03x17 - Just Another Polish Wedding

[bunniefuu]

One of these days I'm gonna
have to buy you out, Jimbo.

Yeah, well, that'd be great
except you deal more
in hot air and I deal in cash.

Hey, Rockfish,
you know what you need?

Yeah.
A partner.

Mark, what are you
doing here?

Just stay out of this.
Oh, come on, now, Jim.
I got here first.

That's him.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

What's his problem?
I don't know.

We got to stick together.
They can't hurt
us soul brothers, right?

Power to the people.

How much?
Half.

[PHONE RINGING]

ROCKFORD
ON ANSWERING MACHINE..
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

[BEEPS]

George Debone,
Malibu Space Watch.
Had three sightings last week.

You see anything unusual,

your television reception
interrupted?

Call 555-1313.

Looking for something?

Hey, Davy! Davy!

Work that fence area less!

Concentrate on where
the swings used to be!

We was all real sad
when Mr. Tom Evans d*ed.

Heart att*ck, right?

Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I think so.

Only his name wasn't Evans.

His real name
was Pat O'Herlihy.

O'Herlihy?

We found some money
in the house, in a suitcase.

So we're checking
the backyard out

because sometimes
these old guys
like to bury their loot.

Money, huh?

How much?

Look, I'm real busy
right now.

Would you mind
just standing over there,
please?

Of course not. See you.

Get the Cat
out of here. Quick!

What's the story?

We're too late.
County's crawling
all over the place.

Did they find
the dough?

Some of it.

I don't know how much.
Come on,
let's get out of here.

We gotta get us
a new plan.

Get the black van
and put a tap

on Goodbie's phone
down at the probate office.

They tell me
you don't hit the customers,

but I was never too good
at taking no kind of abuse,
you know?

Hey!
Yeah, right.
I got that first hand.

Hey, Gandy, I had
some leftover ham in here.

I got a rep in that joint.

I ain't gonna take
that kind of lip
off some Beverly Hills h*nky.

So I let fly. You know?

Hey!

Yeah, right,
you let fly. Look.

I put it in here
last night. There was
about half a pound.

I was gonna mix it
with the eggs.
Did you eat it?

That was a good job,
Rockfish.

Doing what I like.
Helping folks
have a good time.

Every now and then,
you show some dude
the gate.

Guy acts up, he gets
to hold his teeth on
the way to the hospital.

You listening?

Gandy, did you
eat the ham?

Yeah. Now,
you listening?

Yeah, right.
I'm listening.

They got this new rule
in there now.

If some John swings
on the floor supervisor...

Wait, wait, wait.
The what?

Bouncer.

And if the bouncer
don't hit him back,
he gets a $50 bonus.

But if he does swing back,
they take the 50 shells

out of his next check.
Now, ain't that a crime?

Yeah, but I can
understand why.

You would.

Look, Gandy, it's all
in the court system.

I mean, you start
mopping up
on the customers,

then the customers sue
the bar, the bar owner's
insurance goes up

and then the ABC
jerks his license.

It ain't the same
is all I'm saying.

It's about time I get
a new line, Rockfish.

Look, Gandy, why don't
I drop you by your place?

I mean,
last night was one thing.

I don't mind bailing
a buddy out of jail,

but you're
all right now.

I don't think that
football coach
is gonna press charges.

He don't want anybody
to know he went
down and out. So...

Hey, Rockfish,
I got an idea.

Yeah?
Yeah.

ROCKFORD:
Nothing doing.

You ain't
heard me out, man.

I don't have to.
Just finish your beer.

I mean, it's almost


I gotta meet a guy.
I'll drop you on the way.

[RIPPING]

Hey, Rockfish,
you know what you need?

Yeah.

A seamstress.

A partner.

Just give me what's left
of my coat, Gandy.

Look, man, it works just like
in the joint, you know?

Once Gandy was your man,
nobody gave you the gaff.

Works the same in real life.

I seen you after
you been hassled, man,
and you could use a hammer.

And who's better to do
that kind of thing
than your man Gandy?

We could work out the terms
on a day-by-day basis.

What are you
looking for, Gandy?

A $50 bonus for
every guy you don't
have to hit?

I'm serious, man.

So am I.

Gandy, I'm flattered.
But, you know,

I don't like to get
hassled and I don't
want to hassle anybody.

I just don't like
to work that way.

You ain't doing too good
yourself, man.

Look at this. I been
in sh**ting galleries

that are stocked
better than this place.

Yeah. Well,
I'm sorry, Gandy.

I really am sorry.

