09x05 - Geordie Bar

[bunniefuu]

[Music] [Applause] [Music]

maybe kya power have you got any brown shorts we have

only the stash yet the bottle was down to the last creakle don't want trickle I

want brown short is what I am saying the brown sauce in the bottle was down to the last Rika so we have the cassette

todo understand who the shed the small packet my name is Joe Longo is not mine

we're all over we didn't get any Brown sausage yeah no only ketchup

can you guys from brown sauce while we on you three I'm not a missing your we're going to started that sentence

please Sharon she complicate what I said I had blown then she's not on a dad

she's gonna try and find a cake for a Geordie coming back today honey

morning morning front I don't suppose you've got any brown sauce did you with

black coffee are you feeling I am never drinking again

you know what's good for a hangover drinking heavily the night before what

never mind go on then grandad what school for a hangover round sloth really that's why

they say have you been on the shore with a brown sauce like editor dog clear the

angle videos in minutes she's gonna get

us a couple Wally there will you son okay wow so breakfast in the indoor

market then we head up to the dinosaur park I don't think I can I'm waiting for Nevel its Nevel

it's my dad's mate from the Jordy bar he's covering for me dad while he's in the UK food in the UK your dad yeah

what's he doing there I was just family stuff nothing excited some about the dinosaur part oh I am on

such a good number there all I've done is organised a few little kid shows and that for the start of their season I'm

getting 500 euros can you believe it no I mean well I don't really like

dinosaurs never after them since I was a kid oh you're so cute but you were scared of

the dark and all yeah I was terrified don't worry these dinosaurs are made of plastic the worst I can do on a day like

this is melt on you I I anyway get to

put this cake it's for my daughter but it'll melt outside indoor market torn in

a fridge no no no just out the Sun will be fine can Emma peek is her birthday ah welcome

that it's been anywhere Kn*fe she's been in the UK working on a television commercial your daughter's going to be

on the telly yeah she's very talented I'll keep my eye out for it what's the commercial for I don't Matthew

I would think anything blow and go on a double in them before they got the pipes cleaned at the pink trombone well I

better get on Thanks lovely I'll put it somewhere say Lola can you put this

somewhere safe out of the sun-sin el sol sin el sol thank you good morning

it is Joyce it I'm afraid miss temple savages away at the moment have you got a mobile number yes I have in fact I've

just got a text from her thanking me as I was passing I thought I'd just pop in and find out why I mean why she's

thanking me it's a casual Friday no it's not even Friday I see what you mean

no I'm not wearing the solana uniform because I work in the hair salon I'm just covering for me dad little Geordie fella often wears a dress

Oh the course lives or Leslie miss Alana have been very accommodating as they

should be I've just spent a few days in the UK with some chums from the House of Lords no stranger to a Baptist cocktail frock

amongst those boys Oh one I'm here I don't suppose your IT department but

have a look at my phone it's not working while I was in the UK I've not had an email through the days so many temper we're with baby Jesus I beg your pardon

oh Jesus in maintenance his son baby Jesus sometimes comes in and helps with the computer well I've always said it

pays to have a friend of Jesus have a seat probably take a few minutes to track him

down I'm sure he probably moves in a mysterious way won't be long

next source again karaoke songs by the carpenters could you just sit down playing sorry Lola could you find baby

Jesus and bring him to reception there's somebody in need of his guidance bless you givin panic youngin Neville's

here to save the day then your eye a champion month

never better our thanks for this hey no problem great you get yourself off to Normie to show you around introduce you

to people hey I've got a ton of heat and letters email all the stuff and he's left a list of instructions house we'll

find my way around well this is really good of you no problem hey bloods thicker than water I'm brown ale is taking the both of them

put together go on get your celery give me a call if you need me aye aye you get your sell away

