01x18 - Secret Answer

[bunniefuu]

[waves crashing]

[music]

Letter to Loretta.

Starring Loretta Young.

Miss. Loretta Young.

[clapping]

Hello.

Do you like questionnairesat your house?

Will you?

Particularly theone in the Sunday

paper. You know, themirror of your mind?

We make a gameout of it every Sunday

morning to seewho's the smartest.

We have a lot of funand sometimes you

can learn a greatdeal about yourself.

I suppose that'sone of the things that

intrigued me aboutour letter tonight.

Because it has to dowith a questionnaire.

Here is our letter.

And it says now there's aquestionnaire circulating around

our neighborhood. Andthe $ question on it is this.

Do you agree that the th yearof marriage is the most dangerous?

And if so.

Why?

What would youranswer be to this Loretta?

Just for fun, we'd like tocompare yours with ours

and assign Virginia, Barbara,Genevieve and Dorothy.

Well, ladies, for fun,let's pretend that I do

agree that the th yearof marriage is the most

dangerous. And after youmeet Alva and Norville Knox

in our story tonight, you'llknow my reasons why.

[music]

Good morning dear.

Good morning.

[music]

It's on the side for you.

[music]

-Before I begin.-Hmm.

The questionnaire.

Another one?

Statistics are my business.There will always be another.

You know last month alone Ifilled out questionnaires on.

Business aptitude, politicsand eating habits pretty good huh.

You know, we have to test thesepolls before we send them out.

Yeah, I know.

Sometimes I thinkit's kind of silly to keep

hounding the public orthe questions all the time.

Well, this one happensto be very important.

It's for an article ina national magazine.

Oh.

Now let me see.

Analyzing the divorce rate huh.

-Yes. How'd you guess?-Just lucky, that's all.

Well, no matter whatyou think, everybody at

the office is filling outthis poll. Wives, too.

Vic Reed's wife.Hmm.

Gee, I should like toget a look at her answers.

A questionnaire is confidential.

Yeah I know.

That's why I'd liketo see your answers.

Oh.

There's a sale on Percal sheet.

We need sheets.

No.

Did you say Mcgrithers?

Who?

You mentioned the name last night.

Oh, yes. GlennMcwhithers, wasn't it?

Oh, Glenn Mcgruder.

Yeah, the fellow youwent to art school with.

-Oh.-I met him in a drugstore.

He did? What about it?

Nothing I just met him that's all.

Oh.

Norvil.Hmm?

What have we got to do with thedivorce rate? We're happily married.

So is everybodyat the office. Just to

answer the questionshonestly, will you?

Yes sir.

Got a pencil?Hmm.

Name.

Alva Knox.

Sex, Female.

How long married?

Ten years.

Children? No fair. Couldn't bemore honest than that, now, could I?

Your answers aresupposed to be private.

What's a secret.

The same informationyou apply for library cards.

Name, Alva Knox. Sex, Female.Children, No. Occupation.

Sculpture.

Occupation housewife.

The questions must beanswered carefully, thoughtfully.

Honestly.

I like your crummy nerve.

What did I say?

I'll have you know that I'm getting$ for that bus. The Grace Pepper.

And it cost me $for the materials.

So?

Last month, Mrs. Dickersonpaid me $ for her bus.

Oh really?

But what did you do with it?

I paid for the materials.

And it comes out the income tax

I told you that times.

You remembereverything I do at the office.

Oh, honey, I don't knoweverything you do at the office.

That remark is brimming withmorbid, sardamic insinuations

I just love your a habit ofgratifying my insinuation.

Instead of answering them.

What I do at the office isanswered on the questionnaire.

Occupation executive researchassociates incorporated.

You know, your secretarytold me that you take a

two hour nap every dayafter lunch. Is that true?

Look, if you want to write insculptures, go ahead and do it.

No.

I'll be honest.

Housewife.

