03x09 - Bliss and Make-Up

[bunniefuu]

[sighing]

Thank you for everything.

Whatcha doing?
Breaking up with a tea towel?

That's sad.

- Need a minute?
- I'm improving my life

by only keeping items
that ignite my bliss.

Got it, say no more.

It's a global movement

to help organize
and tidy up our lives.

We all have too much stuff.

It clutters our souls
and makes us miserable.

Oh, so that's a box
of soul clutter?

Are you getting rid of it
at the community yard sale?

Yeah, it's just
a bunch of things

that I don't need.

I know this stuff might
not seem like trash...

- No, it looks like trash.
- Shh! It'll hear you.

You're not supposed
to disparage things

you're getting rid of.
[chuckling]

You're supposed to
hold them

and thank them
for their service.

Yeah, that's a totally
not weird thing to do.

So this is just going
on the free table

at the yard sale?

You want me to drop
it off for you?

That'd be great, thanks.

But I'll need the box back.

No, wait! That..
Ah, that goes against...

Oh, you know what, forget it.
[chuckles]

Hey, what's going on?

Thank you for your service.

You're welcome.
What was that about?

Hm. She just sorta
called you garbage.

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪

What are you hauling there?

Just a few boxes of stuff

I'm thinking of getting rid of

at the community yard sale,

but I can't decide
on what to sell

and what to throw away.

First off,
these appliances are useless.

Waffle maker?
More like a dust collector.

- And look at this rice cooker...
- I know, right?

Whoever heard of
making rice at home?

According to
the last census,

about three billion people,

but it's useless
with a wonky cord.

Oh, yikes, that is loose.

Maybe I should just
throw it all out.

No, uh, you know,
it's not a total loss.

You've got a few things
worth selling.

Look at that box.

Solid stack of
VHS tapes for sure.

Some quality bottle caps.

That one shoe should
catch a good price

- if you find the right buyer.
- You mean "left buyer."

Oh, no, no, you're right.
My left.

- I, uh... What?
- Exactly. I'll tell you what.

I'm already taking Lacey's
box of trash off her hands.

Why don't I add yours to the
pile and get rid of it all?

Oh, yeah?
Thanks, Wanda.

- You're the best.
- It's what I do.

[music]

Junk mail, junk mail,
final notice...

Here it is!
This month's copy

of the Provincial
Police Magazine, and...

guess who's on the cover?

- Your dad?
- It's me!

Hang on,
this is a terrible picture.

- I look so old.
- No, it looks like you.

I mean, you know,

distinguished and respectable.

Those are words you say

to make old people feel better.

But you clearly
don't feel better,

so therefore, you're not old.

- Case closed.
- They must have had

one of those super
high-definition cameras

that catch every little wrinkle

before it's visible
to the human eye.

Hey, if it bugs you that much,

I could show you
my skincare regime.

I don't know.

Or I can get you a cardigan
and some tea,

and replace your desk chair
with a nice rocker.

I can't tell if you're trying
to help or hurt.

I mean, your words hurt,
so... probably hurt.

Come on, sit down,
and I'll show you

what some quality creams
and serums can do

for those crow's feet.

Ooh, greasy...
and zingy.

[chuckling] That's
the turmeric tingle.

[music]

I started at home, of course,

making sure that I kept

- only what ignited my bliss.
- Hmm, really?

Yes, really. I mean, it's
a whole different energy.

I'm telling you, Brent,
you've gotta do this.

Yup, couldn't agree more.
Top of my list.

Numero uno thing to duo.

I know you're humouring me,
without the humour,

but honestly,
I went through every drawer

and realized how much junk...

[giggling] You said junk...
in your drawers.

Just read the first chapter.

Honestly, it will
change your life.

I don't wanna change my life,
or read.

I'm perfectly happy
with my junk.

In fact, I have a specific
drawer in my house for it.

Guess what I call it?

I'm not saying it,

because you're just
going to giggle again.

You think you're happy
with your junk,

but you're not.

[giggling]

Again? Really?
I'm trying to help you.

Look, I know you're into

this igniting happiness
or whatever,

but it's just not my thing.

Now, if you feel like
igniting a refill over here,

I'd be into that.

[music]

Hank! You're back
too soon...

- I mean, soon.
- Yeah, I need your help.

I don't know what price
to put on all the...

Wait a second,

I thought you said
my appliances were junk.

- What are you doing?
- Well, I just thought

I'd see if I could
strip this foot bath

for parts, you know,
copper wiring and so on.

But let's look at what
treasures you've got here.

Whoa, imagine how strong
the guy or girl was who did this.

Hell of a backstory.

And those false teeth?

Come on, you're sitting
on a gold mine.

I wouldn't take
less than 12 bucks

- for those chompers.
- 12 bucks?

