09x07 - Alcohol Ban

[bunniefuu]

[Music] [Applause] [Music]

[Music] don't body heat about it miss temple savage you lookee I'm here I'm gonna take good care of the place till you get

back it's only 24 hours what could go wrong the hotel has been robbed what what do you want to boot all the

alcohol in the back it has been taken calm down man I shifted at this morning I've locked it in the supplies cupboard

why would you do this because I asked him to as you well know mature today's San Lorenzo's day San Lorenzo we do not

bother with this well we do this year the authorities are really cracking down on it there is to be no alcohol served

across the whole of any door for the entire duration and I'm afraid the solana will be no exception

I see give me the key what you do not

want to listen to her she's crazy in the head if we do not give the guest alcohol they will be revolting never do I need

to come back no don't you worry about it miss couple Savage I am in charge the only thing you will

be in charge of is my funeral when the alcoholics have been tearing me limb from limb you seem to have a very dim

view of the type of guests this hotel attracts yes I have met them Oh mother

Amy a party of the things give me the key yes

how's the head if that was Miss M to try and make me regret my hangover I'm

afraid you're somewhat premature I have in fact still quite quite drunk Pauline

you were doing so well thank you a lot who'sa nobody manning

the bar table cuz that's a recycling bin

[Music] is half is the morning heaven sick well

I'm going to go and grab a spot at the bar anyway before the cute start

recycling bin no no first he's no good

to me it has to be tomorrow here he comes look gordon gekko dopher well got

in the gopher right well cancel the whole thing no no I'm sorry if he can't be tomorrow it is no use to me

there's nobody on the other end you know he just does that some empresas believe me Kenneth I wish that was true I need

to ask a favor I need you to head out into the old town and come back with a photographer and two hot models Yeah

right they're supposed to be providing the whipped cream and the rubber truncheon yourself Illya I'm serious Kenneth the

adverts for the Soho Sun are supposed to go to the local papers tomorrow and the agency I was using just pulled out you

know the grand openings next week we backs against the wall here that'll be a first doesn't have to be gallery were these

just tasteful sure we can find a couple of lads off the doors in town to model 100 euros each should do it Plus what

say 200 for a photographer did you say the be a finder's fee no I did not Oh

strange thought they had mentioned 150 euros how well fine but you need to get

going now I need to send these by 9 o'clock tonight

hi yeah it's me I need you to assemble the whole team for a conference call in

exactly 30 minutes don't worry love hey didn't you say we have to get going

oh no I'm not funny in romney old town all day for this we'll do it here well well you're good with a camera there's a

hotel full of people out there there's bound to be a couple of lookers amongst them Kenneth Liam I'm thinking of Troy he's

chucking money around like a lunatic I'm not having some complete stranger take advantage of him it's not a close

personal friend do it [Music]

what do you think you're looking at I don't know but it's looking bike oh very

good the old ones of the best start the eddy is that what you keep saying to yourself oh don't start you two please

I'm not started anything season one all started so much she's nicked my son bed dad you've only

just come down I know I've only just come down but it's still my son bed oh yeah how'd you think of that cause she's

the one I were on yesterday and there before and day before that yeah granddad just have this one next to me

no offence lad I don't want that one next to you it's a matter of principle now well I'm not moving so you'll just

have to stand there well yeah I'll just stand here stand there then I will also

God's sake come on I just have one day without you two squabbling like toddlers right Rob

grubby gear what why were we going out you me and Dad Sharon's right if you two

can't play nice then you obviously have to be separated besides we've been here a week and we haven't had a lads out in

yet now you're joking and no dad that doesn't mean we go into a strip club all right no I get yeah of course it doesn't

right come on why do I have to go well you don't have to

thank you you're welcome

you know I won't remind it but it's my special day today and not one of them said anything

well maybe mom that's because most normal people don't celebrate the anniversary of the divorce best day of

my life show best day of my life

service service Pauline

there's no matter how much your bank if nobody's there then nobody's gonna answer service so me my mom have been

talking and we thought might be nice and we got out and did something together you know the family do ridiculous I bet

