06x24 - See You in September

[bunniefuu]

* Sometimes
the world looks perfect

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what the odds
are this time

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* And nothing's going
to stop me now *

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I, I hear them. I hear them.

Okay, okay, uh...

Open the door.

Surprise!

Okay, now, hold it right there.

I want to preserve
this moment for posteriors.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Okay, Cousin Larry,
give me energy!

Yeah, and Jennifer,
lick your lips.

Okay. Beautiful.

Now, give me something
completely different.

Come on, somethin' wacky.

Balki, uh, uh...

[STAMMERING]
Balki, what is,
what is this all about?

And why is there
produce on the wall?

What is this all about?

[LAUGHS]

Does the word
"Six phases of the moon"

mean anything to you?

[LAUGHS]

Or do you wanna just
keep getting out there

and sowin' your mild goats?

[LAUGHS]

What are you
talking about?

I'll give you a hint.

It's been six phases
of the moon

since you and Jennifer
got engaged

so according to
Myposian custom

tonight's the night
you set the wedding date.

Whoo-hoo!

Well, well, well,
Jennifer and I

weren't planning on
setting a date just yet.

But, but, cousin, you're,
you're 1/64th Myposian.

I, I just assumed
you were going

to be following
Myposian custom.

Uh, Larry and I decided
to follow American custom.

Oh.

Well, so, so I guess
you won't be walking

down the aisle
on your hands?

Well, I don't think
it's an American custom

to get engaged
and never set
a wedding date.

Well, nobody said anything

about never
setting a wedding date.

So, go ahead.

Go ahead what?
Go ahead and set a date.

Well, uh...

Well, uh...
[STUTTERS] All right.

Uh, I mean, yeah,
let's, let's go ahead

and, and, and, and, uh,
and, uh...

Let's, let's do it!

Uh, unless there's
some reason

Why wouldn't
I want to?

Uh, uh, shall we begin
with the month?

Uh, no problem.

Uh, well, uh, July...

Okay, July.

J... U...

L...

July, August, September
and October are out

uh, because, uh...

My allergies
act up. I...

I don't want to be sneezing
through the ceremony.

Oh.

Okay, fine, cousin,
just fine.

Uh, uh, November through
January are no good for me.

I have a very, uh,
tight flight schedule

and we wouldn't have
time for honeymoon.

And the weather's no good in,
uh, February or March.

My birthday's in April.

Mine's in May.

June.

June?

Well, uh...

Uh, June is good for me.

You like June?

I love June.
June would be great.

Is it warm in here? I...

Okay, here we go.

J... U...

I never should have erased
the J and the U from July.

N... E!

Okay, now! You each have
to have a piece
of cake.

Jennifer, you go first

because the bride
is first.

[HUMMING THE WEDDING MARCH]

I can't eat anything.

[STUTTERS] I'm not,
I'm not feeling well.

I really think
I have to go now.

You know, every time somebody

starts talking
about the wedding you get sick.

I think I know
what your problem is.

You're not getting
enough protein.

[LAUGHS]

Well, huh, well...

Huh, huh, nervous bride.

Ever seen somebody
so nervous about a wedding?

Yeah.

You.

Oh! I'm not nervous.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, you're right, cousin.
You're not nervous.

Uh, you're more scared
than nervous.

What, scared?

Don't be crazy!

I know you like
I know my way
to the bathroom.

I know you when
you're scared.

And you have
all these classical symptoms.

The compulsive eating...

Was I eating?

The nervous leg twitch...

Was my leg twitching?

And everything you say
is in the form
of a question.

It is?

Yes.
Are you sure?

Yes.
Is that bad?

Yes.

Is there ice cream
to go with this cake?

Oh, God.

Balki, Balki,
I don't have
to be scared.

I mean,
I love Jennifer.

Jennifer loves me!

We're gonna live
happily ever after.

[PANTING]

Don't you think?

Well, of course I...
Well, of course you don't.

Neither do I.

charming man
and after we're married

she's gonna realize
she is married to me.

She's gonna be miserable.

Don't you think?

[PANTING]

Oh, cousin, I...

Balki...

I'm just afraid
of losing her.

I'm afraid that
after we're married

she'll leave me
and I'll lose
her anyway.

What am I gonna do?

The two of you could take
the Nupitiki-S-A-tiki.

