03x13 - Log 175: Con Artists

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One-Adam-12, handle code 3.

♪♪

What do you think
he did yesterday?

The baby?

No, the baby's grandfather.

He shows up with a


in white leather, tooled.

- So?
- So he can't even walk yet,
let alone read.

It won't spoil.
Don't let it bug you.

What's he got to keep
buying him stuff for?

It's his first grandchild, Jim.

Yeah, well, it's my first child.
I'm supposed to buy him things.

So buy him something.

Like what? My father-in-law's
bought him everything there is.

How about a catcher's mitt?

One-Adam-12,
One-Adam-12. See the man.

A traffic accident.
Vehicle off the roadway.

Griffith Park Drive and
Crystal Spring Road.

Code 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

The police are on the
way, Miss Sorenson.

Thank you.

You're very kind.

Oh, happy to help.

Oh, I don't think you have
to go to all that trouble.

I insist that I do this.

I'll just set this one
over here. Excuse me.

It was I who called, gentlemen,
on behalf of this young lady.

She had a blowout, but
miraculously, she escaped untouched.

And the camper's intact.
Except for the butane t*nk.

I thought it wise to
set out some flares.

Call the fire department.

I don't know what to
say, Miss Sorenson.

I was just trying to help.

We'll need some
information, miss.

I'll be glad to wait
and give you a lift.

Thank you. But I
prefer to take a cab.

Can you call one
for me, Officer?

Be glad to.

In a way, I feel sorry for
that guy with the flares.

Sorry for him?

All he did was try to help.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

See the woman. A 484 report.

3 Bellaggio Terrace.

One-Adam-12, roger.

Over here. Over here.

There were two
of them. Evil men.

They were driving a small
truck with an out-of-state license.

Oh! Why didn't I get the number?

But, of course, I was
not suspicious then.

Yes, ma'am. Do you
want to tell us about it?

Well, I didn't bring you here to
keep you in the dark, young man.

Well, what actually
happened, ma'am?

Look.

Do you see it?

Lumber. Yes, ma'am. We do.

Well, they sold it to me.

And then, while I
was having my coffee,

I read it, and that's when
I sent for you people.

You said there were two of them.

Now, let me tell it to you
in chronological order.

Excuse me, ma'am. Could
I have your name, please?

Yes. It's Sybil Merchant.

Now, to proceed.

I was barely out of bed
when my housekeeper came

and said there were two men

demanding money
for a load of lumber.

And when I came down,
they confronted me.

- Ugh!
- Ma'am?

Well, they were so disreputable.

And their truck.

Well, it had sacks of fertilizer

tied to the hood like
trophies of a hunt.

It had bales of roofing

and barrels of tar.

It was a traveling dump.

Of course, you understand
the Johnson family

also has some bright,
shiny new vehicles, ma'am.

They come in all
shapes and sizes,

neat as well as sloppy.

Well, I can assure you,
these were the latter.

Well, I ordered
them off my property.

I told them I hadn't
ordered any lumber.

But they were so insistent.

Well, did you ask for
proof, like a sales slip?

No. It was so confusing.

They were at me, they
were shouting and gyrating.

I began to think perhaps my
husband had ordered the lumber,

or maybe my son.

Why didn't you check?

Well, I only wish I could have,

but my husband was in a
hunting lodge in Canada,

and my son in our
fishing shack at La Paz.

And both of them
without telephones,

by my husband's orders.

Oh, I feel such a fool.

There it is in there... An
account of how they operate.

Look, it's all in here.

They're even identified.
The Johnson family.

Yes, ma'am.

Hw could I be so stupid?

No, you're not, ma'am.
They got a big bag of tricks.

The lumber's just one of them.

Sometimes they pass
themselves off as expert plumbers.

Yeah, they're always experts.

Some of those cans
probably have paint in them.

The Johnson family is
full of house painters,

but with the first rain,
the paint disappears.

Their plaster
chips and crumbles,

and their cement
sinks like a cake.

- Oh, those scoundrels!
- Yes, ma'am.

Can you tell us anything else?

The tall one... he was
taller than either of you.

He wore overalls,
a painter's cap

and sneakers.

And the other one...
He was about your size.

He wore tan cotton slacks,
boots and a grimy sweatshirt.

Arthur. And his accomplice's
name was Clyde.

You know, they made no
attempt to conceal their identity.

Thank you, ma'am.
That'll be very helpful.

If you'll just read and
sign the report here.

Oh, I certainly hope I
see those two again.

We'll keep a lookout.

Oh, and please keep
a lookout here, too.

Will you, gentlemen? This
has been too much for me.

I must get away.

Ma'am, we may need your
help to identify these people,

and you said there was no phone

at either the hunting
or the fishing place.

Well, I'm hardly the
outdoor type, Officer.

If you need me, you will find
me at the Royal Crest Hotel

in San Francisco.

Hey, do you
remember in the circus,

when a little car
would pull up and stop,

and about 80 clowns
would pile out?

At least 80. Why?

The Johnson family
reminded me of it.

The way they hit
town and spread out.

It's like those clowns.

They never hurt anyone.
The Johnson family does.

All units in the vicinity
in One-Adam-12.

A 459 silent. 1147
Crosley Place, at the store.

One-Adam-12, code 2.

One-Adam-12, roger.

You guys cover out
here. We'll take a look.

You know the layout, Pete?

The only other way
in is through the store.

Police officers. Drop the g*n.

Store security.

I was upstairs
when the alarm went.

Someone jimmied the door.

They're in there someplace. I
couldn't get a good look at 'em.

My partner's covering that door.

You better stay out of this.

I think there's two of them.

Hold it.

Turn around. Put
your hands up there.

Sure. Anything you say.