Per tooth,
or for the whole rack?

You seem to be
working with

a real weathered
antique aesthetic,

so how about I give you
some choice items

I got off Lacey?

What about this antique,
one-of-a-kind griddle?

It was probably used
during the w*r.

Whoa, cool.
Which w*r?

Looks like all of them.

Well, you better get going.

Lots of stuff to keep you busy.

B-but I need help
with the pricing.

I'd just go 12 bucks
across the board.

Make it easy,
like the dollar store.

Like the 12-dollar store?

Hi, Davis.

Oh, my...

If you don't mind me saying,

- you are absolutely glowing.
- I am?

Sergeant Hollywood
got a facelift.

No, I didn't.

Inject some of that detox
in your forehead?

You must've done something,
because you look great.

What's your secret?

Well, Emma, a healthy diet,
lots of water, and...

Bullhooey!
"Healthy diet" my elbow.

You were lookin' like
Officer Old Face yesterday,

and suddenly
you're Officer Awesome.

Officer Awesome?

[door closing]

[panting]
What else you got?

[music]

- What are you doing?
- Minding my own business.

You should
give it a whirl.

Let me rephrase that.

What are you doing
on company time?

I'm fixing up all this stuff

that Hank and Lacey
donated to me,

so I can sell it
at the community yard sale.

Turning junk into gold,

- like Junklestiltskin.
- I think it's Rumple...

Oh, I see what you did there.

Aren't you getting stuff
together for the yard sale?

Get rid of some of
your ratty old comic books?

[gasping] How dare you!

You're as bad as Lacey.

[gasping]
How dare you!

What's Lacey got to do
with anything?

She won't stop nagging me
about wanting to make sure

everything "inflames
my giddiness."

She's dying to get
her mitts in my drawers,

and then help me tidy up.
See what I did?

Yeah, you told a creepy joke.

You're like Uncle Stiltskin.

She's probably gonna show up

at my place tonight.
You watch.

If we had a way
to collapse time, you'd...

I knew it. I'm gonna
stop you right there.

I'm not inviting you in.

Why?
I'm not a vampire.

Exactly what
a vampire would say.

But I know you have
interior motives.

- What motives?
- You want to go through my stuff

and get rid of it, don't you?
Well, forget it.

- I brought pie.
- Come on in, Vampirella.

- Let's start with your drawers.
- I knew it.

Now, pick up each T-shirt

and hold it to your chest

- and ask yourself...
- "Am I insane?"

As I was saying,

ask yourself,
"Does this ignite my bliss?"

if not,
thank it for its service,

- and then away it goes.
- Can't we have the pie first?

It's hard to purge
on an empty stomach.

Nope.
Purge before pie.

Start with this t-shirt.

Nope, nothin'.
Out you go.

Thanks for the memories.

Good job covering
my ample torso.

Aw... that wasn't
so hard, was it?

Let's keep going.

That better be one heck of a pie.

- It's Saskatoon Berry.
- Proceed.

[music]

[Lacey sighs]

See how neat everything is?

Don't you feel great?

Everything in its place,
a place for every...

Yeah, super neat.

Love it.
Love the bliss, thanks.

You'll see in the morning
just how peaceful and...

I can't wait.
Anyway, pie!

I mean, bye!

[music]

Sorry to put you
through that, fellas,

but she's really...

Oh, great,
now I'm talking to stuff.

Can you believe that?

[music]

Oh, hello, good-looking.

Can your father
come to the phone?

We need some of
that cream, fancyface.

Yeah, we can't stop talking about

how good your skin looks,
so young,

- so supple...
- All right, woman,

keep your bloomers on.

The point being
we want the good stuff.

Karen showed me.

This is what she uses.

Look at all these cute bottles.

Let's cr*ck 'em open
and get to it.

Oh, I don't know,
it's her stuff,

- and it's in her bag...
- It's always "safe spaces"

and "boundaries"
with you young punks.

Young?

Well... I guess it couldn't
hurt to let you try a bit.

[music]

So, was I right?

Did you wake up feeling lighter
and full of blissful calm?

Maybe calm, but not lighter.

That pie was pretty heavy
on the system.

Hey, what are you doing
with that t-shirt?

I thought you said
it didn't ignite your bliss.

Well, here's the thing.

After you left and I ate the pie,

I decided to keep everything.

And you know what?

I feel pretty blissful
about that, too.

Like a double-bliss.
A bliss blast.

I can't believe you did that.

I wasted all that time,
and you ate the pie!

Not everything has to
ignite your bliss.

Some things are just shirts.

Yeah, and some things
are just jerks. Hmmph!

What is going on here?

[together] Nothing.

[music]

[music]

Hey, that's my stuff!

You said it was junk,
and now you're selling it?

