04x02 - Million Dollar Buff

[bunniefuu]

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

A 211 in progress.

One-Adam-12, handle, code 3.

♪♪

What's with you?

They call them hot pants.

Do you have any other

startling pieces of
information for me?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Underneath that shiny
badge beats the heart

of a perfectly
normal dirty old man.

Thanks, partner.

He's back.

I knew it was too good to last.

Well, there goes my appetite.

Malloy, Reed.

How's the world been
treating you boys?

You got yourselves
a new car, huh?

Yeah.

Mind if I sit down?

We're just about
through, Mr. Thornton.

Well, that's okay. Just
wanted to say hello.

Haven't seen you
around for a while.

Thought you might
have found a new hobby.

Not a chance.

Once a buff, always a buff.

- Right, Malloy?
- Kind of looks that way.

The way these girls dress,

don't know what the
country's coming to.

I just got back from Miami.

The annual Police
Procedure Seminar.

Too bad you boys
couldn't have been there.

I picked up some
interesting stuff.

Ever seen anything
like these before?

Thumb cuffs. Great
for undercover work.

Flat as a comb. No bulge at all.

You really enjoy your toys,
don't you, Mr. Thornton?

Toys? These cuffs are
the real things, Reed.

Yeah, I know. So
is the police monitor

and the radio phone in your car.

- And the spotlight.
- What's he getting at?

Oh, what my partner's
trying to tell you

is no matter how many
gadgets you pick up,

you're still not a policeman.

You're liable to get yourself
into trouble someday.

We wouldn't want
to see that happen.

I had the impression

citizen involvement was a
department policy, Malloy.

Involvement, yes.
Playing policeman, no.

We don't need vigilantes.

And I don't like your attitude.

Without citizens like me,

your job would be a lot tougher

than it is, remember that.

Time to roll, partner.

Pretty rough on him.

Think any of it penetrated?

Never has before.

Kind of hard to figure
a man like Thornton.

Retired, plenty of money.

You'd think he'd have
something better to do

than to roll around
chasing police calls.

Yeah.

I had a buff over
in 77th Division

a few years back.

Jumped a 211 call
in progress one night.

Got there before
the black and white.

He wound up with a
b*llet in his stomach.

k*ll him?

No. But it sure cured him.

I hope Thornton wises up

before he runs into some
hard nose with a g*n.

It's a tough way to learn.

1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12,

see the security
officer. A 484 report.

Summer's Department Store.

12106 Valley Mall.



Dave Walbrook, store security.

I'm Officer Malloy.
This is Officer Reed.

She the suspect?

The victim.

Miss Carson is
one of our clerks.

This will all probably
be a waste of time,

but we'd better go
through the motions

for the insurance
company, right?

What happened, Mr. Walbrook?

A palm switch at
the jewelry counter.

Thief got away with a
$1,500 engagement ring.

Isn't she a little young

to be working the
jewelry counter?

I didn't know anything about it

until it was too late.

The regular girl is out sick.

The floor manager pulled Jenny

from the cosmetics department

to fill in for the jewelry clerk

until he took his lunch break.

He spotted the switched
ring when he got back.

But it's not a total loss.

He left this in place
of the real one...

Worth a buck and a half anyway.

Why don't you see what
you can get out of her?

Could you give me a description

of the person you think

might have switched
the rings, Miss Carson?

There's only one person
I showed that tray to.

It had to be her.

Do you remember
what she looked like

or what she was wearing?

Uh, she was tall,

uh, had on a white coat

with, uh, with brown stripes,

and kind of
nice-looking, I think.

How old do you think she was?

Middle-aged, I guess.

At least 35.

Uh, kind of tall, I think.

What about her hair?

Uh, was it short, long?

What color?

Uh, sort of reddish,
um, not very long.

Is there anything else
you remember about her?

Anything at all?

Uh, just her gloves.

She put them on the
counter next to the tray.

I remember thinking
it was kind of funny...

You know, brown suede
gloves in this kind of weather.

Okay.

Okay. Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

There's not much to go on.

Uh, can I leave
now, Mr. Walbrook?

Thank you, Jenny.

Jenny, tell your floor
manager I want to see him.

Yes, sir.

Well, that about wraps it up

as far as you fellas
are concerned.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got some serious
chewing out to do.

We'll turn this over to bunco.

They'll be in touch with you.

Would you please sign this, sir?

Just for the record, partner,

I don't want to hear any more
cracks about dirty old men.

I saw the smirk you
laid on that Carson girl.

Your generation
gap's showing, Pete.

What you saw was
purely communication.

1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12,
citizen holding a 502.

209 Beffle Street.



Three guesses.

They're all the
same... Thornton.

I timed you, Malloy.

Two minutes and 20 seconds
from the time you got the call.

What held you up?

Where's the 502 you're
supposed to be holding?

Front seat of his
car, passed out.