Hi, Johnny.
What do you got?

If you got a couple of days,
I got a probate heir search.

Is he a client?

[STAMMERING] What?
No, uh, yeah...

He works for
the County Probate Office.

Johnny Goodbie,
this is Gandolph Fitch.

You working for the county?

See what I mean, Rockfish?
It was the county
that busted you, man!

Gandy, do you mind?

Man, your feeding
the hand that grabbed you.

This is sickening.

Ignore him.
What do you got, John?

Well, the deceased
hit our shop with a tag
reading ''Tom Evans.''

Phil did a DS with CC
up in Sacramento

and computer
kicked back a new ID.

Aka Patrick O'Herlihy.

This h*nky talks
like an alphabet salesman.

Now, Pat has a brother,
Finn O'Herlihy.

He could come into
a bunch of dough.

Yeah, how much
did he inherit?

Six hundred K.

You got
anything else?

Well, not much. It's all
in the folder right here.

Just that 20 years ago,
the family used to live
in San Diego,

and Pat and his brother
were musicians.

They had
an accordion
and drum act.

They might have worked
in LA for a while.

I'll sniff around.
I'll get to you later, okay?

Yeah. A-okay, pal.

GANDOLPH: That's the most
ridiculous thing I ever heard.

ROCKFORD: Yeah,
it's getting worse.

The longer they work
for the county,
the more that happens.

Boy, you're at the bottom
of your profession,

scuffling around
taking county handouts.

Look at this.

''The DS was CC'd
with SAC ID'd
and KO'd Patrick O'Herlihy.''

Guy writes like he talks.

Yeah, what that means
is the death search,
the computer checks,

Sacramento identifications
kicked out a new name,
Patrick O'Herlihy.

Twenty years,
the guy's been living
under an alias, Tom Evans.

And you're being hired
to find this guy's brother

and give him some Ks,
whatever that is.

Six hundred of them.
Ks are thousands
of dollars.

You mean, this turkey
is gonna inherit $600,000?

If I can find him.
If I can't,

the county takes the dough
and everybody's taxes
are supposed to go down.

Since I don't live
in this county, ain't
such a hot piece of news.

Where do you want me
to drop you, Gandy?

I don't know, Rockfish.

Don't no place
seems to be right.
At least, not lately.

Look, Gandy.

You know, if I needed
a hammer, you'd be the guy
I'd come to,

but I just don't
work that way.

I like to keep
my business quiet.

Just like always, slick.

Try and get by
on your mouth.

Only you ain't
doing so good,
but neither am I.

You really
want to be a PI?

Yeah, why not?

I know a few guys.
I can ask around.

See what they
can come up with.

You mean you'd
do that, Rockfish?

Yeah.

Hey, thanks, man.

[IMITATING GOODBIE]
You're A-okay, pal.

A-okay.

Oh! Jimmy Boy,
how you doing, man?

Hey, Mark.

Hey, what did you want
to meet here for, huh?

I mean, this place
could be expensive.

It's all right.
It's my treat.
Just put it on the tab.

Oh, yeah?
Mmm-hmm.

That's great. Thank you.

So, uh, there's
a friend of yours
you want me to meet?

Something about a job?

Yeah, I know
you're always
hiring people,

and, you know, you have
such a large agency
and mine is so small.

Right.

One of these days I'm gonna
have to buy you out, Jimbo.

Yeah, well, that'd be great
except you deal more
in hot air and I deal in cash.

You know, I always
liked you, Jim.

I always liked
your sense of humor.

Always good
for a laugh.

I like it, too.

So, anyway, sure.
I'd like to meet
your friend.

But, you know,
unless he's qualified,
educated and neat,

I wouldn't consider him.

You see,
most of the guys I've been
hiring have pre-law degrees.

I find that they make
the smoothest operators.

Yeah. Well, Gandy has
a lot of legal experience.

Good.

So, what've you been
doing, Jim?

You still
chasing bond skips

and working
for night court, huh?

Only when I can't
find enough cars to repo.

GANDOLPH:
I don't wear no tie.

I love
your sense of humor.
And I won't wear a tie.

I ain't wearing no tie.

MAITRE D':
It's a dress requirement
of the restaurant.

If you don't wear one,
I'm afraid I'll have
to refuse you service.

I said,
I ain't wearing no tie.

I'm already hoping
this isn't your friend.

It is.

He won't make it.
They're very strict
about dress in this place.

Ten bucks?

I don't care about
your requirements.

But, sir, I...

Look, I said
I ain't wearing no tie.

You try and make me,
you and me gonna spread some
tables all over this place.

