06x18 - Out of Sync

[bunniefuu]

* Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Sometimes you
just get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what
the odds are this time

* Nothing's going to stand
in my way

* This flame in my heart
like a long-lost friend

* Gives every dark street

* A light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder
the wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
No, no, no, no, no problemo.

CLIVE: It's alright.

I love him!

Ah.

You don't know Lionel, do you?

Know him? I made him a star.

I'm Clive Enright,
his manager and producer.

You, uh, are you a fan?

Am I a fan?
Hmm?

Am I a fan?

I love him!
I got all his records.

My favorite
is Emotion Potion.

* I'm drowning in an ocean
of your emotion potion

* I'm kickin' my feet

* And stompin' like a motion

* And with lips so fine
and your face so sweet

Okay. Okay, alright...

* It moves me it touches me

* It knocks me off my feet... *

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Don't stop him! He is good.

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

He is?
Yeah!

He's got
a very unique kind of appeal.

He does?
Absolutely!

Oh, ho, ho,
Balki... Yo, yo, Balki.

Can't stop now, babe!
Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa!

Listen, listen, I have been
in the music business

for 15 years and you have got
star written all over you.

No, no, no, no, Balki, Balki.

That's, that's
not what he meant.

I should tell you that, uh,

Balki takes everything
very literally.

And who are you?
I'm Balki's cousin.

I've been dealing
with this for years.

You have to be very careful
what you say to him.

If you tell him
he can be a star

he'll think he can be a star.

He can. Look at him.

He has warmth,
he has innocence.

People eat that garbage up.

Combined with the right music

this guy could make a fortune.

No, look,
I'm prepared right now

to offer you
a recording contract.

And I want you to star
in your own music video.

Oh, Mr. Enright, I, I...

That's very nice of you,
but I don't think

I ever could be a star
like Lionel DeVinyl.

[CHUCKLING]
That's what Lionel said
when I discovered him

working in
the auto parts store.

in two weeks.

Listen, call me
if you reconsider.

He's reconsidered.

I'm not only Balki's cousin,
I'm also Balki's agent.

Is tomorrow too soon
to ink a deal?

My office, 3:00.
I'll supply the ink.

Cousin, just a,
just a moment of your time.

I have a few questions.
When did I reconsider?

What is an agent?
And when did you become one?

An agent is, uh,
someone like myself

who negotiates big money deals
for a performer, like yourself

in exchange
for a nominal percentage

of the aforementioned
big money.

Uh, I think
the standard rate
is 50%?

That's not enough.

But I'm not a performer,
I'm just Balki.

I'm just your average
Joe Blowniki on the street.

I sing for friends,
for, for, for family

for the occasional sheep.

Although once, I...

I did sell out a meadow.

Well, of course you sold out
the meadow. You have talent.

No, I don't.
Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't.
Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't.
Oh, yes, you do.

[LAUGHING]
No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't.
Oh, yes, you do!

No, I don't.
Oh, yes, you do!

Listen, Balki!

There'd be no
Red Roses for a Blue Lady.

There'd be no
Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast.

There'd be no Danke Schoen.

Wait a minute, cousin.

I know you
like the back of my head.

You're going
to try to trick Balki

by using Wayne's name in vain.

Alright, okay, alright,
alright, Balki.

You are much too smart for that.

Well, I should say so. Ha!

LARRY: Yeah.

I was just thinking how proud

And how proud your mama
would be of you if you...

Well, never mind.
Cousin, what?

What, cousin?
No, no, no.

What were you going to say?

What? You were right in,
right in the middle of a...

You can't just throw out
a mama reference

and just let it die!

I was just thinking how proud
your mama would be of you

if you came back to Mypos
a big, big star!

You performing
for all of Mypos.

And mama, there
in the front row. Look. Look.

There she is. There she is.

Oh, mama.

You introduce her
from the stage.

[WHISPERING]
Stand up. Stand up.

And then, she comes up
for the last act

and, and performs.
She plays the tambourine!

Oh! But she doesn't need
that kind of joy in her life.

Cousin, I want to do it.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

I want to do it for mama.

I want her to bang
her tambourine

and kick up her clogs.

Oh, cousin, she'll be so proud.

Alright, you've worn me down.
Oh, thank you, cousin.

I know the perfect opening act.
"New Kids in the Flock."

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: Bring that
light over here.

Cousin, I am s...
I am so nervous.

I, I have only had
one week to rehearse.

What, what if I forget my song?
What if I lose my voice?

What if I get
a hog in my throat?

You won't get a hog
in your throat.

