04x13 - Ruby Re-Burn

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[chuckles] Wow, Isn't it beautiful?

What?

The night sky.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I thought you meant

like, one thing in particular,

but, yeah, as a whole big clump,

it's... a lot.

Sort of just makes you
feel small, doesn't it?

We're just minuscule, insignificant specks

in the vastness of the universe.

You need to work on your self-esteem.

Don't you ever think

there has to be more than this?

More than what?

It's all here.

You've got your moon,

couple dozen stars, the sun...

Is the sun coming up?

Do you smell smoke?

Is that...?

Corner Gas is on fire!

Okay, I was wrong.

The Ruby's on fire.

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby

♪ You're so wrong

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Ugh, this is horrible.

Oh, I'm so sorry this happened, Lacey.

Aw...

Thanks, Rheena.

I-I don't need a blanket.

I don't want Lacey to go into shock.

Here, have a blanket.

I don't need a blanket.

It's summertime,

and we're standing in smoldering ashes.

That's the shock talking.

Shock?

Keep her warm!

[groaning]

What is it with you people and blankets?

I'm just looking for...

Oh!

Here it is.

[Brent] Ouch.

That's toast.

You want me to toss it?

No.

This clock belonged to my Aunt Ruby.

Damaged or not, it goes where I go.

What was this?

You trying to solve a m*rder?

That was my vision board.

Hard not to see it as an omen

when the universe burns your vision board.

What's a vision board?

It helps you visualize your needs

and focus on getting what you want.

That's a menu board.

No.

It helps you create a five-year plan.

You plan five years ahead?

I never plan five hours ahead.

Maybe that's why

I haven't yet hit my full potential.

Maybe one of several reasons.

[sighing]

Everything I worked for...

How could this have happened?

Yeah, what could've possibly started...

Wanda, I'm off to meet Brent.

I'll lock the front door,

but could you turn off
the coffeemaker for me?

You betcha.

[cackling] Eight ball to the crotch!

Didn't call that sh*t.

We'll probably never know.

Best to look forward, not backward.

How are you holding up, Lacey?

Gotta go!

Don't worry.

If it's arson,

we'll get to the bottom of it.

- Arson?!
- Arson?!

Could be,

and everyone's a suspect.

Except Billy Joel.

He swears he had nothing to do

with starting the fire.

Although...

odd he'd make such a big deal

when nobody asked.

Why would it be arson?

She has a 60-year-old deep fryer back there.

[♪♪♪]

What's with the m*rder map?

Oh, this?

It's called a vision board.

You know, for this thing
called "a five-year plan."

Ever heard of it?

Sure, I have my own plan.

It involves taking out your brain

and replacing it with the brain of a chimp,

then seeing how long it takes
for anyone to notice.

I knew it would be something sciency.

Hey, if you're taking my brain out,

what are you going to do with it?

Oh, I have further plans.

Thanks for coming by, Ryan Reynolds.

Uh, thank you.

Thank you for the invite.

I don't usually accept
invitations over Snapchat...

[chuckling] but I-I can't resist

seeing people's home garage
laboratory setups,

and yours, whoa, it is a doozy.

[chuckling]

What do you do out here?

Well, if it's not too much trouble,

I was hoping you'd let me replace your brain

with a lesser brain

which would make you
more susceptible to suggestion.

What?

No way!

Unless it's, you know,

for the advancement of science

and the betterment of humanity as a whole.

Oh, it is.

Then it would be pretty selfish of me

to say no.

Get scoopin'.

Get in there.

[♪♪♪]

There.

How do you feel?

Totally awesome.

Great.

I'd like you to remove your shirt.

Will do, can do.

[♪♪♪]

[brain] All right,

what's next in the experiment?

Oh... [chuckling] the science part is done.

Well, then,

you mind if I take a moment

to talk about Aviation Gin?

Talk your brains out. [laughing]

I don't get it.

Oh, sorry,

didn't realize

I was already in someone's five-year plan.

You can still have your own plan.

Just make sure it doesn't
involve your brain.

Can do.

Hey, I found this in the debris at The Ruby.

Could be a clue.

Looks like a melted appliance.

What?

No, that's not an appliance.

What you have there

is a... meteor.

Meteor?

It has "Jav-O-Matic 2000"

written on it.

The mind sees what it wants to see.

Some people see Elvis in their omelettes.

Look, meteors get white-hot
entering the Earth's atmosphere.

That's probably what caused the fire.

Don't you think?

Hmm...

white-hot is hotter than red-hot, so...

her logic checks out.