Have a nice lunch, sir.

Hey, Rockfish, you know
what the cab fare was
getting over here, man?

Ten bucks. Ten bucks!

So this had
better pay off.
Yeah.

Gandolph Fitch,
I'd like you to meet
Marcus, what is it?

Hayes or O'Brien?

I'm honoring my
natural parents this year.

Marcus Hayes.

Well,

Jimmy has told me
practically nothing
about you.

I'm looking
for a job, Hayes.

I mostly make folks
do what I say.

It's an interesting
if somewhat primitive talent.

I don't like him.

Yeah.

I felt, Mark, that you
and Gandy would really make
an interesting team, you know?

Gandolph Fitch, here,
is literally a man
for all seasons.

I personally have never met
a man who could take him

and that included
all the inmates in C block.

Oh, you were a guest
of the State?

Yeah. I did
my whole stretch.
And when I got out,

Rockfish proved
I didn't do it
and they gave me a pardon.

So we're not talking
about university law
at all, are we, Jimmy?

We're talking
about yard-bird law.

Look, mister,

I might need a job,
but one thing I don't take
is mouth off nobody.

Black or white.

You got a hair-trigger,
Mr. Fitch.

That's right, mouth,

and you're sitting
on the edge
of a big disaster.

I like him, Jim.
He's got pluck.

I'll tell you what,
Mr. Fitch, Gandy,

I've got
a very important business
meeting right about now.

So, why don't
you come with me?
It may require someone

with your
special talents.

You picking up
a bond jumper,
are you, Mark?

For a friend.

Usually, I'm into more
cerebral enterprises.
Come on.

Order anything you want, Jim.
They'll put it on my tab.

Thanks, Rockfish.

Hey, Gandy, see that
he pays you in cash.

Maitre d'.

Yes, sir.

Does Mr. Hayes
have an account here?

Yes, of course.
Oh, good, good.

I believe I will
start with the quiche
and some wine,

a Montrachet, dry, please.

And some chocolate mousse
possibly for dessert.

What about
the cake, sir?

What cake?

The one you ordered.

I ordered?

You called. You said
you were going to pay
for his birthday lunch.

You told us not to accept
anything from Mr. Hayes
and you ordered a cake.

How much?

I'll have the waiter
figure it for you
right away, sir.

Now, how would
you like the quiche?

I think
I'd like it inexpensive.

You got yourself
some foxy slippers here.

How much you pay
for this thing?

Foxy what?

For sure. Nice wheels.

Oh.

Well, where can
I drop you?

Huh? I thought...

Well, you were my ticket
out of that place
before the bill came.

Oh, no hard feelings,
right?

Now, look,
I'll drop you anywhere
but the ghetto.

I can't go down there
in this car. Every time I do,
I get busted for pimping.

Just another
gabby, slick.

Anywhere around
here, Arthur.

Impulsive, aren't you?

One thing I never got
used to was taking
shuck off anybody.

Now, you were gonna
give me a job, I need
a job, so get on with it.

As much as I would like
to, Gandy, there are some
economic facts of life

that have to be
considered.

You see, I run my business
on a 3o/o deficit

balanced against
a six-month factor
on my accounts receivable.

Now, what that means
in lay terms

is that I compute
the cost of living index
against the current glut

in the job market. And then
I deduct my 3o/o deficit

and then I divide
that by my accounts
receivables. See?

You're gonna give
me a job, Gabby,

or your teeth
is gonna be
accounts receivable.

Welcome to the firm.

I like your style, Gandy.
Direct, forthright.

No misunderstandings.

Yeah, I know,

I got pluck, right?

Right.

Why don't you catch it, Gandy?
I'll work out the expense
account system with you later.

You said you was
buying me lunch

'cause I didn't get any
back there at the restaurant.

Right. Catch it,
will you, Arthur?

Ain't got nothing
but hundreds.

You were talking
about Rockford.

I don't like
talking about him.
He's my friend.

Sure, some friend.
Did he hire you?

No. He trucked
you over to me
like you were garbage.

He didn't want you.
I took you in.
I bought you lunch.

I've given you
a profession.

You ain't done nothing
but run your mouth so far.

So, tell me, what's he doing?

I like to find out what
the competition is up to.

Although, frankly, me and Jim
hardly ever cross trails.

Mostly he deals in
low-level insurance snooping,

and I deal in the higher
echelon business crimes.

Kind of dry.

So?

What's he doing?

Nothing.

Poor Rockfish.

Man, he's scuffling around
working for the county.

