wreak enough havoc and instill enough fear,

the Detective Agency will be chirping like a baby bird

before ya know it.

They'll tell us where the Guild's loot is for sure.

We spooked 'em, didn't we?

That's right.

And I added a nice piece to my collection.

Smells strongly of coffee.

The Armed Detective Agency's on the move.

[ZAPALLIC LEADER] Are they looking for us?

Heh. They shouldn't bother.

They don't know nothin' about Zapallic.

In our organization, the more blood on your hands,

the higher your rank.

We move our hideout so often,

not even the international police can track us down.

And even if they did find us, we've got security cameras

and some very violent co-workers.

All I gotta do is pick up the phone

and the neighborhood gangsters will be here in no time flat.

That door over there's no joke either.

It's the same type you'd find in a bank.

A b*mb wouldn't so much as tickle it.

I'd like to see how anyone would--

Impossible!

There's no way you could have found our hideout!

It took Rampo a whole five seconds to figure it out.

But... the security cameras!

[ZAPALLIC LEADER] What about the armed guards?!

[GUARDS groaning]

[OSAMU] We actually owe you some gratitude.

You've made work interesting again.

Oh, yeah?

With one call, I'll have the local gangs here in a second.

They'll rip you to shreds!

[g*ng CONTACT] Are you outta your mind?!

You don't know anything about Yokohama, do you?

Rule #: Don't piss off the Armed Detective Agency!

You're on your own!

[click]

[AKIKO] I understand you enjoy ripping people's nails off.

What exquisite taste you have.

I'm going to enjoy this a lot more than you are.

[ZAPALLIC LEADER screaming]

[sighs]

Now I'm relaxed.

So were they looking for something special

that the Guild left behind?

Nothing like that exists.

And even if it did,

someone else would've definitely taken it already.

The Guild must've put out false leads,

and those guys fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

I wonder what happened to that one Guild member.

[door opens]

Welcome back, miss.

[ATSUSHI] Hm?

[OWNER] Everyone, I'd like to introduce you

to our newest staff member, Lucy.

Is there a reason you're here?

[growls]

'Cause I wanna be!

--[bang] --[ATSUSHI yells]

[ATSUSHI] Who're we meeting?

[DOPPO] An extremely talented information broker.

[ATSUSHI] A talented hacker.

[DOPPO] He's a former Agency member.

[ATSUSHI] I see. Do you know him?

[DOPPO] He's sort of a "frenemy."

I'm going to have him take a look at this device here.

[ATSUSHI] Isn't that... the Moby d*ck control console?

[DOPPO] Here's the culprit:

There's a remote hijacking chip inside.

This is what tried to take over the Moby d*ck...

...and crash it into Yokohama in the middle of all the chaos.

[yells]

[sighs]

[AKUTAGAWA] Hm?

[ATSUSHI] Descending?! Buy why?

I haven't done anything!

[AKUTAGAWA] Hand it to me!

[DOPPO] Whoever set up that chip took advantage of the Guild

and plotted to destroy Yokohama.

We need to stay one step ahead

and drag this mastermind out of the shadows

before they're able to make their next move.

Katai! It's me! I'm comin' in!

Look at all this garbage lyin' around.

There's barely enough room to walk!

You need to get your ass out of the bed you never make

and clean this place up!

Hey! Answer me, damnit!

[KATAI] Ugh. I don't have the strength to go on.

Not again. What is it this time?

[KATAI] Outside of my bed lies hell.

All that is beautiful is above the sky.

And all that is enjoyable is beneath the sea.

Kunikida, is this him?

Yeah.

Katai's ability allows him to control machines

that are within his sight without touching them.

He can process info many times faster than normal.

[ATSUSHI] So he can control all the computers in this room?

[DOPPO] He's able to take on m*llitary cyber warfare.

Although apparently, he can't concentrate

unless he's where he feels most at home.

In other words, he needs to be wrapped in that futon

to use his ability.

Even those days are behind me.

My mind is too shaken now for me to use my powers.

If any piece of trash here should be disposed of,

it should be me!

Huh? You can't use your ability?! Why not?!

Well... you see, it's...

--[DOPPO] Whaddya mean --[ATSUSHI] What does he mean

--you're in love?! --he's in love?!

It was three days ago.

I met this girl who just took my breath away.

Her dark, elegant hair...

Her silhouette as graceful as a lily...

Her delicate aura radiating like in a dream or an illusion.

She stole my heart, even from meters away.

Five hundred meters? That's pretty far.

So you never talked to her.

I was far too stunned at the mere sight of her.

I only had the strength to take... this picture.

[ATSUSHI] You're right, she's really pretty.

[KATAI] Alas! It is a love never to be!

Me, talk to a woman? I'm better at bantering with moles.

No, I must accept that my only love is Yoshiko!

Who's that?

The name of his futon.

Seriously, his futon has a name?

[DOPPO sighs]

At the rate we're going here, this is gonna take a while.

[KATAI] I see.

[DOPPO] Huh?

[KATAI] I understand what you need from me now.