if we looked we'd find somewhere that does bingo what nobody said anything

about bingo I hate bingo Oh Pauline just know she loves bingo

don't ya remember I used to take me when you were only a little girl oh and you

were so happy sadly helping me to mark off all the

numbers can I shout house mommy can I

shout house you were always so excited I

faked it Pauline know every time

[Music] you got a text message from Malcolm why

won't you answer your phone we need to talk about last night last night how

should I know should you up until we call up in a heated texter our your boyfriend at 3 in the morning no you did which culminated

and you dumping him

I did it I actually finally did it I'm free it's cause for a drink serviced

mother what's wrong bro with stone broke

there's no girls here under 90 and nevis packs enough clothes I know broth have

even started wearing my boxers back to front to save on washing not you mean inside out oh yeah

that'll make more sense last I would just cut our losses and spend the next

two days till action that's remaining rough what all my days

[Music]

I take back everything I just said

looks like things have just parked up no notice from there do you to be accused

here and CEO celebrate Kwanza

then we shall drink together right you'll be celebrating celebrating what

the fact that you'll never have to hear the name Malcolm Barrett ever again

[Music] the Solana Benidorm please

[Music]

we'll be some good came out of all this I mean Malcolm guy was obviously bad

news from the office we all knew Nana oh this is useless it's like looking for a jaffa cake in a field full of cow pats

very colorful must be too vaguely human looking people here somewhere

bingo you've actually said it's work yay

she couldn't have really faked it know every time I don't mean to eavesdrop but

if it makes you feel and they're better in my experience also people forget

sometimes how to politeness sometimes Guster tired and sometimes just to drown

out the noise the ones on the sole for American we were talking about bingo we

appear to be song bar stuff well what are they playing that it's my divorce over Surrey today I need to get troll

it's a gay divorcee congratulations

I myself and recently separated Wow no

not do this oh no you don't come on someone's gonna tell them why can that someone not be duped huh did you I still

knew he should be trying to prove your metals and when that says maybe but unfortunately miss temple savage'

forgive me deputy acting manager which means I'm afraid I get to discharge my responsibilities onto others well I do

not want to discharge in just helpful to me what's going on Matteo here is too scared they don't

tell them women there's no booze on no boobs on I save Lorenzo's day which

means new drinking knee partying knee having fun by law

and some butter I don't know I will go see hey come on come on come on all

right lads how do you two feel about a couple of hunts the air cuts you see

I've run the hotel salon so it'll be completely free of charge of course why what's in it for you absolutely nothing

I just want to take a couple of photos of you both afterwards oh he's not a creepy weirdo or anything like that from

it what'd you say that for what what you've seen that I'm not creepy weirdo makes me sound like a creepy weirdo no

it's actually for an advert for another salon of us so you sign you wanna hire us as models basically yeah absolutely

made no problem at all yeah all right right well we all go and get set up and

then one of us will come and get you when we're ready [Music]

[Applause] [Music]

[Applause] finally I shall handle this my good man

we should require 20-ish very small large vodkas and it is

not possible I beg your pardon today there is no alcohol on the premises please do not hurt me this is

some kind of joke no it is because of some Saint Lorenzo I don't care if it's

because of Satan bloody grizzly we paid for an all-inclusive beer on this day it is the law no alcohol to

be served anywhere across Benetton we

all of us have come yesterday for one thing and one thing to drink a new

leathery Behrman or dead Saint is going to stop us because there's drink out

there somewhere in this town and we are going to find it

the separatism I don't want to know

come on hope you don't mind me trying

but you really don't seem quite upset I'm okay love just thinking about those

times at the bingo with Pauline and

that's all I always thought they were special to her

[Music] ignore me I'm just making a big silly

you know how mamas are do you have children

no well none that I know of anyway you

don't have to keep callin as you know I'm not checking up on you never but everything is okay isn't it of course it