The Nupitiki-S-A-tiki?

Yeah.

The Myposian
marriage test.

Oh, Balki. Balki, I...
Now, cousin,
no, no, no.

Now, listen,
this test can determine

whether or not a marriage
should take place

beyond a shadow of a snout.

Balki, no stupid
Myposian test

is, uh, gonna guarantee
a, a happy marriage.

Now, cousin,
cousin, look.

Cousin, I am offering you
the opportunity

to, to make sure
that you have a happy marriage.

Now, you cannot keep
indefinitely postponing this.

Sooner or later you're going
to have to mate or cut bait.

Now why you don't get
on the phone and call Jennifer

and find out how she feels
about taking the test.

All right. All right.
I'll, I'll call her.

But just to prove that,
that she thinks

this is as stupid
as I do.

Yeah, yeah, hello?
Uh, Jennifer?

Oh, listen,
I, I know this sounds silly

but Balki says that he has
a test that can prove

whether or not
our marriage will work.

Now I know.
I told him that no...

Hello? Hello?
She hung up.

Now, she's angry at me

just because
I even mentioned the test.

Balki, I want to take
that test right now.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

All right, just a few more
questions and we'll be finished.

Jennifer, I believe
it's your turn.

Um, Jennifer

would you be angry

if Cousin Larry
was working late

and he didn't call you
and therefore

the pig snout that you prepared
for dinner was ruined?

Well, that's a difficult
question, Balki.

I know how involved
Larry can get with his work

so, I guess I would understand
if he forgot to call me

once or twice
but if it happened
all the time

I suppose I would get angry?

Well, good answer!
Good answer!

Isn't that
a good answer, Balki?

Cousin, as I've explained before

there are no good
or bad answers.

I am developing
a picture of the couple

based on their responses
and scoring those responses

on a scale designed
to reflect

their overall compatibility.

This test, um,
this test has been

developed over
a number of years.

It is not a game and I think
we should remember that.

Okay. Uh, cousin,
I believe you're next.

Uh, pick up the apples, please.

And juggle.

[STAMMERING]
Wait a minute.
I don't understand.

For the last hour, uh,
Jennifer has been answering

reasonably intelligent questions

and I've been playing
"Double Dare."

Are you, uh,

No! No, no! No, no, no!

It's, uh, uh, juggle?
Yeah, no, no, it's fine.

Uh, no problem.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Stand on one foot.

Close your eyes.

All right, now no one
can juggle with their
eyes closed.

I'm sorry, I believe I simply
said, "Close your eyes."

I don't believe
I said anything about juggling.

about standing on, uh,
one foot wrong too?

Sit down, please.
Put the apples away.

Cousin, as I explained before
there is no right and wrong.

Were you not listening?

Larry was listening.

He-he's a very good listener.

Fine, the test is finished.

Oh, God.
I hope we passed.

Honey, your answers
were, were wonderful.

And, and I did


Sixty.
Well, so what
did we score?

Eighty, ninety?
Three. Your score is three.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I skipped rope with a book
on my head and we got a three?

It's my fault.

Jennifer, uh,
Cousin Larry,

I, uh, I really
feel like babasticki.

I never would have asked
you to take the test

if I thought
you would do so badly.

I sucked a lemon

And we get a three?

[STUTTERS]
Well, so what?

I mean, even if the test
means something

and I'm not saying
that it does,

uh, Balki probably didn't even
give the test right.

I beg to back issue
with you.

I know how to
administer this test.

I happen to be a licensed
Nupitiki Doctor Ruthiki.

A Nupitiki Doctor Ruthiki?

That's a Myposian
marriage counselor.

You're a Myposian
marriage counselor?

That is correct.
What do you do?

Start with shaky sheep marriages
and work your way up to people?

Sheep don't have problem
with their marriages.

Pigs, on the other hand, often
have problems with commitment.

That's why they call them pigs.

Balki, uh, I have to agree
with Larry.

I mean, just because the test
has never been wrong before

doesn't mean
it can't be wrong now.

And just because you've
given the test before

Well, that's the kind of talk
I, I like to hear.

I mean, so we'll
still get married.

We'll take the test again.

We'll take a year,
two years tops.

We'll study,
we'll pass the test

and we'll get married
two years from June.

Right, Jennifer?

Right, right!

Oh! Oh, uh, Larry.