I'll go to rush. Don't forgetthe Kennedy's for dinner.

Eek.

Stop complaining. They'rebusiness entertaining.

We can take themoff our income tax.

That makes them fun, Isuppose. Your briefcase, honey.

Oh.

[music]

Pretty much starts in my college.

Right outAlright, I'll talk.

[music]

Don't forget the gas bill.

Oh, no, dear, no. I'll say bye.

[music]

Yeah.

Is your husband thehead of the house, though?

Yes.

Do you argue about money? No.

You've had a happy marriage? Yes.

Of course I do.

If you had to do it all over again,would you marry the same person?

Silly question.

Yes, If I had to do it over again,would I marry the same person?

[music]

This questionnaire is conflicted.

Oh.

[music]

-Not to yet.-Oh.

Oh, it is Jeffrey,honey, Grace just left.

But Kennedy's willbe here in minutes.

Don't worry aboutit. Everything's ready.

-I spent hours on this dinner.-Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

Good evening, Alva.Good evening Norvil.

Don't take me fiveminutes shower

Make it cold. Keepyou from getting

that glaze look youalways get at nine.

That's Bill Kennedy'sstatistics, they do that to me.

You seem to forgetstatistics are my business too.

Heaven forbid that Ishall forget. And what a

tribute to you. Yourstatistics never bore me.

Oh, honey, fix themartinis, will you?

[music]

Alva.

[music]

-Alva?-Yeah.

[door closing]

Alva.

Yes, dear.

I was wondering, did youfill out the questionnaire?

Sorry of it. Yeah.

Alva?

Yes, what is it?

I was wondering, whydidn't you fill out all of it?

Oh, well, you askedme to think about it very

carefully and to bevery honest about it.

-I see.-What do you see?

Why Norvil shame on you.

You said that questionnairewas confidential.

I couldn't help it. Ispilled some stuff on it.

Oh.

Alright.

-I was interested.-You were curious.

Whatever I was.

How far did you read?

Past the information youapply for library cards with?

[laugh] Luckily, I didn'tanswer beyond that.

Luckily?

The integrity of your poleconfidential, remember?

It's your integrityI'm concerned about.

-You are?-Yes.

Would you say youhave a happy marriage?

I answered yes to that one.

Alright, what aboutthe next question?

If you'll have to do it over againwould you marry the same person?

Intimate questions like that, Ianswer only for the Lady's magazine.

Aa-ha.

Aa-haa, My foot.

You answer that samequestionnaire, didn't you?

-That's right.-Well,

then you want to knowthat those questions

are calculated to makeyou search your soul.

If you had to do it over again.

would you marry the same person?

Is this a reference to howI answered it on the poll?

Naturally.

Norvil, what didyou write, yes or no?

What did you write.Yes or no.

You're asking me to destroythe validity of my own statistics.

We are not statistics.

-We are husband and wife.-For the validity of the poll.

We are now statistics.

Emm.

[music]

Bye, come in tomorrow.

[door closing]

[music]

Well.

The complaintdepartment is now open.

No complaint. You did yourduty like a good little soldier.

Oh, I didn't know it showed.

You exhibited all the animationof a warmed over corpse.

Well according to one of your postlast month at most husband's like

their wives to recedeinto the background.

Not that far not underthe guests closet.

I'm surprised I nevernoticed it before.

Noticed what?

Something's wrongwith this marriage.

Well.

I'm surprisedyou notice it at all.

And you agree?

I agree that noticing smallthings that a healthy sign.

Well, that's thetip off. I never

suspected ourhousehold was diseased.

Or just symptoms Darling.

A vitamin deficiency cando that. One of your polls say.

Get to the point.

I know now not you're driving?

Alright, let's put it this way.

If you had to do it overagain, who would you marry?

Well I don't know.

I don't know

Oh, honey.

What am I supposed to say?

Glenn Mcgruder, perhaps.

Ehh, dull.

