06x12 - Super Sensitive

[bunniefuu]

Hey, I got a new joke for ya.

I dunno. Why?

She was fishing for steelhead trout.

[laughing]

Good one.

Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

I dunno. Why?

'Cause they keep forgetting the recipe.

[laughing]

You don't seem to be enjoying the jokes.

Maybe it's because I'm blonde.

Oh, right. She doesn't get them.

[laughing]

Here's one.

Why did the blonde cop stiff her partner with the lunch bill?

I dunno. Why?

That wasn't a very funny joke.

Still, not bad for a blonde.

♪ You can tell me that your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot goin' on ♪♪

Hey, Lacey,,

how much would it cost to buy everyone a coffee?

Probably about $.

Oh, man. Celebratin's expensive.

It wasn't always that way.

I remember when you could celebrate with a truckload of dynamite

and a bottle of whisky and it cost ya is a buck.

Sorry. I was havin' coffee with a couple old guys earlier.

What are you celebrating?

As of today, my string of bad luck is over.

Seven years ago today I broke a mirror.

I'll never forget that day.

I think we can all guess how this ends.

Oh, no, you can't.

All I can say is, thank God for that marshmallow truck.

It's strange. I was with you when you broke that mirror

and that's not how I remember it.

[hammering] [fly buzzing]

Fine. But tell me you didn't think my truck story was better.

That'll be .. On account?

No. I haven't used my debit card in a while

and I wanna see if it still works.

Okay.

Nope, won't work.

Is it expired?

Nope. It's a membership to a gym. Rec Plex.

Isn't that in the city?

Oh, that thing. Oscar gave it to me, but I never use it.

I hate going to the city.

I was hopin' she'd go, a lot.

Well, if you're not gonna use it, I'll use it.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't ya?

Yeah. That's why I asked.,

I don't know. It says non-transferable.

Ah, that's just a fancy way of saying you can't transfer it.

This would just be lending it.

Doesn't say non-lend-to-a-friend-able.

Besides, they never check.

How do you know?

This place could have barbwire and retinal scans and who knows what else.

I agree with Emma. The answer is no.

Oh, go ahead and take it.

Thanks.

Karen's brought it to my attention that you've been

telling blonde jokes in the workplace.

Did you tell the one about the blonde and the ice cream cone?

Fitzy!

Well, if I'm gonna send him to a sensitivity course,

I have to know what it's for.

A sensitivity course? It was just a couple of blonde jokes.

I know. But once someone registers a formal complaint,

then I have to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Thanks for your support, Fitzy.

You bet.

Enjoy your sensitivity course.

Oh, and bring me back somethin' warm and fuzzy.

Oh, man, this is great. I-I've never felt so free.

You know, I'm thinkin' of buying a lottery ticket.

Offered me my old truckin' job back.

Wasn't that a fake story?

Don't rain on my parade.

Nothing has changed.

The only thing that's changed is your attitude.

Oh, yeah? Tell that to this penny I found.

All right. Nothing has changed.

The only thing that's changed is Hank's attitude.

See? He gets it.

There's no such thing as bad luck, or good luck,

or the Joy Luck Club. That was just a movie, I think.

I'll prove it.

Wait, no, no. Don't do it.

Look, I've been there. Don't do it.

There's supposed to be a button on this, right?

Why won't it--oh, come on!

Here, let me try.

Oop.

See? Huh? You're cursed now, cursed.

What did I just tell ya?

That I was cursed?

Hi. Hello. I'm a member. And I'm Emma Leroy.

Go ahead.

You'll notice that I'm a little taller in this picture.

That's because the camera adds five inches.

But of course you already-- go ahead, right.

I'll head on in, because I'm a member.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm wearing flats, for God's sake.

I'm much taller than I look.

I just wanna know if you'd like to enter the draw.

It's free for members.

And I am a member and I'm Emma.

You may notice that my signature has changed a little.

That's because my fingers were bitten by a horse.

Oh. That's pretty good, actually.

Anything else you'd like me to sign?

Yes. The membership renewal forms.

Sure, why not.

Make it an extra two or three years. This is a great facility.

I love coming here.

Which way to the changing rooms?

Right.

This sensitivity training?

Yes. Come on in. We're just about to start.

[Jann Arden singing "Insensitive"]

♪

♪ Insensitive ♪

♪

♪ Insensitive ♪

♪

♪ Insensitive ♪

♪

[hats banging on ceiling]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hi, Emma. It's Terry calling, from the Rec Plex.

I got some news about the raffle.

What raffle?

For the flat screen TV.

You won.

Oh, that raffle.

Who is it? It's the Rec Plex.

Uh-oh. Wanda blew it. Are they suin' us?

I told ya you should never have joined that stupid Rec Plex.

They say I've won a flat screen TV.

I love the Rec Plex. Glad I signed ya up.

What's that ladder doin' here?

