03x19 - Down This Road

[bunniefuu]

[footsteps]

- Morning, babe.
- Hey! Morning.

I got a surprise for you
to celebrate the big sale.

Oh!

I made pancakes
in the shapes of little cows.

I had more but Peyton started cryin'
and I lost half the herd to a grease fire.

Selling them cattle,
that's all I thought about all night.

Couldn't sleep, just... excited.

[Abby chuckles]

Oh, come on, you put chocolate chips
in here to make the little spots?

- Actually, those are...
- Argh!

Blueberries.

Sick!

Okay, there are...

other good berries

besides Frankenberries
and Cap'n Crunch Berries.

Yeah, like "Halle Berry."

Yeah, well, if she was here
I wouldn't be cookin' you breakfast.

Guess who I'm havin' lunch with?

- Who's that?
- Libby Williams.

- Huh?
- Y'know, the teacher I used to work with.

Glasses, brunette.
Organized my baby shower.

- Big boobs.
- [Colt] Arrrh.

Oh, Libby, right.

Woo wee!

I mean, she's gross, right?
'Cause of them...

I'm gonna have my mom watch Peyton.

Which reminds me,
we need to put child locks

and grandma locks
on the liquor cabinet.

[Colt] Yeah.

Oh, hey, Mr. Bennett.

Here, help yourself to some cow pancakes.

Your heifers got some dark spots on 'em.

Kinda looks like gut rot.

They're blueberries.

Urgh. Worse than gut rot.

Lisa Neumann's men are gonna start
hauling my cows outta here today.

So, you'll see some trucks
comin' and goin'.

Are they coming
to pick up your cattle, too?

What?

Oh. Er...

No, my dad made the deal first so...

it's probably...

- [Peyton starts to cry]
- Oh.

Sounds like someone's hungry.

- Oww!
- [Peyton cries]

Shhh.

Oh... don't cry.

Save that for Grandma later.

You sold your cattle to Lisa Neumann?

Yep.

Really?

D'you really care? Yeah.

Eight hours ago
you told me you were outta options.

Now you're telling me that somehow you
made a deal in the middle of the night?

There's no deal.

I just told Abby there was,
so she wouldn't worry.

You lied to her?

How's that gonna work when she looks
out and sees they're still there?

You gonna paint stripes on 'em,

tell her zebras wandered in?

I got a plan.

Frank's comin' by tomorrow.

I'm gonna accept his offer.

It's the best I got.

I'm gonna throw in ten or 15 heifers
to make up the money I'm short.

Jesus Christ, Colt.

You know selling heifers is a bad idea.

Yeah, well...

It'll get me through the year.

Thanks to you,
it's the best option I got.

Unless I find a finger in my Big Mac.

And that's out, 'cause my friend Chance
got fired from the morgue

for giving out too many fingers.

If you get rid of your breeding stock,
you'll have fewer cows to sell next year.

You don't think I know that?

I gotta do what I gotta do
to keep my ranch going.

I'll worry about next year
when I get there.

Just trying to give you some advice.

Now you wanna help?

Last night, you made it pretty clear
you didn't.

Why don't you just stay out of it,
old man?

♪ Cowboys ain't easy to love ♪

♪ And they're harder to hold ♪

♪ They'd rather give you a song ♪

♪ Than diamonds or gold ♪

♪ Lonestar belt buckles
And old faded Levi's ♪

♪ And each night begins a new day ♪

♪ You don't understand him ♪

♪ And he don't die young ♪

♪ He'll probably just ride away ♪

♪ Mamas don't let your babies
Grow up to be cowboys ♪

♪ Don't let 'em pick guitars
And drive them old trucks ♪

♪ Let 'em be doctors
And lawyers and such ♪

♪ Mamas don't let your babies
Grow up to be cowboys ♪

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How you feelin'?

Well, I feel like Evel Knievel did

when he tried to jump ten buses,
came up short, and caught on fire.

[she chuckles]

Yeah, last night was like one of those
Fast and the Furious movies.

- Mm-hm.
- I remember the car chase scene,

I just don't remember
how we got there or why.