You won't get any farm animal
in your throat.

You are going to be great.
Now, just relax.

You have talent.
No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do.

That is why you are getting
big bucks to do this video.

Oh, cousin, imagine.
Getting paid to sing.

I love to sing.
I would sing for nothing.

Don't you ever, ever say that!

Fresh Young Balki B.
Are you ready to cook?

Well, not really,
my crock-pot's at home

in the kitchen.

Could I speak to you
for just a moment?

Is there a problem
with the contract?

Yes, there is a problem. Uh...

Clauses B, H, and K
are totally unacceptable.

Uh, in addition, I would like

private limousine service for
Fresh Young Balki B and myself.

And there is to be
an ample supply of M&Ms

in the dressing room
at all times.

Remove all the green ones.

No M&Ms. No limo.

Clauses 'B,' 'H' and 'K'
stay as is or he's out.

Deal! Love it. Ciao.

Hmm.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Don't hate me
because I'm beautiful.

Just sign it.

Yo, Fresh.

Now, we happen in five

and wait 'til I toss you a cue.
Capisce?

Yes, sir.
Uh, I mean, yo, sir.

There you go.

What did he just say?

MAN:
Fresh Young Balki B video.
Take two.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

* Ooh ooh ooh Balki B

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

* Ooh ooh ooh

* Balki B

* I was tendin'
to my flock of sheep

* My mind was bendin'
couldn't get no sleep

* I was dreamin'
of a world I knew

* If I could get to
would make my dreams come true

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

* So I packed up and I said
goodbye to my mama

* And I crossed the sky
to a new land

* Where I work and play
with Cousin Larry

* Each and every day

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

* Now I'm thrillin'
'cause my dreams are fulfillin'

* And I'm tillin' new ground
inside me

* And I'm willin'
* And I'm willing

* And that's why
I'm tellin' y'all not to stop

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

* Ooh ooh ooh Balki B

* 'Cause if you're lookin'
to do the same

* Don't go cookin' up
no brand-new game

* Just reach for what
you've got inside

* 'Cause you're
your own ticket to ride

* Fresh
* Fresh

* Balki B ooh ooh ooh ooh
* Balki B

* Rappin' his way
* Rappin' his way

* Across the sea
* Across the sea

* I said fresh
* Fresh

* Young
* Young

* Come on Fly Girls get busy
* Rappin' his way

* Rappin' his way
across the sea *

BALKI: Let's watch the video.

I hope you like my singing.

Maybe someday,
I'll win a grandma.

A Grammy. Win a Grammy.

That's what I said.

Although winning one
could never replace

the sweet little old lady
I left on Mypos.

We are going to make a fortune.

Okay.

Past the teeth
and over the gums

look out, eyes, here it comes!

[J.J. JAY SINGING
FRESH YOUNG BALKI B]

* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh... *

Balki, I don't think
I like this.

Strange women
are singing your name.

Oh, don't worry, Mary Anne.
I didn't sing back.

Oh, look, look, look, look!
This, this, this is, is my part!

This is where
I sing by myself.

[WITH OTHER VOICE]
* I was tendin'
to my flock of sheep

* My mind was bendin'
couldn't get no sleep

* I was dreamin'
of a world I knew

* If I could get to would make
my dreams come true *

Gee.

Balki, it's amazing how
different your singing voice is.

It's not his voice, Mary Anne.

Oh, my Lord! You're right.

They, they dubbed
in a different voice.

I worked so hard
and they threw my voice away.

How could this happen?

Well, I don't know, but if you
gotta have a different voice

that's a good one to have.

But you look fabulous.

My mama's going to be proud?
Of what?

Of me pretending to be
somebody else?

I don't want to do this!

LARRY:
Balki, be reasonable.

If you're not gonna be
Fresh Young Balki B

Your fingers!

Balki, you cannot throw away
the opportunity of a lifetime!

Cousin, you are wasting
your breath mints.

I am not going to be
moving my lips

for somebody else's voice.

That is dishonest.

Did, did you know
that Natalie Wood didn't do

her own singing
in West Side Story?

Or that Audrey Hepburn
lip-synched her songs

in My Fair Lady?

is that someone else sang
for The Little Mermaid?

Yes! And don't even ask
about Mr. Ed!

Not Mr. Ed!

Alright, Balki, Balki, think
of this as, as a group effort.

It's, it's like building a car.

Another person
puts in the seats.

But someone else's voice
is coming out of the radio!

Okay, alright, alright, alright.
Forget cars. Forget cars!

Uh, think of it as,
as making a cake!