is I've told you I've run on a tight ship I

don't know I think we might be picking up a bit of local radio the puppies get

a bit lost so you might just suddenly um excuse me did you just see a large

countersinking moving it through yeah no pun I completely missed them yes fella

can I help you yes you can malcolm barrett one night he ran this morning right you are two-six

all right it's fine thank you cracking

and there's your key enjoy your stay

Matteo em lads we were talking to earlier where they come into town all of

the guests have gone into town it is a San Lorenzo de miracle no it's bloody

not Liam go after them and bring them back here if we don't get these photos don't Roy's gonna k*ll us Western odd he's gonna want his money

back how's that worse than k*lling us Oh will you just go with bloody hell

mother I need to speak to you in private can it not away it's son Jacqueline ear

just stuffer to date me to find a bingo home she said it's very important that I

should get laid what leather golf stuff sad oh this is important something's

happened oh no what is it I don't know how much more I can take

today nothing it's nothing

you go muffled I'll see you this evening son

[Music]

why can't it always be like this my walk no guests well you might find things get

a tad rowdy later tonight what would you mean by this he still alive then I see what's going

on I was gonna tell you earlier look it's not my fault okay I've never heard

of sant lorenzo de i just knew you had all these live acts on and what have you

done sold a few tickets around the town when I say tickets I mean solana

wristbands all-inclusive and when I say a few I mean about a hundred euros meal

are you trying to tell us is gonna be an extra 100 people here tonight all expecting free booze have you any idea

what you've done to us hey what is these us huh do you either deputy acting manager ah

yeah well how old the thing about that is no no no no this is what you said hi

I did not all right you win Saint

arrange those days cancelled booze is back on the menu but temple savage never gets here word of this understood yeah

okay good give me the key yes of course

how long does this usually well I don't exactly keep a timetable doer or don't

recognize we're making a reappearance Allah to me 7:00 a.m. constitutional well then I'm gonna have to buy bulk

from somewhere aren't where where I thought the whole point of today was that nobody's selling anything

I dunno this one guy

[Music]

so you want to know if mr. Wu has any happy juice to sell you today when

there's none to be sold across the whole of Benidorm well yeah so do ya does a

frog have a water tight bum

[Music]

well any joy ah same stories that were else come on then illustrious leader

what now I think I'm sobering up sober you mean

you are drink all this time you've been holding out on us no no I was I'm still

drunk from last night brilliant this is ridiculous come on mum

I may as well go back to the hotel no I'm not giving up now we might have lost

a captain but we've still got a general someplace somewhere around here must be

defined this stupid law I want us all to split up search every alley in side

street and meet back here in five minutes [Music]

do you speak Spanish well I had to learn a few safe dr*gs but not where I know

how'd you ladies do I want him to play the Wingo Jess that's right you know of course it's

very risky today oh no it's fine we've both tried it before okay I have

somebody who can just continue

[Music] this mr. Wu's special brew very strong

but very expensive 20 euro a bottle how way man surely can do is a bit of a deal

No Deal require it not need much to make

party go with

oh you know you get stripper touch me

with that oh yeah that'll do the

business alright we'll take three bottles cool your jets plier mr. woo

special blue only sold in boxes of 3000 you could just go and buy somewhere else

oh no that's right you can't can you I reckon your profit margin is just

under [Laughter]

[Music] holy village and I'd be well for you

come on let's get back to the or turn everyone we've got a lead on the

potential speakeasy Oh let's move out oh thank god I was

actually going to have to endure this hangover oh listen we have to get back to the halter hands off me this instant

Malcolm Zia hey you in Benidorm we know

all about your little operation you know you do yeah and we want him all right turn your ass

person there you are

what you're doing we need to get you back the photo session or I can't down wished it up for it you just gonna have

a quick drink with these girls first but there's no time for that Plus no we're selling alcohol today anyway so this place is let's have one if you like

very well

hello Nevel hello hello hello anyone hello hey

excuse me if you do one thing alcohol you will have to wait it is on its way I

most certainly do not want any alcohol I haven't had a drink for two years oh I'm sorry I just assumed you were

from England what no look I'm looking for someone I wonder have you seen this person yes I

know this woman was she does not normally look like this so what's that supposed to mean what what does she

normally look like more

yeah excuse me that woman it's actually my fiancee

you know no and you say you do not drink

mr. Savage [Music]

not the Bermuda Triangle

[Music]

but let's just have one drink okay and we really need to get back oh okay then

everybody here we are going ice down for the full house pink oh oh he's cheating

we haven't even started yet now can we go choose what we can and don't forget

everybody today is a special jackpot of 100 you know well one quick game on suppose I wish