Yes.

I'm sure that's what
the fire marshal will think.

Case closed.

[♪♪♪]

This is bad.

With the Ruby shut down,

what are we supposed to do with our day?

And where am I supposed
to waste hours on end

under the guise of having a coffee break?

Look, Oscar has a thermos.

He must've brought his own coffee.

Smart move.

I guess he's been doing nothing for so long,

he's got it down pat.

We should follow him.

Hey, I've been thinking...

Oh, that's terrible news.

...with the Ruby closed,

you should sell coffee at Corner Gas.

- [cheering]
- You're damn right!

Room for cream!

What the hell?

When do you think Lacey will re-open?

Look, it's only been a few days.

Just give her time.

Her business b*rned down,

and she's devastated.

The last thing she needs

is folks pressuring her to rebuild.

[knocking on door]

Hey, no pressure,

but when do you think
you'll start to rebuild?

I don't know.

I mean, my insurance hasn't come in yet,

I don't know what it'll even
take to get it back up.

Come on, people are milling around out front

like drunk cattle.

It's driving me nuts.

How can we ramp up the process?

Actually, to be honest, Brent,

I don't know if I even should rebuild.

Whoa, what are you...?

I just need time to think.

Right now, I'm not even sure...

if I should stay.

What?

[♪♪♪]

Uh, I'm not sure I heard

what I hope you didn't say,

and if you did say it,

don't.

I'm not saying I won't re-open.

I'm saying I don't know what to do.

Just like I don't know what to do

with all of these stupid casseroles.

This town's disaster relief

is very carb- and blanket-heavy.

But you can't leave.

We need you here.

Oh, you were all fine before I got here.

The Ruby was a big part of my plans,

but now it's literally gone up in smoke,

and sort of cleaned the slate.

It's got me thinking

about what else I might want.

Like we said, it's a big world out there.

Do I want to spend the rest of my life

flipping pancakes and pouring coffee?

But...

I have to think about my future

without guilt or pressure from everyone,

so please,

promise me you won't tell anyone?

Brent, please. Promise.

Okay, I promise.

Thank you.

Now I need to be alone,

but could you take a casserole with you?

This is your fault, you big stupid universe.

[♪♪♪]

[grunting]

[yelping in fright]

Oscar? What the...?

Coffee,

and an egg salad sandwich.

This isn't The Ruby.

The Ruby's out of commission,

but you're not.

Chop chop.

One thing on the menu...

Casserole.

Folks in this town are driving me nuts.

Clinging to my every move.

When are you going to re-open the restaurant

so they'll leave me alone?

I don't know.

My vision board got b*rned up,

so my plans went with it.

Plans?

What are you, General d*ck Van Patten?

Regular folks don't need plans.

I've never had a plan in my life.

Really?

No hopes? Dreams?

No desire to travel and see the world?

See the world?

[♪♪♪]

This thing is too high,

and too windy!

Where are the walls?

This wall is too long,

and too twisty!

This thing is too old,

and where the hell are the lions?

I was told there were...

[lion roaring]

Uh-oh.

Why would I want to be eaten by lions?

Want what?

[yelping]

What are they doing out there?

These are the sheep

that keep following me around.

Okay, I am done with this.

You have to go, Oscar,

and take your groupies with you.

They're not groupies.

Are they?

Do I have groupies? [chuckling]

Aw, man, this plan thing is hard.

I mean, I know where I want to end up,

but figuring out all the right steps

in the right order,

it feels impossible.

I'm not surprised.

You've never done anything linearly.

I don't know how your brain works...

Part of why I want to do the chimp thing...

But any time it has worked,

it's because you've done
some weird loop-de-loops

and goofy logic,

and you end up where you need to be.

Yeah, you're right!

I am a genius at thinking outside the box.

I never...

Thanks!

I'm gonna tackle this plan

by unshackling my creativity,

snipping the zip straps on my imagination,

and unbuckling my brilliance.

Just make sure that's all you unbuckle.

[doorbell rings]

We have a theory.

He has a theory.

I believe the fire was started by...

this meteor,

which fell to Earth, presumably from space.

That's not a meteor.

It's my coffee pot.

It's melted,

which happens

when things are exposed
to, oh, I don't know,

a fire?

Then... a meteor didn't start it?

All right!

The arson case is re-opened!

[groaning]

Can't you get him off this kick?

I've worked with Davis long enough to know

it's best to just let him
run himself in circles

until he tires out.

Like a toddler.

A toddler with a g*n.

But yeah,

you have been working in this town a while.