Really? No kidding?
Doing what?

I don't know.

Some guy named O'Herlihy
croaked and left $600,000
in a suitcase,

and he's got a brother.
They used to work
in a band together.

Fish is trying
to find the dude,


A probate heir search.
No kidding.

Huh?

No.

He's not working
for the county.
He couldn't be.

He wouldn't be that stupid.

Are you calling me a liar?

Now that you're my associate,
Gandy, I think it's time
you understood

that from time to time,
I will question things
that seem different

or out of line to me.

That doesn't mean I wanna be
hammered into unconsciousness.

So I would appreciate it
if you wouldn't take
these inquiries personally.

You are really full of it,
you know that, mister?

Why would he do it?

For the money.

No, no. That's not
where the money is
in a deal like that.

You find the heir,
you sign him
for a percentage.

It's a finder's fee.

Come on,
eat that in the car.
We got things to do.

O'Herlihy?
That's the guy's name?

What's his
first name?

I don't know.
Besides, that's
Fish's case.

[CHUCKLES]
Not anymore.

ROCKY: Hey, Sonny,
whatever happened to that
ham was around here?

Gandy ate it.

Oh, great.

WOMAN.. St. Joseph's
Final Gardens.

May I help you?

I'd like to speak
to the funeraI
administrator, please.

MAN.. Mr. Dinsdale.
Yes, this is Mr. VanStreet

of VanStreet, Smith,
Smith and VanStreet.

We're accountants
in Los Angeles.

How may I serve you,
Mr. VanStreet?

Well, we were just going
through the account
of Mr. Patrick O'Herlihy.

He passed on recently,
and we find
there's a bill due

for grave maintenance and
crypt repairs on his mother's
interment in your cemetery.

Mrs. O'Herlihy?

Do you have a first name?

Oh, yes, yes.

It's in my accounts payable
here. Just one moment.

Here it is. Yes, Fiona.
Fiona O'Herlihy.

I'm sorry. We don't have
a Mrs. Fiona O'Herlihy
interred here.

Really?

Well, I know it must be
a Catholic cemetery
in San Diego somewhere.

I wonder...
Could you help me, please?

Could you give me the name of
the other Catholic cemeteries
down there?

It sure would save me
a lot of time.

Of course.

There is St. lves
on Broadhurst,

and there is
Our Mother Of God
on Main Street.

All right. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

How you gonna find this guy
by looking for
his mother's grave?

Oh, it's just a sh*t
in the dark.
Sometimes it works.

Sons often send flowers
to dead parents,
especially Catholics.

So you find
the mother's grave,

find out where the flowers
are being sent from.

Then you go
to the flower shop,
look at the account,

trace it to the man
who sent the flowers

and, bingo, up pops
your missing heir.

That is really smart!

Well, I'm pretty good
at it, Dad, and it's safe.

It buys ham for Gandy to eat
and beer for you to drink.

MARCUS: And the aforementioned
Finn O'Herlihy

shall grant to the party
of the first part

full and complete accounting
of all monies received.

The net amount to be divided
by four tenths of their whole

and distributed to the party
of the first part

within 1 2 calendar days

upon delivery
of said monies

as described in
special exhibit B.

Now, parenths,
see attached sheet,
close parenths.

We'll figure out
what exhibit B is

when we figure out
how high the take is.

Okay, honey,

just put in
a few ''whereases,''

and type it on the big
embossed letterhead, okay?

Okay.
Thank you, sugar.

Now, where were we?

All right, the guy who
croaked was a musician.

Now, according to the obits,
he lived in the valley
under the name of Tom Evans.

So that's where we start.

What kind of guy
is gonna agree to sign away


A kind of guy
who doesn't know
he's coming into one.

I can't tell you
how much I appreciate
your help here, Gandy.

I mean,
if I come up with anything,

I'll make sure to arrange
to have a nice little bonus
in your weekly envelope.

Hey, how do you like that?

I got that
from Elizabeth Taylor's
housekeeper.

That's pre-Columbian, man.

So...
What's the matter
with you, man?

You gonna put a little bonus
in my envelope?
Is that the deal, Gabby?

Well, you helped me
out on this.
I won't forget you, man.

And we got to stick together.
They can't hurt
us soul brothers, right?

Power to the people.

How much?
Half.

Oh, that's hardly sporting,
Gandy.

Especially, since it was
my intellectual expertise

that allowed us
to identify this as
a potential moneymaker.

You gonna
cough up half, Gabby,

or you gonna choke
on your suede loafers.

Right.

Half.

Then, let's punch in
and do the job.