Cousin...
One person puts in the flour.

Cousin.
Another breaks the eggs.

Cousin, cousin, you're getting

Now, let me ask you this.

How many times
have Marshall and Walpole

taken credit for an article
you've written?

Oh. Oh.
How many times? How many?

How many times have
Marshall and Walpole

taken credit for an article
you've written?

How many?
Twenty one.

Twenty one?

Twenty one times.

Now, how does
that make you feel?

Hey, I'm okay with it!

Alright, it bothers me a little.

I hate it.

Well, of course you do.

You're right.
Thank you, cousin.

Cousin, would you just--
Okay. Alright. Alright.

Alright. I see your point.

I'll just call Enright
and insist

that you do your own singing.

Thank you, cousin.

You're both about
to become millionaires!

Okay, listen, Balki,
I've got a schedule here

of your
promotional appearances.

Mr. Enright, this is, uh, very,
very difficult for me to say

but Balki won't be making
any promotional appearances

unless he does his own singing.

[CHUCKLING]
What is he saying?

I saw the video,
and I don't like it.

I don't like
that someone else's voice

is coming out of my mouth.

Balkster, come on.

When I said I was gonna
make you a star

it wasn't for your singing.

It's your unique look
that I wanna sell.

See, I always planned to match
your look with J.J. Jay's voice.

None of my clients
use their own voices.

This won't affect
profit participation, will it?

Cousin, cousin, please.

Are you telling me
that Lionel DeVinyl

is just a pair of moving lips?

That's what I'm sayin'.

What about Neon Leon?

Jazzy Jake?
None of them sing a note.

Well, paint me green
and call me Gumby.

Mr. Enright,
you are a dishonest person

and I wash my face of you.

Not so fast there, Fresh!

I've got a contract here
with your signature on it.

And according to Paragraph Z,
line four, your lips are mine.

You move them when
and where I tell you.

Wait a minute... Paragraph Z?
Let me see that.

If you don't live up
to your end of this deal

Cousin, is this true?

I'm afraid it is.

Balkman,
got your press conference

scheduled for tomorrow.

All the major music publications
are gonna be there, babe.

So, see you there.
Or I'll see you in court.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

* Rappin' his way
rappin' his way

* Across the sea
* Across the sea

* I said Fresh *
* Fresh *

* Young
* Young

* Balki B

* Rappin' his way
across the sea *

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
There you have it!

Fresh Young Balki B's
first music video.

What can I say, huh?

You are witnessing today
the birth

of a major new rock
phenomenon, okay?

This guy is hot,
he is happening,
and he is here!

That's right, you heard me.

put those hands together
and give it up

for Fresh Young Balki B.

[APPLAUDING]

Hello, my name is...

Fresh Young Balki B.

And I would like you
to meet my DJ, MC Cousin.

Yo.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're here to answer
their questions

and here are your answers.

He's gonna sing live. Yo.

You can't do that.
Well, let's ask the press.

You wanna hear
Fresh Young Balki B sing?

No, no...

Yo, it's Balki time.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

* I was singing on the job
you see

* The man said he'd make
a star out of me

* He cut a record
sh*t a video too

* But when we saw it
something didn't

* Ring true
* Was set to groovin'

* Had my friends around

* What we heard
wasn't our choice

* Clive Enright
dubbed in a new voice

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

* None of his acts
sing their own songs

* What went down we think
was terribly wrong

* Neon Leon Jazzy Jake
and the Jukes

* Have no talent they're just
lip-synching flukes

* Lionel DeVinyl
and Untame Jane

* Their story
is sadly the same

* Even Jump Back Jimmy Mack

* Couldn't carry a tune
in a paper sack

* Take it from
Fresh Young Balki B

* And his Cousin MC

* What you're hearin'
ain't what you see

* And singin' a lie
just ain't for me

* 'Cause the songs
movin' up his hit parade

* Are all a part
of Enright's charade

* But you've got the power
to end his game

* So tell the world
Clive Enright's to blame

* Enright's to blame
Enright's to blame

* Enright's to blame *

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

BALKI: Cousin, look at this.

Mr. Enright is being sued

which is expected
to go plutonium.

Not plutonium, platinum.

And now, he is going to be
very, very rich.

And we are not.

But, Larry, you got the byline
on the expose

about Enright
and his phony singers.

I did scoop Rolling Stone,
Musicians Weekly,

and Rap and Roll.

I guess, uh, Fresh Young
Balki B and MC Cousin

did earn me something.

Oh. Well, there's,
there's still time.

Stay right where you are!
No. No. No, no.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING