03x08 - Band Aid

[bunniefuu]

[music]

Aw... you poor thing.

- Yeah, I'm almost out of fries.
- Not you.

I'm saying "Aw..."
to this story I'm reading

about a little boy
who was born deaf,

and they're trying to get him
cochlear implants

if they can raise enough money.

They have
a KickFundy campaign going.

What's Kicky Fundy?

It's not "Kicky Fundy."
It's "KickFundy."

- Like that makes more sense.
- It's a fundraising site.

People who are struggling
explain what's going on,

and strangers contribute
to their cause.

What?
Free money for complaining?

I could make a k*lling!

There are times when I'd
pay not to be able to hear.

[gasping] That's an
insensitive thing to say.

I just meant about Dad.

- I'd be willing to pay to not hear him.
- How much?

Well, everything
isn't a joke, Brent.

Sometimes you can be too glib,
and it can be a bit jerky.

No, I'm not...
I'm not being...

Look, I'm fully on board
with this kid.

We should do something
to contribute.

Maybe a fundraising event,

- get a band...
- Yeah!

We should get our old high
school band back together!

That is not at all
what I was saying.

Get Thunderface back together?
Count me in!

No, no,
we're not doing that.

Ah, typical Brent.

- All glib, no go.
- That's not...

Okay, fine, we'll do it.

We'll get Thunderface
back together.

- For one night only.
- Yeah! And then maybe a tour.

We should buy a bus.

I can say no to the tour
and the bus, right?

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

Put your phone down
for two minutes,

and get the video camera.

The phone is a camera, genius.

So, what am I supposed
to be sh**ting?

Me. I got some stuff
to get off my chest

and onto Kicky Fundy
for a pretty penny. [chuckles]

Those are like random words
being dumped out of a bag.

What are you guys doing?
Squabbling?

What's the squabble topic?

I'm mad at him
for wasting my time,

and he's mad at me
for not being happy

that he's wasting my time.

- Keep it up, and you're off the film.
- Deal.

Film?
You're making a movie?

- Let me help.
- Your phone have a camera?

- It's got three.
- You're fired!

All right!

I wonder if we even remember
how to play.

- It's been a while.
- I know.

We did some gigs
in high school,

then that one gig at the bar
a few years back,

then a nebulous amount
of time went by,

- and here we are.
- I know I'm the newbie here,

but maybe we should
update our sound.

We should go heavy.
Heavy punk.

No, Electro House.
Like Daft Punk.

Should we just play the
theme to Punky Brewster?

Jeez, how old
is that reference?

A nebulous amount of time.

- Hello, Kicky Fundy.
- "KickFundy."

I have a beef about
how seniors are treated

here in Dog River.

Our Seniors' Centre
is more like a trash heap!

The chairs are hard.
The apples are soft.

The soup's too hot.

There are pieces missing
in the puzzles!

Myrtle's hips squeak so loud
it makes my eye twitch.

So gimme some money.
There.

[cackles]

Do you think any of these
dial-up ding-dongs

- are gonna go for it?
- Not if we leave in that last part.

Okay, looks like
we're pretty much ready

to start practicing.

Gimme a second to tune my axe,

and then we'll see
how bad we sound.

[feedback whining]

Hey, cool!
It's your old notebook

with all the songs you wrote
back in high school.

Okay, give it here.

Relax, I just need
to refresh my memory

on some of the lyrics.

No need.
I'll prompt you if you forget.

- Hand it over.
- Hey... I don't remember this song.

Is it a romantic ballad
or something?

No, it's not,
it's thrash metal, actually.

"That pretty twinkle
in your eyes..."

Kinda romantic for thrash metal.

"I love the smell of your hair."
Ew, hair-sniffing is creepy.

"I should've told ya
You're sweet as cream soda"?

Woof!
Detroit Barf City.

Okay, you've all
had your laughs

and your barfs, and we can move on now.

We should play this.

It could be the sound
we're looking for.

No!
We're not playing that song,

and that's final.