More power
to the people.

Thanks. I'm late for
the wedding rehearsal.

The ushers will be by later.

WOMAN ON PHONE..
Mr. Goodbie,
a call for you on line two.

GOODBIE.. Thanks.

John Goodbie,
County Probate Office.

ROCKFORD.. Hey, John,
I'm making a little progress.

There's a Fiona O'Herlihy
buried at Our Mother of God
in San Diego.

I'm headed down there
to check a few things.

I want to see
if I can pick up a lead.

GOODBIE.. Good deal, Jim.
Give me a call
if you get anything.

ROCKFORD.. Right.

[PHONE BUZZING]

Yeah, what?

I just got some guy
on the tap.
Calls himself Rockford.

He sounds like a county PI.

He's located O'Herlihy's
old lady in San Diego.

Come on, Dancer. Pat was 70.

Who you kidding?
His mother?

Where is she?

In the ground, Melvin.
In the ground.

Okay, you check her out,
and I'll check out
this guy, Rockford.

You gonna call Big SaI
in Brooklyn?

No, no, no, no.

Wait till we get a line
on Finn, then we'll call him.

Okay.
Okay.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's been a bad day.

What happened
to the car?

A plumbing truck
backed into me

when I was leaving
the tux shop.

Aren't your parents
here, yet?

No, sir. There's
a snowstorm in Wichita,

and they're having
trouble getting out.

Well, I hope they'll be here
for the wedding tomorrow.

Oh, look, if Mom and Dad
have to come on snowshoes,
they won't miss the wedding.

I know it's only
a rehearsal,

but I'm pretending
it's for real.

Boy, they really went
through this place.

What are we looking for?

Anything that will tell us
about this guy.

Where he went,
what he did.

You said that guy
was a musician?

Yeah.

Come on.

Just a minute.

Oh, no, you wait here.
I'm gonna go in and
do a little fast dancing

and see
what I can find out.

You know, Gandy,
I am turning into
a collection of meaty bruises.

Will you unhand me, please?

How come I think
you're trying all
the time to ditch me?

Ditch you?
Ditch my associate?
Are you kidding?

Gandy, if too many
people ask questions,

I've found
that the interviewee
has the tendency to balk

and to back away
from direct answers.

I'm going in
with you, Gabby.

You and me like that.

Like that, huh?
Right.

Well, you let me
do the talking.

Come on.

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

You were gonna
do the talking?

Good evening.

I'm Marcus Aurelius Hayes,

and I'd like to have
a martini, very dry.

This is a nice place
you have here.

You know the nice thing
about this country?

That people from all
political walks of life
can coexist.

Democrats, Republicans,
Independents,

Socialists, Nazis.

Communists.

As you were.
We'll only be a minute.

We don't allow
no coconuts in here.

So why don't you just
get your butts out now?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I think I should
tell you that my name
is Marcus Hayes

from the Alcoholic Beverage
Control Center.

We license bars,
in case
you didn't realize.

So, despite the fact
that you might have
certain ethnic beliefs,

with which I'm not
totally in sympathy,

but although
I certainly respect
your right to have,

I can still put you
out of business.
So be nice.

Well, if now
isn't convenient,
perhaps later.

Or I could send
my supervisor out.

Ernst Kruger.

You through talking?

It's a cold house, man.

Let's go.

You got something else
you want to tell my man here

before I rip your head off
and spit in the hole?

It's a private club, sir.

You got a few more
questions you wanna
ask this slob, Gabby?

Or shall I just
go ahead and feed him
his liquor license?

You want to ask anything,
man, go ahead, ask anything.
I'll help you out.

So these are the rough,
tough, right-wing
National Socialists

we keep reading about.

I got a thing or two
to say to you morons.

Hayes, damn it!
Get over here
and question this slob!

We're looking for a guy
by the name
of Finn O'Herlihy.

We understand him
and his brother Pat

used to hang out
in this place.

He was an accordion
player and his brother
was a drummer.

I thought you said
you was from
the State Liquor Board.

Well, I jump around a lot.
Right now, I'm working
for the Musicians Union.

The guy hasn't paid his dues.

You tell me
what I wanna hear,

or you're gonna
start paying yours.

This place used to be
an Alpine restaurant.

There was a guy in here

that played Alpine-type
things on accordion.

His name was Frank Martin.
I had to let him go.

He was undependable.

How long ago?

I don't know.
Couple years back.

Where'd he go?

San Diego, I think.
You know, he's playing

bar mitzvahs,
stuff like that.

Well, you don't
have an address?