You're not gonna walk under it, are ya?

Well, I can't walk over it.

It says right here, "This is not a step."

I gotta walk under it.

Brent, stop torturing Hank. His life is lousy enough as it is.

Thank you.

I'm not torturing him.

I'm showing him you don't have to be afraid

of silly superstitions or any other Stevie Wonder songs.

I walked under the ladder. Nothin' happened.

Fffffff-iine!

That's two.

Two what?

Bad things always come in three.

First he spilt his soup, now his thumb.

My thumb is fine.

Is it supposed to bend back like that?

I'll go ask the doctor.

Greetings, Officer Pelly.

I'm back.

And I respect you in every way.

I'm guessing sensitivity training went well.

I'm a new man.

Ooo, person.

Sorry. Didn't mean to offend.

Davis.

Oh, hello, respected elder.

Well, that's a good one.

I got some new jokes for ya.

Why did the two blondes cross the road?

To get to the university to complete their PhDs?

What the hell happened to him?

He's just sensitive to other people's needs now.

What about my needs to make fun of people?

Maybe you should try some sensitivity training.

Oh, blow it out your shorts.

Or skirt.

And so I said, "That's the truth or my name

isn't Emma Leroy, which it is."

Oh, Emma.

Just to follow up on our previous conversation,

how's a : delivery sound?

Sounds good.

Could we go back to what our previous conversation was about?

The raffle. I entered it already.

I won?

Yes! Hazzaa!

Go Wanda! Go Wanda!

It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Who's Wanda?

Not me.

It's a friend of mine. It's her birthday.

Hey, Lacey, I know where we can get a black cat.

Well, almost black. He's got a white tail.

A black cat with a white tail? What good is that?

Listen. Why don't we just leave Hank alone.

You know, maybe we should.

You've already almost broke your thumb and I don't want a third thing to happen.

Not that I think a third thing is gonna happen, because I am not superstitious.

[tapping]

Did you just tap on wood?

Because if you did, you didn't. That's Arborite.

Oh, I tap on everything. [taps]

I tap on Arborite, I tap on...

you know, glass, I tap on...

wood.

[tapping]

Oops. Clumsy me. I spilt the salt.

Here, let me get that for you.

And do what with it?

Hm? Throw it in the garbage.

Which is over there.

I can't believe you would try to steal my prize.

Hold on.

My membership, my name on the ballot, my prize.

I went to the city, I filled out the ballot,

I deserve that raffle thing.

You don't even know what it is, do ya?

Oh, don't I?

Don't I?

I still want it.

I'll make you a deal.

You keep the membership, I keep the prize.

Which is?

Which is worth less than the membership.

It's worth less?

Yeah.

All right, then, deal.

Emma. The Rec Plex called.

They wanna get a picture of us with the flat screen TV.

Hey, guys. Can I take your order?

Well, first of all, Officer Pelly's not a guy.

She's what I like to call a human being.

Secondly, taking an order sounds rather aggressive.

Can we call it something like a request or a gentle reminder?

Oh, my God!

All right. Here's a gentle reminder.

If you don't order something, you have to leave.

We'll just get two coffees to go, black.

African American.

Okay.

Let's get the happy couple over there next to the TV.

Come on.

A little bit closer.

A little closer.

A little--

Just take the damn picture.

Okay, here we go.

Now, you're smillin', you're happy you won.

Maybe give her a kiss.

Oh, no. It's not that type of marriage

where there's touching or anything.

At least put your arm around her.

Fine. Ya sicko.

Should we get the whole family in this?

No, no, I'm not family.

I'm just the smartass know-it-all neighbour, Wanda.

Now spin around three times and say boogida, boogida.

I'm not superstitious. I'm cautious.

Hey, a lucky penny.

Mm, mine. Mine. [cr*ck]

Ow. Ow.

Well, if you guys don't want it, I'll take it.

I'm gonna need every penny to pay the gas truck guy on Friday.

Gas truck guy?

You know what that means?

Mm-hmm. That means the guy who drives the gas truck.

Friday's Friday the th.

Gas truck's comin', Brent's third thing.

I mean do the math, carry the two equals boom!

Thursday's the th. Friday's the th.

So? Don't carry the two. Still, boom!

When I count to three, say cheese.

One...

Hi, Mom.

Hello, son. Welcome home.

Why are you two--

who is--

when did you get a new--

Your mother, here, won it at the Rec Plex.

I go there with the membership that my husband,

your father, bought me.

And I'm their neighbour, Wanda.

And I'm your father.

Of course that's the part that doesn't change.

Let's get your son in there, as well.

No. I don't think that's necessary.

Well, I think it's a great idea.

It's not often the whole family gets together like this.

Let's squeeze in close and cozy.

I'm the luckiest little boy in the whole world.

[click]

Okay, here's the plan.

I tackle Brent, you cover him with oven mitts.