[Music]

completely you'll thank me for getting rid of that five person with your high forehead in them heavy eyelids there was

more than one with a Boris Karloff about you here you go love morning you've got

an appointment no I was just wondering if you can do something like this oh love I'm an air style it's not that she

could solve it - I know I'm just pulling your leg look have you thought about treating

yourself to one you want it probably works out cheaper you know let me get the book for you okay Frank so going on I know how I went on when I

came back for an afternoon he go ice tea

so yeah turn around no yeah always got a nice

day throw oh you're joking oh you're not a few little ginge he'll be back aided into the staircase it uncovered in some blocks being honest

here chuckling not yet now I'm a bit

worried power why what's wrong with it nothing I just think we really messed up her chances last night Neddy

you know going with her to his party why I'm your father get embarrassed I didn't get it fish fingers it was I've spent it

on there wasn't that it's been two years since Donald's passing I don't think there's lonely excuse me your friend Jacqueline are you

trying to pay her off with their deeds awesome oh my god I'm just recognized yeah he's your husband isn't he sorry

bits of sick just came epitome trills know if not is an odorous father-in-law

it means : captain Birdseye oh you're all right you want to wear what I call in I think it's a great idea maybe I

could be useful now I love another person physically fine I'm going

Ron and Jacqueline Follet alarms London

toast perfect ten euros please that's gorgeous

I'm so worried about your friends and at the wave back to me

[Music]

[Music]

what is wrong with me mother why can't she answer the phone like a normal person it keeps ringing cause she

definitely landed it pains me to say but I've always found your mother to be a very ignorant woman there here look

through whoa crap Rob daughter reception enough for the cake well I'm saying they hey Georgie where's

our joking it's like you keep swinging the phones in the bottom on the case just have finished with your drinks

where's Georgie well I'm on a minute before you go man where is Jordan it's actually really

good new mother where is my daughter as you finished with this drink I'll be quiet she got another job you mean she

got another job the director of the TV commercial Brian his name was late

fifties but a good strong head of hair on him Brian like told you so much she

Fortuna commercial food or food for Germany she's gone - bloody Germany no

don't be ridiculous as if I'd like to go to Germany no that woman in Scotland for

four days if my daughter is in Scotland for four days and what the frigging hell are you doing here come on the holidays

what is wrong with you have you completely lost your mind hey hey enough of this crazy screaming

Loretta who is actually looking after Jordan fine their best friend from

school is on the same job so they're with their mother Lisa was at least the oiliness from Eliza mom's where are you

going where do you think I'm going this I'm going to get me daughter Sharon Sharon oh my god mother talk about

making a mountain out of a molehill because you hold please look

I'm sorry madam you cannot see the manager as we don't have one at the moment but your complaint of the beach

being too sandy is not really for us it's for the Town Hall let's go hello I

spoke to baby Jesus and he managed to download all my emails from the past few days what was up the power of prayer and well

it would appear I've been asked to step into the breach 7-under what I'm your relief manage of our choices in Barcelona oh but your lives aren't you

I'm sorry I've used to seeing you in the wig of the dress oh I guess yet less there's that's me oh well welcome aboard

oh oh my day was the fostonia

uh yeah that's a life like that freaking me out man hey what do you call a one-eyed dinosaur

I don't know do you think he saw us who the one I dinosaur oh no which one of

these oh that's the moment a dinosaur has got one eye what do you think he saw us the

first one definitely but it can't be in this one because you've got two wives all right both get in okay with your

free passes yeah great fine this place is incredible Amon it's all right pretty impressive yeah

and if you think these are good wait till you see the live dinosaur fight I've arranged later on large dinosaur

fire she said they were extinct seriously he knows nothing safe am what

you call a dinosaur were one I I don't know Jimmy what do you call the diner fill with one eye oh it's not for me

it's something times I wanted to know we nearly did four if you want so done you

know come on Liam I feel sick

[Music]

Sharon let's just sit down and talk about this what's her to talk about my mother has just proved herself to be

even more irresponsible than your father and that's saying something it's not a competition of who's the best grandparents although if it was taught

masking me dad incoming first yeah I'll excuse grandparents is a clear winner over the Wicked Witch of the West he

must be so proud look we just need to stop calm down and take things one step at a time one step

at a time our daughter has been abundant in a foreign country mom she hasn't been

abandoned we've just been told you Scotland's not foreign country is it wrong no it's Scotland classed as a

foreign country or did you mean foreign to the country we're in now mother Jordan wants a speech here Oh Georgie