If I did,
I'd tell you.

[SIREN WAILING]

Hey, let's get
out of here.

Before I leave,
I would like to give
you people my feelings

on right-wing extremists
and neo-Nazism in particular.

Let's go.

The strength of this country
is in the blue-collar
middle classes.

Marx, Lenin

and even Nietzsche,
to a lesser degree,

all believe that the working
class had to be destroyed
beyond recognition

before the government
would fall.

Now, I personally
believe, however,

that the American
middle class is totally
indestructible.

Hey, let's get
out of here.

Now, think about that.
There'll be a quiz
after the Watts parade.

Boy, I sure could've
used a few more minutes
with those Krauts.

Man, I thought
I'd seen it all.

What kind of headcase
are you, anyway?

But you were superb, Gandy!
A real credit to the team.

But when you gotta get,
man, you gotta get.

You don't stand around
talking to a bunch of turkeys
with the cops coming in.

But, boy,
it sure felt good!

Yeah, you was cooking, man.

Yeah!

Yeah!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Mr. Rockford?
Yeah.

I'm Mark Hayes,
remember me?

Oh, yeah, sure! You was
Jimmy's parole officer.
Right.

I remember you
'cause I used to drive him
down to your office

before he got
his driver's license back.

Come on in. How you been?
You want a beer?

Oh, yeah.

Are you

still in the parole
business, are you?

Boy, you should see
my case load this year.

Well, you know
that of the 1,600
California parolees,

over 700 are assigned
to our office?

Only six guys.

Man, I'll bet that keeps you
jumping, don't it?

Sure does, man.

Well, that's why I'm here.

You see, an old con buddy
of Jimmy's is coming out

and I'd really like
to talk to him about him.
Any idea where he is?

Well, he left
for San Diego
earlier this morning.

He did, huh?

Well, I suppose I ought to
check with him down there.

What's he doing
in San Diego?

He's checking out
cemeteries.

Say, I wish you and I could've
talked him into going into
the trucking business.

We tried. We sure tried.

Why cemeteries?

Well, he's looking
for this missing guy,

and he's got this idea
that this missing guy

might send flowers
to his mother's grave

and she's buried
in San Diego.

Did you ever hear
anything so crazy?

Oh, that's brilliant! Wow!
I never thought of that.

You never thought of what?

Hmm? Oh, never mind.

I guess I'll just
get in contact with him
when he gets back here.

You keep on trucking.
Oh, I quit.

I'm retired.

No, Mr. Rockford,
that's an expression.

You know, like,
''Hang in there.''

Oh!

Well, I do that. I think.

So long.

Did I overhear you saying
that you used to work
for the county?

The State.

You mean you were
a gaming parole agent?

Oh, come on, Gandy,
we all have
to make a living.

I was just getting
to like you, Gabby,

and now I find out
you used to work
for a county parole agent.

All the time looking around,
trying to catch folks.

Looking to throw you back
in the joint.

That's why I quit.
I couldn't stand locking
the brothers up, you know?

You know, Gabby,
the more I find out
about you,

the more I don't like
what I hear.

Now, do you mind?
Rockfish is already
in San Diego.

Now we've gotta get moving.

If he finds Finn first,
we're gonna be out $400,000.

But a parole agent!
Ain't you ashamed, man?

It comes and goes.

[PHONE BUZZING]

GANDOLPH: Hey, Gabby,
you got your phone fixed.

MARCUS: Yeah.

Hello. Marcus
Aurelius Hayes.

MAN.. Mr. Hayes,
this is Tom Flannery
of Limousine World.

How much longer are
you gonna need our car,
sir, on a trial basis,

before you decide to buy it?

Well, Mr. Flannery,
I may need it
a little longer.

You see, I've been thinking
of buying a fleet
of five or six.

Of course, Mr. Hayes.
Take as long as you like.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks,
my good man.

Goodbye, Mr. Hayes.

GANDOLPH: Hayes,
without your mouth,
you'd be just like me.

You wanted to see me?

This is very nice.

I prefer
a chrysanthemum base

with a spray
of blue-gold violets,
in season, naturally.

Excuse me, sir,
but I don't know your name.

I'm sorry.

''Remember Me, Incorporated.''

That's right.

Just what is it
that Remember Me does?

We remember.

Loved ones,
departed loved ones.

Oh, a grave maintenance
service?

I suppose you could
describe it like that, yes.

Well, what can I do for you?

We just took over
the O'Herlihy plot
at Mother of God.

Oh, you do this
grave by grave?

Usually those contracts
are by the cemetery.