Hold it right there, mister!

All right, turn around.
Hands behind your back.

- Malloy?
- All right, Reed.

- Big man!
- Aw, shut up!

- You and your big ideas...
- All right now. That's enough of that.

You make him?

Yeah, his name's Thomas.
Worked security here for a while.

I'd still be working security
if you hadn't turned me in.

If you'd stayed
away from the bottle,

I wouldn't have
had to turn you in.

A couple of drinks. A
lousy couple of drinks.

Yeah, well, it was his
idea to torch the place.

Yeah, yeah.

I ain't never done nothing
like this in my whole life.

All right, outside.

- You understand, don't you?
- Understand what?

- Why I tried
to get back at 'em.
- No, mister.

I don't understand anybody
that tries to commit arson.

For any reason.

Wonder what the Johnson
family's been up to.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

See the man. A 484 report.

10734 Laurel Vista.

There's your answer.

Yeah. One-Adam-12, roger.

Officers.

Over here, on the ladder.

They said they'd
fix my roof like new.

They said it would last forever.

They said...

I'm Officer Malloy.
This is Officer Reed.

George Sawyer.

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't
help it. Excuse me.

You have nothing
to apologize for, sir.

I just can't seem to
get hold of myself.

I don't know what
I'm going to do.

And they gave me their word.

Another Johnson special.

It's over my wife's bedroom.

Amy's sick.

For the last nine years,

that room has been
her world, and mine.

We're poor people.
It's no secret.

You can see that for yourselves.

Oh, I just don't know
what I'm going to do.

It's like all outdoors moved in.

Like an avalanche.

If this tar ever stops sliding,

I'll try to clean the mess up.

But she can't go
back in there again.

It'd be just the same
as living outside.

Worse than it was before.

What was it like
before, Mr. Sawyer?

To start at the beginning,

this whole roof over the
bedroom ain't worth much.

I've known that for years.

But I thought
maybe it might last.

We don't have
that much time left.

But then it started leaking.

But every estimate I
got was just impossible.

Oh, excuse me.

Amy?

What's wrong, Amy?

She was worried about me.

It's been like
that from the start.

Well, anyway,

yesterday I thought our
worries were just about over.

I was out here
raking up the yard,

and this truck come by.

With ladders on the side.

And sacks of fertilizer
tied to the hood.

And they wanted a lot
of money to fix your roof,

but you managed to convince
them to do it for what you had.

You got 'em?

No, sir. I wish we did.

We know about
the two in the truck,

but there's a lot more
of them... A whole tribe.

The Johnson family.

They show up every year
about this time, Mr. Sawyer.

The newspaper always runs
stories warning people about them.

I stopped the paper to
save the money for the roof.

He's a nice old guy.
Too bad he got burned.

Yeah, they really
hurt a lot of people

that need the money desperately.

I'd like to get my hands
on those Johnsons.

You and me both, partner.

That's stretching it a bit.

Yeah, quite a bit.

Ira,

that was a stop sign back there.

I know, dear.

Then what are we doing here?

Stopping.

A little bit late,
but we're stopping.

May I see a license, please?

Certainly, Officer.

I don't blame you, Officer.

I hate this shaving lotion, too,

but it was a gift
from the little woman.

Your license.

Would you take it
out of the wallet?

"Ira M. Goodrich."

This proves you're a
member in good standing

of the Zoo Association.

Mrs. Goodrich?

Yes, I have my license
here somewhere.

Mrs. Goodrich, I don't think

your husband is in
any condition to drive.

You're right, young
man. I'll drive us home.

Oh, thank you, Officer.

I think you better leave the
driving to us, Mrs. Goodrich.

You know, Officer,

that's a funny
thing about women.

- What?
- They just can't hold
their liquor.

Watch your head.

You know, if we hadn't stopped her
from driving, we would've had a 10-04.

A 10-04?

Two 502s... Winnie and Ira.

One-Adam-12,
One-Adam-12. See the woman.

484 suspects. There now.

4257 Fordyce.

One-Adam-12, roger.

The Johnsons.

Maybe we'll get lucky.

Next corner.

Look.

We got lucky.

You take the back.

Shhh!

Not another one?

Oh!

It's about big
around as my leg is.

Near eight-foot long, too.

This is a nightmare.

Take a look.

Oh! Oh, no!

My sister hired them
while I was at the market.

As soon as I saw them,
I knew they were from

those crooks I read
about in the newspaper.

Is... Is it still in there?

Oh, no need to worry
none about him, ma'am.

Out there in the kitchen,
we was playmates.

We'll tote him off
when we're done.

Oh, uh, you know,

it's awful dangerous
work for just $100.

It's all I have.

Well, a bargain's a bargain.

- Emma!
- Shh!

- Quiet!
- Oh, I'm going to faint.

Do it in your room.

They're in the
basement? Call them up.

I feel all topsy-turvy.

Well, then, stay out of the way.

Come up!

Look out!

Get him over there! There he is!

I got him! I got him!

Come up, both of you!

I've got something for you.

Come on, Clyde. We
got all them snakes now.

- Stand back,
ladies. Instant death.

Let's have a look.

Why, I can't do that.

Why, there'd be
dead bodies piled up.

Open it.

Can't take that responsibility.

I can.

Ahh!

Come on, you sorry hunk of tin!

Come on! Start! Start! Come on!

We been done in
and done dirt, Clyde.

We been conned.

I'll get the report.
You call a tow truck.

I'll need to fill out a
report for you to sign.

Uh, fine. Wouldn't you
like to come in the house?

- The snakes!
- I'll go first.

Don't leave me, Emma!

Come on.

Be careful!

It's alive!

Here's your snake, ladies.

As phony as the Johnson family.

Oh.