Georgie darling are you all right I'm so sorry Oh fine what are you sorry about sit on

the chaise coming back to Spain and leaving you there I told I would go back but darling

who were you with there I would be friend Emily and her ma she my sister Catherine would mrs. peri from school is

here looking after it as well okay well don't you worry sweetheart I'm gonna be

on the next plane leaving from Alicante why are you coming here what don't you won't be there no point

mom working all day we have to see each other you can't hear you dad Rob

granddad Osama chase been missing you well we would yeah dad

what what was that Jody love with it that last bit of the dissident earth earrings it's the Wi-Fi you can you say that last bit again away they can't of

me janeshia oh I love you energy by girl mrs. Kelly

to give me a ring she looks fine to me she looks dead happy yeah just got

people looking after her what you wanna do mum just don't know I could do with a

drink first come on did he won't catch on what she's getting for example

thought you had to say 10,000 but it might not have been an Ivan left me though I don't think he was less

actually maybe more you never listened to me kids are

wrapped in cotton more these days you'd be surprised how much they can take care of themselves she's no she's got people

looking after a friend and a doctor play with more than I had when I was their age some things never change

only where to get a dog to play we orbit wearing a pork chop around your neck very funny I like fighting Trotter bike

would you like a priest or is the last rites before you go to meet your maker

tempting fate if it's talking about meeting your maker beside of you goes Linda double Brandis donut for that

never start something you can't finish I did also remember that all sorted no

it's not all sorted well are you going or are you saying she's staying we're

all staying for now I'm speaking to the principal of Georgia school later did

you show you got a kick Sharon it'd be a shame to waste it well first of all can

I say thank you to Liz for assembling everyone here and and what an unexpected honor it is to be asked to captain the

good ships Alana into hopefully it's not too choppy waters choppy hall choppy

waters who is talking about this know what I mean of what he's trying to say is that

he hopes everything goes okay while he's the Manager flatty chance that I'll be the first to a bit that running a hotel

does not come second nature to me but I imagine Joyce and Krystal know their staff here are such a well-oiled machine

all that's needed is a mere steady hand to administer the on squirt boil I mean

in it into the machine there's anyone understand a single word about wishes

talking to some up and in brief River children I see the stars of the solana

not working for me over the next two days but working with me one hand washes

the other lord henry when definite washing your hands can you please get back to work yes yes of course

just before you go it can't just say thank you so much for the delicious cake welcoming me back to the solana please

do take a slice with you as you go back to work fancy dress today Liz oh sorry

the wig that make up the company boob is one bigger than the other oh well that I didn't want to steal your

thunder and sorry well there's an old Solana tradition that requires every new

member of staff to appear in fancy dress in Neptune's on their first night I'm

sure there's a wig in a pair of high heels behind reception oh dear oh this

is ridiculous I was mostly checking don't think they've done self-service do

you mother this is a Spanish also lost your comfy it's not one member stuff oh

hang on it says here for stays less than seven days check-in is after 2 p.m.

I feel so notice if I don't eat remember to faint Oh Carly not again when you vomited in

that fire bucket at Alicante I was hoping that was the last it should have

not broken but on the plane we need to

check in we're all your staff I won't see the hotel manager now we do not have

a hotel manager Adam a bad manager you understand shall we go for a walk

officially this still an hour before we could check in Abbeville

all right no messing about a being a before understand how this candy thing

works looking for a bit of a pantry Sanae not from you know I mean you want

a few shekels are you trouble why is nobody talking the Queenie English today

I think more some woman a tip for letting us check in early oh okay

alright got this ambled 100 euros what

did you girls you know welcome to the Solana do we have a

problem Oh we'd like to check in but we're a

little bit early oh I don't think that's a problem

[Music] you're not helping Kenneth with the blow and go today it's a kind of working