[Luke] Mm-hm.

[sighs] Did we have a Percocet
out of a Easter Bunny Pez dispenser?

- Uh-huh. [chuckles]
- Mm.

I should probably empty that out
before I give it back to my grandkid.

Hey, erm...

can I ask you kind of an awkward question?

- Oh, no. Did I cry after we did it?
- Mm-hm.

No, erm...

I'm sure we probably told each other
at some point, but, erm...

[giggles] what's your name?

Burt Reynolds.

- [laughing] I like your style.
- [laughs]

Luke Matthews.

Mary. I'm Mary Roth.

So, Luke...

How come I haven't seen you around?

You don't live here, do you?

In this house?

No, I was hoping you did.

[chuckles] Yeah, this is my house.

The bank thinks it's their house.

Keep tryin' to garnish my wages, but...

[laughs] joke's on them
'cause I don't have a job.

Percocet?

Mm.

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.

I know where I'm coming
on Halloween next year.

[Mary chuckles]

You haven't seen me around
because I'm new to town.

- Y'know, like a drifter.
- [chuckles]

Just here seeing my family.
You know the Bennetts?

Are you messing with me?

No. My uncle's Beau Bennett.
D'you know him?

- [sighs] Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What?

- Oh, God.
- What, what, what, what?

- You gotta go.
- Wha...

Just get the f*ck outta my house.

What?

We're not related, are we?

Oh, my God,
did I have sex with my cousin again?

This is cheese.

And crackers.

It would pair perfectly with a Riesling.

A dry and fruity afternoon wine

that Mommy says Grandma can't drink
while she's babysitting anymore.

Peyton, this is Bud Light.

It gives you superpowers.

If you drink enough of it,
you think you can b*at up anybody.

- Hey, Colt.
- Hey.

I hear congratulations are in order.

Abby tells me you sold your herd
to Lisa Neumann.

Oh, yeah. She told you, too, huh?

Great.

Listen, erm...

can we talk about something
for a minute?

You know what? No.

The last time you said you wanted to talk,
you told me to tell Abby

that she needed to style her hair
more often.

That conversation did not go well for me.

No...

This is a little awkward.

Things are slow at the dealership.

Neumann's Hill signed a deal
with Caterpillar

so they're not buying tractors
from us anymore.

Chuck is a little stressed, so...

I'm a little stressed.

Actually, since you're here now...

You would have been fun
to know in college.

Oh, you have no idea.

Tri Delts.

Anyway, the reason
I bring all this up is that...

I'm gonna need that money back
that I loaned you.

Of course.

Actually, I'm gonna join you here.

Oh, good, the only one without a bottle
in their hand is Peyton.

Hi, sweetie.

Peyton was an absolute angel.

And look, you put her in all pink.

Well, I was afraid
people would think she's a boy,

especially given the way
you do her hair.

Her hair is fine,
and so is mine, by the way.

Well, fine.

No pink, no wine.

Didn't realize I was babysitting
in North Korea.

How was your lunch?

Oh, it was great.

Oh, and Libby says congratulations
on selling the herd.

[Colt scoffs]

You told her, too. Fantastic.

Ah. She also had some...

big news.

Do you remember Mrs. Wilson,
that old, crazy lady,

one of the history teachers at Garrison?

Oh, yeah.

I hated her.

She smelled like cat litter.
Never owned a cat, though.

Yeah, well, she smells worse now.

She's dead.

Anyway, she transferred to Norwood High
and now they have an opening

and they want me to interview.

Holy sh*t, really?

Yeah, I know I said I was gonna take some
more time off to stay home with Peyton,

but a teaching job this close
may not come around again.

It took 128 years for Miss Wilson to die.

I didn't commit to anything

'cause I wanted to talk to you first.

- You should take it.
- Really?

I didn't think you'd be into it.

[talks nonsense]

Of course.

Well, I want whatever you want,
whatever makes you happy.

Yeah, I mean, if I get this job,

Mama can get a new minivan, y'know?

And if Beer Pong can get us
that bogus handicap placard,

we'll be all set.

[door knocks]

Yeah.

