04x11 - Plots and Plans

[bunniefuu]

Huh. Says here Joe Sylvania up and croaked.

- We knew that already.
- We didn't know it, we heard it.

Could've been a wild rumour.

When I hear a 98-year-old man d*ed,

- I'm not overly suspicious.
- 98?

Good gravy, there sure are
a lot of old coots in this town.

Good thing we already
snagged our burial plots.

- You did buy our burial plots, right?
- Of course I did.

Months ago. It's beautiful.

Up on the small hill, overlooking the town,

facing west so I'll be able
to enjoy every sunset.

Sounds sweet.

I bet my corpse is really
going to enjoy it up there.

- No, that's where mine is.
- Yours?

You mean you didn't buy us plots

- next to each other?
- Nope.

I'm on the hill, third row centre,

Mike on one side and TBD on the other.

- TBD?
- "To be determined," or "dead."

Not sure who that'll be yet,
but the plot was taken.

So we won't be buried beside each other?

How could you?

Do you honestly not
remember this conversation?

I got our burial plots.

Up on the hill, side by side,

- facing west...
- Holy hell, is that the price?

I'm not spending that kind of dough

on a hole in the ground.
I want something cheaper.

So I got you something cheaper.

I assumed you'd want to move with me.

Never assume.
If you do, you end up in a hole

- on the north side of the cemetery.
- North side?

That's where the public bathrooms are.

Ah, well, your sense of
smell really drops off

- after you're dead.
- There could be seepage!

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

Yes! Hydro bill, paid!

Boom! Cable bill, paid.

Booyakka!

Happy Birthday, Auntie Marilyn.

That honking sound is kind of annoying.

Suck it up. It's the sound of productivity.

Ticking things off my virtual "to do" list.

Can you turn the sound off

- so it doesn't...
- Shaboogaloo!

Dental cleaning, booked!

Here you go. Club sandwich and soup,

and grilled cheese and fries. Enjoy.

Uh... I didn't want fries.
I ordered a salad.

- You did?
- Yeah, could you fix that for me?

- I hate to be like a "Karen..."
- But you are a Karen.

No, you know, the meme.

All the "Karens," complaining about things.

Demanding to speak to the manager.

Uh, I am the manager. Is she okay?

She was a minute ago. Touch your nose.

I mean my name, Karen, gets used a lot

to refer to women who complain.

- I never knew that.
- Everyone knows that.

- You all knew that, right?
- Oh, I didn't, but I'll try.

Lacey, can I have a
Karen-sized piece of pie?

No, that's not...

Could you Karen me up some crackers?

That wasn't even close.

All right, we're doing our best.

You don't have to Karen our heads off.

That's getting there.

Do you guys keep hearing honking?

It's me, and I've never felt so alive.

Well, the honking is very annoying.

- Are you almost done feeling alive?
- Sadly, yes.

I'm almost finished my list.

I need to find more things to do.

Ooh, I can add that to my list.
"Start new list...

for future... lists."

Oof!

Hiya, Oscar.

I've been getting calls
about you digging up bodies.

Sounds kinda far-fetched,
but not too far-fetched.

I'm not digging up bodies like a ghoul.

I'm planning how I would dig
up bodies if they'd let me.

That's less illegal,
but only a little less weird.

Look... if Sally Jones'
bones were shifted up here,

and we popped up Eugene Filligan,

and drag his corpse over here,
that opens up this hole,

getting me closer
to being planted beside Emma.

All I'd need to do is have
Ike dig up his brother,

like I offered him 50 bucks to do!

I'm not moving Mike. He was a homebody.

Brent, do you have any room in your storage?

Mine's full, and I need
to put this box somewhere.

Mine's jammed, too. I could
store it up on the roof for you.

- The roof?
- Yeah, I keep some of my stuff up there.

Like my hockey equipment.

You're lucky I store it up there.
It gets pretty ripe.

Wow. Thoughtful and off-putting.

You know, we should build
a small extension out back.

Nothing huge,
but big enough for extra storage

- and a walk-in freezer.
- Renovations are too expensive.

Wouldn't cost as much as you think.

- See? Hank agrees with me.
- You think that strengthens your argument?

Come on, Brent.

There must be something you'd like to do

if you had a little extra space.

Well... I have always
wanted a proper office.

Man, I could do some real
high-level CEO business then.