I'd had the drunken sense to bring my passport out with me now I could just get a taxi to the airport go home

holy you can't keep running away from things anyway it's not what you do you're drinking oh very insightful did

you get that from Jeremy Kyle no I think there's an old Ricki Lake look what

exactly is this blog Steve I mean don't get us wrong I've been dumped by a text at 3:00 in the morning and I'd be a bit

numb possibly self booked for them to fly out here like that you come a Norman

a couple of days anyway he's obsessed with me really yes Jeff really it is possible

for a man to be obsessed with me you know why do you think I could never finish with him when I was sober because

every time I tried he'd start with his nonsensical new-age psychobabble guff until he finally convinced me that I

actually needed him again I won't be improbably just sound a little bit Charles Manson II you're not dangerous

is it no well I don't think so no I

think he genuinely thinks he's helping me it's just that he does it in a kind of weird creepy controlling borderline

cult leader type way that's all oh well if that's the hole I'll talk to him

tonight I will well I'll go in with you are you yeah he calls pulling you my

sister I'm always gonna be the VA just to be clear though you definitely said

not dangerous right my hero three and eight thirty eight to

quacky quack 22 on her all numero eight

king of the Casio nine zero all of the

trees 33 come on come on where'd you

want what young man I want to know where the hell you are my heaven brought those two morons back yet so that we can oh

here we go come in come in come in so ak-47 what'd he just say he say 47

it is illegal to come home the day of San Lorenzo everybody cared

[Applause] [Music]

[Music]

[Music] yeah yeah I'm gonna be a little bit

longer than thought so it wasn't your classic lugs out in but how was I

supposed to know all the bars were sh*t today anyway we still found lots of fun things to do didn't we fun things to do

I thought you were checking me to a nudie show instead of a little weird chuffing balloon tied to a string oh

well give you if you don't want to oh no I didn't say that did I well as opposed to got more of an exciting day than

nananana

I still don't know how I ended up buying two boxes Oh time we in we're lucky we

didn't come back with some magic beans and all where had you been miss temple savages back what yes she

has been here I was going in and out of all the rooms trying to find someone now she's outside doing a full circle of the

parameters and let me help I followed her this whole time but do

not worry I did not let her see me hey why not I was thinking perhaps if she

thought no one was here she would go her way she's not a Jehovah's Witness temple

savage just impersonate miss temple

savage what a pleasant surprise I wasn't expected to see you in the flesh until tomorrow so to speak yes well

after that strange call we had this morning I thought I'd better just a

minute where ever you all be sorry I don't follow you what do you want here before before what before what before

and we're all the guess it's like a ghost ship out there well it has been a bit of a quiet day really a spores mmm

quite yet the entire place is completely deserted okay right you don't believe me

fine by me and then what kind of game you think you

will play which as you can clearly see the whole place don't I think perhaps

you're tired from your journey yes I didn't feel tired I but I don't I reckon

the best thing you can do is head off for bed get a good night's Kip and come back tomorrow as freshers a little Deezy yes

perhaps your ride

all of the sillies [Music]

tell you what man I reckon we got you today by the skin would see it is not over yet away will be sound now who

write sums explain what you did with these cocktails yeah I know what I'm doing with the cocktails

[Music]

still can't believe it my wife the outlaw he's so sexy she when

she guessing wrong wit not be sexy but when I do it's about that time you got dumped for public urination oh honey not

on the backseat of a national Express we haven't well well what are you going to

move on what I don't know what you mean you know what immunity Dawson is sitting

on my chair oh I don't believe it okay you know what fine I'll go and sit over there ah be

the bigger person oh no you're doing if somebody's gonna be the bigger person Hamdi hates me okay

now you stupid chair I'm gonna sit over there I don't want it now neither do i fine

