03x13 - A sh*t in the Dark

[bunniefuu]

Life goes on and so do we Just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one To share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on yeah, perfect.

Let that dry for a couple of days.

This chair will be as sturdy as ever.

Just think, dreyf, if I did professionally We'd be incredibly poor.


- Wow, this is amazing.


- What, dear?
If Elvis had d*ed on Jupiter, he would've weighed Boy, he could barely fit into that white suit as it was.

Morning, westons.

Ah, you mind if I answer the phone?
Thanks.

Hello?
Hi, Danielle.

No, this is my private line.

That was the maid that answered the other one.

No, really.

I got my hand over my heart.

So, uh, when you wanna get together with the dietzter?
Okay.

Sounds fine.

See you then.

Does anyone know exactly when hell freezes over?
I've got a boyfriend I think it just did.

Daddy, I bought this for my first weekend away with Avery.

Now be honest with me, if you were a man, would you find this attractive?
Honey, I am a man.

Oh I know, but you're a daddy man.

Not a man man.

Ah, okay.

As a daddy man, it's a little skimpy.

As a man man, yabba dabba doo!

- Thank you, daddy man.


- Hmm.

Maybe I should call you that.

Oh, please, don't.

I can't believe you're still seeing this Avery.

Here we go.

My little sister is once again going to att*ck my first long
-term relationship in over a year.

And why?
Because Avery used to be poko, the clown.

Not true.

I liked him as poko.

But you take off that red nose and he's not a real happy guy.

Yes, Avery is a bit fragile.

But with good reason, Some foreign investory buy it, and where do they choose to cut the budget?
Avery and one of the geeks.

They let the geek go?
I just don't get why you always
- go out with these nuts.


- A nut?
That is so typical of you, Barbara.

You know, you look at Avery and see a man who occasionally thinks he's being followed by Hungarians.

But I look beyond that, and see someone with infinite possibilities.

A man who was able to confront his traumatic experiences head
-on in his bestselling autobiography, I never honked for my father.

All right.

Maybe he's not a nut.

I just don't get why you always go out with these guys you wind up taking care of.

I think the real question, Barbara, is why are you so jealous of my happiness?
Jealous?
Why would I be jealous of you?
Perhaps you should ask your unconscious.

Perhaps I should knock you unconscious.

Try it.

All right, girls.

If you wanna fight, you gotta weigh in first.


- Forget it.


- Never mind.

Oh, yippee, yippee, yippee, yippee.

What?
What is it?
Oh, I gotta catch my breath.

Here, you read it.

"Dear Mrs.

Todd, this is to congratulate you on being named" Nurse of the year!
Oh!
Yippee, yippee.

Laverne, this is great.

You've won the dade county nursing association award.

Oh, yippee.

You get presented a
-a plaque at a big banquet.


- Oh, yippee.


- Whoa
-ho Hey, and listen to this, listen to this.

You get to give a speech in front of all those people.

Laverne, I'm I'm sensing you're upset about giving a speech.

Lordy.

Just put me in a butter churn and toss it over Niagara Falls.

That's upset.

They is no way I can give a speech in front of a crowd full of people.

Obviously, I cannot accept this award.

Laverne, come on.

Of course you can.

Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
Me falling to a buttery death?
Laverne, I've done a lot of public speaking.

It's not all that hard.

Please, dear.

Let me help you with this.

Well, okay, we could try that.

But if it don't work, then I'm gonna send some Indian to accept my award, like Marlon Brando did at the oscars.

How do you look in moccasins and a loincloth?
Daddy, what's a three
-lettered word for "untruth"?
"Lie.

" So I guess "egg" is wrong.

Daddy, Barbara, you remember Avery.

Oh, well, how very nice to see you again.


- Hello, hello.


- Hey.

What's new, poko?
Poko is his clown name, Barbara.

We try not to make reference to that anymore.

Sorry.

I'm okay with that.

That's okay.

Avery's just quoted you the basic philosophy of his book, I never honked for my father.

Oh, well, sorry.

I haven't gotten round to reading it yet.

I'm okay with that, too.


- Please, go ahead.

Sit.


- Thank you.

Avery, tell daddy about the book.

Well, all right.

It's, uh It's about the emotional disturbances I suffered as a clown and, uh, my subsequent breakdown and, uh, my hellish, uh, experience in that snake pit that I was thrown into.

Oh, you were institutionalized.

No, I was thrown into a snake pit.

Oh, Harry, what a lovely daughter you have here.

I used to think the world was the most dangerous place until I met Carol.

Now I feel so safe and protected like nothing could ever happen to me.

What was that?
!
Did you hear a gypsy wagon?
It's all right, darling.

I told you anytime you hear the tambourines I'm here for you.

Listen, why don't we leave you two, you know, to each other?
Avery, I'm feeling romantic.

Me too.

You know, Avery, I find our love life very satisfying.

But it would be nice if occasionally you would make the first move.

Carol.

I want to.

I really do.

But after my experience with the circus I I feel that if I put myself out on the line, I'm only gonna get hurt again.

Avery, you can trust me.

I'll never hurt you.

