06x14 - The Sweet Smell...

[bunniefuu]

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-. One-Adam-, in progress.

One-Adam-, handle code .

[SIREN WAILING]

Maybe you just had the wrong bait.

No, we tried everything.

More like the wrong weather.

Yesterday was even colder than today.

At least you didn't come back empty-handed.

One bass is not worth freezing to death in a leaky boat.

One-Adam-, Day Watch, clear.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, clear.

Who'd you go with?

Woods.

You said you'd never ask him fishing again.

That was last year, then he knocked my tackle box overboard.

[CHUCKLES]

Decided to forgive and forget, huh?

-What could I do? He's a good guy. -Yeah.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, One-Adam-,

see the man, unknown trouble,

Ventura Boulevard, Europa Gift Shop.

One-Adam-, roger.

I'm sorry. I really didn't want to call you

but I didn't know what else to do.

I've been phoning for over a half hour, but no one's home.

Let's start at the beginning. May I have your name, sir?

Mr. Barber.

I don't know his first name.

-Vernon. -What's the problem?

Mine is Myrna.

Mrs. Myrna Huffman.

I just love to browse through Mr. Barber's lovely shop.

Do you browse?

-Miss Huffman, this is Officer Reed. -Ma'am.

He'll talk with you while I discuss something with Mr. Barber.

Being a policeman is exciting.

I know. I read all the detective magazines.

Then you know we have to get all the facts.

Would you tell me what happened here?

Nothing unusual.

Like always, he followed me into the store,

and every time I looked at something,

he knocked it over.

He does that wherever I go.

Who does that?

My poltergeist, of course.

That's a mischievous ghost, you know?

Right. What's your address, Mrs. Huffman?

He sticks to me like glue.

[CHUCKLES]

This phone number's important, since it's all you've got.

You're sure it's correct?

It's her daughter's.

She always comes to get her and pays for the damages,

but this morning, there's no answer.

Would you try the number once more, please?

Mrs. Huffman, can you tell me where you live?

With my daughter.

What's the address?

I'm not sure.

Can I see your purse, Mrs. Huffman?

Certainly!

But I don't think he's in there.

Her poltergeist.

Oh! My perfume!

I've been looking all over for it.

Nothing with an address.

My little granddaughter picked it out herself, just yesterday.

Isn't It lovely?

[CHUCKLES] Yes ma'am.

Still no answer.

Mrs. Huffman, how would you like to ride in a police car?

Oh! How exciting!

But I really should freshen up.

You can do that on the way.

All right!

Just wait till I tell my little granddaughter!

Are we going to headquarters?

Yes, ma'am. Just like in the detective magazines.

But I didn't want her arrested.

We're not going to arrest her.

She'll just wait at the station until her daughter can pick her up.

I'm sorry. There was just no other way.

Oh, my perfume!

See, he sticks to me like glue.

I think it's great. Gives you guys a little class.

You want to trade cars?

Hi, Jerry.

I got her daughter on the first try.

-I wish the guy at the store had. -So does Mac.

She already knocked his pen set off the desk.

Now she's asking for a cup of coffee.

-[CHUCKLES] -Hey, Pete.

What'd you do with that bass?

It's in my freezer. Why?

From the smell, I figured you buried it in the back seat.

Show us out to the garage.

Maybe Tony can do something.

He's a mechanic. What can he do?

I don't know, but let's find out.

[EXHALES]

TONY: Hi, Malloy, Reed. What can I do for you?

[GRIMACES]

-What is that? -That's what you can get rid of.

No problem. We deal with smells like this every day.

Let me get this seat out of here for you.

There she is.

Phew!

You know, before I came out here,

I used to work for a cab company in New York.

We'd get all kinds of smells.

They deliver food in cabs back there.

You take a rich guy.

He gets a yen for corned beef and cabbage.

What does he do?

He calls a restaurant and has it sent over in a cab.

Now, the next customer, he wants the smell out.

-That's where I came in. -Tony!

I was known back in New York as Tony...

Tony!

Would you just fix it?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I'll get you a little gasoline.

I bet you didn't know that gasoline was a neutralizer, did you?

Sure, if I gave you some gasoline,

and for instance, a couple of bottles of perfume,

after you smell the gasoline,

you couldn't tell one perfume from the other.

-REED: Tony? -Yeah.

How about inside the car?

Sure thing.

Oh, you're lucky.