[music]

You think any of these
dial-up ding-dongs

are gonna go for it?

I thought you were gonna cut that.

We need to re-do the whole thing.

It's just you complaining.

That's the whole
Kicky Fundy business model.

No, it's not.

It's about emotion,
making human connection.

You need to pull
the heartstrings.

Ah, I get ya.
Sap it up a bit, huh?

Turn on the waterworks.
[cackles]

We should sh**t this
at the actual Seniors' Centre,

to capture the sights,
and sounds, and smells.

- Well, not the smells.
- Thank God.

Hey, Brent.
How goes the band thing?

Just heading
back to practice now.

We had a bit
of a speed bump earlier,

but I'm sure we can
smooth that out

and be ready
for the fundraiser.

[starts playing a rock b*at]

[joins in with thumping
single-note bass]

♪ Your crispy crinkle fries ♪

♪ That pretty twinkle
in your eyes... ♪

Hey, whoa!
What the hell are you doing?

Your song.
It's really growing on me.

Yeah. It's not so barfy
when it's being sung.

I said we weren't doing that song!

I even said, "That's final,"

and then I stormed off
angrily, in a huff!

Brent, did you write that song?

Yeah, it's a romantic ballad
he wrote back in high school.

Yes, well, a long time ago,

so let's forget that
and get to work.

Ooh, did you have
a secret high school crush?

Who was she?
Or is she?

[gasps]
Does she still live here?

Sorry, can't hear you.

[strumming loudly]

[loud guitar strumming]

Come on, Brent.
Gimme a clue.

Who was your
high school crush?

Okay, let's take a break.

I need a new guitar string.

But all your strings are...

[twanging and snapping]

- That's five!
- Aah!

[phone camera snaps]

Do any of you guys know
who Brent's crush was?

No idea.
I only ever saw him

get hot and bothered
over snacks.

Hey, if we're taking a break,

I'm gonna pop home for a minute.

Brent was probably just
writing about some hottie

off a TV show,
like "I Dream of Jeannie"

or "Charlie's Angels"
or "Bikini Bake-Off."

Hmm, I don't recall
"Bikini Bake-Off."

That's just my working title.

If I get a network
to buy the pitch,

t-they may want
to change the name.

- Ah, I see.
- You, uh... you ever do any baking?

Yeah, but always
in a one-piece.

[sighs]
This thing with Brent...

I was just teasing him,
but if he gets this upset,

he must've had serious
feelings for this girl.

Hmm... Mm-hmm.

This one-piece,
is it tops or bottoms?

We're done here.

[music]

The twilight years are upon
these old, tired souls.

A lifetime of hard work
and sacrifice behind them.

Haven't they earned a rest?

But here, there is no rest.

[snoring]

Well, that one is resting,

but most of them can't find
any comfort.

Saggy old sofa,

stained with God knows what.

Dinner on a hard metal
folding chair

that's just as likely to collapse

as it is to pinch their privates.

I can't imagine winding up
in a place like this,

so I'm asking you
to look in your heart.

Look in your soul.

Look over there...

Even their dog is old,
forgotten, and unloved.

[dog whines]

That's the fifth time

you've cut away
to that mangy dog.

Animals are a sure bet.
They make the audience feel.

Yeah, feel confused.

- She hates it.
- If you're happy with it,

and I don't
have to do anything,

I think it's perfect.

- Shall we upload it?
- Oh, hell yeah.

And... there.
It's into the ether.

So, uh... where does the money come out?

[music]

Okay, look,
I apologize for being weird

- about this song stuff.
- Forgiven.

Okay, I worked up a set list,

and we'll do your romantic song
in the five slot.

No! Come on, we have
to stick to our roots,

- rock 'n' roll!
- Those songs got us nowhere.

I think our glaringly
limited talent

might've contributed
to the nowhere.

- All right! Let's get punk, you pukes!
- What the hell?

If we're gonna do this,
let's do this!