90-35, 90-35, Ambuline sick.

- 149...
- You mind?

He went through a half dozen
stop signs, doing at least 50.

I was right on his tail,
leaning on my horn.

He's hit this, all right.

What's the matter, Malloy?
You look disappointed.

Not at all. When it
comes to drunk drivers,

we appreciate all
the help we can get.

That's more like it.

I'll have to have your address

and phone number, Mr. Thornton.

What for?

We'll need you
to testify in court.

Oh, come on, Malloy.

I wouldn't mind if it were
something important,

- but this...
- Without your testimony,

all we can get him
for is plain drunk.

You know that. A small fine,

and he'll be right back
behind the wheel of his car.

Is that what you want?

Okay. 9977 Beachwood Drive.



Sometimes I think you
people go out of your way

to make life difficult.

We appreciate your
help, Mr. Thornton.

You're sure there isn't
anything else I can do for you.

No, sir.

See you in court.

Yeah.

Come on. Better give me a
hand with Sleeping Beauty.

Well, he's gone through
three pair of shoes

in six months.

I told him when I was a kid,

a pair of shoes
better last me a year,

one way or another.

Shall we spread the good word?

Yeah. As good a time as any.

Gentlemen, may I have
your attention, please?

Hey, if it's another
collection, Malloy,

why don't you
just forget about it?

Nothing that painless, Mac.

We thought you'd
all like to know

our favorite buff is back
with us... Jennings Thornton.

Oh, boy.

You got any more good news?

Sorry. That's the
quota for today.

Funny how Thornton spends
all his time trying to be with cops

and he doesn't have
a friend on the force.

It's not funny when
you read his history.

You know what I mean,
Pete. He's a weirdo.

Right.

I just wonder what
makes him tick.

Why don't you ask Brinkman?

Why?

About three years ago,

Thornton was rousting a drunk.

He cuffed him around some,
put the guy in the hospital.

Brinkman rolled in
a few minutes later

in an owl car.

When the sergeant arrived,

Thornton swore out a
complaint against Brinkman,

saying he beat up the guy.

Pulled him in front
of a review board,

the whole works.

What about the drunk?

He was so boozed up,
he didn't know who hit him.

It was Thornton,
though. It's his style.

He knew he'd get tagged for it,

so he hung it on Brinkman.

If the review board
hadn't believed Brinkman,

he'd have been sent down for it.

Nice guy.

He'd do the same
thing to you or me.

He doesn't like cops.

He just likes
running around town

with a strong arm,
rousting people.

All units in the vicinity

and One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

a 211 in progress.

14101 Delby at the market.

One-Adam-12,
handle Phelps Street.

One-Adam-12, Roger.



Coming up.

That's our boy.

Freeze! You're under arrest!

Go ahead and sh**t, cop.

This is your last warning.
One more step, and we fire.

Hands above your head now!

He armed!

Get some help down here!

Give it up, Mister! You
haven't got a chance!

Not this time, cop.

I'm holding court
right here in the street.

All I want to do is take
some of you crumbs with me.

Whoever he is, he's a hard case.

He can't take that many units

without some
kind of a flak vest.

Thornton! Get back!

- Thornton!
- Jim, get down!

It's all over, Mister.
Just lay back.

You called it. Flak vest.

Don't bother to
thank me, Malloy.

Just a citizen doing his duty.

A citizen doing his
duty is one thing,

but you're
thrill-happy, Thornton.

You just about got
my partner k*lled

with that last little stunt.

Now I'm warning you.

From now on, stay away from us.

Two stripes and a star

might make you almost
a sergeant, Malloy,

but it doesn't give you
the right to insult me.

Why don't you shove off?

Three-time loser on parole.

What do you think
he'll get, Pete?

The fourth time down,
the habitual... life.

Guys like that scare me.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12.

See the manager.
A business dispute.

Fairfax and Vine,
the parking lot.

One-Adam-12, Roger.

Glad you guys got here.

I'm Joe Rawls, the day man.

What's the trouble, Mr. Rawls?

It's that dame back there.

I got her blocked in
so she can't get out.

How come?

Well, she scraped
the car next to her.

I heard it, so I
went back to see.

She claims she didn't do it.

How'd you know?

Intuition.

Oh. Well, that's what you say.

Anyway, I ask
her for her license,

and she said she
ain't got it with her.

She gave me the name

of some cockamamie
insurance company

I never heard of.

When I said I was
going to call the cops,

she offered me 20 bucks
to forget the whole thing.

You wait here,
Mr. Rawls. We'll talk to her.

Afternoon. I understand
you have a problem.

It's really nothing, Officer.

You... You'd hardly notice it

if you weren't
really looking for it.

I told the attendant
I'd pay for any damage.

I don't know why
he had to bother.

It's no bother. It's
what we're paid for.

If you're going to
ask me for my license,

I haven't got it with me.

