03x05 - Log 65: Cigarettes, Cars and Wild, Wild Women

[bunniefuu]

One-Adam-12, handle code 3.

♪♪

Oh, did I do something
wrong, Officer?

Yes, ma'am. You went
through a red light back there.

It was amber.

It wasn't amber when you
came into the intersection, ma'am.

May I see your license, please?

Well, I certainly
thought it was amber.

Would you take it out
of the case, please?

Oh, fuss and fiddlesticks.
Why pick on me?

Because you committed
a traffic violation, ma'am.

I want you to know
I'm a very careful driver.

Not when you go
through a red light.

Well, what's the matter?
Speak up, young man.

Cat got your tongue?

Are you Prudence Armstrong?

Well, there's a
picture. Look at it.

Why did you give your age as 34?

None of your business!

All this fuss
about amber lights.

- That's really funny.
- Yeah.

If Prudence Armstrong
wanted to pass herself off

as 55 or 60, that makes
some kind of sense.

But 34? The woman's
got to be over 70.

- I'd say so.
- I wonder who she thinks
she's kidding?

Herself.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

See the man. A
stolen vehicle report.

26th and Harding, at the market.

Female Caucasian
suspect just left, southbound,

in a 1970 Chevelle
two-door, green in color.

- License unknown.
- One-Adam-12, roger.

Hey. Hey, here. Wait!

Hey, look, I called you.

My car was just stolen.

From the market here?

I told them that.
She took my car.

Okay, Corporal. Try
and simmer down.

You want to tell
us what happened?

Well, I uh... I
picked up this girl.

She was hitchhiking,
back on 24th Street.

Five minutes later,
bang, my car's gone.

Wait a minute, Corporal.
Let's do this by the numbers.

What's your name?

Miller, Wayne L.

Now, you picked up this
girl. Can you describe her?

I didn't see that much of her.

I mean, there was plenty to see,
but, well, I didn't see it that long.

Do you want to spell
that out, Corporal?

I'm just back from 'Nam,

and she was
wearing one of those...

You know, those miniskirt
things, way up to here.

What else?

I really didn't notice.

Okay, what did you notice?

She had blonde hair.

I noticed that. It came
down to about here.

How old?

Seventeen, eighteen, maybe.
Somewhere around there.

I think she said her
name was Karen.

Look, she was a chick.
She needed a ride.

Okay, this girl was in your car.

What happened then?

Well, we drove around
a little bit. Talked.

And then she said she
was out of cigarettes.

So I offered her one of mine.

She was too smart for that.
She had to smoke her own brand.

She even offered
to pay for them.

No marine can
let a lady do that,

so I stopped in here.

And then she asked if
she could listen to the radio

while I was gone.

I left the keys in the car.

You know, I wasn't in that
store more than 60 seconds.

That's all it takes.

Just took delivery on it.

There were 8 miserable
miles on the speedometer.

Boy, after all the walking I
did, I swore I'd never walk again.

What do I do now?

Well, we can give
you a ride home.

This makes 16 in
the last five weeks.

Malloy, I'm just
telling Reed about

this rash of car
thefts we're getting.

Mr. White here just
had the same experience

your young marine
had earlier today.

- Was it the same girl?
- No, this time is was
a redhead.

How old was she, Mr. White?

I have...

Mr. White puts her age at
around 18. Is that right, sir?

Uh, give or take a year. I'm
only here as a concerned citizen.

You're concerned about your
car, too, aren't you, Mr. White?

Oh, yes. Of course.

But I'm hardly involved.

You see, I was being
the Good Samaritan.

I was helping
this poor girl out.

She used the same M.O.

Asked Mr. White to stop
and get her cigarettes.

And leave the radio on.

Well, I'll mention at roll call.

- Meanwhile, keep an eye out.
- Will do.

Wait. Do you mind?

I'd appreciate it
very much, Sarge.

The door, Miller.

Uh, I'm much obliged. You
see, I'm a married man, and, uh...

Yes, you told me that already.

Yeah, but the boys. I
wanted to explain to them.

If there's anything
you want me for,

there's my card.

As a witness, to
identify this woman.

Uh, this is my office number.

Oh, yes, sir. What if
we want you at night?

Oh, uh, there's an
answering service.

I want to cooperate,
Sergeant. Yes, sir.