That gas truck has been to Corner Gas hundreds of times and nothing's happened.

What makes you think it's gonna blow up now?

I don't know.

Maybe Brent's feet are sore, so he wears his slippers to work.

He's walkin' around buildin' up static electricity,

shakes hands with the gas truck guy, and boom!

Seriously, how many oven mitts have ya got?

Oh, sorry I'm late.

I was helping a mentally challenged person

get out of his truck.

Hank?

I prefer the term mentally challenged.

Well, I wanted to apologize for being so hard on you

during this sensitivity thing.

So, to make it up to you, I got you a replica Star Trek phaser.

Oh, Officer Pelly, how considerate of you.

I put it in the jail cell to keep it safe.

How resourceful.

I don't see it in here.

What are you doin'?

You ready to be desensinated?

Desensitized.

Shut it, Blondie. I'm in charge now.

[ominous music]

♪

♪

Hi, Brent. It's Lacey.

Could you swing by the Foo Mart for me and pick up some, um--

Oven mitts.

Oven mitts?

Listen, I'd love to, but I'm late to meet the gas guy.

Oh, look, Brent, I'm nervous about the gas truck.

It's your third thing.

Well, it could be your third thing, which would be your last thing,

which would be my last thing

since The Ruby is so close to Corner Gas.

So, that's the thing.

I see. Uh, could you put Hank on?

He wants to talk to you.

Hey, Brent.

I just didn't wanna hang up on Lacey.

What's this?

A chicken on a skateboard?

An old lady slipping on a banana peel. And it's funny.

[chuckles] That is funny. How old is she?

What is wrong with you, Davis?

I want you both to know I'm sensitive to your anger

and I'm willing to stay here for as long as it takes.

I say we put the hose on him.

Not yet. I wanna try one more thing.

There ya go.

Thanks, Emma.

Wanda.

Not according to this.

Where did you get one a these?

Me and my grandma go to aquasize every Wednesday.

Plus Brent's has them posted up all over town.

Hey, Mom.

How's that new TV workin' out?

Must be nice, you and Dad sittin' on the couch gettin' all snugly.

Ah! Okay, I can't do this anymore.

Here's your gym membership back.

It is not easy being you.

It's not for everyone.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you some questions.

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?

[chuckles] It said concentrate.

Do you find that funny?

No.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?

[chuckles] There's whiteout on the screen.

Do you find that funny?

No.

That's 'cause they're not funny. They're stupid jokes.

Here, you do this one.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Turn over.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Turn over.

How do you keep a blonde busy for--

okay, I don't get this.

[snorts]

He snorted. Do you find that funny?

No.

Here, read him another one.

What do you see if you look into a blonde's eyes?

The back of her head.

[muffled laugh]

Hah, we got him. The Old Davis is back.

Okay. I still don't get the turn over joke.

Are we missing a page?

[laughing] Are we missing a page!

Morning. Morning.

Hold on. You're not Emma Leroy.

Yes, I am.

Nope. You're Wanda. I saw your picture in the newsletter.

Oh, that's right, I am Wanda.

I'm just borrowing Emma's card.

I'm sorry, but we have a strict no lending policy here.

No, I'm Emma. I lent Wanda my card.

But you still lent out your card.

No, wait. What?

All right, boys, get it outta here.

Five years you've had that card and you've never gone.

Way to blow it, Wanda.

Hey, Sparky. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, for God's sake, Hank, his name is Sparky. Do something.

Hey, Brent!

Ah, I got some chili cheese dogs in my truck.

Let's say you and I go eat 'em, you know, in-in my truck?

Why do people always think they can distract me

with chili cheese dogs?

I mean--you don't actually have chili dogs, do you?

No.

So this is your gas t*nk, right, not your diesel?

Because you don't wanna mix your gas and your diesel. Really? Why not?

There is nothin' I love more than a man talkin' about diesel.

Hey, what are ya doin'? Sparky's not even your type.

Oh, ease up, Brent. You're killin' the heat.

Okay, off you go now.

[ominous music]

♪

[music stops]

It's for your own good!

What do we do now? I don't know.

But we got enough gas to get all the way to Mexico.

[mirror breaking]

HANK: Great! Seven more years bad luck!

Sorry about that. We got a little carried away, there.

That's all right. You wanted to get my attention.

Chicks dig gas guys. Am I right, Brent?

Oh, absotutely.

Sorry I broke your mirror.

No biggie. Billed it to Brent.

What?

No, that's good. That's your third thing.

So, when you off work?

Never.

Why did the blonde go to the drive-in in December?

She wanted to see the movie, Closed for the Winter.

[all laughing]

Good one.

Hey, did you guys hear the one about the pigmy, the monk, and the cannibal?

Hi. I'm Karen. I don't why I'm here.

All I did was tell a little joke.

♪ I don't know the same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