But I'm sure he
told you that already.

- Pete.
- Excuse me.

Come here and
take a look at this.

In the back seat of the car,

there's a white
coat with stripes

and a brown pair of gloves.

I wonder if she went
jewelry shopping

at Summer's
Department Store today.

Run her plate. I'll see what
I can find out at this end.

I'm going to have to make
out a TA report, ma'am.

Save the explanations.
Just write it up.

- What's your name, please?
- Jean Tomlin.

- Middle name or initial?
- Edna.

Address?



Look, would it be
asking too much

for you to hurry it up?
I'm late for an appointment.

I'm just about finished.

I'm thrilled.

This is your car, Miss Tomlin?

I already told you it was.

The things in the back
seat, the coat and the gloves.

Are they yours, too?

I'm not answering
any more questions.

Just give me the ticket.
Let me get out of here.

DMV says the car is registered

to Jessica Caldwell
at a Burbank address.

Still say it's yours?

So I use a professional
name. Is that a crime?

Well, what is your
profession, Miss?

What kind of a crack is that?

You better pull in
your horns, buster.

I don't take that kind of crack

from any badge-heavy clown.

You're under arrest, lady.

You've got to be
kidding. For what?

Suspicion of grand theft.

You have the right
to remain silent.

If you give up the
right to remain silent...

I don't give up
anything, Junior,

but you will when my
lawyer gets through with you.

Ho-ho, my lawyer's
going to love this.

That car is mine,
and I can prove it.

Who said anything
about your car?

Get in.

We've got problems.

Seems Miss Carson
can't give us a positive I.D.

on the Caldwell woman.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying

to cause you
officers any trouble.

You gave us a
description, Miss Carson.

We've been through that, Jim.

See, Miss Carson's
extremely nearsighted,

and without her glasses,

anything more than a few
feet away appears blurred.

She wasn't wearing
her glasses at the store.

I knew it was going to
be one of those days.

You asked me if I
was positive, Sergeant.

Well, I think it was her.
I'm almost sure it was.

Almost isn't good
enough, Miss Carson.

I said I'm sorry.
What more can I do?

Look, uh, Officer Malloy
didn't mean that as a criticism.

It's just that when
identifying a suspect,

we have to be very sure.

I understand. I...

I wish I could swear it was her,

- but I can't.
- I understand.

Thanks very much for
coming down, though.

What now?

Well, R and I turned up

an old traffic warrant
on Miss Caldwell.

If she's got any
record, it's not local.

We'll take her down to the jail.

We'll search her there.

If the ring's not on her,

I'm afraid she gets off.

She's a professional, Mac.

Everything about
her spells it out.

The phony name,
no I.D. on her person,

using words like badge-heavy.

I've seen a hundred like her.

I agree.

But it's not evidence, Pete.

If we don't find
that ring, she walks.

It's almost time
to hit the station.

- Dorothy Parker.
- Huh?

Dorothy Parker. That's who
came up with that saying.

What saying?

Men don't make passes
at girls that wear glasses.

- Meaning the Carson girl.
- On the nose, Watson.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

citizen holding car strippers.

The service alley

behind the 9700 block, Woodman.

Code 2.

One-Adam-12, Roger.

You don't suppose...

Couldn't be. Fate
isn't that cruel.

One-Adam-12, One-Adam-12,

1L20 will meet you at
the location of your call.

One-Adam-12, Roger.

I wonder what that's all about.

We'll know soon enough.

We think we've been busy.

I've done your
job for you, Malloy.

All you got to do is
transport and book them.

You put the cuffs on them?

You don't see anybody
else around here, do you?

I don't take chances
with punks like that.

The key, Thornton.

This better be good, Thornton,

or else you bought
yourself a lot of trouble.

All I make are class A busts.

Wait here.

What's it all about, fellas?

I, uh, sold my mag
wheels to Jimmy here,

and we were switching them

when the other officer drove up.

We were trying
to explain it to him,

but he just kept
calling us young punks

and waving that g*n around.

Check them out.

One of you fellas got a
receipt for the wheels?

You really have a g*n, Thornton?

Come on, Malloy, they're punks.

I had to show them
I meant business.

So do I. Turn around and put
your hands behind your head.

Come on.

What's going on?

Hey. You mean
that guy ain't fuzz?

Just relax, fellas,
and stay here.

How do you like
that? He's a phony.

The kids are clean.

They even have the
original receipt for the wheels.

Look, Malloy, we
can work this out.

You're under arrest, Thornton,

for carrying a concealed w*apon

and possible ADW.

The DA and the boys
will decide on that.

Turn around and put your
hands behind your back.

You got to be kidding.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go.

Watch your head.

Our buff had one
gadget too many.

We had some good
luck on that jewelry case.

They found the
ring. It was on her.

Thanks, Mac. This isn't
such a bad day after all.