I need something, too.

The Detective Agency must find that beauty again.

[sighs]

[gasps]

[ICHIYOU] It's Mr. Akutagawa!

He must be on his way home!

'Kay. Calm down.

Hold it together, Higuchi. Stay cool!

Excellent work today, sir.

What do you say I escort you home?

[ICHIYOU] Yes.

It's so unassuming, what would he say?!

Something like...

Would you like some tea?

And just like that he'd invite me to come inside!

Haven't seen you in a while. Let's go home.

[ICHIYOU] That woman.

Who... is... she?

[ICHIYOU] Mr. Akutagawa met up with a young woman,

and they went home together.

Absurd!

There's gotta be more to this than meets the eye.

Right! Like a conspiracy!

Is she an enemy assassin? Or maybe a secret agent?

Either way, I need to expose her

and stop my superior from being compromised.

That's right! This isn't a matter of personal interest.

It's a mission!

I saw them around here yesterday.

[ICHIYOU gasps]

The Detective Agency? Just what are they doing here?

Uh! The weretiger has a picture of her!

Yes, that's it! She's connected to the Detective Agency.

However, this isn't a good time for me

to confront them about it.

[OUGAI] I forbid hostilities toward

the Armed Detective Agency until otherwise noted.

[ICHIYOU] But, Boss, the Guild has been dissolved.

Our organization is bound to come into conflict

with the Agency now.

I wouldn't be the boss

if I didn't think these things through.

So trust me.

Understood, sir.

[OUGAI] These instructions apply to all members.

Gin, please hand this to all our units.

[ICHIYOU] Why did the boss make such a decree?

[growls]

I don't want that lame Detective Agency thinking less...

Something you needed?

[yelping]

What does the Port Mafia want?

As instructed by our president,

we're ceasing any and all conflict with you.

But if you're gonna force my hand, then so be it.

[ICHIYOU] This doesn't look good.

It's two against one and they're experienced in battle.

But if it's for the sake of my superior...

[ICHIYOU] ...I'll do whatever it takes!

I'll force it out of them!

Please, I beg of you!

Tell me what you know about the woman in that picture!

Tell me everything!

[BOTH] Huh?!

Seriously?!

[ATSUSHI] I honestly don't know what to tell you about her.

We know as much about this woman as you do, unfortunately.

We're trying to find her and deliver a love letter.

A love letter?

[ICHIYOU] The weretiger's surprisingly bold.

Hey, wait a second.

That's great!

I'm rooting for you.

Some advice, women like to be approached with confidence.

I also think you should tidy up your bangs just a bit.

Maybe get your clothes tailored.

[KATAI] He's not the one who will be

delivering the love letter!

[ALL gasp]

Seeing that my heart is on the line,

it's only right that I witness the outcome!

It's Katai.

He brought his futon.

So you're the one who wrote the love letter?

I'll give it to you straight.

Your chances are even worse than the weretiger over here.

Silence, you fool!

The love that I feel runs deeper than the sea!

Besides, you're with the Port Mafia, are you not?

It's true that I've parted ways from the Armed Detective Agency,

but I won't team up with the likes of you!

Hey, kid, is there a reason why

he's yelling over in that direction?

[ATSUSHI] He really is bad at talking to women.

[bell rings]

It's her.

--[ICHIYOU] Huh? --Really?!

Ah! She's like an angel!

She just came out of the dry cleaner's.

Why is she carrying Mr. Akutagawa's clothes?

This is so unacceptable!

I can't just sit back and rely on a silly love letter!

I'll have to punish this infiltrator

with my own two hands!

You aren't getting away from me!

Not so fast, you goon!

[cars honking]

[gasps] What happened to the traffic lights?

[ICHIYOU] No normal person moves like that.

She must be an enemy agent!

All right.

That divine angel...

[BOTH] I need to get to her!

Excellent. That alley's a dead-end.

[KATAI yells]

Got you!

[gasps]

[KATAI screaming]

Why did you both follow me here, m'am?

I know that mask and hairstyle...

Gin?

Yeah.

Then that means...

...this whole time I've been chasing Mr. Akutagawa's...

[ALL] Little Sister?!

[ATSUSHI] I can't believe... you're Akutagawa's sister.

[ICHIYOU gasping]

You doin' okay over there?

What now, Katai?

You said that you hate the Port Mafia.

[KATAI] The moment I first saw you,

I learned what the true meaning of "beauty" was.

[KATAI wailing]

D'you think he'll be all right?

Yeah. That was the whole point of the love letter.

Huh?

[DOPPO] You see, Katai would've never had the courage

to express his feelings to a woman he was interested in.

But without a resolution, he couldn't commit

his mind to our investigation,

which would've been bad for me.

So he agreed to face his certain rejection.

He'll start work once he's finished crying.

[ATSUSHI] You know Katai really well, huh?

[DOPPO] I know it'll be easier for all of us

if he comes back to the Detective Agency.

[ICHIYOU] Gin, I have an order as your superior.

I'd like you to call me "Big Sis."