Then let's do it.

We have nothing but space
behind our building.

It's just dirt, and then
the curvature of the Earth.

I don't know...

Cheaper to build space than to buy space,

and I could do the work for you

so you don't have to hire a contractor.

I have all the tools.

I even have tools to make more
tools, if it comes to that.

Get on board, Brent. This could be great.

Ah... Okay, all right.

Fine. We'll do it.

But we need to fix a budget and stick to it,

and Hank does all the work.

Yes. Small and simple.

What did she call me?

You know, just saying the phrase,

"I'm not a ghoul"
doesn't make this less ghoulish.

Pipe down, and let me study my body map.

Okay, just gonna pretend

I didn't hear Oscar say "body map"
and order a coffee.

Who is this "TBD" bag of bones
crawling into my hole?

Definitely don't want to
know what that's about.

You don't need to steal someone's grave.

Coffee and earplugs over here!

You don't have to be buried there

- to be with Emma forever.
- Oh, okay,

I see what you're talking about,
and Davis is right.

Who cares where you end up?

The important thing is that
you're with your life partner,

- together, forever.
- You're right!

Oh, I've got an idea.

Maybe I should go keep an eye on him.

That man is a few cards
short of a full Karen.

Huh. Doesn't anyone know how to use that?

10... 11...

12.

A walk-in freezer...
I'll cut costs buying in bulk.

Oh, I wish I had a break room, too.

Somewhere to gather my thoughts.

Maybe a candle, soft music... No. Nope.

I made a deal, and I'm not
going to start upping the cost.

Cost-wise, there isn't much difference

between building 300 square feet

- or 600 square feet.
- Really?

All right, I don't want
to be the budget sheriff,

but rein in your horses, little missy.

You've been out here six minutes,

and the price is already escalating.

Oh, yeah, you should put in an escalator.

- Escalator?
- To get to the roof.

Safer than climbing a ladder.

Oh, but it's only one way.
How would you get down?

Slide.

Hi, Karen. Where's Davis?

I don't know. He had his own stuff to do.

Where is Lacey? I have stuff to do too.

I don't have time for a two-hour lunch.

Huh, you must have a pretty good life going

if your biggest complaint

is "too long a lunch break"... "Karen."

Yes! That's how you use it!

A "Karen" is an entitled,
overly righteous woman who...

Oh no... What have I done?

Can you knock off the honking?

Can I? Yes.

Will I?

I'm trying to concentrate on something here,

and that's a real pain in the...

Hey, I have list upon list of things to do.

"Remember to annoy Brent."

Done.

Ooh, that was a good one!

- What are you working on?
- I'm trying to figure out

what this expansion is going to cost.

Oh, renovations are
all about task management.

You just need some lists
to keep you on track.

"Buy wallpaper... Some nice floor tile..."

Tile? Who am I, Reese Witherspoon?

Oh, this thing is so great.

Organize and buy all through one app.

It's the brainchild
of a new software start-up.

Check out their website.

- They're set up in a pub?
- No, that's their work space.

Pinball, foosball, basketball hoop...

All these tech companies set up their office

- like it's a frat house.
- That's an office?

...and this is where I'll put
my air hockey table.

Ordered.

There you are, Emma. I have great news.

That's how all his bad news starts.

I sold your burial plot back to the town!

You did what?!

Now you're free to be
with me wherever. Forever.

Sometimes you make me
so mad I could Karen you!

That was a real Karen thing to do.

- Nice move, Karen!
- Oh, god, it's spreading.

They've become Karen-aware.
Why did I bring this up?

And over here,
we put the comic book carousel.

Okay...

first you're Cheapo the budget sheriff,

but now suddenly you have
carousels and hammocks?

Don't forget the trampoline.

How is there room for...

Oh... Momma like.

Well, if Brent gets a hammock
and a trampoline,

I'm building my break room.
You can do that, right, Hank?

Well, I mean, anything is possible.

I just have to make some adjustments.

I'll need more paper and more blue crayons.

- Blue crayons?
- For blueprints.

If you're gonna do something, do it right.

Changed your mind, eh? Real Brent move.

It'll catch on.

Do you think we have space
for the "Power Hang 8,"

or do I need to settle
for the "Comfort Taco 200"?

This one plays white noise,

but this one has a gyroscopic cup holder.