It was junk.
You said that yourself,

until I realized
I could spruce it up

- and sell it.
- Yeah, but that's not fair.

What's not fair?
I took your junk

and saved it from the landfill.

Do you hate
Mother Earth, Hank?

Don't you know the three "R"s?

- Reduce, Reuse, and...
- Rip off?

[typing]

There. That's the eye
serum you need to replace.

That was just for my eyes?

I used it on my whole face!
Am I gonna be okay?

Only if you buy me
a new bottle.

$90! You paid $90 for
that little bottle?

No, that's just the travel size.

It's the one underneath,
that goes for 120.

That's crazy.

How can anybody
spend that much

- for a bit of goop?
- If you want to look good,

you've gotta spend the money.

You can't cheap out
on this stuff.

What's in this stuff,
unicorn blood?

[music]

So how about a cup of coffee

to go with that pie
I ate last night?

You mean the ill-gotten pie?

Ill? Why?
What'd you put in it?

Listen, legally, that pie
was accepted in exchange

- for letting you in my...
- House of lies?

And no, you can't
get a coffee right now.

You need to wait for a cup.

Wait for a cup?

After you betrayed me
yesterday, I came back here

and some of my cups weren't
igniting my bliss, so I...

You got mad
and threw out your cups?

You were rage blissing.

It's not rage blissing.

I just got rid of the old cups
and ordered some nicer ones.

Ah, that's not the best
sequence to do that in.

When will these
nice cups arrive?

Seven to ten business days.

Uf. You need to ignite
your logistics.

Can I get any vessel
full of coffee?

A bowl of coffee.
That works.

What's the breakfast special,
a glass of cornflakes?

You really don't
have a good sense

of when to stop talking.

Now, eat your coffee
and shut up.

[music]

Oh, this'll be great, Wanda.

I love eating popcorn
while I watch my stories.

Hey, that's my popcorn maker.

No, it's not.
I got it from Hank.

And I bought it from Wanda.

And I loaned it to Hank
three months ago

- and never got it back.
- Ah, that's right.

I did borrow it
for the Bachelor finale,

but then I forgot
to record it, and...

- I'm taking this back.
- Well, I want my money back.

Well, that was a bust.

Anything else you might be
interested in, Helen?

Yeah, actually,
that's my waffle maker.

Excellent choice.

It can be yours again
for the right price.

The right price is free.
I loaned that to Hank.

Oh, yeah,
I borrowed that too.

Remember my popcorn
waffle party?

None of you came.
Come to think of it,

a lot of this stuff
I borrowed off people

- and forgot to return.
- If you'll excuse me.

Are you kidding me?

I spent all day fixing
stuff that you stole?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
"stole" is a big word.

- It's one syllable.
- It's five letters.

Wait, just give me a minute
to sort this out.

Don't sell anything
till I get back.

Step right up!
Everything must go!

It's a "reality
is crashing in" sale!

Who needs a slow-cooker?
Quick!

Let's go, people,
time is literally money!

[music]

Can I get a fork?

[grumbling]

Oh, so it wasn't just cups.

It was everything but the kitchen...

Wait, what are you using
for a sink back there?

A rubber boot?

You want a boot?
I could give you a boot.

- I need this plate, Zeke.
- My fries!

There, it's like a picnic!
Indoors.

It's fun.
You're having fun.

Why is my caesar salad
in a broiling pan?

So the extra dressing

drains through
to the bottom, okay?

It's a heart-healthy
choice, Michelle.

You are welcome!

- Lacey seems like she's a little...
- Blissed off?

[music]

Davis!
That serum is magic.

I got ID'd at Foo Mart

when I tried to use
my seniors' discount.

And I got winked at
when they ID'd Oscar.

Do you have anything
for my neck?

And my, um...
whatever these are called.

What else you got
in Blondie's magic pouch?

Nothing. It's all gone.

What do you mean it's all gone?

- Yeah, what about my neck?
- And the rest of her face?

Look, we used
all Karen's eye stuff,

and I have to replace it,
and it's 120 bucks.

Nothing costs 120 bucks.

What exactly is it made out of?

Olive oil, turmeric, honey...

I have all this stuff
in my kitchen.

I could lose my badge for this.

For what?
Looking so gorgeous?

Stop it.

[music]

Anyone have a rice cooker
I can borrow?

Ha! You borrowed mine
six months ago.

Bingo.
Well, you can pick it up

at Wanda's table.
She's trying to sell it.

What?
She's got some nerve.

I know.

Anybody else have
something I might have?

You borrowed my coffee
maker a while back.

That's right.
Oh, uh, bad news.

I'm still using that.
Sorry.

What do you say, Rheena,
we got a deal?

I, uh, I don't know.

It's just not igniting my bliss.

Cram your bliss. It's $2.

