07x02 - The Wedding

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪

♪ Nothing’s going
to stand in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ The rain and thunder ♪

♪ The wind and haze ♪

♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

♪ And nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪

[harmonica music]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

We are making great time.

We were not scheduled
to pass that feed store

for another


’There you go.’

‐Ooh!
‐Oh!

Balki, watch where you’re going!

Cousin, you know this drive
would be a whole lot easier

if you and your clipboard
and your maps

and your stopwatch
and your emergency flares

all took the bus
and met me at the wedding.

Attitude flare up,
right on schedule.

[siren blaring]

[policeman on PA]
’You, in the Mustang.
Pull over.’

[blaring continues]

What‐what did you do?
Why is he pulling us over?

I didn’t do nothing.

Well, you must’ve
done something.

Cousin, I was just
driving along

trying to avoid getting
paper cuts on my face.

You were telling me
"Go slow, turn here, do this"

and then with map in my face!

And, here.
How do you like it?

Do you like it?
Can you drive?

Look, a little thing for your
nose so you can breathe.

[knock on car]

[together]
Hi.

Uh, license and registration?

Is‐is there a problem,
officer?

Uh yeah, your friend
here was driving

twenty‐six miles an hour.

I wanted to go faster but
Cousin Larry wouldn’t let me.

And your Cousin Larry?

Larry Appleton, officer.

He calls me Cousin Larry
because I’m his cousin... Larry.

We‐well, I think
I can clear this up.

You‐you see,
I‐I’m getting married at

uh, noon today at
the Westridge Country Inn.

The whole wedding’s
in mint green and pink.

And we wanted
to make sure that

that, uh, we got there
in plenty of time

with‐without speeding.

They’re going with
birdseed instead of rice.

More environmentally sound.

Are you gonna give us a ticket?

No, just pick up
your speed a little

and, uh, good luck
with the wedding...

...Cousin Larry.

[Larry]
’Thank you.’

‐Change places with me.
‐No.

‐Move.
‐No, I’m gonna stay right here.

‐Move, come on, change places.
‐No, no, I’m not gonna move‐‐

‐Let’s go. Get out of the seat.
‐I’m bigger than you are.

‐And I’m gonna stay right here.
‐Get out of the seat, come on.

Whoa!

Now, help me move the seat up.

Move it back.

[engine revving]
Wait, wait, cousin, cousin.

‐Before you do anything‐‐
‐’Balki, please.’

‐Cousin, Cousin, wait!
‐’Please, please, please!’

‐I know what I’m doing!
‐Now, you listen to me.

Not another word!
Not another word!

‐Not another word!
‐Cousin! Cousin!

Not a single, solitary word

until we get to the wedding.

Thank you.

[car crashes]

[policeman]
’Oh, what the...’

Oh, my Lord!

May I speak now?

Yes...

For future reference

’R’ stands for reverse.

[instrumental music]

[Larry]
’Jennifer...’

Jennifer, ye‐yeah...

Yeah, all‐all‐all
that screaming

can’t be good for your throat.

You don’t want
to lose your voice

before you have to say "I do".

[laughs]

[sobbing]
Oh, God...
My good God.

What am I gonna do?

She’s falling apart.

She’s not as strong as I am.

Okay, Cousin,
it’s gonna be okay

You come over here,
hold this.

Give me the phone
and then, just breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Okay.

‐Hello, Jen... Whoa!
‐’I’m gonna k*ll you!’

‐’It’s the most important da‐‐’
‐Jennifer, it’s Balki!

‐’Where are you?’
‐Balki!

‐’How could you?’
‐Jennifer now, now...

I know he’s not
as strong as you are, yes.

Um, maybe you better
put Mary Anne on.

Hello, Mary Anne?
This is Balki.

Listen, I’m going
to tell you something

you got to listen
very carefully

it’s very important.

If I put my hand around
the phone does it sound like

I’m calling you from a cave?

[distorting voice]
Hello, I’m in a cave.

Hello, I’m calling you from...

Speak.

Uh, Mary Anne, look

you’ve got to come down here

bring cash to pay the fine,
okay, okay?

[distorted voice]
I’m saying goodbye from a cave.

‐Goodbye from...
‐Uh, hello.

Yeah, yeah. Mary Anne?

Yeah, just‐just tell Jennifer

that there’s still
plenty of time

to‐to get there
before the wedding.

Is‐is‐is that the band
setting up?

That’s just her?

Okay, bye‐bye.

Gary, I need some male
volunteers for a line‐up.

I’ve always dreamed
of being in a line‐up!

[Larry]
’Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.’

Any other day would
be fine

but, uh, today
is my wedding day.

My bride’s a little upset,
so, if you don’t mind...

‐You just volunteered!
‐Oh boy.