Oh, baby, tell me what a good
productive girl I've been.

Do I need to leave you two alone?

I always want you to leave me alone.

So, why are you here, and how
do we make the honking stop?

I'm ordering stuff for your office.

Order paperclip.

Paperclip.

Paperclip!

- How many do you need? 200?
- Zero hundred paperclips.

They're just lazy staples.

Then pick an executive hammock already,

so I can get that sweet 'n' spicy honk.

Maybe hammocks are passé.
Should I get a napping pod?

Oh...

Actually, if you could
leave us alone for a minute,

that, uh, that'd be great.

There's gotta be somewhere

Emma and I can be buried side by side.

Who do we know with a big backyard?

You don't need to be buried.

You could be cremated
and sprinkled somewhere nice,

or planted as a tree.

Heck, you could even get mixed in with ink

and tattooed onto somebody.

Spend eternity on a biker?

Do you have to g*n your engine like that?

What are you yapping about?

Why does your stupid bike
have to be so loud?

Ever heard of a muffler?

I like it loud. It sounds cool.

Would you rather
I roll around on a skateboard?

In cargo shorts and a golf shirt?

I wouldn't mind if you put on a shirt.

I'm getting sunburned out here.

You could use a little colour.
You're pale as hell.

- I'm dead, jackass!
- Okay, okay, getting a little tired

of my own tattoo calling me a jackass.

That's the fifth time this morning.

How you gonna get rid of me? I'm ink.

I'm gonna hit the highway

and lay the bike down hard at 60,

try and peel you off on the pavement.

Whoa. They can do it with lasers now.

No, I wasn't suggesting that,

or anything remotely like that.

My point is, when it comes to a final exit,

the world is your nearly expired oyster.

Ah...

Not sure a catapult would get
you all the way to the sun.

Maybe come up with
something Emma would like.

Oh, who knows what that woman wants?

Excuse me, Miss Police Lady.

Riding your bike on the sidewalk?

- Somebody is being a real Wanda.
- Thanks!

She's smart.

Heya, Lacey. Thought you might like to know

that Brent asked me to make some orders.

- A ball pit?!
- Big one.

Any big-ticket items you
might consider adding? Hmm?

- I'll order 'em.
- I was just thinking

how nice it would be to have a wine fridge.

One lame fridge?
That's like going to a buffet

- and filling up on napkins.
- Oh, you're right.

Make it a whole wine room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's pump
the brakes on this horse.

I wasn't planning for a whole other room.

I know, Hank, but it's like you said.

We have nothing but space.

- I think you're the one who...
- And so we might as well use it, right?

- You said that too.
- I did?

Well, I must know what I'm talking about.

I figured it out.

I've come up with the
perfect burial solution.

The solution is to buy my plot back.

- Did you do that?
- No, my idea is better.

First, we're laid to rest on our mattress.

Then they roll us up like a burrito.

Then we're catapulted out
the window into a rose planter

which Brent has attached
to a hot air balloon,

and we float into eternity.

So we're dying at the same time?

Is this a m*rder-su1c1de,
or a "Thelma and Louise" deal?

I combined all your favourite things!

Sleeping, roses, burritos, balloons!

Brent, for some reason.

- Catapults?
- I can't have one thing?

I just want peace and quiet
on a nice hilltop,

and if you can't manage that,

- I'll get the plot back myself.
- Fine, go ahead,

if that's the hill you want to die on.

You'll be sorry when
you're feedin' the worms,

and I'm on the surface of the sun! Baah!

The sun?

My idiot husband sold my burial plot.

- I want to buy it back.
- Ooh, boy.

That's a bit of a sticky situation, Emma.

See, I'd be happy to sell it
to you, but someone bought it.

Already? Vultures.

- Who is it?
- I can't disclose that. Privacy.

So on and so forth. My hands are tied.

I'm afraid I have to put my foot down.

Here I go, putting it down...

Fine, take it.

Well, that sneaky, no good...

Ooh! Brent, look at my hot tub!

Cool, and check out this ball pit.

I can't wait to struggle to get out of it.

Hang on. Where did the hot tub come from?

We don't have space for that.

Oh, we'll just move some things around.

Well, we might have to lose the zipline.

I'm not going to walk out to the pumps.

Maybe we could double up on some things.

Combine the koi pond and the wine room?

