07x16 - Yes Sir, That's My Baby

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes you get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪

♪ Nothing’s going to stand
in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪

♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

♪ Nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪

[instrumental music]

Cousin, there’s something
I think you should know.

Balki, if you’re gonna tell me

that the toaster’s broken,
don’t bother.

The toaster’s broken?

No wonder why my Pop‐Tart
never popped up.

U‐um, I’ve also
got a, a fork in there. Yes.

Um, the thing that I wanted
to tell you is...

Look, uh, Jennifer is knitting
something for you

and, um, ordinarily I would
never want to spoil the surprise

but I think if you
just take a look‐‐

Okay. It’s okay, Balki,
it’s okay.

She’s probably
knitting me a sweater.

She’s always
knitting me sweaters.

Except for the time
she knitted me a car cover.

Cousin, she’s,
she’s not knitting you

a car cover or a sweater.

She’s knitting you these.

And, and usually I, I wouldn’t

even dream of spoiling
the surprise

but I just wanted you
to see them.

I, I wanted you to see them so
that when she gives them to you

and you see that they’re
...way too small, you...

...you, you won’t say...

‐"Oh, my Lord!"
‐"Oh, my Lord!"

...and hurt her feelings.

Balki, d‐do you have
any idea what this means?

Well, of course I do.
Don’t be ridiculous.

It means Jennifer has grossly
misjudged your foot size.

I think they’ll stretch if we
just...dip them in something.

Some kind of saline solution
or something.

No, Balki, d‐don’t you get it?

Jennifer’s gonna have a ba‐aa...

Jennifer’s gonna have a ba‐aa...

Jennifer is going
to have a sheep?

In the entire history of Mypos,
that only happened once.

No, Balki, Jennifer
is not gonna have a sheep.

She’s gonna have a...baby.

A baby what?

A baby Appleton.

Cousin! Cousin!

Oh, my goodness.

When did Jennifer tell you?

W‐well, she hasn’t
told me y‐yet.

She, she obviously wants it
to be a surprise.

That’s why
she’s knitting booties.

That’s why
she’s knitting booties?

It’s what women do
to prepare for a baby.

Well, that’s,
that’s kind of odd.

On Mypos, when a woman
is expecting a child

all she has to do
is dig a deeper well

buy a bigger laundry basket
and pre‐chew a lot of meat.

They’re blue.

That, that means it’s a boy.

Well, I, I can handle that.

I, I used to be a little boy.

I‐I’ll just do everything
my father did.

I‐I’ll, I’ll be my son’s pal.

We‐we’ll communicate.

If he does something wrong,
I’ll just point it out to him.

And, and when, when he builds
that, that little car

for, for the Soap Box Derby

I’ll just tell him
that it’s not good enough.

And I’ll be sure to tell him
in front of all his friends.

Oh, Balki, who am I kidding?

I’m gonna destroy my son.

Cousin, cousin, cousin, come on.

I think you’re overestimating
your influence.

Now...

...you’ll learn
how to be a father.

Look, uh, in the beginning
anyway all you have to do

is just let him be a baby,
have fun, eat with his hands.

That’s just like you.

Everything is fun and games
and enjoying life.

Well, that’s
just not how it works.

And someday you’ll have
a son of your own

and you’ll see
just how hard it is.

Maybe I will have a son.

Cousin, I’ll teach him
everything my father taught me.

I’ll teach him
how to shear a sheep.

I’ll teach him
how to milk a goat.

I’ll teach him
how to outrun lava.

Cousin, wouldn’t it be great
if, if our little boys

were best buds
just like we are?

[instrumental music]

Sweet dreams, little Larry.

Have a nice nap and after dinner

I’ll teach you
how to balance a checkbook.

Snoozi snoozi, Baby Balki.

Sleep on your face and drool.

After your nap,
we’ll take you to Disneyland.

Now, why would you
promise them that?

We have no intention
of taking them to Disneyland.

I know, I’m just hoping
you’ll take me.

[instrumental music]

"Balance a checkbook."
That’s why I love my dad.

He’s practical.
That’s a skill I can use.

What can you learn
going to Disneyland?

That it’s,
it’s a small world after all?

And how to have fun?

You know,
that’s just your problem.

You think, uh, the world
is, is about fun and games.

Well, that’s
just not how it works.

W‐wowww!

That was more fun than bouncing
that golf ball off your head.

I want to play
with my Bookie cat!