That's just what's wrong
with everything today.

We perform
a personalized service.

Mr. Tom Evans hires us
to perform this service.

Now, since
he lives in LA,

we contacted
Mother of God

where
Mrs. Fiona O'Herlihy,

the beloved deceased,
is buried.

Now they told us
that your flower shop

has been supplying
flowers to other members
of the family.

Now, I came here, Mr...

Gertmanian.

Mr. Gertmanian,

prepared to continue
to buy these flowers
from your shop annually.

However, if you'd prefer,

I can just as easily
buy them from the florist
at the cemetery.

Well,

it never occurred to me

that anybody would contract
for this sort of thing,

grave by grave.

Yes. Well, the world
is changing, Mr. Gertmanian.

I suppose you would
probably find it strange

to know that more people
are building
their own furniture

or riding horseback.

Not really.

Our service gets back
to the essentials.

Unfortunately,
the relatives of the deceased

can't visit
the graves personally.

That doesn't mean
that they don't want
their love and sentiments

expressed in a personal way.

What would you
like me to do?

I suppose I should look
at the accounts

and see what
you've been supplying,

and I may want
to make a change.

Of course, of course.

Here. Here it is.

Roses, really.

Probably red.

Very standard,
almost plastic.

Makes no personaI
statement.

It's what...
It's what Mr. Martin orders.

Do you want me
to change it?

Change it? What for?

If that's what
Mr. Martin orders,

that's what you'll deliver.
Understood?

Just exactly
what is going on here?

A remembrance,
Mr. Gertmanian.

And I'd hate to see
you make a travesty of it.

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

Oh! We're too late!

Oh, we've missed
Freddie's wedding.

Mama!
Oh!

But it's all over.

Papa.

Hi, dear.

Look, leave it to me.
This won't take long.

You just blend in
the best you can.

[GASPS]
Mama!

Good afternoon.
Can I help you?

I'm from the Stack,
sweet fox.

I got my a* in the car
and I can't find the gig.

I figured maybe
you could help me out.

Who's the band leader?

He's a scurvy dude,
but the man's got fingers.

What's his name?
Frank Martin.

Frank Martin?
Uh-huh.

Just a minute.
Right.

He's an accordion player?

Right!

The best chops in pops.
Where's the gig?

Oh, it's the Fred Koska
wedding reception,
this afternoon

at the Delmore Yacht Club.

He's doing a single.
Right.

Fred Koska. That's my man.

He plays the meanest
squeezebox in town.

When we jam,
I'm gonna take out my iron,
I'm gonna roof the sucker.

Him and me is better than
three grams of nose.

A musician's wedding?

Right.
Oh!

Hey, where'd you learn
all that junkie jive?

I read Down b*at.
Let's go.

I got it.

Next stop.

The Koska
wedding reception.

It's at
the Delmore Yacht Club.

Did you say you're from
the Musicians Union?

That's right.

We've got a gig for him in LA.
We're trying to locate him,

but I don't think I'd better
bother him at the reception.

When he gets back home,
would you have him call
the local, please?

Yes, I will. Thank you.

Thank you, Mrs. Martin.

Bye.

Bingo.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Wedding went great.

Great? Huh!
It was a disaster.

None of you guys
looked the same, my parents
missed the wedding.

Hey, look,
it was my goof, Fred.
Really, my goof.

But, all in all,
I'd say the wedding
came off all right.

The reception
is gonna go smooth.

Oh, yeah.

Nice, Freddie boy,
really nice.

Excuse me.

May I see
your invitation,
please?

May I see yours?

I'm the father
of the bride.

Oh! Ace Breneen
and Associates.
Security.

We're hired by the club.

Where would you like
our men stationed?

I hope you have something
more presentable to wear.

Oh, yeah, my dinner
jacket's in the car,

but I wanted take a look
at the site first.

I wonder if I might see
your invitation
for comparison, please?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, do you mind
if I take this with me
to show it to my men?

They'll be stationed
at different entrances.

I'll find you in a few minutes
and bring it back.

Oh, never mind,
I don't need it.

Ah, thank you.

Your invitation, please?

Excuse me.

Oh, it's okay.

I'm Marcus Hayes,
Fred Koska's old high schooI
chemistry teacher.

And this is Fred's
old football coach.
Gandolph Fitch.

I need to see
your invitation,
Mr. Hayes.

I just finished
an advanced lab

on micro-biochemicaI
structures

and rushed right over.
I wouldn't miss this
for the world.

Fred was one
of my best students
a few years back.

Your invitation, please.