Death Before Disco!
[toy squeaks]

Woof!
[thumping bass notes]

[over PA] Now hear this!
[siren wailing]

D.J. PoPo in the house!

Everybody get down
on the ground,

and put your hands up!

It's about to get legal
up in here!

[electro beats pounding]

No, no, no!
We're not punk,

we're not house,
we're Thunderface!

Thunderface forever!

- Who's with me?
- I need an aspirin.

[humming]

[singing] ♪ Your crispy
crinkle fries ♪

♪ That pretty twinkle
in your eyes... ♪

- The twinkle in my what?
- Oh, nothing,

but since you asked me
about that song...

let's talk about it.
It's Brent's song.

- Like "Laura's Theme"?
- No, your son, Brent.

In high school, he wrote a song

about a girl he had a crush on.

It was pretty serious, too,
from what I hear.

Why didn't I know about this?

I could have given him a push,
married him off.

I'd be swimming
in grandkids by now.

- Who was the girl?
- I don't know.

I sort of assumed
you might know.

I never saw him
with any girls.

He never seemed
to have any interest.

Do you think
Brent might be gay?

Hmm, I doubt it.
Did you ever ask him?

I never would've got
a straight answer. [chuckles]

"Straight." I didn't
even mean that as a joke.

- I'm good.
- Well, I know what you mean

about no straight answers.

He is a bit glib sometimes.

It's like he uses humour
as a defense mechanism.

Maybe he's asexual.

More like "nay-sexual."

[chuckles tersely]

The glib thing,
it might be hereditary.

[music]

[Oscar] Have you checked it?

Any money coming in
to the Kicky Fundy kitty?

You might wanna look at this.

- 420 bucks!
- And it's gaining momentum!

At this rate, we could
raise some significant cash.

You've done a real
good thing here, Oscar.

Don't I know it!

Finding Brent's mystery crush
shouldn't be hard.

There were only 12 people
in his grad class.

Wow, that is tiny.

Oh, look, there's Murray.

- I always liked Murray.
- I doubt it's him.

We can use the lyrics as clues.

"Your crispy crinkle fries,

that pretty twinkle in your eyes.

I love the smell of your hair,
trying not to stare.

I know I should've told ya,

You're as sweet
as cream soda."

Well, that doesn't
technically rhyme.

- The point is, it's not Murray.
- I don't know,

those are some twinkling eyes.

[scoffs] He's 17, and his hair's
already thinning?

- Plus he's a guy.
- A mother can dream.

Hmm, what about her?

She has good hair.
Might smell nice.

Oh. Here she is
with the hockey team.

Yikes. The song mentions
a beautiful smile.

That ain't it.

What about this husky girl
with the wicked mullet?

- That's Brent.
- Oh, and you wonder

why he didn't date more?

Could it be someone
from outside of school?

We're going on a deep dive.
To the attic!

[music]


All right...

[yelps]

[power window whirs]
I saw Oscar's video.

Is it true he's raising money
for the Seniors' Centre?

Yes, though, I don't know
if I'd call it "Oscar's video."

I had a pretty big hand
in shaping the narrative.

I'm an associate producer.

- We're thinking about Sundance.
- This is great!

The Seniors' Centre desperately
needs to be fixed up.

Oscar should form a committee.

That's a great idea.
Hop in, and we'll go talk to him.

[grunting with effort]

Ike wants to discuss
what your plans are

for the fundraising money.

You're looking at it.

So, you bought
that massage chair

for the Seniors' Centre?

[laughing]

Why the hell would I do that?

The KickyDummy dough is for me.

What? But in our
short independent film,

- you said...
- I said,

"I can't imagine myself
in a place like that."

I'm gonna spend
my twilight years here,

so I'll need some quality care.

Comfy chair, foot bath,

foot dryer, footie pajamas.

So you had a hand in producing
this cash-grab video?

Well, Associate Producer
doesn't mean anything.

Vanity credit.
Oscar directed.

[music]

Can we just play one song?

Please? One song?