But, uh, please don't use
my home phone number.

Agreed?

Agreed?

You know, I remember
the first car I ever owned.

It was a 1950 Ford.

The biggest thing in
my life. Paid $300 for it.

It took me months and
months to save up for it.

I worked in my dad's
gas station until he sold it,

then I got a job working at
the airport near our house.

I was a line boy. I pumped gas

and washed airplanes...
Anything to make a buck

towards that car.

- Know what I mean?
- I know what you mean.

I put French headlights on it
and painted the dash white.

White?

Yeah, that was the
thing in those days.

I lowered the front end,
put dual exhaust on it

and fixed the carburetion
up so it ran great.

- Anything else?
- Yeah, I painted it lavender.

Then I had a great big
orange gearshift knob on it.

Sounds like a real dreamboat.

- Too bad.
- Too bad what?

It got stolen.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.
Man assaulting a woman.

169 Zelzah. Code 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

He tried to steal my bike!

- Help!
- Gutless wonder!

- Get her!
- All right, come on.

- Get her off me!
- Come on.

That's enough, lady.

Lady?

I've had some
training in self-defense.

But I'm really a
professional skater.

That's how I got into this.

I work out in the afternoon,

and I happened to come down
to the garage this afternoon

for some more weights,
when I spot this-this joker

getting ready to take
off on my motorcycle.

I caught him red-handed.

Guess one of the
neighbors called you fellows.

- Look, I've got my rights.
- We'll take it from here, lady.

Come on.

Hey. You're not mad, are you?

- Why should I be mad?
- Well, you know.

- Him.
- What about him?

I mean, my capturing him.

I took a shortcut.

We're always glad to have
a citizen lend a helping hand.

- What do you think?
- I refuse to answer,

on the grounds I may
incriminate myself.

What do you think of
having two television sets?

You mean one for each
eye? I live alone, remember.

I wasn't talking about
you. I was talking about me.

You want another set? Buy it.

It's not for me.
It's for Jeanne.

Jeanne wants another set?

No, Jeanne doesn't
know anything about it.

Neither do I, so far.

See, Jeanne's
birthday's coming up,

and she spends a lot
of time in the kitchen.

So I thought I'd buy her
one of those little portables.

- Get it.
- It's not that simple.

See, we have this agreement
on any large expenditure.

We have to talk it over before
we spend that kind of money.

So it puts me in kind of a spot.

- Get the set on approval.
- Hey! That's it, Malloy.

- Any time.
- One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

See the woman. Unknown trouble.

215 West Adams.
Approach from the rear.

- Code 2.
- One-Adam-12, roger.

Who's there?

- Police officers.
- Oh, thank God.

Come in, come in!

Hello?

In here, please.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you boys.

Shall I introduce
myself? Clara Fisher.

I'm Officer Malloy.
This is Officer Reed.

Won't you sit down, gentlemen?

No, thank you, ma'am.
What's the trouble?

I don't know.

Well, what seems
to be the trouble?

You see, I'm a shut-in.

Yes, ma'am?

Oh, please try to be patient.

Ma'am, we're here to help you.

Patience is part of that.

Could I impose
upon you to raise me?

- There's a device...
- Sure.

Say when.

There. Thank you. Thank you.

You have kind eyes.
Try to understand.

To understand what, ma'am?

Alas, I'm totally dependent
upon my nephew Joey-Boy.

Joseph Triton Fisher, Jr.

My dear dead brother's son.

- He lives here?
- Joey-Boy?

The son I never had?

Yes, I've raised him,

and he's repaid
me a thousandfold.

Yes, ma'am, but
what's the trouble?

I mean, why did you call us?

When one lives alone,

immobile,

one becomes the mind's c*ptive.

There's been no
sight of Joey-Boy

since we lunched here together,

and all afternoon, I've
been victimized by sounds

and smells.

Look, can you describe them?

Well, when they come,

the sounds are like
rhythmic, muffled footsteps

at a distance.

Frightening.

I must sound like

a child whose
imagination's run riot.

No, ma'am. Go ahead.

The smell is acrid.

It comes and goes.

A harsh, course,
almost bitter smell.

- Are you familiar with it?
- Maybe.

Oh! I thought I was going mad.

No, ma'am.

There. There. There.

Excuse us.