Hey.

- Oh.
- Hi.

Hey.

Come to throw me out of here, too?

This is my house.

Well, my Uncle Beau's house.

My house is a tent.

I wish you were the first guy
I slept with who lived in a tent.

Listen, I...

I came by to apologize.

I'm sure I came off as a bit crazy
and I'm really not.

I mean, I'm crazy like, y'know,
"good" crazy.

Like, "She's crazy!"

But not like, y'know, "She's crazy!"

Anyway, I freaked out
'cause I used to date Rooster.

Wow, so I'm living in a dead guy's cabin

and I just hooked up with his ex.

I'm just like begging to be haunted.

[door knocks]

- Hey, Beau.
- Hey, Mary.

You're probably wondering
what I'm doing here.

Right now my grandkids are probably eating
something out of my Pez dispenser so...

I'm gonna let Luke tell ya.

See y'all later.

I prefer nobody told me anything...

ever.

Look, I don't know what's going on here,
but, y'know, it's none of my business.

But Mary's got some issues.

Indeed.

And some of those issues
make her very fun.

I assume you're here because I...

pulled a no-show
for the VA meeting yesterday,

and I'm sorry.

I...

was planning on going.

But... I didn't.

I believe when a man
gives you his word, it means something.

Some fella cuts me off in traffic
and I say, "I'll see you in hell,"

I fully intend on meeting him there.

When I gave you my word, I meant it.

It's just...

when it came time to go...

You know, I've been to those things
and... it's a lot.

I get that this isn't gonna be easy.

There's gonna be stops and starts.

All I'm asking
is that you be honest with me...

along the way.

If I can't trust you, I can't help you.

That's fair.

I do want help.

I do. I...

I'm done having insomnia
and panic att*cks.

I don't wanna be worried if I go to some
kid's birthday party and a balloon pops,

I start slapping a clown.

Nothing wrong with that.

[Beau] Hey.

[Joanne] Hey.

What you doing?

I went to the nursery
and I picked up some winter bulbs.

That way, come spring,
we'll have a little color out here.

Color ruined Gunsmoke.

[vehicle approaches]

Just trying to make it look
a little more welcoming.

Ah, that's nice.

People can see flowers
just before they get sh*t for trespassin'.

- Hey, Lisa.
- Hey, Joanne.

Beau, we need to talk.

Flowers and talking...

What a great Wednesday!

Have you been bossing my workers around,
telling them how to do their job?

No, I was simply pointing out there's
another way to load cattle into a trailer,

the correct way.

Beau loves teachable moments.

I know how to pour coffee now.

They were trying to cram a dozen cows
into a 24-footer

that was only meant to hold nine or ten.

The other night when I said,
"These are my cows now,

stay the f*ck away from them,"
I was joking.

But Beau, these are my cows now.

Stay the f*ck away from them.

I promise you, they are in good hands.

- Bye, Joanne.
- Bye, Lisa.

[cow moos]

- The point of you taking her deal...
- [engine starts]

...is so that you wouldn't have to worry.

You could spend more time relaxing
and enjoying yourself.

We could go to Starbucks. You could
show them what they're doing wrong.

I'm just sittin' around here
doin' nothin',

while somebody else fucks
everything up.

It's like watching Colt play football.

We gotta get you outta this place,
have some fun.

Dale mentioned he and Charlene
are gonna go play bingo tomorrow night.

- Please listen to that sentence.
- [chuckles]

What d'you wanna do, Beau?

I don't know.

I wouldn't be opposed
to sh**t' something.

There you go.

How about we go duck hunting
tomorrow morning?

That sounds great.

Great, we'll leave at sunrise.

I'll drive. I just filled up my Chevy.

How about I just sh**t that instead?

[Colt] Hey there, hot sh*t.
How you doin'?

Not great. I, er...

had some gas station sushi
for breakfast.

It was not fresh.

Feeling a little bit...

Arrrrgh! Arrrrgh!

Arrrggh!

Atchoo!

People don't know what they're missing.

Y'know, sitting in their cubicles
all day, not fake-puking insulation.