[instrumental music]

[grunts]

I want, I want my Book...
I want my Bookie cat.

I want to play with Bookie cat.

No, I want my Bookie.

I, I want to play, I want...

Uh...

You can’t!

I want to play with...
Bookie cat’s mine.

‐I want to play with Bookie‐‐
‐Ow!

‐Ow!
‐Ow!

Okay, fine.
You play with Bookie cat.

But if you do,
his collar bell will ring

and then our dads will know
that we’re not taking a nap

and we’ll be
sent to an orphanage.

An orphanage?

Yeah, and we’ll have
to eat crumbs

and sleep on thumbtacks.

I don’t want to sleep
on thumbtacks.

Well, you’ll have to sleep
on thumbtacks

if you play with Bookie cat.

I don’t, I don’t want
to sleep on thumbtacks.

Well, you’ll have to sleep
on thumbtacks

if you play with Bookie cat.

I, I don’t want to play
with Bookie cat.

I think you should play
with Bookie cat.

I don’t want to play
with Bookie cat.

I think you should play
with Bookie cat!

I don’t want to play
with Bookie cat.

Please! Please!

Don’t make me play
with Bookie cat!

‐Okay.
‐Okay.

‐I’ll play with Bookie cat.
‐Okay.

[imitating Bookie cat]
Meow! Meow!

Me‐eow!

[screaming]

Let’s get out of this crib
and have some real fun.

[instrumental music]

But, cousin,
where, where are you going?

There are all these
toys in the crib

that we haven’t played with.

[imitating Baby Balki]
There’s all these
toys in the crib

that we haven’t played with.

Ow!

You know something?
You get on my nerves.

I’m gonna go ride
my rocking horse.

I have two thumbs!

Mmm. Mmm. Dessert!

Mmm.

Stop acting like a baby.

I am not a baby.

I’m just a terrible two.

I wish I was three.

They say life begins at three.

I’m out of the crib!

I’m out of the crib!

Boy, oh, boy

it sure is fun
being out of the crib!

[groans]

[laughs]

I want to be out of the crib.

You can’t be out of the crib.

Yes, I can, and I’m beginning
to doubt that orphanage story.

[music continues]

[Balki]
Where, where’s the rocker?

It’s over here.

‐Where’s the rocker?
‐Over here.

Come on, jump! I’ll catch you.

Uh, uh, please,
I wasn’t born yesterday.

Come on, I’m your cousin.
Trust me, I’ll catch you.

‐No.
‐Come on! Come on.

Come on, come on. Here we go.

‐Ready? Ready?
‐Okay.

One, two, three!

Oh!

Let that be a lesson to you.

Never trust anyone over two.

[crying]

No, no! Don’t, don’t cry,
or our fathers will hear us.

Hey, you know,
if you don’t stop crying

Mr. Cuddly Bunny’s gonna b*at
the living daylights outta ya!

[instrumental music]

Ahh‐haa!

[Baby Larry grunting]

Ow‐ow. Oww...

[both crying]

‐I’m bored.
‐Yeah, me, too.

I wish I lived on a ranch.

I wish I had a, a plane
and could go all over the world.

I wish I could get
my foot in my mouth.

That way I’d always know
where my shoes are.

You know...that’s your trouble.

You think small.

I am small.

Although, genetically,
I, I have a, a good chance

of being taller than you.

[crying]

What I mean is...

...you are perfectly content
to nap your life away

while there’s other kids
outside having fun.

I’m going outside
to the backyard

to play on the swings.
Wanna come with me?

Well, I want to come with you

but, but the swings
are way out there

and‐and we’re,
we’re stuck in here.

How will we get out there?

‐Don’t worry. I have...
‐Oh, God.

...a plan.

[instrumental music]

Okay, Balki.

You hold the blocks steady

and I’ll climb up
to the window sill.

Hello, Mr. Bear.

Do you want, do you, do you want
to play in the backyard?

Balki? Are, are you holding
the blocks st‐steady?

Just a minute, cousin,
I’m talking to Mr. Bear.

You‐you’re what?
You’re talking to Mr. Bear?

Oh!

’Nose, nose.’

Eyes, eyes.

Mouth, mouth.

Ear, ear.

‐What did I ask you to do?
‐Hold the blocks.

‐What did you do?
‐Talked to Mr. Bear.

What happened?

Cousin Larry fall down, go boom.