[instrumental music]

[Alberton over PA]
’Alright, walk to
the left, please.’

Cousin, what this?

Tells you how tall you are.

That’s funny, cousin, you

you always told me
you were five‐ten.

I am. The floor slopes.

Maybe we should tell
Detective Albertson

about that.
Detective Albertson‐‐

Yeah, I’m‐I’m sure he knows.

I’m sure he knows.

Uh, listen, uh

can we move this along

because I‐I have
to be somewhere.

Oh, look, cousin,
we’ve got company!

Hello, my name is Balki

and this my Cousin Larry.

Balki, we have no time for this.

Cousin, I was just
trying to be polite.

I’m Rudy, it’s a pleasure
to make your acquaintance.

[chuckles]

Even when one is incarcerated,
manners are important.

What am I always telling you?

You are absolutely right.

Alright, alright, I’m going!

[Alberton over PA]
’Stand on the numbers.’

Hi, my name is Balki and...

And, and, uh...

Uh...

Wow!

This is like looking
into a mirror

if Cousin Larry
was standing in front of it.

Well, this is, uh,
really throwing off

my schedule, guys.

If‐if we could just
move this along.

[Alberton on PA]
’Number four, pipe down’

’and face front.’

’Now, take your time
Mrs. Marshall, and tell me’

’if, uh, any of these men
look like the person who robbed’

’your store last night?’

[Mrs. Marshall]
’That’s him!
The one on the end.’

’The one with the curly hair
and no upper lip.’

[Albertson on PA]
’Number four, step forward.’

No!
No, no, no, no.

No. Uh...

No, no, it wasn’t me.

It wasn’t me, it was,
it was, it was...

Well‐well‐well,
it was probably him!

He‐he has much less
of a lip than I do.

Oh, no, Cousin, he got
twice the lip you got.

Balki, Balki, don’t help.
Alright, don’t help!

‐Don’t do anything!
‐You got a line.

‐Don’t talk, not another word!
‐You have nothing.

Not another word!
Not a single solitary word!

Ugh, I‐I‐I couldn’t have robbed

a store last night
because I was at home.

I was at home,
I was with Balki.

I was, I was, I was...
Tell them, Balki.

Tell them I was with you.
Tell them.

Talk! You‐you you can talk now,
tell them.

Are you subject
to wild mood swings

like my Cousin Larry?

Tell them!

I wish you’d make up your mind.

Yeah, I was with
Cousin Larry last night.

[Albertson on PA]
’Good news, Mrs. Marshall’

’we have the driver
of the getaway car, too.’

’Book ’em both!’

Cousin!

You won and I’m first runner‐up!

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

‐Balki?
‐’Mary Anne!’

‐Oh, Balki!
‐Oh, Mary Anne!

I was so worried about you,
are you alright?

‐Yeah, I’m okay.
‐Oh, Balki.

I’ll wait for you,
no matter how many years

you rot in this stinking
hellhole.

Mary Anne, when I get
out of the big house

we’ll make a fresh start.

A guy can change!

Balki, will you stop it.
We didn’t do anything!

That’s what makes it so tragic.

Never mind... Stop...

Stop... Stop it, stop it!
Never mind all this.

Stop!

Where’s Jennifer,
is she alright?

Oh, she’s much better,
she was right behind me.

[Larry]
’Oh, Jennifer,
Jennifer, Jennifer!’

Oh... Oh, Jennifer!

Jennifer, Jennifer...

Oh.

[grunting]

I missed you so much.

I missed you so much
and I am so sorry.

I’ll‐I’ll make this up to you.

I’ll make this up to you.

I...

I‐I‐I know you’re angry
and you have every right to be.

I’m not angry.

Did you hear that?
Am I lucky or what?

I am marrying the most
forgiving woman in the world.

Larry, you don’t understand

I’m not angry
because I’ve made a decision.

What happened today was a sign.

We shouldn’t get married.

What?

We shouldn’t get married

we shouldn’t
have gotten engaged.

I shouldn’t have
moved to Chicago.

I should have stayed
in Iowa and gone into

the family corn‐canning
business.

But, Jennifer, you don’t
know what you’re saying.

Yes, I do, Larry, I’ve given
this a lot of thought.

I can’t go through with this.

I’m going back to Iowa.

Okay.

Okay.

I shoulda
seen this coming.

I fall in love with
a beautiful woman

she falls in love with me.

I knew it was too
good to be true.

Nothing works out
for Larry Appleton.

I’ll think of you
whenever I eat creamed corn.

Thanks.

I’ll think of you whenever
I watch "America’s Most Wanted."

Jennifer, Jennifer.

Come on.

I’m sorry, Balki.

I don’t believe this.

‐’What are you doing?’
‐Cousin?

‐Balki, it’s over.
‐’It’s just not meant to be.’

Now, wait just a minute.