Hey, thanks for your help.

Oh, yeah.

You got a lot going on.

What happened with your cattle?
You sell 'em?

[Colt] Oh, not yet.

Got a buyer coming over later.

Shitty deal,
but if Abby gets this teaching job...

at least I won't have to sell my heifers,
and that's huge.

What d'you mean, "if"?

She's smart as hell, she loves football,

and she's smoking hot.

Who wouldn't wanna have her?

As a teacher.

You gotta stop that, dude.

All right.

Didn't know it bothered you,
but now that I know that

I will definitely do it less.

Hi!

- Oh, hey, babe.
- [Abby] Hi!

[Luke] Look at this.

Somebody dressed to impress
and it worked.

- [Abby] Oh!
- Shine!

Thank you. You're so sweet.

Yeah, not so sweet.

How'd that interview go?

I got the job. [chuckles]

f*ck, yeah!

Whoa, are you serious?

Yes. I'm so excited, I'm sending someone
to detention on the first day.

[Colt] Yeah.

You need to make a kid your bitch early,
so they respect you.

You don't have to send me to detention.
I'll be your bitch.

I like you.

Oh, babe, y'know what?

We're celebratin'.

We're going big.

This cowgirl's checking into
the Golden Corral.

Yeah!

[Joanne] Boom!

- There goes another one.
- [dog barks]

Guess I didn't have to say "boom."
The g*n said the "boom" part.

Nice sh*t.

You didn't even see it.

I don't wanna bag more birds
'cause you're distracted,

I wanna do it
'cause you can't sh**t for sh*t.

Lisa promised me progress reports
on my cattle.

Come on, Beau,
we're supposed to be having fun.

I am havin' fun.

See?

Okay, now I see why you're frowning
in all your pictures.

[phone vibrates]

Finally.

What the f*ck are they replacing
the ear tags for?

Are you kidding me?

We're out here together,
it's a beautiful day,

and you won't get off your phone.

If you were checking your hair
on that camera, I'd swear you were Colt.

That's the meanest thing
you've ever said to me.

Beau, you always say you're gonna change,

and for about 30 minutes you do.

And then you go right back
to being the same old Beau.

And I feel bad because I feel like
I forced you into doing something

that you don't wanna do.

Well, screw this. I'm done.

I'm going home to pour my coffee
however the f*ck I want to.

Come on, don't go.

Let me guess, you're gonna change?

You just called me "Colt."
I'm prepared to change everything.

Look, I do wanna take a step back.

I wanna spend more time with my family.

I wanna spend more time with you.

Well, I'm right here.

You're right.

Here.

Thank you.

Now can we stop talking about feelings
and get back to sh**t' some sh*t?

If that isn't in the Bible, it should be.

[shouting above saw] Oh, hi, Frank.

f*ckers at Papa John's
forgot to slice my pizza.

- Want a piece?
- Oh, no.

No, I got a baked potato
cooking on my engine block.

So, this ought not to take long.
I've already seen your herd.

Oh, yeah. Hey, one thing,

I'm not gonna sell them heifers anymore,
it's just gonna be the herd.

- What are you talking about?
- Well...

I don't need the money anymore

'cause my wife got a teaching job.

Don't worry, she's not a nerd or anything.

Well, I mean, she kinda is.
She reads books.

It's gross.

Colt, we had a deal.

I've passed on other offers
'cause I was counting on those heifers.

sh*t.

I'm sorry, but I ain't gonna sell 'em
if I don't have to.

Fine.

Well, then the best I can do
on your herd is $1.35 a pound.

Are you kiddin' me?

What happened to $1.40?

Same thing that happened
to those heifers.

Ugh... That's like an extra seven grand
outta my pocket.

Well, if you need some extra money,
you could always sell some heifers.

No, you're just f*ckin' me on the price
'cause you know you can.

It's your call, but it is late
in the season. Most places are full up.

I'll just take them to auction.

Oh, sure.

Then you're looking at commission fees
and freight cost and...

$1.35 a pound is the best I can do.

Know what?

Forget it. No deal.

Seriously?