Allah day they do the work and I am so under a card in court please hello it's

Jacqueline is he said some Loretta hello you're in blow Angola yeah that's right

I came to ask you a question but accountable to me oh yes it's about I

see what about him it's none of my business but are you two a couple couple

of wha oh you know what - Meeny its together we're friends oh it's just for Evie and I have always

had this fancy you know pretending we don't want like each other well actually we get on really well do

here I know under surface Eddie appears to be a fat irritating with this [ __ ]

but she found you the good man oh I agree about you being a good man army

and at our age good honest men are few and far between oh you can say that again so I just

think if I don't nothing off someone else will you know to mean for more more is type what is his time small quirky

dumpy but I know he'll see past my classic features and schoolgirls figure

we might not make the perfect match but I need somebody to keep me warm at night

you know to me well thanks for this little chat Jacqueline I really

appreciate

it's difficult to understand she trying to b*at your friend or a complete and

total [ __ ] I love she wore some

believable play delayed by three hours she wants to get here on the court and I wouldn't ask checking in at

reception missed most of our first day already if Malcolm were here would have been in our rooms hours ago oh here we

go the mysterious Malcolm comes to our rescue again except of course he doesn't the point of

my fiance is an academic and skilled mediator in fact not a mystery I'm gonna

be so amazing why are we method he has a job my apologies if that doesn't fit in

with your whirlwind lifestyle of bookmakers and pub quizzes what is that

you keep eat chalk it helps with my travel sickness either talk to me might

get a bit early breakfast I love that big candy-ass it's oily but not to

royally now love the way it gets rich we need cheese you can enjoy it for the

rest of the day God she needs to see a doctor

that's not travel sickness she's not being like for weeks you don't need a

doctor I'm not strong enough on till here constant fatigue vomiting and nausea

strange food cravings and 17 trips to the loo on a three-hour flight you don't

think his back on the buckle Julie you know I think she might be needing one soon she's pregnant

oh thank you

well obviously we just want what's best for Jordi okay and I can call you any

time I'll thank you so much miss Hanigan yeah okay bye

is that Joey teacher yeah well principal of the school she said Jordi's getting some great

experience which isn't warming wasn't this Hannigan that drunk woman who runs the orphanage in Annie she was no joke I

met her she still good tobacco and I'm very manageable her but she wasn't drunk Oh looking at that glistening torso it's

hard to believe you're a single man I won't argue with that no you're more like four or five men are

squashed into the one parachute ah and you think you were surprised eh all skin

and bone you can still be healthy never got carne Sharon I beg your pardon

so did anyone find see this dinosaur apartment I'm not bothered no what is it

marvel as enormous slow-moving mammals once thought to be extinct live and

breathe in tropical surroundings it doesn't seem much point

please good of you to cover for late like this I've known less from a 15 year hey I've lost count the number of times

it comes to me down on the Jordy bar cover doing work no cook first you don't work the shift in my bar I spent my

family's rule less you know I mean I know you said something about family is a canny lad I do this fella who is a

Roman air these are what woman what is this is like a [ __ ]

hi look at what oh yes Lord Henry she is

a grade eight one everything he touches turns to doggy though I never thought I

would say this but compared to Lord Henry mr. savage is actually a good manager mind you the good thing would

have a soft manager is you can more or less get away with anything right I'm heading for reception see you later yes

never see you later [Music]

you [Music]

I don't give a toss if you've wrapped

your bloody car around a lamppost you need to get here ASAP that's English but now the fighting

dinosaurs have got a flat tire are you all right no I don't feel well

you are I told you to bring your umbrella hat I know you said it made you look a bit simple at least it keeps the

Sun off yeah it's not the Sun I told you what it is that's why we're here to

conquer your fears no but I don't think I can do it of course you can do it just plastic I

know I know they're just plastic a

massive they're absolutely massive with huge teeth and months they're in eyes

but they're just plastic let's do it come on

you can old me on [Music]

[Applause] [Music]

[Applause] [Music] no no I'm sorry Matteo you've had one

morning to tell me it's your day off the running a skeleton staff as it is oh okay

I'm terribly sorry was there anything else yes did you hear about Elvis what

about him he is no longer touring Patel this is happy news I was started in 1977

Oh Brian Elvis he was the tribute act in Neptune's for tonight he has the lhari

ethos dear there is not a problem I have booked a traditional Spanish flamenco

man for the safety of course you know of course flamenco you say now that does

sound good it's very short notice usually turn out for sure in fact one of

them is already here wonderful okay got it

Thanks just mad about getting Jack Lee knocked up what about you what about me well I

know you've got a very specific type but I'm sure we could find another little frog saved hassle under 100 more stones