Oh, yes.

I have it around here
someplace.

A big wedding?

Very.

Isn't that just like
an old absent-minded
professor?

I must have
left it in the lab.

As a matter of fact,
I think I was using
it as a marker

for my Science In Thought
and Action book.

Adios, pal.

Man, I love it
when you can't get
your eggs hatched.

I suppose
you got a better idea.

Yeah, slick. I got one.

Oh, no, wait a minute.
I got another idea.

Let's go.

We'll find the kitchen.

What?

Yeah, me and you
gonna be waiters.

[WITH ACCENT] I come
'cause the mister wants
more serving folks.

If you wants to check,
you got to call the mister.

Now, I've been working
for these folks

most every Christmas day.

Seen these young ones
grow up to be
fine young folks.

Glory.

I ain't gonna be no Tom.

Man, for $400,000
I'd be Howard Cosell.

Come on.

Nothing doing.

All right, you just stay out
here, then, but I'm not
gonna split with you.

You know something, man?
What?

Your jive is really
turning my guts.

Suit yourself.
Suit yourself.

What do you say, Mel?

Shut up, let me think.

If O'Herlihy is in there
and those guys spring
$600,000 on him,

he's gonna skip.

Okay, let's whack
him here.

Why here?

Sure. It's perfect.

Come on, let's see
if we can get in the back.

It's almost time,
Mr. Martin.

Oh, of course.

Don't forget the song.

Oh, I won't.
I've got it.

It's Raindrops.

It's their song.
Yes.

It's everybody's.

[PLAYS ACCORDION]

MARTIN: Ladies and Gentlemen,

may I present
for the first time anywhere,

Mr. and Mrs. Fred Koska.

[RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING
ON MY HEAD PLAYING]

Mr. Martin.
Hmm?

Allow me
to introduce myself.

My name is Marcus Hayes,
and I would like to offer you
a fortune in cash.

Excuse me, but I'm playing
this gig right now.

If you would just sign
this little document
that I've prepared,

I will guarantee to give
you, in cash, $400,000

with absolutely
no risk at all
and no obligation to you.

Who are you?

Mark, what are you
doing here?

Just stay out of this.
Oh, come on, now, Jim.
I got here first.

Mr. O'Herlihy, my name
is James Rockford.
Lay back for a minute.

It won't affect your deaI
with the county.

Wait, what did
you call me?

I'm with
Los Angeles County.

Now, your brother has d*ed
and left you $600,000.

Doggone it, Jim,
you always get in my way!

No, no.

No, leave me alone.
Leave me alone!

What's his problem?
I don't know.

That's him.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Get out of the way!

When this is all finished,
I want you to remember,
Mr. O'Herlihy,

that it was me
and my partner, here,
who saved your life.

And, although
we don't accept
any tips,

I think in this case
a large remuneration
is in order.

Now, I've got
this contract here.
Hey, Rockfish.

And if you'd just
sign the bottom...
How do you shut this dude up?

Put him to sleep.

We'll just go back
to the bank
and everything will be...

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

I thought you guys
were my friends.

I'm sorry, Fish.
I let this mouth
talk me into it.

He was saying we was
gonna get 40o/o of the dough,
but he was just jiving me.

It's not too ethical,
but it's legal.

That is, if you can
get the heir to sign
a contract.

Well, I had the contract
and I had the guy.

How was I supposed to know
the O'Herlihy brothers
stole that $600,000

from the mob


No wonder the guy ran.

That's why Finn and Pat
were living under aliases.

The mob never cancels
anything off the books.

Yeah, but, anyway,
Jim, you were right
about Gandy here.

I like him. He's useful.

Man, You should've seen
what he did to that bar.

I'm thinking of bringing him
into the firm on more than
just a temporary basis.

You know, maybe even
making him an associate.

Give him an office
with a girl.

Okay, you guys.
We're off to the hotel,
so pipe down.

You'll all have a chance
to get an attorney then.

Thank you, my good man.
I'll remember your courtesy.

Anyway, the starting salary
won't be much, but we can
work out a percentage.

Maybe even set up
a contingency
with a profit override

balanced against
a corporate net.

Shut up, Gabby!
Gabby?

Yeah, that's what
he calls me, Jim.
Cute, huh?

Gabby and Gandy.

Sounds like a puppet show.

Jim, I am serious.

Hey, what do you think,
man, huh?

You wanna know
what I think?

Yeah, man, lay it on me.

I think you're a jive turkey.

[MARCUS LAUGHING]

I told you he likes me.
He likes me!

Oh, yeah.