Look, I'm not coming back out here again.
Not this year, not any year.

If you ain't gonna offer me a fair price,
I don't want you out here.

Take care, Frank.

Good luck, Colt.

Yeah, good luck to you.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, good. I was hoping you'd be here.

Really? Why?

I've been dying to tell someone
about this crazy chick I hooked up with.

I don't mean like, "Oh, she's crazy."

I mean like, "Bitch is crazy."

[laughing] That's funny.

I hooked up with the weirdest guy.

He cried after sex.

I love when we dish like this.

I'm just gonna grab a Keystone and...

Sit down.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

All right.

I like when women tickle me.

Oh, so now we're not dishing?

You cooked, let me do the dishes.

Are you sure? I could help.

You taught me the right way
to dry a plate.

I got it.

Thanks again for dinner.

It was delicious.

What d'you call this again?
"Duck el Orange"?

Duck a l'orange.

It's French.

- French?
- Mm.

They should've called it,
"Duck and hide from the Nazis."

[telephone rings]

- Thanks again for today.
- [still ringing]

I needed that.

[still ringing]

Okay, no more French food for you.

You're getting soft.

Hello.

Hey, Billy.

What?

Jesus Christ.

No.

That's okay. Yeah.

Thanks, Billy.

That was the police.

What did Colt do?

It's not Colt. It's Luke.

[door opens]

- Hey.
- Hey, babe.

[Abby] Hey.

You been working this whole time?

Ah, yeah.

I wanted to get that insulation in
so I can get the drywall up.

Plus, I had to clean up pepperoni cheese
off the table saw.

What you still doin' up?

Oh, I thought we could talk.

Ah, is it about Luke being creepy?

I'll talk to him.

No, I love Luke.

Oh.

I'll talk to him anyway.

I was putting Peyton down...

She does not fit into her
little Broncos pajamas anymore.

- No.
- No.

- She's growing so fast.
- [chuckles]

Ah, and then I was putting her
in her new pajamas and...

she was squirming around
and acting all silly,

and I was like,
"Peyton, you need to sit still."

[chuckles] And when I said her name,
she looked up at me.

It was like she knew who I was,

and who she was. It's like... wow.

- [chuckles]
- [softly] That's awesome.

It was.

That's why I can't take that job
in Norwood.

What?

She does something different every day.

If I'm at work, I'm gonna miss all that.

Like the first time she crawls,

her first word, her first step.
I can't miss any of that.

- Okay.
- [laughs]

What about all that other stuff you said?

Look, babe...

who knows when this opportunity's
gonna come along again?

No, I know.

I know, I love teaching.

It's just not what I want right now.

Maybe I can go back
when she's a little bit older.

But right now,
I just wanna be Peyton's mom.

You don't understand.

You have to take this job.

What? Why?

I thought you would be happy
that I wanna stay home.

But we need the money.

I know it would be easier
if we had a little bit more extra,

but I don't need a brand new car, okay?

We can cut back on things
like the Golden Corral.

Costco sells beer. You drink in bulk,
why not buy in bulk?

No.

Listen to me.

We need the money.

Okay, what is going on?

What are you talking about?

I didn't sell the herd to Lisa Neumann
like I told you.

What?

Then...

Frank came by and offered me
even lower than last time, so I said no.

On top of that...

your parents wanna be paid back
for that loan.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Hey, babe, it's gonna be okay, though.

With your teaching salary
we can wait until...

the market goes up.

We just talked about communicating more.

You promised me that you would
and then you turn around

and you lie to my face!

I didn't want you to worry.

I thought you were supporting me.

But you were just looking out
for yourself.

I thought when we got married... [sniffs]

and had a baby...

that maybe you'd grow up.

You're just the same... Colt Bennett.

[sniffs]

- [door shuts]
- ["You Could've Loved Me" plays]

♪ Sometimes love falls in your hands ♪

♪ Sometimes love has other plans ♪

♪ Sometimes good good things
Just get away from us ♪

♪ I'd be lying if I said
I didn't have any regrets ♪

♪ I just know it has to be this way
because ♪

♪ I'm still exactly who I was ♪