- I'm in.
- Let's go.




Why can't that one song
be the ballad?

Because I don't want us
to play that song.

You're acting like a total diva!

Maybe we should start
calling you Brentyonce.

- Or Brentney Spears.
- Brentstina Aguilera.

- Jennifer Lo-Brent.
- I'm not being a diva,

and Brentifer Lopez
would've been better.

Point is, you're the one
making this complicated.

We're playing for one night.

It's not like
we're even a real band.

How... dare... you?!

Real bands practice
more than once a decade,

and they generally
have a guitarist.

You're the guitarist!

Was the guitarist.
I quit.

You can't quit, because...

I'm kicking you
out of the band!

Well, you can't
play any of my songs.

Or call yourselves Thunderface.
I came up with that.

- No, we came up with that together.
- Then you can keep half.

Thunder or Face.
Take your pick.

Obviously we want Face!

[music]

[music]

Wow, Hank, your garage
is pretty cramped,

and, uh, I don't
wanna say "rank," but...

Brent's garage is like Graceland
compared to this dump,

but, no,
you had to go and kick him out

- just because he quit.
- We don't need Brent.

Look.
I can just hold the guitar

and make guitar sounds
with my mouth.

[imitating guitar solo]
Deedle-ee-oo!

Deedle-eedle-ooh-yow-yow!

Interesting,
but a better idea

would be to replace
your mouth with my synth.

[plays eerie voice tone]

Scratch that,
we've gotta go punk.

It's not 1970, Wanda.

No one listens to music
with instruments anymore.

What if we merged
the sounds together?

We take the fun protestiness
of punk

and the newness
of electronic music.

We'll call it E-punk.

I don't hate
the sound of that.

- As long as...
- You can wear your helmet,

and I'll wear my outfit,
and Hank...

has a truck.

Now we just need
a new k*ller band name.

We got custody of "Face,"

the best part
of the old name...

- Lightning Face?
- Tsunami Face!

Cloudy with
a Chance of Face!

Maybe we should get off
weather-related face ideas.

About Face?
Barf Face!

- Face Barf!
- Face Chunks!

I love it!
Face Chunks for life!

He seems excited about it.

Let's just play some music.

All right,
Face Chunks on four!

No wait, Brent used to
say "four." I want 11.

A-one, a-two,

a-one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...

[music]

Aw, is that Baby Brent?

So cute, little rascal,
all covered in mud.

That's gravy.

Oh, and here was
my knitting circle.

There's your Aunt Ruby,

and look, here's Brent
with Ruby at the cafe.

She was so sweet to him.

Crispy fries...

nice hair, twinkling eyes,

- all of her teeth...
- Oh, my God.

He had a schoolboy crush
on my aunt.

Well, she was a great cook.

- Can I have this photo?
- Of course.

[heavy sigh]

Oh, you're sad that
he's not gay, aren't you?

It would explain so much,

and Murray's a doctor now.

[playing groovy electro riff]

♪ Why-ai-ai! ♪

♪ A-why! A-why! ♪

[music stops]

Are you just saying "why"
over and over again?

Yeah.
Brent took all the songs,

so I was just trying
to let it flow.

And all you could
come up with was "why"?

- Why not?
- I have an idea.

There's this algorithm
on the Internet to write songs.

We could feed it the lyrics
to a Top 40 electro song.

Ooh, do "TGIParty"!

Then we combine that
with a '90s punk song.

How about
"Drunk At Your Dad's House"?

Oh, I love that one.
The lyrics are so deep.

Okay, Hank,
I texted you the lyrics.

Let's try it with a melody.

[playing high-speed electro
with police sirens]

♪ T.G.I. your dad!
T.G.I. your dad ! ♪

♪ I like to drink your dad! ♪

♪ Me and your dad!
Me and your dad! ♪

♪ Why! Why! ♪

♪ Why-eeee... not! ♪

[song ends]

I added the last part.

Well, the whole thing sucked.