It's all in one concentrated area back here.

You guys ought to watch this.

You might be on your own sometime,

and a tip like this will come in handy.

We're watching.

[SNIFFS] Ah!

Fresh, like the breath of spring.

Okay, now I'll get the seat back, and we'll be in business.

There you go.

[GRUNTS]

There you are. Good as new.

Thanks, Tony.

And listen,

don't forget the trick about

the two bottles of perfume and the bottle of gasoline.

You can win a lot of bets at parties with that.

It didn't help.

Nope. It's cutting through the gasoline.

You want to roll up your window?

I feel like I'm driving a refrigerator.

It won't get any better with the window closed and the heater going.

What's that all about?

What's the trouble, ma'am?

What's going on?

[INAUDIBLE]

There's a burglar in the church office.

He went in through the window.

Stay here. Do you understand?

One-Adam-. Show us Code , Woodley Avenue.

Possible in church building.

Request backup at this location.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, roger.

Police! Hold it right there.

Drop the bag. Both hands on the back of your head.

I appreciate your zealousness, officers,

but this is a mistake.

I'm Reverend Thomas Sherman.

I'm the pastor here.

See?

My degrees are there on the wall.

That proves Reverend Sherman is the minister,

but it doesn't mean you're him.

You have any ID?

Oh, dear. Not on me.

You always enter your office through the window?

[STUTTERING] I was at home, cleaning the garage

when my secretary phoned.

She's ill so she couldn't make today's deposit.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

We had a fairly substantial offering yesterday,

and I thought it would be safer in the bank.

I came right over in my work clothes.

No keys, identification.

Nothing.

[DOORKNOB CLICKS]

I'll see who it is.

Woods, in here.

I gotta admit, you sound like you are who you say you are,

but we need more than that.

Oh! Ask and you shall receive.

Reverend Sherman! What are you guys doing?

Their job. And quite well.

Our apologies, Reverend.

We've had burglars before who sounded pretty convincing.

[CHUCKLES] No apology necessary.

It's comforting to know you're so alert.

It's a good thing you were our back up, Woods.

Yes. Gerard is an old member here.

Gerard?

Unfortunately, we don't see him as often as we'd like to.

Well, I've been working a lot of weekends. Right, fellas?

We all have taken our turn working Sundays.

Yesterday, Gerard and I were in the same boat.

But I'm off next Sunday. I'll be here for sure.

THOMAS: Excellent!

We're going to be short one usher. You can fill in.

I'd like to, but I wouldn't know what to do.

Be here a half hour early, about :.

It'll only take a moment to show you.

That's a lot softer than showing up at six, like yesterday.

I'll put out a code , and I'll tell your partner

you'll be out in a minute, Gerard.

MALLOY: And don't worry, Gerard.

If they unexpectedly assign you to a watch on Sunday,

I'll fix it with the Sergeant for you.

I learned a great deal from this, gentlemen.

Thank you.

So did we, Reverend. Thank you.

Oh, Gerard!

Remember, a half hour early.

See you later, Nelson.

Did you tell Nelson it's Gerard instead of Jerry?

Nope. But I'll bet Woods thinks I did.

The person you saw, belonged there,

but you did the right thing. Thank you.

[INAUDIBLE]

Well?

She says our car stinks.

[CHUCKLES]

No, Sarge, "Clackety-clack" ain't the water pump.

When that baby goes, it's...

[IMITATES CAR SPUTTERING]

What is this? Everybody breaking down today?

Not exactly.

-What's that? -Our problem.

It smells like that little old lady you left in my office.

[EXHALES] Yeah, she spilled a large bottle of perfume

on our back seat.

You gotta do something, Tony.

I've been in stockyards that smell better than that unit.

Let's have another look.

What about my water pump?

I told you Sarge, the water pump goes...

[IMITATES CAR SPUTTERING]

Yours is bad lifters.

Whatever it is, I want it fixed.

This'll just take a minute.

Now, let's see what's wrong with this thing.

TONY: Now, here's why you've still got your problem.

It got right through this seam here.

You see, those cushions are made of foam rubber

laid over springs.

Now, your springs are okay,

but your foam rubber, uh-huh.

It's made up of millions of little tiny air bubbles...

Malloy, come here.

And when something gets into those bubbles, forget it!

Can you get the smell out?

Nope.

Wait a minute.

I got something that might help.

You put this seat back, will you?