You think we want drunk fish? We don't.

What about a BBQ ball pit?

- You can eat ribs while you're ballin'.
- I beg your pardon?

Listen, we have the space.

Just build another addition,

and then Brent won't get sauce
all over his...

Oh, I beg my pardon. Just make it.

Oh, my Zen garden!

Lacey's right. You'll make it work.

Fine! I just need time to think.

I'll be in your office.

This is stupid.

I thought marriage was about
being together forever.

Nobody ever said anything
about death doing us part.

- They really should have.
- It's okay.

When you die, your bodies don't matter.

You'll be together in spirit.

Spirit? Yeah... I could haunt her.

A little shuffling, a little moaning,

slam some cupboards.
I'm great at all those things.

If you're a ghost, and Emma dies peacefully,

wouldn't you get stuck on Earth without her?

Those are the ghost rules.

Why have an afterlife
if I don't get to spend it

- with my favourite person?
- Is that how you really feel?

Oh, look who it is! The hole-loving traitor.

Oscar, I've changed my mind.

I think it's important
that we're buried together.

But first I need to confront

the person who bought my plot. Karen!

According to Fitzy,
you bought it out from under me.

What?! No, I didn't!

Well, your name's on it.

If you didn't buy it,
someone bought it for you.

- That would be weird.
- Would it?

I did it. I almost ran out of blue crayons,

but then I was like, "Duh, Hank,

you don't need blue crayons
to make a blueprint.

Use blue markers!"

Anyway... quick question.

For the pickleball court across the highway,

what kind of bridge are we talking?

- Suspension or draw?
- Bridge?!

We're across the highway?

You told me to keep expanding.

Sure, I just didn't expect
it to be so... expansive.

Expansive means expensive.

How much is this going to cost us?

Well, um... this got a bit
bigger than I thought, so...

I'm charging you by the hour,
like a real pro.

Oh, while we're on the subject.

I'm done with all the orders,
so here's the bill.

I hope it's okay I wrote the
invoice in permanent marker.

Okay, so I bought your plot for Karen.

My plot happens to be beside Emma.

- You're "TBD"?
- "TBDD."

"To be dead Davis."

You said partners should be together forev,

so, when Emma's plot opened up,
I bought it for you.

Aw... that's so sweet.

With a terrifying aftertaste,
and never gonna happen.

So what you're saying is,
you're planning to sell the plot?

It's all yours,

and you're going to do
what you should have done

when Oscar was ready to dig up bodies.

- Straight jacket?
- Sell him your plot!

- Aw...
- Davis, if you don't sell that plot,

I'm going to speak with your manager.

- Fitzy?
- That's right,

and so help me, Davis, I'm gonna complain.

- No...
- And it's gonna be shrill,

and it's gonna be righteous!

- Okay, I'll give it up!
- Ha ha! Who's a Karen now, baby?

Oscar, I'm happy to sell you my plot.

Uh, I dunno. What's it gonna cost me?

- Oscar...
- Okay fine, I'll take it.

It's cheaper than a catapult.

Now that I've lost the plot,

literally and metaphorically,

I was wondering if, when the time comes,

you could help me out with my plan B.

- Rest well in the Shire, my friend.
- Great!

When my time comes, do it just like that.

Keep practicing.

How many rafts do you think we have?

I think it's very sweet that you want

to spend the rest of eternity with me.

How about you and I go
for a nice walk together?

Quit clinging to me, woman!
I got things to do!

This sucks. I keep getting tasks done,

and they don't even reward me with a sound.

Did you finally get sick of that app?

They kicked me off
for being "too productive."

Or because you ordered a bunch of stuff,

and returned all of it like a con artist.

A very productive con artist.

Well, I think it was all for the best.

This place works just fine as it is.

I don't know why we listened
to Hank in the first place.

I'm just as surprised as you are.

I kept saying things,
and you kept listening?

- Very confusing.
- It's not your fault.

When someone is telling you
what you want to hear,

you'll believe anything.

Hey, Brent, did you hear
that new scientific study

that said eating hot dogs
increases your intelligence?

No, but I'm not surprised.

I always suspected
I was getting more smarter.

Ha! "Make Brent look stupid."

Check!

Aw, can somebody please
make a honking sound?

I need this.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, does anybody work here?

Oh, yeah, the pumps.
I wish I had that zipline.

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