How about I just cram it
back onto your table?

Fine, a buck fifty!
Does that jerk your joystick?

Here you go.
One full bottle of eye serum.

Wow, that was
a quick delivery.

Yeah.

Probably drones.

Ah, it's good to have you back,
old friend.

Wow, they must have really
cranked up the turmeric

since the last time I ordered.

So you think it's...

- I mean, it's good?
- Of course.

You see, Davis, you have to
spend money on the good stuff.

I hope you've learned
a valuable lesson.

You have no idea.

[music]

Could you at least put it
in a gravy boat or something?

There. One-and-a-quarter
cup hotdog. Happy?

Hmm, what's up
with this hotdog?

- It tastes different.
- I've changed things up a bit.

I got rid of that old
cast-iron skillet

- when it didn't ig...
- You did what?!

Th-th-that skillet

has decades of delicious
hotdog history

entombed in its griddley
goodness.

Yeah, and it was getting gross,

- so now I'm boiling them.
- Boiling them?

W-What are you,
a drunk babysitter?

Boiling just washes away
all the nummy nitrates.

Well, if you really want,

you can drink the hotdog water.

How?
You're out of cups.

[music]

[music]

I can't believe
she got rid of that skillet.

Boiling... it's so wrong.

Word to the wise, kid,

that's not cooked.
It's disinfected.

You could perform surgery
with that hotdog.

I think you're being
a bit dramatic.

It's pronounced "traumatic."

What did you do
with that skillet, anyway?

It was in the box of stuff
I gave Wanda to donate.

It's gone.
Get over it.

Do you not want your hotdog?

Well, of course I want my hotdog.

It's nature's most perfect food.
[chomps]

[muttering] Boiled...

Unbelievable.

[music]

You've really done it, Emma.
We're gonna be rich.

We've had this stuff in
our kitchen the whole time.

We could've been
younger years ago.

People are going to go
crazy for this stuff.

Eye serum, you serum,
we all serum for...

- Nah, doesn't really work.
- You made more?

If Karen sees this, she'll
know her stuff is fake.

Who cares?
She loves it.

Get in on the scam or scram.

Yeah, take that flawless skin

- somewhere else.
- You guys...

Well, this is great.

Everyone's mad at me

because you're
too stupid to know

when you've stolen something.

Look, it was a series
of honest mistakes.

All right, how about this,

I'll split whatever I make
off of my stuff with you.

[sarcastically] Oh, yay!

Now I gotta figure out how to
spend three and a half cents.

Wanda! Where's the
skillet you got from Lacey?

You mean the w*r pan?
I have it right here.

- I was just going to clean it up...
- No, don't touch it!

I'll give you 100 bucks for it

- just the way it is.
- Deal!

Now you owe me
a 100 fewer dollars

- than you did a minute ago.
- Sweet!

Now you owe me


than you did a minute ago.

Oh. Well, see?
Everyone wins.

Can I owe you?

[music]

Look at my face!
I have totally broken out!

Well, it makes you look
more like a teenager,

so that's good, right?

It's terrible.
You know what I want to do?

Talk about your changing body?

Obviously the skincare
company changed the recipe

and have to be
held accountable!

Well, the recipe might be
a teeny-tiny bit different

on account of us making it
in Emma's kitchen.

You did what?

It's just olive oil,
and honey, and...

Ooh, what's this?

Something that will put
a little spring in your step.

And take years off your life.

- It's...
- It's turmeric salad dressing,

and only $8 a bottle.
Great for the joints!

Geez, Karen,
maybe you should buy some

and try eating a little healthier.

- Your skin is a little...
- Not in the mood, Mavis.

Listen, Karen,
we should probably

- get a cut of that...
- Back off!

Typical moody teenager.

[music]

My waffle maker
has never worked better

since you scrubbed the years
of batter gunk off it.

Oh, that must've
taken you hours.

Here's a little
something for you.

And I gotta say
I'm sleeping better

knowing my popcorn maker
isn't gonna short out

and start a fire.

Thanks for your trouble, Hank.

You know the deal.
Half that is mine.

Yeah, I-I still
don't understand

why we're splitting this.

Yeah, but you're used to
not understanding stuff.

What do you mean?

[sizzling]

You probably can't wait
for those new cups

and plates and stuff to come in.

I bet they'll really
instigate some euphoria.

Nah, they're just cups.
I may have taken things too far.

You were right,
some things are just good.

They don't have to ignite bliss.

On the contrary,
I now understand what it's like

for something to give you
true bliss.

This hotdog, that skillet.

I want to thank you
for your service and your...

[sizzling] Ow! Ooh, ow!

Okay, I'll let that
cool down first.

Were you going
to hug that skillet?

[music]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ It's a great big place ♪
- ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
- ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
- ♪ I don't know ♪