Ah, the algorithm
just needs a few tweaks,

- or Hank does.
- Speaking of me,

I've been working on a song.

It's a ballad.

Goes a little something
like this...

♪ Your rectangle eyes ♪

♪ Frame your round head ♪

♪ My lifelong friend ♪

♪ It's like you're dead ♪

Is he talking about Brent?

So, uh,
what do you think?

I think we need
Brent back. Badly.

[music]

- Hey there...
- Hey. You're looking... weird.

I'm being coy,

because I have
a nugget of information,

but I'm holding back
sharing it with you.

Yeah, I know
what "coy" means.

I figured out
who your crush is.

Oh. Well, listen,
when I wrote that...

Oh, don't be embarrassed.
I think it's adorable.

- You do?
- Yeah, so cute.

Teenage boy with a secret
crush on my Aunt Ruby?

Yeah, I guess that would be sort
of adorable.

She was a real dish.

Hubba hubba,
pardon my French,

but, alas, I was 17,

she was a crusty old nag of 36...

- Hey, I'm 36!
- Oh, right.

What do you want?

You can't have Thunder.
You already called Face.

Well, Face Chunks blows.
Blows chunks.

I'm sorry, Brent.

C-Can we get Thunderface
back together?

I promise I won't
mention the song

that won't be mentioned
ever again.

You mean his love song

- about my Aunt Ruby?
- Say what?

- Shut it, zip it, that's mentioning.
- But...

Go practice being coy
somewhere else.

I'm in.

[hard rock music thumping]

♪ ...make a million dollars and... ♪

[dragging out a big ending]

[song ends]

[crowd cheering]

All right, thanks for
coming out, everybody,

and thanks for donating money

to help that Internet kid
get his bionic ears.

I've got a couple of
notes here from Phil.

One is for Lanny.

Your truck is parked
too close to a hydrant,

so move it or lose it.

The second

is that the whole
hearing operation kid thing

was an Internet scam,

and it's been removed
from KickFundy.

So... hmm.
Don't we all feel foolish.

I have an announcement too.

Lanny, your truck's
been towed.

Also, Oscar has been
raising money,

and with a strong arm
of encouragement

from the D.R.P.D.,

he's donating all funds raised

to the Seniors' Centre!

- Whoo-hoo! Awesome!
- I've been robbed!

And my dad's
been robbed, apparently.

Also, we'll be donating
all the money we raised

for this "fake kid cyber fraud

what the hell
is wrong with people" scam

to the Seniors' Centre too, so...

rock on.
[music]

[music]

Wow.

He really needs to keep
his secret notebook

somewhere else.

Green ink.
What a weirdo.

Brent got that pen
from an F.F.S. convention

a few months ago.

- F.F.S.?
- Freaks For Sasquatch.

If you tilt it,
Sasquatch puts on a bikini.

I wonder if he bakes.

[laughing]
Too hairy, but he is buff.

Hang on,
if this green pen is new,

how could Brent
have written that song

- back in high school?
- Dunno. Don't bring up the song.

We just got the band
back together.

Hmm...

[Lacey humming]
♪ Your crispy crinkle fries ♪

[scatting] ♪ That pretty twinkle
in your eyes... ♪

[humming]

♪ ...something-something
teeth... ♪

Crinkle cut!

[gasps]

Aunt Ruby only served
straight-cut fries.

Hey, Brent,
I've been thinking about

changing up the menu,

getting rid of
the crinkle-cut fries,

and going retro with straight cut.

- What do you think?
- No. No way.

- Crinkle are the best.
- Really?

Well, what is
it you like about them?

I don't know,
I can't put my finger on it.

They're just great,
and they feel right.

I love them.

Well, if you
love them so much,

why don't you marry them?

What?
That's not actually an option, is it?

[music]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just ... don't know ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh ... ♪

- ♪ It's a great big place ♪
- ♪ Ooh ... ♪

- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
- ♪ Ooh ... ♪

- ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
- ♪ I don't know ♪