Take a look.

There are no windows
in here. Look at that.

What does this
thing do for light?

You can grow
anything under that.

Including marijuana.
Why don't you turn it off?

This is one light
nobody should prolong.

♪♪

♪♪

Which one of you two's Joey-Boy?

That's me, man. I'm
not bothering anybody.

You're bothering your
aunt. She called us.

Oh, yeah? Well,
we'll quiet down.

The party's over, Joey-Boy.
All right, all of you. Let's go.

For one lousy pot
party, huh, man?

One's plenty, but you've got
enough grass here to last you a week,

not to mention the
horticulture in the hall.

I mean, you're not satisfied smoking
it. You're going to grow it, too, huh?

I don't see you bothering the
squares who lap up the booze.

To begin with,
drinking liquor is legal,

smoking pot is not, growing
it is not and possession is not.

- That's for openers.
- Big deal.

Ugly deal. Ugly because too many
know-it-alls like you get tired of pot

and decide to try the hard stuff...
heroin, the main line to nowhere.

Come on, Joey-Boy.

We're doing you a favor.

Hey.

- You are speaking to us?
- That's right.

What's going on here?

- We're moving a safe.
- Whose safe?

Officer, we are gathered
here in broad daylight.

- Whose safe would I be moving?
- That was the question.

I am moving my safe.

Naturally, you can prove that.

Look, I bought this
safe new, 12 years ago.

Now, that wasn't the question.

I did not save the
bill of sale. Mel?

- It's his safe. I'm helping him move it.
- To save the cost of moving.

Yep.

You still don't believe me.

Well, you all have to
admit you don't see a safe

being pushed up
the street every day.

Look, my name is Conrad Short.

Bookbinder. Twelve years ago, I
opened a shop across the street.

Now the building is being
removed by... by progress.

And I said he could
store it in my garage.

To save the cost of storage.

What do I got to do to
convince you this is my safe?

Open it.

Sorry.

Join us?

No, thanks.

- You know, I could've used
that brew.
- Yeah, me, too.

- It's been one long day.
- Yeah. We got a long way to go.

It's a funny thing. Some
days, you finish your watch,

you feel like you just
pulled out of the parking lot.

- Other days...
- Tired?

Well, yeah. Sort of.

Sign of age. Relax for the
rest of the watch. I'll carry it.

You'll carry me.

Southeast corner,
at the service station.

Think she's out of cigarettes?

We better hang around and see.

She's pulling away.

- Yeah, I see her.
- Let's get her.

And the marine's blonde and the
redhead that stole Bert White's car?

Mac said there have been a rash
of these in the last month or so.

That brunette's not
just out for a joyride.

You see her?

375.

Now I see her.

She certainly acts like
she's out for a joyride.

These girls might be doing this
for kicks, but I just don't believe it.

One-Adam-12, code 6, Adam.



G.T.A. suspects.

One-Adam-12,
roger. Code 6, Adam.

I took it before the
sucker opened the door.

Well, Tom, how'd I do?

It's all right.

That's almost enough
to buy my prom dress.

Give me another order, Tom.

In the first place, I
haven't got another order.

Second, gotta wait your turn.

That's the boss.

Quite an operation. Must
be the corporal's Chevelle.

Yeah, you better get us a
backup unit on the double.

- For one guy?
- And a basket full of kittens.

You ever try rounding them up?

Tom? Tom?

- What?
- Would you like something?

Sally, can't you see I'm busy?

Would you like a root
beer or something?

Let me go!

- Let me go, I said!
- All right. Cool it.

All right. Hold it right there.

Up against the car, all of you.

You, too, mister. Let's go.

- Come on!
- Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!

All right. Do you
want to cool it?

Let me go! I haven't
done anything wrong!

Let me go!

You're treating us
like common criminals!

You are. We saw you steal a car.

If the rest of you are identified,
you're common criminals, too.

I have my rights!

What's this all about?
You ask for a backup unit?

Yeah, but they
rushed things a little.

- This all of them?
- We think so.

Okay, get them
out of the station.

Okay, let's go.

I'll contact the detectives, have them
round up the victims to arrive here.

Oh, by the way, Mac,

remember Bert White?

Oh, yeah. The married guy
who lost his car to the redhead.

Be sure to tell detectives
to call him at the office,

not at home.