You needn't be afraid to be more aggressive, more romantically creative.

Think Romeo and Juliet and speak lovingly to me while I'm at my bedroom window.

Think cyrano and be like Christian, climb through my bedroom window.

Think "bedroom" for god's sakes.

I'll try I'll try.

Who's that?
I'm here.

Just the way you want me.

Aggressive, ah Listen, buddy.

I've got a g*n.

So you'd better stop or I'll sh**t.

Ooh, I like that part.

That's cute.

I warned you!
Aw!
Ooh!
Poko?
!
Barbara?
You sh*t my boyfriend?
!
I'm okay with that.

Easy, easy.

Avery, stay still.

Don't sh**t, Barbara.

It's just me, your sister.

Carol, come on.

I feel bad enough as it is.

Why aren't you at the hospital with Avery and daddy?
They sort of asked me to leave.

They said I was upsetting people in the trauma unit.

How's Avery, daddy?
Well, once you left, the doctors were finally able to turn their attention to him.

He's he's okay, dear.

He'll be released tomorrow morning.

He'll be on crutches just for a few days.

Daddy, I think we should invite Avery to stay here while he recuperates.

Honey, I don't know that that's such a good idea.

Daddy, we're all responsible for Avery's being in this situation.

I asked him to come through the window.

Barbara sh*t him.

And what did I do?
You fathered us, daddy.

Oh, and you don't think I've suffered enough for that?
Bye
-bye, my sweetheart.

Stay healthy.

Anybody left?
Nope.

Day's over.

Good night.

Whoa, whoa, wait, Laverne, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You were gonna write out your speech and I was.

Gonna help you get over your fear of public speaking.

Oh, yes, that.

Change of heart.

Day's over.

Good night.

Probably just as well.

I mean, the nurse of the year should have the guts to address her peers.

Obviously, you don't.

Why, you just hold on here a minute.

I'll show you some speechin'.

I'd like to thank the members of the dade county nurses' association for giving me this award, which I gratefully accept.

And as I look out at this large crowd Laverne!
Oh, I told you I couldn't do this.

Damn, I want that award so much.

Laverne, you can do it, dear.

There's a trick that will get you through this.

All you have to do is forget the crowd, focus on my face, and pretend I'm the only one there.

A friendly face, that way it won't be so scary.

Just stare at your face, huh?
Right.

Well, I really want this award and if staring at your face is what I have to do to get it, I'll just have to bite the b*llet.

Okay, how's that?
Does it still hurt?
Well, I wouldn't say Hurt.

It's more of, um A continual throbbing.

Oh, my brave little clown turned soldier.

Is there anything else I can do?
Tsk, well, I sure would like some more orange juice, if it's not too much trouble.

Too much trouble?
There is no such thing.

Carol, uh, I'm sorry to ask you this, but could you strain the orange juice?
Because I just hate pulp.

Well, if that's how you want it, then pulp be gone with thee.

Barbara, do you know where the strainer is?

- Nope.


- Well, what am I going to do?
I can't give Avery orange juice with pulp in it.

Oh, good.

There it is.

I cannot believe you're making such a big deal about this guy.

Barbara, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't understand why you always get involved with needy guys.

Unless maybe you're afraid they won't love you for who you are, only for what you can do for them.

Oh, don't practice your dime
-store psychology on me, Barbara.

You stick to your chalk outlines and body bags and leave the neuroses and psychoses to someone who knows.

Here's your orange juice, darling.

I'm afraid I didn't quite get out all the pulp.

Oh, that's okay.

Hmm, boy, there sure is a lot of it in here.

Well, I'll go start on breakfast.

And I'm gonna continue reading the hunchback of notre dame.

Could you put the light on for me?
But don't strain your eyes.

I'll read it to you.

Oh, no.

You don't have to.

Well O
-okay.

I'm on page 212.


- It's dog
-eared.


- Oh There.

"A cry of horror went up from the vagabonds.

'Vengeance, ' cried trouillefou.

" You know, this is getting really good.

But could you make it a little louder?
Sort of more forte?
Well, I can do better than that.

I can take this into the realm of puppet theater.

Is won't be hard.

I'll get buttons for the eyes, a ping pong ball for the hump Socks.

I need socks.

I suppose you're gonna make breakfast for him now?
No, sock puppets.

Ooh!
Give me yours.

It's just like quasimodo.

Carol, stop it.

Barbara, give me your socks.

I need them for Avery.

Carol, what are you doing?
I'm taking care of Avery!
Oh, my god.

Look at me.

I'm ripping the socks off my own sister So the clown on the couch will love me.

I guess you were right.

When it comes to men, I feel like I have nothing to offer, except what I can do for them.

Oh, Barbara.

Dear sweet insightful Barbara, what do I do now?
I don't know.

Wanna go see robocop 2?
Carol?
I guess the best thing is just to end this relationship now.

The sooner I do it, the less he'll be hurt.

Ooh!
Oh Ah Ah!
Oh, it's broken.

It's broken.

But I'm okay with that.

And now we move on to the highlight of this afternoon: Dade county's nurse of the year award.