Just listen to me,
the two of you.

Come over here,
come right over here.

You’re being ridiculous!

Now, don’t be!

You always plan for

for every little thing

every little problem
that might come up.

And then when a little
problem does come up

that you didn’t plan
for, you go to pieces!

So, okay.

When life gives you lemons

make furniture polish.

You’re throwing away
all the joys

of being married, for what?

This is what they call
throwing out the baby

with the trough water.

And you will regret that
for the rest of your life.

Now, you better start talking.

Larry, I really don’t want to go
back to Iowa and can corn.

Well, I don’t want you to go
back to Iowa and can corn.

Well, you can’t go back
to Iowa and can corn

your parents sold the farm
and moved to Florida, remember?

Oh, right.
Larry, I want to marry you.

And I want to marry you.

Well, uh, maybe we
could change our plans.

Well, I‐I‐I wanna
go with the flow

uh, but I‐I just don’t know
what to do without my clipboard.

You don’t need
a clipboard, Cousin.

You don’t need a plan.

All you have to do is know

what you want and go for it.

’Now, what do you want?’

[instrumental music]

Yeah, oh, uh...

Reverend Peters wants us
to get started.

Rudy, please.

[instrumental music]

Very nice, Rudy.

Oh, okay, uh...

Reverend Peters say that

uh, he’s ready to begin.

He, he’s got all
the wedding guests

gathered around
the speaker phone.

Okay, he says you
should join hands.

Not you.

Sit down, please.

Okay, I got that.

"Dearly beloved

"we are gathered here today

"to join Cousin Larry
and future Cousin Jennifer

in holy macaroni."

"Do you, future Cousin Jennifer

"take Cousin Larry

"to be your awful wedded husband

"for rich man, for poor man

for butter or moist?"

Well, I‐I’m doing
the best I can!

This whole thing would go
much more smoothly

if I just married
them the Myposian way.

’Would that be
alright with you?’

He says it’s alright with him.

Is it alright with you

if I marry you
the Myposian way?

There isn’t any livestock
involved, is there?

Well, of course not.

Don’t be ridiculous.

Go ahead, Balki.

[Balki]
’Okay.’

The Myposian wedding
ceremony is very simple.

Mary Anne, have you
got the ring?

Yes.

Give it to the future
Cousin Jennifer.

Okay, put the ring
on Cousin Larry’s finger

and repeat after me.

Cousin, I give you this ring...

"Cousin,
I give you this ring..."

...as a symbol of my promise

to love you
and to cherish you.

"...as a symbol of my promise

to love you and to cherish you."

And to tend the flock
if you ever get a cold.

"And to tend the flock
if you ever get a cold."

Cousin, put the ring
on her finger

and repeat after me.

Jennifer,
I give you this ring...

"Jennifer, I give
you this ring..."

...as a symbol
of my promise

to love you
and to cherish you.

"...as a symbol of my promise

to love you and to cherish you."

And to chew your food
if you lose all your teeth.

"And to chew your food
if you lose all your teeth."

This is the part
where you tell each other

how you feel.

I feel really good.

[chuckles]

No.

You tell each other

from the bottom
of your heart

how you feel
about pledging yourself

to one another.

Well, I‐I don’t, uh

feel comfortable doing that.

Cousin, I know you
don’t have it planned

but, if you cannot
tell Jennifer

how you feel about her now...

...what are you saving it for?

Jennifer...

...wh‐when we first met,
I‐I‐I never dreamed that

that we’d be getting married.

And I just hoped that
you’d go out with me

and‐and to this day, I‐I haven’t
figured out why you did.

And Balki’s right,
I‐I can’t plan everything

that’s gonna happen in my life.

But I can plan on spending
my life with you.

I love you, Jennifer.

Larry, I went out
with you because...

Well, I‐I’m sure
I had a good reason.

No, no!
I know I had a good reason.

You’re sweet
and funny and kind

and no matter what lies ahead

I want to share
the unexpected with you.

I love you, Larry.

Now comes the part
of the ceremony

where I as official giver
of the vows

’get to tell you how I feel
about the two of you.’

Cousin Larry,
I never had a brother.

Cousin Jennifer,
I never had a sister.

If I did, I’d pray

they wouldn’t be
as neurotic as you two.

But I couldn’t love them
any more than I love you two.

I wish you a long
and happy married life.

By the power infested in me

by Reverend Peters

the state of Illinois

and his majesty,
King Ferdinand of Mypos...

...I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

This is so moving.

Okay, I can’t let you
take the rap for me.

I confess!

I robbed the liquor store.

Would you sit down?

[instrumental music]

Okay, everybody, get ready!

Here they come!

[cheering]

[shrieks]

[instrumental music]

‐Bye, Cousin!
‐Bye!

Bye, Cousin Jennifer!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]