Can I ask you something?

Do you have any plans beyond this?

I think I did have a plan,

once,

but so long ago, I can't even remember.

I recall...

graduating from Police Academy.

I figured I'd get assigned
to some small area first,

but eventually move to the big city,

work bigger cases, become a detective.

Then, a week before retirement,

I'd get myself a boat,

but then I get paired up
with a hotshot rookie

to help catch a brutal serial k*ller,

and that greenhorn acts impulsively

and gets me k*lled!

Wait...

your plan involved you getting k*lled

in the end?

That's not even the end.

The hot-sh*t rookie
gets a cardboard box delivered,

and inside is his wife's head!

Hmm...

Are you thinking about the movie "Seven"?

Oh.

Maybe.

Or maybe my plan was to go undercover

teaching Kindergarten.

That's "Kindergarten Cop."

Dammit!

Hollywood took all the best plans.

Fine, I have no plan.

Happy?

[♪♪♪]

I find that a brisk constitutional

after a meal

really keeps a fella regular, hmm?

Another tidbit,

since you're all so keen
to soak up my wisdom,

is "How to spend a sunny afternoon."

What I like to do

is to come to this particular park bench,

at this time of day,

because if I stretch out just so...

the statue of Jane T. Wright shades my face,

while allowing the sun's rays

to warm my tootsies. [chuckling]

Feel free to write that down.

Hey, wait, where are you going?

[♪♪♪]

Back again?

Where's Karen?

Did she get hit by a meteor?

Abducted by aliens?

I ditched Karen.

She's a science denier.

What did you say to Karen earlier?

She keeps asking me about my retirement,

whether I have a boat...

Well, we were just talking about the future

and five-year plans.

Do you have any?

Five-year plan? No.

I have a 105-year plan.

Two words.

"Bio... hacking."

[♪♪♪]

Technology implants

and chemical manipulations in the body.

Cool stuff.

[robotic voice] Freeze, Criminal.

[toaster pops]

You have a toaster hat,

but you don't have a g*n?

Might not be any g*ns in a hundred years.

But there'll be bagels?

Bagels aren't going anywhere.

[♪♪♪]

What's all that for?

Lacey is too stubborn to accept charity,

so I'm going to ram it down her throat

in a gift basket.

She's not stubborn, she's upset.

Her whole life's been changed.

[sadly] Yeah...

change is hard,

but it's unavoidable.

Did life work out the way you planned,

or did you have dreams you didn't pursue?

Sure.

I had dreams.

♪ You can tell me

♪ That your dog ran away

♪ And tell me that it took three days... ♪

A jazz singer?

I had no idea.

It's pretty tough
to make it as a jazz singer.

It is,

but I was a double thr*at.

Oh, you could dance, too?

Would you stop humming along?

I'll hum what I damn well want!

[man shouts] Security!

Show these drunks out!

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

[drunks grunt]

♪ Look closer, baby

♪ You're both gone...

A singing bouncer.

That makes more sense.

So why didn't you pursue your dreams?

Things change.

I met your father and fell in love.

I don't know why,

and that's not a great example,

but you get it.

Yeah, I think I do.

[♪♪♪]

So, have you given any more thought

to The Ruby, and, uh... life?

I'm still mulling things over.

Okay.

I imagine

once the insurance money comes in,

you'll have a better idea about everything.

The money came in.

I got it today.

Is it enough to rebuild?

[sighing]

It is, just enough.

It's also enough for a fresh start.

Look, I don't know

what to say.

I love this town,

and I don't want to abandon it,

but there is a part of me

that thinks that there's
something else out there,

and I don't want to miss out

to make everyone else happy.

I-I get it,

and I support you,

whatever you decide.

I want what's best for you.

Thank you,

and I think I know what you want.

A chili cheese dog, right?

Actually...

I'm not hungry.

Not hungry?

Who the hell are you?

Just a guy with a thing he's gotta do.

I'll see ya later.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Brent!

We thought you were a thief.

What are you doing?

What does it look like?

Hmm, stealing burnt wood?

[sighing] He's fixing the place up.

I'll go get my tools.

I'll start cleaning the kitchen.

I'll help you.

You're all following Brent now?

Ah, you fickle bunch of...

Fine.

You got another hammer?

[♪♪♪]

[muttering] It's like

no one's ever even heard
of a bowling ball before.

Hey, uh, you know anyone who owns a giraffe?

A giraffe?

Not for sale.

Are you okay, Hank?

You look like you haven't slept in days.

It's this stupid five-year plan.