Uh, I just remembered.

my father was going to retire.

See, he and my mother
are gonna buy a Winnebago

and travel across the country.

Well, oh, well,
we'll just start planning

when they get back.

Uh, two years,

uh-uh,
uh, until his retirement

and say, uh, two years
in a Winnebago

a year of planning,
well, we're looking at,

uh, June, five years
from now.

Uh, does that work
for you, Jennifer?

Five years.
I can wait five years.

I mean, after all,
what's five years

when your marriage
is doomed anyway?

Oh, it's, it's gonna
be all right.

I think I can help.

How?

Well, it's a longshot

but I think your only
hope of happiness

is for both of you
to take

the Nupitiki
Spic 'n Spanakopita.

The Nupitiki
Spic 'n Spanakopita?

The Myposian
marriage cleansing ritual.

Now it will either
make you compatible

or remove the waxy buildup
from your linoleum.

But either way it's gonna make
a big difference in your lives.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Jennifer, are you sure
you want to go through

with this purification ritual?

We've got to, Larry.

Balki, that's a very
interesting medallion.

I may be wrong but it...

Looks like it's in the shape
of a lamb chop.

Well, that's very observant
of you, Jennifer.

Actually, it's the shape
of the island of Mypos.

Um, my little village,
Podunki, is right here

in the gristle area and...

Over here in the tenderloin

is Six Flags over Mypos.

Well, the stone
is very beautiful.

that is preventing you
from having a happy marriage

and if purification
takes place

and I'm not making
any promises

the color will become lighter

and lighter until it is just

as clear and pure
as your love for
each other.

Okay, that's it.

I am not letting
my future be determined

by some madman
wearing a mood lamb chop.

Larry, I think
we should try the ritual.

All right.

Then let the purification begin.

[HUMMING]

Uh-oh. Still blue.
It didn't work.

I did my best to purify you

but, uh, I'm afraid
your marriage is doomed.

Out of the pool, please.

Out of the pool, please, please.

I'm not even sure you two
should even be friends.

Our marriage is still doomed?

Larry, why did you even
let us try this stupid ritual?

Well, you're the one
who forced us into this.

Well, you're the one
who couldn't set a date

because you're so,
you're so...

Afraid.
Afraid.

Cousin, she just said
you were afraid.

How does that make you feel?

Afraid.

You'll realize that
I'm not the charming

sophisticated man
you thought I was.

And Jennifer?

Well, I'm afraid that once
we're married you'll

Find out
I'm not perfect.

I mean look at you. Uh...

You've never looked
so awful and...

And I've never loved
you so much.

Oh, Larry.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I love you too.
Well, what about
the test?

Well, I don't care
if the test said

we don't belong together.

I don't care
if a million tests

say we don't
belong together.

I want to marry you, Jennifer.

Larry, I want to marry you.

Well, then let's get married.

Okay, uh, when?

Tonight.

Tonight's no good.

Oh, God.

How about, uh... September?

All right, September.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

There, we're getting
married this year

and-and nothing's
gonna stop us.

So, what do you say to that,
Mr. Myposian marriage counselor?

You just passed
the Myposian marriage test

with flying colors.

What?

[LAUGHS]
Cousin...

Everybody fails
the first part.

We make sure of that.

and then, and then if the people
still want to be married

to each other then we know that

they have
a really deep commitment

and that they will live
happily ever after.

Well, you mean we would have
failed no matter what we did?

We took mud in the face
for nothing?

No, no, cousin,
it wasn't for nothing.

It was to prove
to you that you two

have nothing to be afraid of.

Well, Balki, thank you
for helping us see that.

Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Oh, you know, I guess
I did kind of

do a pretty good job
if I must say so myself.

Well, so, this is what couples
have to go through on Mypos?

Well, uh, to, to, to
some extent. Yeah.

What do you mean,
"To some extent?"

Well, we usually make do
with a written test

and some verbal abuse

and a carefully
monitored psychodrama.

But, uh, since no one
on Mypos

is quite as neurotic as you two

Special touches?

You know, Balki...

Words cannot express

what we feel right now.

Isn't that right, Jennifer?

Oh, no, they can't.

Oh, come on, you guys,
I love you!

Uh, you don't owe
me anything.
Oh, well...

Oh, yes, we do.

Oh, you two!

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]