But sweet

And of course, sweetnessmakes up for an awful lot of fault.

Alright, then mcgruder?

Well, no, no, I'm not quite sure.

And we'll forget Mcgruder

-Well, I didn't say that either.-But I'd like to know.

Well, alright, honey, I'mstringing along with you.

Good heaven. Stringing along.

Well, what do you want me to say?

But I prefer a man I haven'tseen in ten years to you.

I want some reassurance.Is that too much to ask?

Well, I think this wholequestionaire is too much to ask.

Now look here.

My blanket answer isthat I am not prepared to

throw myself into Glenn'sarms on such short notice.

My blanket comment is, I thinkit's time to recapitulate our lives.

Okay.

Recapitulate away.

I think you shouldmeet Mcgroter again.

Oh, honey.

Good heavens, you haven't evengot the decency to be shocked.

Well, you made the suggestion.

Suggestions can be vetoed.

Okay, okay, Ivetoed the suggestion.

No, you don't.

I don't?

I'll arrange a meetingwith you and magruder.

I'll arrange it so as toavoid embarrassment

Norvil.

Oh I am shocked.

But you know?

I think for the integrityof your questionnaire

I'll do it.

[music]

-You understand the arrangements?-Yes, dear.

-One will call at sharp.-Ah, Haa.

I pretended to certainbusiness

-emergency.-Alright.

And you and Glennwill go to the theater

[music]

Without me.

Oh, well we'll miss you dear.

Thank you.

You don't mention it.

- Look nice.-Oh, thank you.

Don't mention it.

That's my bracelet you'rewearing. I gave it to you.

Well, of course, dear.

Whose bracelet should I be wearing?

I just don't like to see mythings used on other people.

Oh, I see.

Aren't you going to answer it?

I've changed my mind.

About what?

-I'm going with you.-Oh.

That's kind of asudden change, isn't it?

Frankly, no.

I never intended tolet you go out alone

with magruder Iwas only testing you.

Well, now, where didyou learn that little test?

In charm school?

In fact, I never eventold Quentin to call.

Oh, you.

I let them in.

Hello Norvil.

-Am I late?-No, right on.

Hey, Glenn.

-Alva.-How good to see you.

Well, well.

This is just the way I remember you.

A face as pretty as a picture.

Oh.

The figure slender as a willow.

Oh, you see, Norvil, he didn'teven notice your bracelet.

Well well well.

- Well.- Well.

It almost bowled me over.

The idea of seeing Alva again.

Oh, you too Norvil.

I told Alva I met you the otherday. And then when I found

myself with three tickets to Hitshow, I thought of calling you.

I couldn't havebeen more delighted.

Shall we go?

-Shall we?-Oh, yes, of course.

[telephone ringing]

You're looking well.

Yeah.

Mr. Cubicon.

What layouts?

All those, I thoughtyou'd approve them, sir.

Yes of course I'll.

I'll make the time.

No no I'll be right over.

[putting down telephone]

[music]

Nothing wrong, I hope.

Looks like I'm hungup with a little work.

Oh, you're kidding.

It's true. That was the boss.

Oh.

You'd plan sucha jolly little Teresa.

Well, there's nosense of wasting the

tickets. Glenn and I'llgo along without you.

Are you sure?

Oh, Norvil doesn't mind.

do you, dear?

No no no went alonghave a good time.

-Well, thanks.-Don't mention it. Good night, dear.

Thank you Glenn.

[music]

[door closing]

Are you awake?

I didn't mean to wake you.

I didn't mean to wake you.

If you don't mind,I'm slightly curious.

Oh yeah.

The show was fun.

Glenn was

dull.

What do you talk about?

It's your friends, mostly.

Well, who?

bank Gavin in particular.

You know, there was a day whenI was just plain gong on that boy.

Oh, you were? Well,why didn't you marry him?

Oh, I didn't love himthe way I love you.

But you did love him.