I've never had a physical type I go more for personality and decision you made after dumping Gavin obviously all the

wonder returned I just had a little motor about and I've got talking to that

Loretta who was there earlier not he seems like she wants to make a move on

Eddie I said would look to a chill dude it was that well apparently this type of

woman is short quirky and daughter no wonder he never

made a move on me when we stayed here together last year

yeah I've been fine dad ah yeah I forgot how hilarious nebulous okay see

in a few days I love you dad yeah Sam

[Applause] doing sorry I'm sorry I was just trying

to show you they're not real bar being eaten by one Oh Liam you've got to get over this fear of dinosaurs why why do I

have to go over my fear of dinosaurs what I just never come back here ever again because it's totally irrational

you don't understand you have no idea how scared I am it's all about overcoming your fears I have nothing to

fear but fear itself I'm the one in control of this situation I will not be beaten there you go you

just keep repeating nuts yourself I have nothing to fear but fear itself I'm normal in control of this situation

I will not be beaten yes come on dose

dogs with mustard yeah I'm ten you man Sam thing severe she bathrooms I've had

this before with older girls she thinks I'm cute you know dumb and cute but the

question is do you fancy yeah I don't know never really thought about it Oh from Sam Oh what is she sight

[Music] just have a little bit more patience

promise yeah all right sound well cool down be I'm going down if these people don't get to see a live

dinosaur by only this is going to be done it would be the special effects people doing it turned up much longer

sounds like you're up drastic creek without a paddle will do it well the costumes come on guys this is no time to

back out you got to be joking they're going to feel we're taking the piss it'll be fine as long as I provide a

live dinosaur fight the can't complain wait to give these costumes from they'll

so lame it was just going to love the part uses them to hand out flyers just

hurry up ladies and gentlemen señors and

señoras witness in living color the Battle of the giant the terrifying

Tyrannosaurus Rex come on versus the [ __ ] star oh man

[Music] please children sit back these wild

animals have gotten fed right I want a good clean fight

no kicking gouging pulling of tails eight three-minute rounds go back to

your corners and come out [Music] [Applause]

[Music]

truck imide repaired after all nothing

to fear but fear itself I'm northern controlled it it's right I will not

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

I am so unbelievably sorry I don't know

what came over me it's a red mist appeared and when I had gone with you in two dinosaurs lying on the floor but on

the positive side completely gone over my phobia of dinosaurs can i have

thrilled I'll get the drinks in don't bother I'll go I'm not an invalid yes

[Music]

thank you we've messed this one if I talk let's just forget to stop here on our own no I think it's worth one last

sh*t and there cut it out

hi-yah I just wanted to apologize for last night you got nothing to apologize to me for

well I think jackeline misunderstood was going on what was going on

well a lot by the end of the Kn*fe book I wanted you to know that I think that some feelings are going on spoken ah

yeah you know some feelings that are a bit well difficult to express completely

sure we both know what we're talking about domain do it can we do quite often

in circumstances like this it's two people waiting to the other one to make the first move our dog usages I can unclear Oh Eddie

please don't let an opportunity like this pass you by you have to believe me when I said that if you just come out

and laid yourself there you have me I'm throw right behind you bloody Nora well our god state I was

talking about okay oh no chuckling and we've got some

explaining to do son

you can't just reform someone a pregnant okay and say here have a widdle on that

will you I'm telling you she's pregnant who knows how long you do she's giving birth in a

room now do you you said older women often have multiple birth and what is it

five or six mother she's a middle aged

recovering alcoholic not glass fell asleep in my room thanks for waking me

how do you feel in love not much better to choose to be cold just constantly

tired for Sam what's wrong that box what box the rocks are slowly trying to put

under the table Polly more worried about

you just little travel sickness it's nothing I don't mean today I mean the last few week I haven't had a drink for

three months yeah that's why I'm worried what a family you're damned if you do

and damned if you don't blows we think you might be pregnant

[Laughter] yes

ever may be very difficult but it's a worry to us love because we don't know

anything about this new chap you've got what Malcolm got to do with any of this

you mean it's not the farmer this is ridiculous I'm going to navigate Jake is

calling please goodness sake please love for me we

worried about you if it will stop your incessant bleating mind how you go

[Music]

all in all not a bad first day rather a miss of choice gives 17 members of staff

a day all from the same day that we should have a full complement in the morning and tomorrow belongs to the

people who prepare for it today why did rest like a clown I'm King Louie

the sixteenth of funds they promoted you from a lord so now I just have to dress like this no less Toby is tradition for

these one member of staff to wear a wig and high heels in their tombs so I send someone to my office to grab this little

number was goes down a store but come to the Christmas parties I'm sorry King Henry but when Jack

finish talking I need to pay my group oh yes of course can you come to my office after you play

now is better right I see it's not a problem I didn't make a habit of robbing

Peter to pay Paul but I don't know who these people are thank you [Music]