What should you say to me?

Do it again.

[instrumental music]

Oh. Oh...

Oh.

[screaming]

[gasps]

You know, I just never
get used to that thing!

Will you concentrate
for a minute?

We have to find
a way out the window.

Let’s play patty cake.

No, I don’t want to play
"Patty Cake."

Well, I can’t say I blame you.

I mean, "Patty Cake."

What is that anyway?

And, and who is this
"Baker’s man?"

And why does he have to make me
a cake as fast as he can?

Where’s the quality in that?

‐And when he‐‐
‐The seesaw.

Perfect!

Oh, cousin...

Oh, I always wanted to play
on the seesaw.

How, how does it work?

All the fun’s on your side.

Stand up.

‐I don’t see‐‐
‐No, don’t, don’t, don’t!

Oh!

[crying]

Mmm.

We are not going to play
on the seesaw.

You are gonna sit on that end

I am gonna climb up
on the blocks

and jump on the high end,
you’ll sail through the air

land on the window sill
and you can climb out.

Uh‐oh.

You don’t like the plan.

No, I, I didn’t say that.

I see it all over your face.
You don’t like the plan.

Well, it’s, it’s just that
I, I’m still recovering

from that jack‐in‐the‐box thing.

I mean...look at that thing.

It’s hideous!

A‐a disembodied head
and a pair of arms

and, uh,
just a spring for a body?

How does it digest its food?

And then, then this.

I, I don’t know...
Flying through the air?

I, I might have done that

before but now that
I know I have two thumbs

I’ve got too much to live for.

Alright. Alright.

We’ll just have
to think of something else.

I know! We can take the crib
and push it over to the window

and climb up on that.

Naw, that’ll never work.
I’ve got it!

We can take the crib, push it

over to the window
and we can climb up on that.

You know, when you say it

it don’t sound like
such a good idea.

Oh, really? Oh, really...
Let me ask you something.

How many nurseries
have you escaped from?

‐Oh, come on!
‐Hmm? How many? How many?

‐How many nurseries...
‐Cousin, cousin, cousin‐‐

How many nurseries
have you escaped from?

You know, this argument
is a lot like diaper rash.

I’ve had it before and I know
I’m gonna have it again.

Come on, just pull on the crib.

[instrumental music]

Here we go. On three.

Ready? One, two, three.

[grunts]
Alright, one more time.
On three. Here we go.

Ready? One, two, three.

[grunting]

Alright, here we go.
One more time, on three.

Ready? One, two, three.

Pull!

Ow!

[crying]

Cousin, you know,
I was thinking‐‐

‐No, I do the thinking.
‐Cousin, if... Cousin...

I do the thinking.

I, I, I. Me! Me! Me!

You know, it’s babies like you

that give us two‐year‐olds
a bad name.

Alright, one more time,
on three.

This time we push.

Ready? One, two, three...

[grunts]

You know, Balki,
we’re lucky to have such quiet

well‐behaved children.

Yeah, right.

Are you sure we can’t go
to Disneyland?

‐No.
‐Oh.

[crashing sound]

‐Hi.
‐Hi.

Oh, God.

Balki, our, our children are
gonna be jus‐just like us.

I, I, I’m not ready
to have a child.

I, I couldn’t even take
care of my pet goldfish.

I, I overfed him and he d*ed.

Winston’s dead?

You told me
he went to a petting zoo.

Hi, guys.

Larry, I have some
very exciting news.

[gasping]

Don’t worry, Jennifer,
Cousin Larry will be okay

once the baby arrives.

Baby? How did Larry know my
Cousin Lucille is having a baby?

Your Cousin Lucille
is having a baby?

Yes, Larry,
she’s due in the spring.

You’re not having a baby?

No. No!

Larry, if I were you’d
be the second one to know.

Wonder who she’s planning
on telling first?

[instrumental music]

Larry, are you disappointed

the baby is my cousin’s
and not ours?

Oh, no, no. Not at all.

Well, well,
maybe a‐a‐a little.

You know, b‐but,
Jen, I promise...

When the time comes,
I’m gonna learn

everything there is to know
about fatherhood.

Oh, Larry, you’ll make
a wonderful father.

But aren’t you forgetting
one very important step

towards becoming a father?

Oh! Oh!

Oh, oh! Ooh! Oh!

Mmm, mm‐mmm.

Oh, oh.

[glass shattering]

[theme music]

[music continues]