It's gonna take me ten years
to figure it out.

What were you muttering
about a bowling ball?

Is your five-year plan to go pro?

No, I need the bowling ball
to add extra weight.

While I'm cross country skiing?

Doy!

So you want to be

a professional heavyweight giraffe skier?

No!

I'm skiing across the country

to build patience and discipline.

To be a monk?

Are you even listening?!

I wish I wasn't.

Just follow the steps!

I've laid it all out!

[grunting and straining] Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Brent] Oh, you want to be a pro wrestler.

[Hank] Professional wrestling manager.

You got him where you want him,

Giraffe Boy!

Here, hit him with this!

[thud, man groans]

How do those steps

help you become a wrestling manager?

I don't know!

My brain went off leash!

You, of all people, should not have a plan.

Remember when we were kids,

and you fell off that barn?

Did you plan to fall

into our future secret raspberry bush?

No.

And that time you tried to pet that kitten

that was actually a skunk,

did you plan to have that many baths?

No.

A-and they worked.

Sort of.

See?

You work best

when things happen to you.

So... I'm a successful man of inaction?

Huh... Yeah.

Mind if I lean and hang out?

Would I mind if bees buzzed?

[sirens wailing]

Hey, uh, officers.

What's with the lights and...

We found the cause of the fire.

No, you didn't.

It's all circumstantial.

Everyone has a right to a fair...

[running away]

[breathing hard] Lacey...

you're going to hear some stuff soon,

and I wanted to get ahead of it.

I was the cause of the fire.

You asked me to turn off the coffee pot,

and I forgot.

Wanda, my life's been turned upside down

because of you?

I'm sorry.

The fire marshal reported

that the fire was started by faulty wiring

in the Ruby's smoke detectors.

Pretty ironic, huh?

We rushed over to Corner Gas

to make sure Brent
didn't have the same alarms.

Wait, didn't I warn you

not to buy those cheap smoke alarms?

Ha! I'm a hero.

Arrest her!

[laughing] For what, poor judgment?

Fair point.

Anyway, this is good news.

You can start to rebuild.

That's already happening.

There's people there right now.

What?

Brent!

You promised you'd let me decide

without any pressure,

and yet you've clearly told everyone!

I understand

you all want your coffee shop back,

but you could at least be respectful enough

to wait until I decided

whether I was going to stay or leave!

You're thinking of leaving?

Since when?

You can't!

You're the heartbeat of Dog River.

Why didn't you tell us about this, Brent?

Y-You didn't tell them?

I promised I wouldn't.

I-I just started rebuilding

so that you wouldn't have to choose.

This way, you can spend your insurance money

however you want

to do whatever's right for you.

That's what matters most.

You're important to us,

but if you feel you need to go,

you should go.

No! Don't! Don't go!

I lied!

All that stuff about you leaving,

big fat lies.

I can't imagine life without you.

It won't be the same.

I won't be the same.

I need you here.

Please stay.

[voice breaking] I was just
getting Ruby's clock

to hang on the wall.

I go where it goes.

[everyone cheering]

I, uh...

I guess I was a little mushy there.

I've been bingeing Grey's Anatomy.

I take it all back.

[chuckling] Nope.

No take-backs.

Please accept this basket

from the Ladies Auxiliary.

We put it together at Corner Gas.

Enjoy your fan belt, potato chips,

and oil filter.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, and... open!

Behold,

the new Ruby Cafe!

Wow. [chuckling awkwardly]

[Brent] We improvised a bit,

and used a lot of reclaimed barn wood,

which is apparently
a rustic design thing now.

Uh-huh? Well,

that explains the rustic smell.

So now you can use your insurance money

for a vacation

instead of Ruby repairs.

Or I could stay and use the money

to re-repair the cafe.

But the whole point was to...

Uh-uh-uh. My decision.

Right. Your decision.

By the way,

how long are you going
to keep holding my hand?

Oops. [chuckling awkwardly]

Sorry.

[♪♪♪]

I would just like to say thank you

for all of the love and support
over the years.

You people are family,

and may The Ruby live on forever,

as it always has.

It might,

if you stop moving stuff around.

What?

It's exactly the same.

Ruby's clock is hung
at least two inches higher

than it used to be.

Why do you always have to change things?

[groaning]

Is it too late for me to leave?

Yup, missed your window.

[pouring coffee]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know
The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know

♪ I just... don't know

♪ Ooh...

♪ It's a great big place

♪ Ooh...

♪ Full of nothin' but space

♪ Ooh...

♪ And it's my happy place

♪ I don't know ♪