[Music]

they're doing cocktails over at the bar so far I bring you some by way of an apology I mean I'm sorry Kenneth I

didn't know how to gambling problem till today look my can't we just do this tomorrow no we bloody well can't I've already

spent up me commission getting you lot out of the clink but look at these cuts and shuts done in the next hour I'll lose the rest of it too right bring this

sit back and think of England I don't drink know your loss Oh Nora Oh people in this

castle GTX Oh oh yeah right Liam

that's as them scissors which one

middle one right and back

[Music]

[Music]

troublemaker he's like you always there [Music]

Golden Apple at all I was starting to enjoy it before we had

to run down the back alley and hide in that yeah but I suppose even before all

that it was insane sorry

today you're taking part that's quite all right

[Music] see

[Music]

go on my son know what you have to do mind you this picture couldn't of course

yes it's door cement a renowned for our taste in women that's it's very true speaking of which have you noticed we

are actually on our own for what do you say to an early night

you're joking aren't you and leave those two alone together Bella no don't say anything

let's not tempt fate here whatever it is

let's just move slowly

but I strike up giving me which I believe that we should be down

to the bat it's packed to the rafters tonight squeeze bouncer be there looking for its mineral water okay try it if you

don't believe me no believe you you

ready for this I spent the last hour psyching myself up going to my happy

place it's something they teach you in rehab you ignore your surroundings and

then let your mind wander off somewhere you feel safe and happy the one place you truly belong in your case for

example that greasy burger calf off the boat a ring around you do realize I'm

trying to support you there

[Music] looks like a good surprise hey where did

you get them the Bob what a meteo says we got through 30 bottles already it was

my son to be honest I'm not sure we have enough enough hey how much you put in each glass the

usual the usual and it's supposed to be half a teaspoon this stuff packs more

punch on the lavender [Music]

I should probably not EGIS mantis fight then

[Applause] [Music]

now I know what you sent me last night was a cry for help that's why I came

I'm gonna get you through this Pauline just like I always do don't hate

yourself for what you've done now God's tears pack your bags

I booked us a flight home first thing tomorrow morning

she's not going anywhere with you sorry you try my brother what to get to her

you've got to get through me when the interests of foreplay I think you should tell me now if you're

unfamiliar efficient and anywhere

when Jeff I don't need protesting oh now Pauline you know that's not true you

always needed protecting but not from me and Polly said with me do you need

protecting from

myself pastoral light come

what did you do you mind your backs Las Olas is coming through no the hound pet no don't play ain't no

genius

I thought I told you we were finished J Pauline what's going on nothing mom

Malcolm was just leaving hmm we got an early night gotta catch a plane first

thing tomorrow by himself well let's just hope I don't oversleep and miss it

could be here for days [Music]

I told interspace and I was completely server

he was sh*t it was sweet but we tried

Hey what on earth of you two been doing

mmm I think we were celebrating celebrate you more you great photography

assignment success because you should be I got the email 10 minutes before the

deadline talk about cutting it fine but definitely put the way those stylings Kenneth taking a classic 50's pompadour

and corn and giving him that urban twist go get more so oh if it tried anyway

just had to come straight over and tell you and since you did so well I'm gonna turn a blind eye to but either exactly

this is so just make sure you clean round and a lock up when you're done and

thanks really thanks you are both absolute lifesavers do you

follow any other no

you are definitely so don't look silly well you might might but I don't think

I've ever looked cool [Music]

she always looks so peaceful when she's asleep doesn't she apart from the bit of

Drupal yeah don't you worry about it's in my heart

kid Liberty happy plus two fat ladies

what did she call us 3417 finger what's

she doing what you think she's doing she's once aware that people are this

only place she ever really felt a pain I'm safe and protected faked it my house

hello thank you for my shout house money

oh yes my beautiful baby people you can

show us

[Music]