Please, congratulate this year's winner, nurse Laverne Todd.

Oh Ha.

Oh, lordy.

Oh.

Here, Laverne, you're gonna be fine.

Just remember, focus on me.

Pretend I'm the only one in the room.


- Congratulations, Laverne.


- Oh, thank you.

Ah I'd like to thank the members of the dade county nurses' association for giving me this award, which I gratefully accept.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh.

And, um, as I look out at this large crowd, I can't help but think how kind it was of yun's to come out here today.

Sorry.

It's it's my beeper.

If you'll excuse me, I gotta Why, it seems like only ye
-yesterday I graduated from nursing school.

Okay.

Oh, lordy, all dressed
-up and nothing to say, ha.

Okay.

Well, you know, this is all Dr.

Weston's fault.

He told me I'd be fine up here.

He told me just to picture his face in front of him.

I can hear me I can hear him saying them words right now.

I just can't.

I just Really can't.

I can picture his face.

Ladies and gentlemen Long after my nursing days are behind me, I shall still Cherish the memory of this day.

For this is not just my award.

But an award for nurses everywhere.

For every nurse that has ever bandaged a wound, this is for you.

For every nurse that has ever comforted a frightened child, this is for you.

And this is also for someone very special, without whom I would not be here right now, the finest doctor any nurse could ever hope to work for, all be it, highly disorganized Dr.

Harry Weston, thank you.

I kicked butt.

Okay.

Oh, hi, Avery.


- Hi, Harry.


- Ah, you're looking a whole lot bet What happened?

- I broke his nose.


- Ah!
I i didn't mean to, daddy.

I was on my way in there to break up with him.

Oh, well, I'm I'm really sorry, dear.

How did he take it?
Don't you wanna know why?
No.

I didn't get a chance to tell him.

I broke his nose before I could break his heart.

Daddy, would you do me a favor?

- Anything, dear.


- Break up with Avery for me.

What, are you are you out of your mind?
You're right, daddy.

It's my responsibility.

Don't worry about how this might affect me.

It's more important that I do what's right than that I live.

All right.

I'll do it.

Thank you, daddy.

I knew you'd understand.

Yes.

No pulp in this.

Avery We have to talk.

This doesn't sound so good.

I i think i Hmm, I need to pace.

Okay, okay, here now, let me help you.

Let me help you.

Let me help you.


- You're very kind.


- Yes, well, it's my pleasure.

Now, anyway, listen, I think what we have to talk abo whoa, that's a little fast!
Sorry.

Sorry.

How is that?
It's quite nice.

Avery, dear.

Look, ah.

.

Listen Let's go into the kitchen.

I'll make some coffee.

You'll be more comfortable.

You're a very gracious host.

Come, come, come, come.

Come, dear.

Nice and easy.

Easy, easy, easy, easy.


- Ooh, ooh, oh, yeah.


- Okay.

There you go now.

Sit down, right here.


- Relax.

Take it easy.


- Oh, thank you.


- Yes.

Are you okay?

- Oh, perfect.

Thank you.

Good.

Okay.

Now listen.

Maybe I should oh!
Ah.

I'm okay with that.

I'm okay.

Okay.

Here, here, here.

Why don't you sit over here?

- Are you sure that's okay?

- Yeah, look, this one
- Oh.


- Here.


- Oh Oh Ah.


- Okay.

Okay.

Sorry I I just fixed this chair.

I'd have to say you didn't.

Well, uh, look, Avery, why don't I, uh I'll go get you, you know, a pillow just to Support your back a little.

Thank you.


- My god.


- Ah, daddy, thank you, for talking to Avery.

I didn't tell him yet, dear.

He fell down and hurt himself again.

The man is a walking catastrophe.

Is he okay?
Well, he seems to be.

Then I'd better tell him.

Come with me for moral support.

Maybe I'd better wait.

Till what?
Till we finished him off?
Hi Carol.

Avery.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this.

But it's become clear to me that our relationship is based on neurotic co
-dependency.

Now I think the healthy thing for both of us is to end it now, but I know, Avery, that like everything else in your life, you'll be okay with that.

What?
!
Are you crazy?
!
This really hurts!
What happened to "I'm okay with that"?
Obviously, that philosophy is just a lot of crap.


- Daddy, help me.


- Okay.

All right Avery, Avery, Avery, dear.

Dear, ah, listen to me.

Ah, look how much you've accomplished these last few days, I mean, you used to be terrified of the world.

Now look at you.

Uh, you've been sh*t, you've had your nose broken.

I'm sure there's some major damage from the chair thing.

The point is that whatever awaits you out there in the world, couldn't possibly be worse than what has happened to you here in our home.

You're a wise man, Dr.

Weston.


- Ha.


- That was good, daddy.

Carol, could you please hand me the crutches?
Thank you.

Well, as they say in the circus.

Goodbye Here, here, let me help you with that.

No.

No.

It's time I began helping myself.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Bye
-bye.


- Oh, daddy.


- I know, honey.

Look, I'm sorry it's over, but I'm sure you're gonna find another man out there.

Come on.

No!
No!
Ah!
Let go!
Let go!