Yes, little bit I guess.

You get so little bit.

Anyway, I'm toosleepy to think anymore.

Alva.

Oh, now you listen to me.

Oh, no, don'tsay it. Don't say it.

I'll say it for you.You want me to go

out with HankGavin again or I find

wonderful. Nothingwill please me more.

I do not want youto go out with Hank

Gavin again.In fact, I forbid it.

What you do want me toanswer that silly question.

If I had to do it over againagain, who would I marry?

-It isn't silly.-It isn't.

Look what it's done to us.

It's made our home into ahotbed of nap. Insinuations

and crude suspicions.That's what it's done.

Well, the questioncouldn't have done it if

the seed hadn't beenthere. Facts are facts.

Norvil, love hasnothing to do with facts.

Why, any school girl cantell you that love is intangible.

X does not alwaysequal Y plus wherefore

and if you can't seethat okay, okay. Then

you just settle ityour way, see, with

facts and the testsand the questionnaires.

But don't bother to make anyarrangements for my meeting hang

Gavin, because I will arrangeit myself. Now, good night.

Good night.

[music]

Whiskey sour.

Oh.

You don't forget anything, do you?

It all depends. [laugh]

.

Would you be offended if I saidthat I'm glad Norvil isn't here?

Well, what good would it to me?

I gather all is not milk and honey.

Well, no, hank and yes.

But you and Norvilare going to struggle

through it likebrave little children.

I hope so

Do you mind if I hope that thestruggle is too much for you?

Hank, please, you don't have to.

Well, I am, hopefully.

-Oh.-Alva.

I've never thought of youwithout a feeling of excitement.

Oh, please hank.

Alva, are you happy?

That's for the Pole ask me.

-Pole?-Yes, oh thank you.

Yet, you see,

this whole thing startedwith a questionnaire.

You know Norvil's business,

well, it seems eachquestionnaire has to have a

trial run before they putit out on the public, and,

well, I'm a guinea pig.

Oh, you're a statistic.

Hank, that's just it.

I'm not. I'm a woman. I'm a wife.

And Norvil keeps treating me asif I were as if I were a cold fat.

You know, he's not even a tint. Hiswincities bit jealous of me anymore.

Who's not jealous?

A Norvil.

Won't jealous not bepolite? Pile, you're just two

steps away from mayhem.Unless you're blow right now.

My wife and I have alittle something to discuss.

Privately.

Do you mind if I wait herelong enough to pay my check?

Let's just say the checks on me.

awell.

I'm convinced.

Ah, Good night Hank.

And thank you for a lovely evening.

Alva.

What?

You remember you said you marriedme for better or for worse, right?

Oh, Heavens, yes.

this is part of the better.

It came to me in a flashright after you left. The

whole ugly truth. I waswrong and you were right.

That doesn't sound so ugly to me.

Listen, facts aren't facts.

Not if they're distortedby a loaded question.

In order to distilltruth, the crucible

must be properlyshaped. Interrogations.

Such as?

How long has it been sinceyou've told your wife you loved her?

Have you sent her flowers lately?Have you taken her out dancing?

How long has it been sinceyou've told her how pretty she is?

Oh.

-Norvil.-Alva.

Shall we dance?

Oh.

Well, yes.

You certainly haven't forgotten how.

-Alva.-Hmm.

I love you Alva.

Just out of curiosity.

if you had to do it overagain, who would you marry?

You know something?

I'm just as curious as you are.

[laugh]

darling, I hope I have agood tense to marry you.

Alright.

[music]

Now, of course, ladies, you realize.

That my answer toyour $ question why is

the th year of Mary'sthe most dangerous.

Is purely from awoman's point of view.

I imagine a gentleman havean entirely different story.

However one very kindgentleman put it this way.

An English poet.

Be to have virtues

very kind.

But to her faults

a little blind.

Well, good night.See you next week.

[clapping]

[music]