German line your name meals will be served with pickled cabbage - I don't fancy that disgusting my father lost a

leg at battle of the wolf so reading tough to eat pickled cabbage looks like the Battle of the Bulge open finished

the song that your kitchens very poor taste thing that's called taste maker you try to pickle cabbage with a hey it

always be Rob Dodson sleeps at all prices while he was about Chinese of the

road mister wounds my tree your dreams you want to sponsored all the drunk it's 8 euros now haircuts less than 50 euros

for the lot of us you save your money son might be a rubbish dinner but it'll be a lovely cooking it's uncle George's

cake I thought fella that gave it to mom and you mokuba it was merit thing in Geneva

serving drinks he scrubs up quite well on that's all in his vampire - given him

- glad I put in an office stroke be careful that they are not as deaf as you are stupid one more cr*ck like that mass

of that ugly head of yours so far up you are to be able to chew you pickled cabbage again on the way out

good evening ladies and gentlemen say you're assessing Anita's I give you the

music of Spain

[Applause]

[Music] Oh [Music] [Applause]

[Music]

oh heck no wonder he gave us for the

music of Spain I don't suppose you could find anybody else who wanted it

yeah between the German food and the Spanish singing and the wonder people want to fall out of the European Union

Oh sanim lap round a cube when you talk politics well well what was it procedure

of course it wasn't now can we put this preposterous notion finally behind us

Felicity's went to better be on the pickled cabbage it's German night yummy

if you leave us out of it

[Applause] how you feeling like look at people

ringing in my ear mate that's not Somalia British square 3 square is in

pain I don't know but I am I can't take

much more of this I never heard a man scream like that speak for yourself excuse me with my

cake ok yet the tape I brought in earlier today including Augusta I'm not sure last off

the manager areas everything ok yeah it's lady would like a word with you ok good evening madam I'm Henry the acting

manager how can I help you I brought in a chocolate cake earlier it had welcome back dreaming I've been on the job that

was from you and I was absolutely delicious oh you're such a kind gesture you aren't okay so kind

although chocolate buttercream a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips that was my daughter's cake I'm sorry

means eatin our daughter's cake oh heavens I I thought since with a

terrible misunderstanding you've eaten a nine-year-old chocolate cake well are really gone now I can

assure you we will recompense you for the cake and any inconvenience course 50 euros that cake was that's not a problem

that's 450 euros for chocolate cake it was a special type of cake my granddaughter's allergic to famish

chocolate she's a very sensitive child my sincere apologies

[Music] yes amen let's finish these drinks right

first of all how dare you turn down my Nana excuse me

Jacqueline please started a little misunderstanding oh no Papa quiet I'm saying the beef and

another thing when you said sure strange don't flip woman you're not moving yeah

I never said strange I am NOT interested it's no I'm Priya - what - you said you

did you're welcome - and what Christ on a bike chuckling come away I said those things

for your benefit slobbing said you said you wanted him to keep me warm at night

Oh come on we should go yes Alan Annie can have your schoolgirl

thicker what have you been saying I was

trying somehow now you've got a funny way of showing it let's go get from the tree

[Music]

mother you don't really know a lot of gold

yes Metiria and he said is marvelous bad

Jessie it's so wonderful to start me off with a smattering of local music but now let's continue the evening in true

Benidorm fashion karaoke to pay something anything then don't please

don't go the evenings are just getting going okay come home in the morning sight

my father says when you cook in your life right Oh mother dear were not the fortunate

ones and girls they want to have our heart now that's not like him

[Music] the Rings are mine get out of my bag

Micro potato I'm gonna hit it give it to me [Music]

well my business my private business

will be an uncle all about you in it

club are you having club yeah over a 90 dB