I'm sorry.

We didn't mean to take Tony away from you.

Malloy, out.

What?

Back on the street.

Okay, Mac. Have a nice day.

I got this at the car wash yesterday.

To you guys, with my compliments.

What is it?

It'll make your car smell like a pine tree.

Terrific.

Hey, Sarge, now you know what the problem is?

The reason you get the "Clackety-clack"

is those little tiny things at the bottom get hit...

One-Adam-, clear.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam-, clear.

You know, I don't smell a pine tree.

You could put the whole Sequoia National Forest in here

without smelling a pine tree.

We should've asked for another car.

FEMALE DISPATCHER: One-Adam- and all units,

kidnap in progress,

Remington Street.

Victim is female Caucasian, five-years-old,

red hair, wearing a coat and jeans.

Suspect is male Caucasian, to years old.

Gold Ford involved.

One-Adam-, handle Code .

One-Adam-, roger.

Remington is next.

-Pete. -I see it.

I figured the police would get involved sooner or later.

Would you step out of the car, please?

Hey!

Wait a minute.

I'm George Atchison, and this is...

We'd prefer to hear it from her.

Now, step up on the side walk.

What's your name?

Mindy Wagner.

Is that your police car?

Sure is. Want to see it?

Yeah.

Can I see some identification, Mr. Atchison?

Driver's license and social security card is all I got.

But you want Mindy's mother, don't you?

We'll be talking with her.

How long have you lived here, Mr. Atchison?

Almost years.

Mindy and her mother live right behind us on Remington.

That's my wife.

Come on and see, Mrs. Atchison! A real police car!

And it smells pretty.

Mr. Atchison, why is Mindy with you instead of at home?

Well, her mother has...

-This problem. -She drinks?

[SCOFFS] A lush drinks.

She soaks in it.

Maybe she has reason. I don't know.

All I do know is, she dives into a bottle,

and poor little Mindy shows up at our back door,

hungry, dirty and scared.

One time, she had bruises all over her back.

Some guy her mother picked up...

Go on.

Well, we feed her, bathe her,

and try to show her some love

before her mother staggers over to get her.

But no more.

We got grand kids ourselves.

We couldn't stand for it no more.

I grew up with Mindy's grandma.

A good woman.

That's where I took her,

but her grandma wasn't home.

We just got back when you showed up.

Did Mindy's mother know where you were going?

[SCOFFS] I told her, but she was pretty loaded.

When we drove away,

she was pounding on the car,

yelling, "Kidnapper."

Excuse me.

Mrs. Wagner?

Yeah, we're booking her on a .

When you book her, have 'em hold her

for investigation of possible child-endangering.

What happens to Mindy now?

I'm sure she'll be fine here,

until her grandmother can take her,

or we can put her in a temporary foster home.

The court will make the final decision.

We'll see she gets to her grandma's.

Bye-bye, Mindy.

REED: One-Adam-,

cancel the want on the kidnapping at Remington.

As long as we're this close, let's get a different car.

You know how they make perfume?

I read about it once.

Has something to do with whales. Whales, that's it.

They get this stuff out of the sea...

Another car, Tony.

We just want another car.

Oh, I don't have any.

Sergeant MacDonald got the last one.

-He's got bad lifters. -Oh, yeah.

Can I use this room freshener?

Sure, help yourself.

I wouldn't do that, Jim.

Can't make it any worse.

Thanks, Tony.

My pleasure.

[EXHALES]

Can't make it any worse, huh?

-You wanna go Seven? -I certainly do.

[CHUCKLES]

What kind of room freshener was that?

Wild banana.

You knew that before you used it?

Yeah, sure.

-Wild banana. -[CHUCKLES]

-Pete! -I see it.

What's the problem?

Some big kid stole my bike.

He went around the corner.

My friends are chasing him.

What does this guy look like?

Big kid. Must have been .

What was he wearing?

Yellow jacket and jeans.

Why don't you hop in the back?

Let's see if we can find him.

It sure smells bad back here.

-Which way, Billy? -Let's try down that way.

Come on, use your siren!

We'll never catch him this way.

Thanks, officers. I'll take over from here.

Hold it, tiger.

It's a Code . Suspect in custody.

All right, boys, turn him loose.

Hey, don't you guys know when it's end of watch?

Take him in, we'll move your equipment for you.

Thanks.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's that smell?

Relax! You'll learn to like it.